Chapter 17
Paxon
This is so fucked up. My brother is missing and I’m riding around with his potential assassin to save him from other guys who want to kill him. How is this my life?
I’m still reeling from what happened in the motel room with Wraith. I’ve never taken my anger out on someone like that before, but it was fucking hot, even though it was so damn wrong. I can’t let myself do that again. I have to let Wraith go as soon as this situation with Boone is handled.
I glance at him. He’s focused on his phone, his head down, a few strands of his auburn hair shielding his face. I want to tuck it behind his ear, run my fingers through his beard, taste his kiss again. Subtly, I shake the thoughts away. Gotta stay focused on finding Boone.
His phone buzzes and he frowns before he answers it. “Hey. What’s up?” Wraith glances at me briefly before he clenches his jaw and nods. “Thanks, man.”
Wraith ends the call, placing his hand on my thigh, and I brace myself for what he’s going to say.
“You said you know where Boone was headed?”
“We have a property up north. I would imagine he went there.”
“How far is it from here?”
I glance out the window at the passing interstate signs. “Fifty or so miles. Why?”
“Whisper said he captured the car on several cameras but then it just stopped. So he must have pulled off somewhere before he got to your property. Whisper would’ve seen it all the way to an exit.”
My stomach twists into a knot. “Fuck. Did they get to him already?”
“Let’s not assume that. We’ll just keep an eye out for him on our way.”
I nod, trying to focus on my driving, but all I can think about is my brother dead on the side of the interstate somewhere. Why did he take off? Fuck! He’s so goddamn stubborn.
“Tell me a good memory you have with Boone,” Wraith says, patting my thigh.
I almost blow it off, but images immediately flood my mind.
“Birthdays were special. My mom loved them and she would go all out to celebrate us. One year, when Boone was, like, twelve and I was nine, he wanted to make her breakfast in bed before she had to go to work. We didn’t know shit about cooking, but we thought we could manage pancakes. ”
I chuckle at the memory.
“God, it was funny. We trashed the kitchen and made the world’s densest, most tasteless, raw-in-the-center pancakes. They were truly disgusting.”
Wraith chuckles. “What did your mom say?”
“She cried. She was so happy and charmed that her boys tried so hard. The three of us sat down on the living room floor with bowls of cereal instead and we just… talked. It was a really nice morning.”
“Sounds like it.”
Silence lingers for a moment before I start talking again, about things I haven’t talked about in a long time.
“It was a rare form of cancer,” I say softly.
“She didn’t have a clue she was sick until it was too late to do anything.
I tried.” My voice cracks. “I found specialists and clinical trials and weird holistic programs. Anything to keep her longer, but money couldn’t save her.
She was gone just months after her diagnosis. ”
“Fuck, man. I’m so sorry.”
“I couldn’t find Boone. I couldn’t tell him to hurry back. He wasn’t at the funeral. He never said goodbye. That’s when the drugs got a lot worse. I’m not sure he’s forgiven himself for it.”
“It’s gotta be hard. A lot of guilt there.”
I shrug. “I wouldn’t know. He doesn’t talk about it, and he shuts down if I try to.”
“You guys seem to be okay now? Present situation excluded.”
“We’ve been doing better, yeah. Like I said, he finally got off the drugs and alcohol.
He got a job and an apartment, and he seemed like he was stable.
He comes to my games and sometimes we hang out a little, but it’s still strained.
I wish it wasn’t. I wish he was the brother I had when I was a kid.
I looked up to him, and I thought he was so smart.
He is smart. He just makes shitty choices. ”
“I understand on some level. One of my brothers recently came home from a treatment program. Same thing—he overdosed but it was intentional.”
I glance at him. “Was the job too much?”
Wraith shakes his head. “No. I think it was something he hasn’t really shared with the rest of us yet, but maybe my boss knows. They have a unique relationship.” He pulls his hair back from his face and retwists his bun. “We all have to learn how to engage with him again.”
