Chapter 26
Paxon
The throbbing in my shoulder is intense, making it clear that suffering through the rest of the season is gonna suck, but I’m so close. I can do it. I have to.
Wraith is asleep beside me, his auburn hair spread out over the pillow, his warm breath fanning my chest as he nuzzles into my side.
Fuck, I love this man.
I hope I told him that last night. Everything after he got home is a blur. Sometime between the injury and him getting back, I made peace with his profession and a whole mess of other things.
I’m done hiding who I am, who I love, and my little family of two. Well, maybe it’s more than two now.
Carefully, I get out of bed and head to the bathroom to piss and brush my teeth. Everything takes longer with my bum shoulder, so I’m happy when I return and find Wraith is still sleeping.
I crawl back into bed with him, and within minutes, my desire for him blooms and I’m sliding down the length of his body. His cock is hard, making my mouth water, but the twinge of pain in my shoulder is intense enough to distract me.
“What are you doing?” Wraith asks, his voice scratchy with sleep.
“Wanna blow you.”
He moans, stirring and stretching slightly. “You’re in pain, yes?”
“A little, yeah.”
Wraith jumps into action right away, grabbing me another pain pill before helping me prop myself up with pillows.
“You’re on bed rest. We have a lifetime of future blow jobs ahead of us.”
“But I miss having your cock in my mouth.”
“Jesus, Pax.” He scratches his beard. “You’re making it hard to be responsible.”
“I’m trying to make you hard.” I reach out with my good arm and brush my fingers over the obvious erection in his briefs. “Maybe you can fuck my mouth.”
“Uh, no. Too much opportunity to hurt you. I can blow you.”
I shake my head. “I want to please you.”
“That would please me.”
“We gotta figure this out, Wraith. I’m gonna be in the sling for a while.”
“We will figure it out, but it’s only the first day.”
My head turns woozy quickly. These pills are badass. “Wraith,” I whine. “I like when you tell me what to do. When you make all the decisions for me so I can just… be.”
“I like it too.”
“That first night, in the parking lot, you were so bossy and it was so fucking sexy.”
“You’re fucking sexy, Pax.”
“And when you fucked me the first time… Gah, it was bliss. All the noise in my head went away and all that was left was you.” My eyes feel heavy, but I force them to stay open so I can look at this incredible man. “I was gone from the minute you touched me, wasn’t I?”
“Same. We didn’t stand a chance.”
“No. S’okay though. I fucking like it. It’s awesome being in love. You love me too, right? You said you did.”
“Yes, I love you too.” Wraith leans in and presses a kiss to my forehead. “Rest now, munnen min.”
“What’s that mean?”
“My mouth.”
I laugh at that even as the world blurs around the edges. “Gonna suck you when I wake up.”
“Okay, lover.”
“How do you say I love you in Norwegian?”
“Jeg elsker deg.”
“Jesker do elg,” I repeat, badly. “Oof, I’m so sleepy.”
“Close enough.” Wraith chuckles.
He brushes his hand over my forehead, and before long, I’m carried away on a cloud of sleep, visions of this beautiful, complicated man filling my mind.
A week later, I head to my front door when the doorbell buzzes. Minutes later, Hen, Andres, and Landham enter my foyer. I invited them over to clear the air about a few things and finally admit things I never thought I would.
I haven’t seen any of them in person since my injury, but they’ve all texted me to check in. They’re the only ones who have besides Coach—that’s why they got the invite.
“Hey, guys. Come on in.”
I’ve got beer and catered barbeque laid out on my dining room table.
The guys are careful with my shoulder as they greet me, and I can practically feel the curiosity rolling off them like waves.
I’ve never once invited any of them into my home or spent time with them outside of partying after games and travel.
The team travels back to Chicago tomorrow and then three more away games, and it sucks that I have to miss out, but there’s no way I could play with my shoulder the way it is.
“How’s the shoulder, man?” Hen asks as he pops the top on a beer.
“Honestly? Not good. The trainers are doing what they can to get me in playoff condition, but…” I pause, exhaling. “I need surgery to repair it.”
The guys look at me with grim faces, but I smile.
“It’s okay. I want to be there for the playoffs and I’m gonna do what I can to help the team. This is not how I want to finish my career.”
“Finish?” Landham asks. “So you really are thinking about retiring?”
“Not thinking about it anymore. It’s happening. I’ve pushed this body of mine as far as it’s gonna go. Besides, I’m just a loudmouth who starts fights.”
“That’s not true, Bouche,” Andres says. “You’re part of our foundation.”
“Thanks, man, but you still have Hen, and who knows who they’ll sign to take my spot.”
