17. Four Years Later
Four Years Later
Beck
“ E li Hart.”
I grab Roman’s hand as Eli walks across the stage in his cap and gown. I’m a teary-eyed mess. Which is probably to be expected. I can’t believe Eli just graduated from high school. There’s a sniffle from my left, and I glance over at Roman just in time to see him swipe at his eyes.
I grin to myself. At least I’m not the only one.
Eli shakes the hands of everyone on stage, and when he grabs his diploma, he turns to the crowd. He finds us instantly, and when he does, he grins—a huge ear-to-ear smile that lights up his entire face .
I hear a muffled sob, and I turn to my right to find Holden covering his mouth. I nudge him, chuckling to myself. “You doing okay there, CT?”
“Shut up, Beckett,” Holden says, nudging me back. “Like you’re doing any better.”
Julian’s deep rumble of laughter echoes from the other side of Holden.
When the graduation ceremony is over, we all stand and walk off to the edge of the gymnasium, waiting for Eli to make his way back around to us.
When he comes walking around a corner, he grins and waves, picking up his pace to get to us faster. Fuck, I love this kid. He’s almost to us when a group of kids stops him. “Hey, we’re going out tonight. Do you want to come too?”
Eli stops and glances back at us. “Yeah, probably. I’ve gotta make sure it’s okay with my dads, though,” he says, gesturing toward Roman and me.
My blood freezes. His dads.
He has to make sure it’s okay with his dads. Holy shit. Holy shit.
Roman lets out a little choked sound and squeezes the life out of my hand, like he’s asking if I heard it too.
Eli sat us down when he was sixteen, asking if we would be okay with him calling us Dad .
We, of course, were totally fine with that.
But then he just never said it, and he never brought it up again.
Roman and I didn’t push. We just want him to be safe and loved.
The title doesn’t much matter, but now? Now, I’m fighting the urge to drop to the ground and cry.
He said it so easily, like he’s been saying it forever.
Like it’s second nature. It rolled right off his tongue.
My heart feels like it might explode. I’m so fucking happy I could weep.
The worst part is that I can’t. I have to keep it together, at least for now.
I can’t go making a scene and embarrassing Eli.
He’d been talking to the group of kids that intercepted his path to us, but now he’s walking toward us again.
When he gets close, I drop Roman’s hand and reach out and grab him, pulling him into my arms and squeezing him half to death.
He sinks into me, wrapping his arms around me.
He’s never shied away from physical affection in front of others, and for that, I’m thankful.
I think right now, I need this hug more than he does. “We’re so proud of you, Eli,” I murmur.
“Stop hogging him,” Roman says, so I let Eli go with a laugh as Roman steps up and gives Eli the same treatment that I did. “Also, yes. You can definitely go out tonight. You deserve it. Beck’s right. We are incredibly proud of you. ”
Eli stiffens in Roman’s embrace, and my stomach drops. Were we supposed to be pretending we didn’t hear it? Fuck. “You heard?” Eli asks softly, pulling back from Roman to look at us.
Is it too late to play dumb? Roman nods. Well then, so much for that.
Eli’s eyes widen. “I, uh… I hope it didn’t make you guys uncomfortable.”
Roman and I share a glance. “Why would it make us uncomfortable?”
Eli’s shoulders slump. “Because I know I’m not really your kid, but it’s just… You guys are my dads… you know?”
That makes my heart hurt. Does he really think we don’t look at him like he’s our kid? Roman cups Eli’s face in his hands. “You are really our kid. You literally walked across the stage with our last name.”
Eli sighs. “Yeah, but I’m not like, actually your kid.”
I’m about to say something when Holden steps closer.
“Cool. Guess I’ll just go home and tell Wren and Warren they aren’t my kids, then.
” He’s got his hands on his hips, and he’s staring at Eli like he’s daring him to agree.
Which I’ve gotta hand it to him. He’s got a point. That’s essentially what he’s saying .
Eli’s eyes widen, and he pulls away from Roman to turn to Holden. “No, Uncle Hold, that’s not what I meant at all. Of course they’re your kids.”
