Chapter 19
Arianna
“If you’re up for it, we should go shopping next week,” Dean says from the driver’s seat.
My face scrunches up in confusion, wondering if I had spaced out badly enough to miss something he was saying that led him to here.
“Shopping…” I parrot back, shaking off the daze I had been in since we left my house.
“Yeah, your mom was asking me if we made a registry list yet and it got me thinking about how we have next to nothing ready.”
“Sorry, she’s been bugging me about the registry and apparently decided I’m not moving fast enough,” I grumble even though I’m not actually that bothered by it.
It’s been just over a month since we told my family and the support from my parents has been borderline overbearing.
I’m constantly reminding myself that they’re simply excited.
They’re ready to help in every way possible, which is exactly what I want.
My mom is so over the moon happy, and if I was being completely honest, I’m more surprised she hasn’t gone rogue and started buying whatever she wanted to.
Once again, at the thought of how ecstatic my parents are, my mind immediately jumps to remind me that my brother has been almost radio silent toward me.
The week after we told them, he skipped family dinner night. Something neither of us has done unless he’s at an away game or we’re sick. I’ve never felt awkward being in my parents’ house. However, that night, the tension was thick as everyone avoided talking about the elephant in the room.
Landon showed up the following week, mostly keeping to himself. He barely looked in Dean’s or my direction and gave our parents one- or two-word answers. The most he spoke or interacted with any of us was to Cora.
So for the following few weeks since then, I decided to treat him exactly like he’s treating me.
Which is something he makes look ten times easier.
Or at least it’s difficult for me since I’m not used to being the one my brother is mad at.
And the few times in life that I had pushed his buttons, he never hesitated to call me out on the spot.
Needless to say, the silent treatment is sending me into a spiral.
“I don’t mind,” Dean says, pulling me from my obsessive thoughts. “I just figured we should at least get a start on it in person, then finish the small things online.”
“That’s actually a really good idea.”
Dean smiles brightly at the praise, and I can’t help but match his expression, somehow feeling better even though nothing’s changed.
It’s the effect he has on me. No matter what, Dean is steady.
He’s a ray of positive light when things get confusing and being around him makes me feel like I can handle anything.
When he told me about his conversation with my brother, one that I’m ninety-nine percent positive he played down the severity of, his confidence that Landon would come around was unwavering.
He didn’t tell me in detail what was said, summing it up to my brother being in his feels and not managing them correctly.
But I had thought for sure it meant he just needed a day or two. Not over a freaking month.
An audible sigh escapes before I can stop it and Dean doesn’t miss the sound.
“What’s wrong? I thought you loved shopping.”
“It’s not that, because yes, I have a shopping problem.” I hesitate only for a second before deciding that Dean is the type of person who would never tell me that I’m beating a dead horse. “Landon’s still avoiding me.”
If I weren’t looking directly at him, I would have missed the slight tick in his jaw or the way his grip tightened on the steering wheel.
He immediately switches to driving with one hand, reaching over to rest his now free hand on my knee, and starts rubbing a calming pattern.
“I’m sorry, baby, I know how much this hurts you.” He soothes and it’s refreshing not to be placated in this moment. It would be easy for him to place the blame on my brother, even if that’s where it is, or to dismiss what I’m feeling by telling me not to waste my time thinking about him.
“I wish he would just talk to me. I figured he’d be upset, but I don’t think anything we did was worth a month-long silent treatment.”
Dean nods, pulling his hand away so he can turn into the lot at my OB-GYN’s office and park the car. Only then does he say anything.
“You sure you don’t want me to ‘accidentally’ trip him on the ice?”
Laughing, I shake my head. “No, that’s the last thing I want.”
I grab my phone and wallet from the cupholder and am about to open my door when something clicks. The heat leaves my face as I whirl back to Dean.
“Wait, is he giving you a hard time when you’re working?” My breath starts to increase at the thought of Landon taking his butt hurt feelings out on Dean.
“No, he’s being completely professional.”
I narrow my eyes, and he shakes his head before getting out of the car.
Pushing my door open, I have one foot halfway to the pavement when the hair on the back of my neck rises.
The feeling spreads down my spine, causing a shiver to take over.
Bracing a hand on the handle, I glance around the parking lot, trying to figure out if someone’s watching me.
Dean steps in front of me, holding a hand out for me, and the feeling fades. Shrugging it off, I blame it on the nerves that take over every time we have an appointment.
With my hand in his, he helps me out and steadies me on my feet.
“He really is being fine. Most of us, when we hit the ice, that’s the only thought on our mind.
Every issue or struggle tends to become background noise.
Yeah, there are times when things are too much, and it bleeds into the game.
But for the most part, we’re both meeting on common ground, which is hockey. ”
“That’s fair. It’s how it is when I lose myself in a drawing too.”
Dean pulls me forward, closing the car door behind me before bending down to kiss my forehead.
“He’s doing this all wrong, and the fact that he’s hurting you makes me want to shove my skate up his ass. Man’s gonna have a lot of groveling to do when he figures his shit out.”
“Hopefully, he does that before the baby is here.” I rub my palm over my bump, flattening the fabric of my sundress to show off its size. “I want my brother to be around as an uncle.”
“He will be.” He rests his hand beside mine on my stomach and I tilt my head back to watch him. The brown in his eyes pops against his tanned skin, and a faint dimple is making itself known. “Now, ready to go find out if we’re having a boy or a girl?”
