7. Chapter 7
Roman
E li relaxes and slowly makes his way back into the living room, once again sitting down. I glance over at Holden to see him grinning ear to ear at Eli. He doesn’t know it yet, but Holden just made Eli his new bestie.
Holden cocks his head. “Just makeup, or clothes too?”
Eli blinks at him. “Uh…”
Holden bounces a little in his seat. “It’s okay either way. Oh, we can go shopping, yeah? We love Ro, but he doesn’t exactly have the best style.”
That gets a startled laugh out of me. “Hey, I dress fine, thank you.”
Holden rolls his eyes. “Yeah, yeah. You look fine. But that’s not what Eli wants, is it?” he asks, turning his attention back to Eli .
Eli dips his head, his cheeks flushing. But he does shake his head. “You guys really don’t care? I…”
We all wait to see if he’s going to continue, and when he doesn’t, I sigh. “Why would we care? Holden’s my best friend, and you see what he looks like. We just want you to be yourself.”
Beck squeezes my hand.
“But…” Eli starts, cutting himself off abruptly.
Julian clears his throat. “Hey, Eli.” Eli jumps a little at the low timbre of his voice, but turns to face him, swallowing hard as he takes him in.
Julian smiles, and Eli’s body relaxes. I almost laugh.
Julian honestly looks a little terrifying until he smiles.
It’s clear that with that smile, Eli saw what we all do.
A gentle giant with a heart of gold. “What’s the real worry here? ”
Eli sighs, dropping his gaze again. “What if people don’t like it?”
Julian hums. “Do you think Holden cares what people think of him and what he likes?”
“Fuck no,” Holden chimes in before Eli can answer.
I almost laugh again. He’s a hot mess.
Eli looks right at Julian. “Do you care?”
“About what? What people think about me and my likes? ”
Eli shakes his head, clearly frustrated. “No. Do you care that he dresses like that? That he… wears makeup and stuff?”
Julian glances at Holden, then looks back at Eli. “No. You said it yourself. He’s the prettiest person you’ve ever seen in your life. I happen to share that opinion.”
Holden flushes red, which is always so funny to me. It takes a lot to get him flustered, but compliments are one sure way to do it. Not that I have any room to talk, since my every emotion is constantly broadcast across my face.
Eli nods, but doesn’t say anything, so Julian continues, “If there’s someone in your future who makes you feel bad for the things you like, that person isn’t for you. Be yourself. Be who you are, Eli. The right person—the right people— will love you all the more for it.”
Holden stands and makes his way toward Eli. He holds his arms open, and Eli looks a little confused. “Well, are you going to get up and hug me or what?”
Eli’s eyes widen, but he stands and lets Holden pull him into a hug.
I bite my lip against a smile. Who knew it would be Holden and Julian who would be the ones to get through to him?
Eli’s essentially letting Holden support all of his weight, and Holden doesn’t seem to mind it at all.
He cups the back of Eli’s head, running his fingers through the black locks.
“We’re going to get you all taken care of, kid. You stick with me, yeah? I got you.”
Eli sniffles and Holden tightens his hold. When Eli finally pulls back, Holden lightly taps his cheek. “Okay, cutie. Let’s go make dinner. You any good in the kitchen?”
Eli smiles. The first real smile I’ve seen from him. “Not really?” he says, shrugging.
Holden laughs. “No problem. You can learn anything. Come on.”
The two of them walk out of the room and the three of us all share a glance. “Uncle Hold to the rescue,” Beck says with a grin.
“Uncle Hold?” I question. “Nah, that was Uncle Julian. Hold was just the sidekick this time.”
Julian stands with a chuckle, before giving us a little bow. “I do what I can. Also, I won’t be responsible for your fates if Holden hears you calling him my sidekick.”
After dinner, the five of us are sitting around the living room. Eli is sprawled across the floor with Kassie licking his face. He’s giggling, and the sound makes my heart swell. I can’t drag my eyes away from them—from Eli’s joy and Kassie doing what she does best.
Maybe I should have Eli take her into his room at night. He might sleep better with her there.
“Roman?”
I’m pulled back to the conversation by Holden’s questioning tone. “Yeah?”
“I asked if you were nervous about the wedding.”
“No. Why would I be?”
Holden’s eyebrows shoot up. “Well, I don’t know. Seems like pre-wedding jitters are normal.”
Not for me. I glance at Beck. He’s deep in conversation with Julian, not paying any attention to Holden and me.
There are a great many things in this life I’m unsure about—why my dad hurt me, why people hurt their children in general, how I survived ten years with such a vital part of my heart so far away from me.