Holden shoots Eli a pointed look, and Eli drops his eyes to the floor.
He takes a deep breath before looking back at us.
“I’m sorry. I just worry sometimes. I know you adopted me late and I love you guys and I’m so thankful to be in your family, but sometimes I worry that you don’t actually…
” He stops abruptly as his eyes fill with tears.
I, for one, can’t fucking handle that. I take a step forward at the same time Roman does, and we wrap Eli up in a huge hug.
Eli buries his face in my chest, his shoulders shaking.
I lock eyes with Roman and see that he’s just as upset and confused and worried as I am.
When Eli finally calms down, he pulls his face away from his hiding spot.
“Sometimes I worry you don’t actually think of me like your kid. I wouldn’t blame you.”
I tilt his head back so he has to look at me.
“You are our kid. You’re just as much our kid as I am my parents’ kid.
Just as much our kid as Wren and Warren are Holden and Julian’s.
Sure, we met when you were a little older, but that doesn’t negate the love we have for you.
Not even a little. Roman knew from the second he met you that you were special.
That you were meant to be part of our family. ”
Eli sniffles, turning to look at Roman. “Really? ”
Roman ruffles his hair. “Yeah, really. I freaked Beck out, even. I took off with just a note, letting him know that I had to leave to go see you.”
“Freaked me the hell out,” I chime in. “I didn’t see the note, and when I got out of the shower, he was just gone.”
Eli chuckles, but it sounds a little strained, like maybe it wanted to come out as a sob instead. He nods. “I’m sorry that I have a hard time.”
Roman shakes his head. “Nothing to be sorry for. Just know that we are so thankful we have you, and you are so loved. Never doubt that.”
Eli inhales a shaky breath. “I really want to call you two dad. I do, to my friends. I have for a while, since sophomore year, but I’m always so scared to say it to you.”
“Eli,” I say, waiting until his attention is back on me. “We told you we’d love that. When you asked before.”
“Yeah,” he breathes. “I know, but then I worried you guys only said that because you didn’t want to hurt my feelings.”
Jesus, this kid. “I think I speak for both Roman and I when I say that is not the case at all. We love you. We feel so lucky that we got to adopt you and have you as part of our family. You’re our son. Period.”
Roman clears his throat. “What he said.” Clearing his throat doesn’t help anything, since his voice still comes out all choked and warbled. I can’t even look at him because I know if I do, I’m going to cry.
Eli forces a deep breath into his lungs. “Okay… Dad. Thank you.”
The world tilts and I almost fall over. I swear to God, the only thing that keeps me upright is Julian taking a step toward me and leaning against my back. I have to take a deep breath. I know I’m being really fucking dramatic about this, but I can’t seem to help it.
Roman laughs. “You good over there, baby?”
I swallow hard a couple of times, not convinced I can even handle talking to answer him, so I give a curt nod instead. Eli laughs and buries his face back against my chest. “I didn’t know you would get all emotional,” he mumbles, voice muffled.
“Well, yeah,” I somehow manage to say.
“I love you.”
I squeeze my eyes closed, holding Eli a little tighter. “I love you too, kid. Now go hang out with your friends before I have a breakdown in the middle of the high school gym. Good God.”
Eli pulls back with a giggle and turns to Roman, giving him an equally tight hug.
“I love you, Eli,” Roman says, resting his cheek on the top of Eli’s head .
“Love you too, Dad.”
I smirk when I notice Roman’s shoulders hitch and his eyes go watery.
Yeah, now you see how it feels. Eli drops his arms and steps back.
“Okay, I’m gonna go,” he says, gesturing toward the direction the kids from earlier went in.
“You all try to get out of here without flooding the place with your tears. Bye!”
He bounds off away from us and Julian laughs. “My God. Y’all gotta stop letting that kid hang out with Hold. He’s rubbing off on him with that snark.”
“Hey!” Holden says. “I take offense to that.”
I mostly ignore them as I blindly reach for Roman’s hand. He grabs it, leaning in to press his lips to my temple. “Let’s go home, baby.”
The End