12. Chapter 12
Julian
“ W ren, for the love of God, if you don’t leave your brother alone, I’m taking your iPad and you won’t get it back until next year.”
Dramatic? Probably. But these two are pushing every one of my buttons today. Gentle parenting is about to throw itself out the window, along with my sanity.
She lets out an annoyed huff. Join the damn crowd, kid.
But finally, fucking finally , she untangles her hand from his hair, and the two of them jump up, taking off toward their bedrooms together.
It’s all fun and games until one of them gets tired of being messed with, and then they’re driving each other crazy and me right along with them.
Sometimes I laugh at myself when I remember telling Holden I wanted ten kids. Not super smart of me. But man, when they’re sweet and cuddly or sleeping, I think maybe I could have eight more. But then Wren pulls Warren’s hair. Or Warren hides her iPad and I think no fucking way in hell.
I love them more than life, of course, and I know before long, they’ll do something unbearably sweet, and my heart will feel too big for my chest. It’s possible I’ll even cry about it, and then Holden will laugh at me. But for now? For now, I think I need to be a little grumpy about it.
The sound of a car door shutting outside has my heart racing.
I love that Holden took Eli out shopping today.
That kid needs someone in his life who will support him and encourage him to be himself.
But I’m also glad he’s home. I’ve missed him.
I have to resist the urge to roll my eyes at myself.
He’s been gone for eight hours and I miss him.
To be fair, though, we did just get engaged.
I’m still riding the high of that, honestly.
When he walks in the front door, his green eyes are sparkling and, like always, he comes rushing straight to me.
He doesn’t even say hello. Not that I need him to.
No, he just drops down in my lap and kisses me—his fingers tangling in my hair instantly, his body molding to mine. Fuck, I’ll never get tired of this.
I can feel the stress of the day melt away under his touch. Like always. There’s just something about him that eases all the worries, the stress, the exhaustion. Never thought a tiny little twink of chaos would be my salvation, my home, my rock, and my safe space, but hey, here we are.
Holden pulls back, a huge grin on his face. “Hi.”
“Hi to you too,” I say, returning his smile.
“Missed you.”
I squeeze him to me, laughing when he lets out a little grunt. “I missed you too. Did you guys have a good day?”
“Yes . Such a good day. We got his tux first and then went to the mall. That kid is something else. We’re going to be besties, I just know it already.”
“Good.” I brush my lips along his temple. “You need someone to keep you in line.”
Holden sits back, glaring at me playfully. “Rude.”
I lean forward, pressing my lips to his quickly. “I’m kidding.”
“I know,” Holden says, rolling his eyes. “But anyway, we had a lot of fun. Eli got a shitload of clothes. Like it was actually insane the amount he picked out. He about passed out when he saw the total.”
I can’t help but smile. “Wait until Beck finds out you didn’t take his card.”
“How do you know I didn’t take his card? Are you going to snitch on me? ”
Uh, no. Will not be doing that. If for no other reason than I’m not in the mood to piss Beck off or listen to him and Holden going at each other.
I swear they’re just as bad as Wren and Warren.
Worse, maybe. Because I can’t threaten to take their iPads if they don’t chill out.
“Of course not. I’m firmly on your side. Unlike Roman, I know how to be loyal.”
Holden scoffs, which makes me grin. “Yeah, I’d believe that if you didn’t start calling me a chaos twink twelve days after we started dating.”
Well… “If the shoe fits, darlin’.”
Holden blinks at me a couple of times before rolling his eyes. “What’s the plan for this weekend?”
I let out a heavy sigh, already questioning the intelligence of my plan, but I figure if we ask Beck and Roman and see if they’d like to join us with Eli, maybe we won’t be overpowered and it’ll be alright. “I was thinking we could take a family trip to the zoo.”
There’s a beat of silence, and then Holden’s slumping against me with a groan. “It was a nightmare last time,” he mumbles, his words muffled against my chest.
“Yeah, I know. But I was thinking if we invited the rest of the family, it wouldn’t be so bad.”