My stomach swoops with anticipation, and for the moment, all my worries fade as we make our way in hand in hand.
“Holy shit,” Dean repeats, still staring at the ultrasound that was printed for us with wide eyes as we head back to the car.
“Okay, that’s the only thing you’ve said since we found out it’s a girl, and I just need to know if it’s a ‘I’m so excited’ holy shit, or a ‘we fucked up’ holy shit.”
Dean’s head snaps up and he freezes on the sidewalk, finally tearing his attention away from the ultrasound to stare at me in shock.
Only after a second of processing what I had said does he jump into action.
Closing the small distance between us, he steps directly in front of me, forcing me to look up at him.
“Make no mistake, this is the happiest I have ever been in my entire life.”
He pulls me in for a hug and I practically melt into his embrace, nearly passing out from the relief.
His arms wrap tightly around me, supporting my weight while I cling to him. Now that I’m in his arms, the reality and excitement hit me. I smile, finally letting myself imagine what life will be like.
“She’s gonna have you wrapped around her little finger the second she’s born.” It’s easy to imagine. I don’t need to wait five more months to know that, when he’s shown me all I need to know with how he treats me.
Dean leans back, cupping my cheek in his palm and tilting my head back to look up at him. There’s a soft smile on his lips, but it’s the sparkle in his eyes that makes all the air leave my lungs.
“Freckles, it’s so much more than that. Yes, I’ll probably be a sucker and make sure that she has everything she will want and need.
But you both are wrapped around my heart in every possible way.
Who I am is because of you, and who I’m about to become is because of the life we created.
I promise you; I am happy. I would have felt this way if it was a boy too.
Nothing changes the fact that I swear to give you and our baby girl the absolute best.”
Tears threaten to spill from my eyes at his declaration, and when he continues, there’s no holding them back.
“My job is literally to protect the goal behind me. And when I’m off the ice, the only thing that changes is that I go from guarding a net to protecting what I love.”
The words are there, their meaning clear and loud.
Dean Hayes loves me.
If this realization had come to me a year ago, I probably would have run for the closest island and isolated myself. Not because I didn’t think I deserved his love, but because of the pressure I would have felt from knowing his heart was in my hands.
Dean is a good man, plain and simple. Down to his core, he cares about everyone in his life and gives without expecting anything in return. Having someone like Dean give you their love, freely and willingly, was something I found intimidating.
Now, though, I realize just how clever he’s been. Even now, he doesn’t say the three words, knowing that it’s not the right moment to say them.
Instead, he’s spent the past two years slowly weaving himself into my heart. He’s shown up, time and time again, giving me whatever I needed and just a smidge more.
Some would probably call me dumb for not realizing any of this sooner. But I wasn’t ready to see it before now. Even if it’s almost too much, too overwhelming to realize just how long he’s been in love with me.
The only thing keeping me from teetering off the ledge and into a panic is that Dean hasn’t actually said I love you. And there’s no doubt in my mind that he knows this.
It’s not logical as to why I’m calmer about having his baby than I am to hear him say those words.
I grew up with two parents who love each other wholeheartedly and visibly.
I’ve never been cheated on or used. The worst thing to ever happen in a past relationship was my college boyfriend dumping me because he wanted to fuck around on spring break.
But even he had the decency to end things before sleeping with someone else.
Yet here I am, on the verge of clamming up because one of the best men I’ve ever met actually loves me.
Dean doesn’t push it, and he doesn’t say anything more.
He simply kisses me softly, easing my worries with a simple act.
We stand there longer than we probably should, considering we’re outside my OB’s office.
When we finally break apart, I’m breathless, but the panic has lessened, leaving only a giddy feeling.
He places one last kiss on my lips, then the tip of my nose before finally tangling our fingers together and tugging me toward the car.
“Are you coming to the game tonight?” he asks as if he’s completely unfazed while I was having life-altering realizations.
“Uh, yeah, there’s no way I’m missing a single home game during the finals if I can help it. The girls and I were planning a night up in the suite.”
He helps me into the car, leaving me with another kiss and a gentle touch on my stomach before getting in. Once he’s pulled out and is heading back to my place, it’s me who speaks up this time.
“I was thinking about telling the girls tonight.”
“Oh, hell yes!” He laughs, tapping his fingers on the wheel. “Would you be okay if I told the guys then too? Before the game?”
“Of course. Besides, if you don’t, pretty sure the news would get back to them by the end of the night and some of the guys might give you shit for not telling them.”
“Fair point.” He nods, his infectious smile spreading widely across his face. He glances in my direction as he pulls up to a red light. “Any chance I could convince you to spend the night at my place?”
“Mm, I could be very easily persuaded with some late-night burgers and fries.”
“Deal.” He reaches for my hand and tugs it up to press his lips to the back of my hand, then focuses on getting us to my place.
While he starts mindlessly talking about some things he’s learned from the latest baby book, my mind wanders to what things will look like after our little girl is born.
Does Dean plan on keeping his condo? Or will he stay with us? It doesn’t make much sense to have two places, and there’s no doubt that he’ll want to be around for everything he can be. Maybe he’s waiting for me to ask him to move in. And if that’s the case, am I ready for that?
The answer is obvious, even to me, and just like my earlier realization, it doesn’t send me into a complete downward spiral.