“Won’t be the same,” he mumbles.
“It’s just part of the cycle. Get some food.”
Once we’re all loaded up and sitting in my living room, my nerves kick in. I’ve rarely said these words out loud to people, and to say it’s daunting is an understatement.
Halfway through our meals and shooting the shit about other teams and players, the conversation dies down, and that’s my cue.
“I invited you guys here to tell you something.”
“Not just the retirement part?” Landham asks.
“No. Uh, you guys are the only ones from the team who called to check in and see how I was doing, and I really appreciate it. More than you know.”
“You’re our brother,” Hen says. “Of course we care, and fuck those other guys.”
Nodding, I pick at a fry on my plate. “Yeah, so, I’ve always been a private person. My family life was complicated and, I don’t know, it just felt safer to keep things to myself. One really big thing.”
The three men sit patiently, waiting for me to say it.
“I’m, um… I’m gay.”
No one says anything, but a slow approving smile spreads across Andres’s face, obviously reacting to the news that he’s not the only queer guy on the team. I focus on Hen though; the closest thing I have to an actual friend. His brow is creased and he looks genuinely confused.
Landham’s expression is blank, and my stomach twists with anxiety. Are they gonna reject me? Tell everyone? Fuck.
“Sorry, man,” Hen finally says. “You’re gay?”
I nod. “Yeah.”
“But… how?”
“How?”
Andres chuckles.
Hen shakes his head. “Not how, but—sorry. I’m confused. You’re… I mean, you’ve never…” He blows out a breath. “Give me a second.”
He stands and walks over to the patio doors. Andres pats my knee.
“Cool. I’m honored you felt comfortable enough to tell me.”
I nod, my jaw clenching as I shift my gaze to Landham. He smiles.
“I don’t care who you fuck. I’m surprised, I guess, ’cause I never had a clue, but it doesn’t change who you are or how you play.”
“Thanks.”
When I look over at Hen, he’s watching us with his arms folded across his chest.
“My gaydar is spot on,” Hen says. “And you never pinged it once.”
“What?”
“I just know. It’s like a sixth sense or something. All the times we’ve hung out at the bar, showered, talked, worked out—nothing. Nada. I’m floored.”
“Do you think I should sweat rainbows or some shit?”
Hen scoffs. “You’ve never checked me out.”
“No, I haven’t.”
“Every queer guy checks me out. I’m like catnip for queer dudes.”
Andres laughs while Landham just shakes his head.
“So because I’m not into you, I can’t possibly be queer?”
“How are you not into me?” He opens his arms wide. “Have you seen me? Have you seen my ass? I work hard to keep all this junk in my trunk.”
“You’re offended?”
“No. Just… confused, I guess.”
“Not every queer guy is into you,” Andres says with a raised eyebrow.
Hen narrows his eyes. “Hmm, maybe not, but I had you pegged your first month on the team.”
Andres looks shocked. “What?”
“Like I said, I can’t explain how it works, it just does. And maybe you’re not into me, but you can’t lie and say I’m not your type.”
Andres rolls his eyes, making me and Landham laugh.
“Okay, fine,” Andres says. “But I just figured it out.”
“Guess you should have asked me,” Hen says. “I could’ve told you.”
Andres blows out a breath, leaning back in his chair.
“I’m gonna come out publicly,” I say. “I met someone and I don’t want to keep it a secret. He deserves more than that.”
“Congrats, man,” Landham says. “And thanks for telling us. I’m sure it was hard, but we’ve got your back no matter what.”
“I know.”
Hen walks back over and plops down in the chair next to Landham. “I’m happy for you, and impressed that you dodged my radar.” Leaning forward, he grips my knee. “My gaydar is so good because I’ve been fucking around with dudes since I was a teen.”
My mouth drops and so does Landham’s.
“You’re gay?” I ask.
“No. I’m bi.” His smile softens. “I’ve thought about coming out about a thousand times just to change the vibe in the league, you know? If there’s three queer guys on this team, how many are there across the league too afraid to say anything?”
“I’ve thought of that too.”
“Maybe that’s what we do,” Andres says. “We finish the season and make a joint statement.”
“It would have a lot of impact that way,” Landham says. “We should talk to Coach and Jackson before we make any plans like that though, so they’re prepared.”
“Do you think they’ll be okay with it?” Andres asks.
“I think so,” Hen says. “What do you say, Bouche? Do we flip the hockey world upside down?”
For the first time ever when thinking about coming out, a lightness spreads through me, drawing a bright smile to my face.
“Hell yeah. Let’s do it.”