Holden sits back with another groan. “Okay, yes. But if they can’t, we aren’t going. It should be easy, Jules. Two of us, two of them. It’s not easy. How do they multiply in public? How is it that we get in the car a family of four, and get out at the zoo a family of seventeen?”
A laugh rumbles through my chest at his accurate description. “If I knew the answer to that, I’d be a rich man.”
“Okay. I’m going to go peek in on the kids. You find out if Ro and Beck are good to go with us, and then can you please make your homemade Chicken Alfredo for dinner? I bought the stuff a couple of days ago.”
He sticks his bottom lip out at me in the most adorable pout. He’s most certainly too used to getting his own way. But hey, I created this monster. Not like I’m really struggling to live with the consequences. “Sure thing, darlin’.”
With one more quick peck, Holden climbs from my lap. He gives me a bright smile and all but skips off toward the kids’ rooms.
I’m unbuckling Warren from his car seat while Holden gets the stroller out when Beck and Roman pull in, parking beside us.
Warren lets out an ear-splitting squeal when he sees Beck.
Poor Roman. Can’t get a kid to like him more to save his life.
I get him out of the car and head around to the back, helping Holden get the stroller opened up.
The double stroller was a lifesaver—until Wren decided she was officially too big to need it and wanted to walk everywhere. It’s fine, really.
And it mostly is. It doesn’t help the two kids turning into seventeen thing, though.
Thankfully, we have four sets of grown-up eyes today.
Otherwise, I already know this would be a disaster.
I really have no idea how both kids, who share zero DNA with Holden, somehow managed to acquire his chaos tendencies.
When Beck and Roman step out of the car, Eli climbs out behind them. He’s clearly dressed up in one of his new outfits. “Looking good, kid,” I say, nodding toward him.
He glances down, flushing bright red as he takes in his outfit. It’s just a pair of shorts and a cropped t-shirt, but he’s also wearing hot pink high-top Chucks, and he has a light dusting of makeup on. “Uh. I shouldn’t have worn it, but thank you.”
“Nope,” Beck says, and Eli jumps, flinching away. I can tell instantly that it hurts Beck’s feelings, but he takes it in stride. “You can wear whatever you want. Right?”
Eli nods after a long pause. “Right,” he whispers.
Their conversation catches Holden’s attention and he gasps. Loudly. He’s so dramatic. I think right now, Eli needs that, though. “Ohhhh! We didn’t try this combo in the store. It’s amazing.”
Eli raises his gaze instantly, locking eyes with Holden, as a small smile tugs at the corners of his lips. “You think so?”
“I definitely think so. The winged liner is cute, and your mascara looks amazing. I’m so jealous of your eyelashes.”
Eli grins, relaxing a little more, his arms dropping from where he was clutching his shirt to hang loosely at his sides. “I watched like a million videos on YouTube.”
“Went through half a bottle of micellar water trying to take off the mess-ups too,” Roman adds, chuckling a little.
Holden smacks Roman’s arm. “It’s a learning process, Roman. Thank God they have that now. When I was first learning to apply eyeliner, it was almost impossible to find anything to take it off.”
Ouch. “Okay, darlin’. You’re making me feel old. Please stop.”
Roman scoffs. “How do you think I feel? I’m thirty-one. Three one. Thirty-one . I don’t want to hear anything from either of you until your age starts with a three.”
“Hey, I’m almost there.”
Wren sighs. “Let’s go see the animals now, Dad.”
Yes, let’s. “Good idea. ”
I slide Warren into the stroller, grabbing the diaper bag from the back seat of the car, and shove it underneath before handing him his juice sippy cup.
Holden grabs the stroller and starts walking toward the front, with Roman beside him and Wren holding on to the stroller. Eli hesitates for only a second before taking off with them, sticking close to Holden.
I hang back, noticing that Beck is standing beside the car, looking a little worse for wear. “Are you okay?”
He nods. “Yeah, I just had, like… a flashback or something to my teen years with Roman. Eli flinched away from me.”