“It’s challenging. You don’t want to baby them or suffocate them, but you want them to know how much you care, and you need to pay attention because you missed the signs before.”
“Yeah,” he grunts. “We all feel bad about missing the signs.”
“I’m sorry you’re dealing with that.”
“It’s okay.”
I notice how he shifts away from me in his seat, turning to look out the window. Maybe he’s more than I want to write him off as. More than a cold-blooded killer. He has a family and people he loves. He’s smart and interesting. Funny sometimes.
No, Pax. Remember the cold-blooded killer part. You can’t turn a blind eye to that. If anyone found out…
My attention snags on the exit sign that leads to our quasi-vacation home. It’s more of a shack than anything, but Mom saved up for a long time to buy it from her cousin, and she was so proud of it. So we keep it, and Boone has spent the most time here.
“We didn’t see the rental car on the way here,” I note. “Do you think he maybe went back to it again and made it to the property?”
“Let’s find out.”
Driving down the gravel road that leads to the house, I keep an eye out for the rental car as I have the entire drive here, but there’s nothing. When we arrive at the property, my heart sinks. I knew he wouldn’t be here, but I sure fucking hoped I was wrong.
Slamming my hands on the steering wheel, I grunt, “Fuck.” My watch buzzes with a notification. “Fucking great. It’s getting late and I have early practice. What the fuck am I supposed to do now, Wraith? What the fuck?”
“Okay, breathe. This is where you need to trust me. I literally find people for a living. I can find Boone.”
“Do I have a choice?”
“No.” He puts his hand on my cheek and I let him, losing myself in his eyes for a moment. I don’t know how this man calms me so easily, but I can’t deny that he does. “You go get some rest and put all of this out of your mind. Focus on your job and leave this in my hands. I’ll keep you updated.”
Closing my eyes, I swallow past the lump in my throat, leaning forward to press my forehead to Wraith’s. “I want to hate you so bad. I want to tell you to go away and that I never want to see you again.”
“I know.”
“But I can’t. I need you.”
I open my eyes and pull back slightly, unsure what I’m going to see in his expression, but the warmth I find twists my insides.
It’s been a long time since I’ve felt such a strong connection to someone.
Maybe I’ve never even felt this before. I’ve had my share of fun and a few casual situationships over the years, but nothing this intense and…
well, perfect. The chemistry between us is powerful, but somehow, I have to walk away from it all.
Wraith tilts his head and presses a soft kiss to my lips. It’s nothing like the hard, rough kiss we shared earlier in the motel. There’s no anger behind it, no frustration, but there is plenty of heat. I’m so screwed.
“I… Bouche, I want to fix this. Not just because he’s your brother, but because it’s the right thing to do.” He chuckles darkly. “I guess I do have a moral compass.”
His words shouldn’t cause any hope to bloom inside me, but fuck me, they do.
“I believe you,” I admit. “I trust you with this.”
“Good. I won’t stop until I find him.”
“I just hope he’s alive when you do.”
“Me too, Bouche.”
“Could you, um…” I let my request sit for a second before continuing. “Could you try calling me Pax or Paxon please? The fans, the public, they call me Bouche. That’s not who I am. Not with you.”
“I can do that.” Wraith leans in and kisses me again. “Pax.”
Jesus. I think I might be falling for this guy.
I’m so fucked.
After dropping Wraith off at my place so he can get his car I toss and turn for hours and end up a wreck by the time I have to leave for practice. Not a word from either of them all night.
I’m dragging ass but I manage to make it to the practice rink with just enough time to get changed and onto the ice.
This is good for me. I can work out my frustration and fear on the ice.
Good thing it’s not a game or I’d probably beat the fuck out of any opposing team player who got too close to me.
The defense coach runs us ragged with sprints, drills, and practice plays until my legs are mush, I’m dripping with sweat, and I’ve thought of nothing but hockey for the last hour.
Back in the locker room, Hen claps my shoulder. “You were a beast out there. You good?”
“Yeah. Just working off a little stress.”
Hen leans in close. “Boone okay?”
