Chapter 14 #2
Ari frowns and I try not to let it stop me from continuing.
If it wasn’t for the fact that she deserves to know this side of me and that I would do just about anything to show her how serious I am about us, I wouldn’t continue.
Yet I find myself wanting to tell her, to finally open up to someone about the piece of my life that no one else has ever seen.
“Once they left for California, I tried calling every day. Marie would let me talk to him maybe once or twice a week. Every other time she had excuses about him being in school or at some program. Luckily, I ended up getting into a college that was only thirty minutes from where they lived and the school had a decent hockey team, so I got in with a sports scholarship. I tried calling my aunt and brother to let them know, but she started avoiding my calls more and more. I just assumed they were busy adjusting to life with a kid. Only, when I moved out there, I showed up to surprise them and my aunt freaked out.”
“Why?”
“She claimed it wasn’t polite to show up unannounced.
I didn’t bother pointing out that I tried calling.
It didn’t matter what she said anyway because I got to see Tristan for the first time in almost a year.
We both cried and played out in her front yard while he told me about his new school until Marie said it was time for bed.
Everything was fine for a month or two. My aunt gave me a day after school that I could spend with my brother every week.
Until one day, I showed up at the same time as always and no one was there.
I hung out on their front porch for hours before one of the neighbors came over to tell me they moved. ”
“Wait, what?” Ari gasps.
“They were just…gone. They sold the house and disconnected their phone numbers. Left me with no way to get in touch with my brother. I tried getting in contact with the case manager that helped us from child protective services, but even she came back with nothing. I spent years trying to find them, but that was almost ten years ago…” My throat tightens as I trail off, unable to say anything more for a moment.
With her hand still in mine, she waits patiently for me to decide where to go next. I know she would listen without pushing me if there was still more that I had to say. But also, if I were to change the subject, she wouldn’t hold it against me.
I focus on the feel of her palm against mine, on the way my leg bounces beneath the table as I try to focus and suck in a deep breath. Knowing if I don’t get the rest out, I might not have the courage to bring it up again.
“I spent every free moment that I was in California trying to find my brother. If it weren’t for my college coach, I would have turned down the offer from the Rattlesnakes.
I didn’t stop until the day I left to move to Florida.
” I flash her a pained smile that probably looks more like a grimace.
“Up until this year, I usually take a week during the off season to go back to California and hang around where he used to live, just in case…”
My next exhale comes out sounding like an annoyed laugh.
“I honestly couldn’t tell you if my mom is still alive or not.
I know she was arrested for child endangerment, but once we went into the system, I was so focused on Tristan that it was months before I even thought about her.
Every now and then I think about it, occasionally wonder if she got her shit together or if she’s still in jail.
But my curiosity never reached a point of feeling the need to actually find out the answers. ”
Still clinging to her, I say the one thing that feels like a fear-filled plea.
“When I say I want to be there for everything and anything you’ll let me be, it isn’t just me checking a box in the role of being a dad.
I genuinely want nothing more than to give you and our baby the life I never got to have.
I want our kid to have a real family, with parents who show up for them.
I want you to feel supported, to know that you’re never going to be alone in any of this.
And I don’t want you to think that I’m only here for you because of the baby.
Wanting you, being with you, is something I’ve been thinking about far longer than I should probably admit. ”
Ari’s shimmering eyes widen in shock, her mouth dropping open in a beautiful O shape, but I’m not finished yet. Rambling is something I do often, but right now, my priority is making sure she knows just how deeply I feel toward her.
“I might not have been the first choice to have a kid with. Hell, we haven’t even talked about us yet. But I promise you that for me, this is a dream come true. I will do everything I can to prove to you and our baby that I can and will show up when you need me.”
“Dean,” she whispers my name in a pretty sigh, and I hold my breath, waiting for her to tell me to pump the brakes or tell me I’m insane.
It really shouldn’t surprise me when she does none of that.
Yet my breath still catches as she gets up from her seat and closes the small distance between us.
My hand lands on her hip when she steps up beside me and I lean back in my chair to look up at her.
Ari doesn’t hesitate as she places a hand on my shoulder for balance before swinging a leg over mine. She sits on my lap, facing me.
When she gently cups my cheeks in the palms of her hands, all the tension that had been building up seeps from my body.
“Dean, we might not have planned this, but I am so damn happy that it’s you who’s figuring this all out with me. You’re one of my best frie—”
“I swear if you call me a friend when the reason we are here right now is because I’m addicted to seeing your face when you come, I will take you upstairs and fuck that word out of your mouth.” The words leave my mouth without a second thought.
There’s no way in hell that I will let her think we are just friends.
Her thighs attempt to squeeze together around me as she squirms in my lap. A beautiful flush spreads across her cheeks and down her neck. If I weren’t this close to her, I might have missed how my words affect her since she sounds completely unbothered when she answers.
“Okay, you have a point there. We’re not just friends. But I do think it’s an important layer to us that we are.”
One of her wild red curls slips from the messy bun. I reach up to tuck it behind her ear before it can block her eye. My fingers linger at her jaw before trailing down her neck. Goose bumps erupt across her freckled, pale skin, making me smile wider at the reaction.
“You’re right, Freckles. It is an important part of us, but there’s also so much more to us.
We’ve been skirting around what we are for years, stealing moments when I crave hours.
I’m done trying to act like I’m not completely infatuated with you.
Done trying to ignore just how deeply I crave your presence.
So as long as you know that we are so much more than just that one layer…
” I slip my hand to the back of her neck and carefully guide her forward until our lips are barely an inch apart.
“And that you understand I’m not going to stop until I have each and every piece of you.
Because you already consume all of me, Arianna.
This baby is just a surprise bonus to add to the mix. ”
Her emerald eyes widen with every word I declare and there’s no hiding the emotions running through her mind as she stares down at me.
Surprise swirls with relief. Panic clashes with happiness.
Wariness molds to excitement. Ari doesn’t flinch from me, doesn’t try to hide the real and raw effect that my words have on her.
And it only makes me more confident about everything I’m feeling, even if she’s not ready to say it out loud yet.
When she opens her mouth to respond, I shake my head. Rubbing my thumb up and down her neck as I hold her in place, I smile softly.
“I’ve known how I feel about you for a while now. I’m not telling you any of this to rush you into being on the same page as me. I have no problem waiting for you to catch up, and I’m not going to change my mind.”
Instead of letting her fumble for something to say, I press my lips to hers.
She melts into me immediately, and I know she’s pouring her feelings into the kiss—even if she doesn’t understand them yet.