It’s easy to see the distress in his eyes, and it sucks. I won’t lie. “Yeah, it’ll take time. You already know that, though.”
Beck smiles sadly, then starts walking. “Yeah, I just wish he wasn’t afraid of me.”
“Hmm. I don’t think he’s afraid of you. He already seems more comfortable than he did the first night we met him.”
“Yeah,” Beck sighs. “That’s true. I don’t know. I hate it, you know? And it doesn’t help anything that I’m hardly sleeping. Eli keeps waking up screaming, and then Roman’s waking up screaming too. ”
Fuck. “It’s hard on him. Doing what he does.” I already knew this, of course. I also know he wouldn’t change it for the world.
“Yeah, it is. But it’s his calling. I’ve never seen him more confident and proud of who he is than when he’s working with those kids.”
I don’t have time to answer because Holden’s stopping and turning back to us. “Y’all coming? Slowpokes.”
Beck laughs. “Mind your own business, CT.”
Holden glares. “Julian is my business, Beckett.”
“We’re coming, darlin’. Hold your horses,” I interject before the two of them can start in on each other.
Beck nudges my side. “He should just be happy I haven’t mentioned the lack of charges on my credit card.”
I move a little quicker, working to catch up to everyone. “I haven’t the slightest idea what you’re talking about.”
By the time we made it into the zoo, I was ready to turn around and go back home.
Not really, but my lord, it’s a whole mess trying to do anything.
Warren threw his sippy cup down and busted the lid.
Apple juice went everywhere. He started screaming.
Wren thought it was hilarious, and Eli looked like he was questioning every choice in his life that led him into this wild family we have.
But now, things have calmed. Wren has all but attached herself to Eli, and has been holding his hand and dragging him from exhibit to exhibit, gushing about all the animals and dumping facts on him about her favorite ones.
He seems like he’s loving it, truthfully.
Sometimes I can’t believe that this is the same little girl who would barely talk to anyone.
Most of that was due to her not really having anyone around her, though, I’m sure.
I would almost feel bad about it if I wasn’t still so fucking happy that it’s not the case anymore.
Holden’s carrying Warren around, showing him the penguins. He keeps clapping like it’s the best thing he’s ever seen, and I have to admit, if only to myself, that this trip is significantly better than the last. But those are not the types of thoughts you say out loud. Murphy’s Law of parenting.
“What do you think about that?” Holden asks, pointing out a penguin standing near the edge of the exhibit.
“Bird,” Warren says, pointing a chubby little finger in the same direction as Holden’s pointing.
“It is.” The smile in Holden’s voice nearly brings me to my knees. He’s so damn good with the kids. Not that I ever had any doubts, but I love watching him be a dad. I fall just a little more each day. “It’s a penguin. Can you say that?”
Warren nods, blinking bright blue eyes up at Holden. He attempts the word, but it comes out all garbled and definitely not even close .
“Yes! That’s right. Penguin. What a smart boy.”
Beck comes up behind me, chuckling slightly. I barely spare him a glance. “What’s so funny?”
“Nothing, really. Just the googly eyes you’re giving CT.”
I drag my eyes from Holden and Warren to narrow them at Beck. “Sure, sure, Beckett. Because I don’t constantly find you in a state of googly eyes yourself. Lots of room to talk.”
He shrugs. “I’ve never denied it.”
“Well, I’m not either.”
Beck laughs, rolling his eyes. “You knew, didn’t you?” he asks quietly.
It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out what he’s talking about.
“Yeah. It wasn’t particularly hard. I knew from the first time you met Wren.
When Roman told you no, you acted like you were only kidding, but I could tell you weren’t.
I think Eli is a better fit for you than a toddler, though. For what it’s worth.”
“Yeah,” Beck says. “After that show up front with the juice? I’m inclined to agree.
Besides, I think Eli was meant to be part of our family.
It’ll take time for him to fully trust that, I think, but he’s off to a great start.
” He gestures toward Eli. He’s kneeling in front of Wren, smiling at her while she talks his ear off about the different types of penguins.
Yeah, I definitely think he was meant to be part of the family too.