I shake my head, clenching my teeth. “I’ve got help though.”
“Can I do anything, man?”
“No, but thanks.”
“We could grab a late breakfast. Take your mind off things?”
“I wish I could, but I think I’m going to be pretty distracted until I hear from… the guy helping me find Boone.”
“Gotcha. I could come over and hang out with you. Keep you company until then.”
Pulling my sweatshirt over my head, I smile. “I appreciate it, man, but I’m okay.”
“Okay. Just remember you’re not alone.”
“I know.” I end up hugging Hen, surprising him, but I need him to know how much it matters to me that he’s being a friend right now.
As soon as I’m outside, I’m dialing Wraith after seeing no messages from him or Boone.
“Hey, Bou—Paxon. How was practice?”
“Fine. Helpful. Did you find out anything?”
“Not yet, but I’m working on it. I’m gonna tell my boss about what’s going on in a few minutes, actually.”
“Shit. Are you nervous?”
“Fuck yes.” He chuckles, but I hear the slight tremble in it. “I’ve never gone against my orders. None of us have, to my knowledge. I don’t know how he’s going to react.”
“I’m sorry. Leave it to Boone to figure out a way to fuck up your life too.”
“This is a good thing, Pax. Maybe this is exactly what needed to happen. What you said has haunted me.”
“What did I say?”
“When you asked how many innocent people have died by my hand. I never thought about it; I just do what I’m assigned to do. If it wasn’t for you, this situation would’ve turned out a lot differently.”
“But if it wasn’t for me, you never would’ve known. You would’ve just moved on to the next… assignment.”
He grunts in agreement. “That’s the problem. I would’ve hurt you without even knowing you, but now that I do know you, I can’t.”
“What if Boone was bad?” I know I shouldn’t ask this, but I need to know. “What if he wasn’t trying to do the right thing? Would that change what you’re doing right now?”
The silence is deafening until he admits, “I don’t know, but I don’t deal in hypotheticals. I deal in facts.”
“Fair. I’m really fucking torn, Wraith. On the one hand, I know I should never want to see you or talk to you again. I should retire and move my brother somewhere where I never have to see your face.”
“Understandable.”
“But on the other hand…” Am I really going to admit this? What good will it do? What outcome am I expecting?
“On the other hand?” Wraith prompts, sounding hopeful.
Fuck it. “You make me feel things I didn’t know I could. For the first time in my life, you make me feel whole, like I’m more than just a hockey player. More than a shit-talking loudmouth defenseman. Just… more.”
“You are so much more. Truth be told, I don’t care about the hockey part that much.”
I actually laugh. “You’re the first.”
“Do you want to come over here? Would it help while I keep looking for Boone?”
“Come to your house?”
“Yes.”
“But if someone saw me, your brothers, would they say anything?”
“Pax, remember what we do for a living. The last thing we’re gonna do is invade someone’s privacy. Besides, they only need to know we know each other. Doesn’t have to be more than that.”
My stomach flutters with nerves, but I am curious to see where he lives, and being with him would probably be better than pacing my living room waiting for news.
“Okay.”
“Okay?” He blows out a breath. “I’ll text you the address.”
“Should I wait until after you talk to your boss?”
“No, it’ll be fine. Maybe it’ll even help if you’re here. He’ll realize how serious it is. I’ve never brought anyone into my world.”
“Okay. I’ll get moving.”
“Good. I’ll see you soon, Pax.”
“See you soon, Wraith.”
I end the call and lean my head on the steering wheel. What the fuck am I doing? I trust Wraith even though I fundamentally know I shouldn’t. For all I know, he’s got Boone in the basement and I’m walking into a trap.
Shaking my head, I sit back in my seat. No. I know that’s not what’s going on. He wouldn’t have to be that sneaky if what he ultimately wanted was to take me out. He knows where I live, where I work, where to find me at any given time.
I believe him and I believe that he is actually trying to help me. He’s putting his neck on the line for my brother, and that means something.
Maybe more than I want to admit.