But not once have I ever been unsure about Beck or my love for him.
I’m thankful for all the things I have—my friends, Kassie, Beck’s family, and now Eli. But all of it means nothing without Beck. He’s everything. “No. No pre-wedding jitters for me. I’ve never been more sure of anything in my entire life. ”
Hold gets up and comes closer, settling in beside me. He rests his head against my shoulder. “Shit sure has changed, huh?”
I laugh a little under my breath. “Yeah, that’s one way of putting it.”
Holden sighs. “I can’t believe this is our life, Ro. Sometimes I lie awake in bed at night, staring at Julian, thinking, ‘How the fuck did I get here? What did I do to get so lucky?’”
I wrap my arm around him, pulling him in closer to my side. “I find myself wondering the same thing, especially seeing Beck interact with Eli. It’s like… I didn’t know my heart could hold so much love.”
Holden giggles. “You one-upped him.”
“What do you mean?”
“He said you couldn’t have a dog. And then he got you Kassie. And then you all decided you didn’t want kids, and you brought a kid home.”
I shake my head, laughing a little. “I’m not sure that I would have looked at it that way, but you’re not entirely wrong.”
“I’m going to ask Julian to marry me this weekend,” Holden whispers.
I can’t help my grin. “Yeah? ”
He nods. “I wanted to wait until after your wedding, but I don’t think I can. Honestly, I don’t even know why we’ve waited as long as we have. But I’m so fucking tired of waiting.”
“He’s going to say yes,” I whisper, watching as Eli sits up, only to get knocked back down by an excited pup.
Holden scoffs. “Duh. He’d be stupid not to.”
I nudge his side. “It’s okay to be nervous, Hold. But he really will say yes.”
“Yeah, I know.” He lets out a little breath. “You’re sure, though, right?”
I hate to hear the insecurity in his voice. “Positive, Hold,” I whisper before leaning down to kiss the top of his head.
“Hey, darlin’,” Julian says, pulling Holden’s attention away from me. “You ready to head home?”
Holden sits up, already nodding. “Yeah.”
He stands and looks down at Eli before dropping to the floor beside him. “It was really nice to meet you. Get my phone number from Beck and Ro, okay? You can text or call me anytime for any reason. We’ll make sure you get Julian’s too.”
Eli nods at him with wide eyes. “You’re going to be okay, Eli. I know it may not seem like it right now. But I promise you will,” Holden says, cupping Eli’s face gently in his hand.
Tears well up in Eli’s eyes. “Thank you.”
After Holden and Julian leave, the house is quiet.
Beck leans back against the couch and looks at me, holding his arms open.
I don’t need a clearer invitation than that.
I crawl across the couch to him and settle against his body, my head on his chest, my legs between his.
He lets out a little sigh, his hands finding their way into my hair.
I’m enjoying the peacefulness of it when Eli clears his throat.
“Are you guys always like this with each other?”
I turn my gaze to him and Beck asks, “What do you mean?”
Eli waves a hand toward us. “Like that. Affectionate. Cuddly. You guys seem like you’re always touching. Is it always like that?”
“Pretty much,” I answer honestly. “But if it makes you uncomfortable, we can tone it down.”
Beck’s fingers tighten in my hair, letting me know how much he dislikes that idea. But I know, just like me, he’ll do whatever is needed to make Eli feel comfortable.
A look of pure horror flashes across Eli’s face.
“No!” he practically yells, his face flaming bright red.
He glances down at Kassie and rubs her ear between his fingers and thumb.
“Uh, no. I just… my um, mom and dad didn’t get al ong well.
They fought all the time. And then my mom filed for divorce.
Dad won me in court. I think he only did because Mom didn’t want me.
” He stops talking like he just realized that neither of his parents fought for him.
I’m about to say something— anything —to try to make him feel better when he continues.
“Anyway, they never cuddled with each other. It’s nice…
” His voice trails off as he continues playing with Kassie’s ear.
“That people actually love each other, you know? I don’t like fighting. ”
Beck hums. “Yeah, we don’t like fighting, either. We very, very rarely do. And we don’t yell and scream at each other.”
Eli looks up at us. “Really?”
I chuckle. “Well, I did yell at you once.”
Beck laughs too. “Fair.”
Like Eli can tell it’s a joke, he giggles. “What for?”
I sigh. I wish this kid were a normal fourteen-year-old, but he’s not. And he’s seen far too many ugly things in his life. “Well, someone hurt Holden when he was a kid. Not much older than you, actually. And he had the misfortune of running into us in the streets. Beck beat the shit out of him.”
Beck groans. “Not proud of that, truthfully.”
Eli laughs. It’s loud, and it seems to surprise even him. “Wow, really? Like some kind of superhero? ”
Beck swallows so hard I can hear it from my place on his chest. “Not really. I definitely felt pretty heroic at the time, though.”
“But yeah,” I interject. “He scared the shit out of me and I yelled at him. Not my proudest moment, either, honestly.”
Eli shakes his head, a look of wonder in his eyes. “I can’t really imagine you hurting anyone. You seem so… safe .”
I smile. “He is. Unless you hurt someone he loves, then all bets are off.”
Beck hums. “It is what it is. What is it the kids say? And I’d do it again, bop bop.”
Eli lets out a peal of laughter. “Please, don’t. So cringe.”
Beck’s laughter vibrates my chest. “Hear that, beautiful? I’m cringe. I’ve officially made it.”
I roll my eyes. “God, you’re going to be insufferable with Dad jokes, aren’t you? I can already tell. Danny 2.0.”
Eli cocks his head to the side. “Who’s Danny?”
Beck runs his thumb along the shell of my ear. “My dad.”
Something passes across Eli’s face, there and gone so quickly I almost miss it, then he’s swallowing hard. “Do they… I mean… Um, would he like me?”
“He would love you,” Beck says. “My mom too.”
Eli perks up a little. “Really? ”
I hum. “Definitely. They’re the community parents. They’re basically like a mom and dad to me and Hold. Even Julian, really.”
Eli gets a contemplative look on his face. “Oh. But you guys are my foster parents, right, so they’d be more like community grandparents.”
“Ah,” Beck muses. “They’d die of happiness if they heard you say that. They’re really going to love you so much. I’m almost scared for you to meet them. I don’t want you to get overwhelmed.”
Eli’s quiet for a long while, but then he sighs. He looks back down at Kassie, and runs his hand down her back. “I’ve spent my entire life being overwhelmed by how disliked I am. I think it might be nice to be overwhelmed with something good.”
Oh. Well, there goes my heart. I can’t even speak, my throat far too tight all of a sudden. While I’m still trying to fight back emotions I already know I have no hope of controlling, Beck chokes out, “I can get them here tomorrow. Or whenever you’re ready.”
Eli looks back at us. His smile is the sun. “I think that would be really nice. As long as you’re sure they’re going to like me.”
Of that I have no doubt. But I still can’t talk .
“They definitely will,” Beck says quietly. “I promise. I know my promises might not mean much to you right now, but I’m sure they will eventually.”
Eli sighs. “They actually mean more than you think. I think so far, you are the only two people who have promised me something that I actually believe.”
Goddammit. Not helping with my ability to form words.
Beck clears his throat, his chest shuddering a bit under my head. Oh, good. I’m not the only one who’s seconds away from being a blubbering mess. “I’ll get ahold of them and have them come tomorrow, yeah?”
“Okay.” I love seeing the tentative hope in Eli’s eyes and hearing it in his voice. I somehow already know it’s going to be the biggest honor of my life to nurture that, help it grow, build it into something beautiful and whole. “I think I might go to bed. I’m really tired lately.”
“Yeah,” I finally manage to say around the lump in my throat. “That’s normal. That’ll get better too, okay? Just make sure you’re listening to your body and doing what it needs.”
“I think that will be easy here,” Eli says with a shy smile.
“Yeah?” Beck asks.
Eli nods once. “I feel really safe here. I can’t even tell you how thankful I am that you guys brought me in.
I hope you don’t ever give me back.” That does it.
The tears I’ve been trying so hard to hold back spill over, dripping across my nose and down my temple onto Beck’s shirt.
Eli’s eyes widen in horror. “Oh god. I didn’t mean to make you cry!
I’m sorry. Please don’t be upset with me. ”
I’m off Beck and holding my arms open to Eli in a heartbeat, and he stands just as fast, stumbling toward me and collapsing against me.
“I’m not upset with you at all. I’m sad for you.
And I’m thankful for you. And I promise we won’t ever give you back.
” It’s probably way too soon for all this, but I can’t help it, and I don’t want to.
He needs reassurance and I can offer that.
So I hold him close and touch his hair and squeeze him, trying to infuse all the love I can into him.
I let out a shaky breath. “We want to adopt you, eventually. That’s how little we want to give you back. We want you in our family permanently.”
Eli sucks in a sharp breath, pulling back from me quickly, his eyes finding mine. “Really?” His voice is whisper-soft and so full of hope that it makes my heart twist.
“Really,” Beck says.
Eli’s eyes close and he looks at peace. Like he feels safe.
I know I’ll do everything in my power to keep him that way.