Chapter 10 Wraith
Wraith
The tension in our home is unusual. We’re all gathered in the rec room doing our best to act normal, but Shadow is on his way home with Stealth.
Colson is sitting with Specter, Ghost, and Phantom playing a card game, while Whisper has his nose buried in a book next to them.
Nimble is draped over an armchair with his legs swinging, texting his man, Joss.
Carnage has his earbuds in and seems to be watching videos.
I’ve got my phone out, watching interviews with Bouche.
Weird and a little obsessive? Maybe, but I need my mind on anything else until Stealth walks through that door.
“They’re here,” Whisper announces, closing his book.
“How do you know that?” Ghost asks.
Whisper raises an eyebrow, giving him a look.
“Right,” Ghost says. “Probably have tracking devices on all of us.”
Whisper shrugs, straightening in his chair. “Remember what we’re supposed to do.”
Everyone nods solemnly. I personally can’t wait to see him, just to know he’s actually okay.
The front door opens minutes later, and Shadow’s heavy footfalls sound as he walks towards us. Stealth, as usual, can hardly be heard. When they appear, I release the breath I was holding. Stealth looks good. Damn good.
A rare smile stretches across his lips. “Hi, brothers.”
Carnage is out of his seat first, walking over and offering a hug that our touch-resistant brother fully accepts. The floodgates open then as we each stand and take our turn, hugging him and welcoming him back. Nimble and Colson are introduced, and Stealth politely nods at each in acknowledgment.
He’s not the shell of a man he was when he left. He’s gained weight and the color is back in his cheeks. His sandy hair is longer than it was, swept back in a bun, and he has a thick beard now. His eyes are the most noticeable change though. No longer hollow and unfeeling. There’s a spark in them.
We take our seats again, waiting for Stealth to take the lead on what happens next. He glances at Shadow briefly, who looks as tense as he usually does. I would’ve thought he’d be relieved to have Stealth back, but who knows what he’s feeling.
“Do you want me to leave?” Colson asks. “For privacy.”
“Yeah, I can go too,” Nimble offers.
Stealth shakes his head. “No. Please stay. This is for all of you.”
Shadow looks slightly surprised as he crosses his arms over his chest.
“I missed you guys,” Stealth starts, softly. “A lot. The time away was good though. I…” He pauses, scratching his beard. “I lost my way for a bit, and I’m sorry I fucked up.”
“You didn’t,” Shadow says, his voice strained.
“I did, Shadow. I didn’t tell any of you what was going on.” His eyes settle on our boss again. “Especially you.”
“Do you want to tell us anything now?” Specter asks.
Stealth nods, then he looks at his feet for a moment before exhaling and facing us again. “Long story really short, some old demons rose up on me and I was drowning them out with drugs. Something—” His voice cracks, and Shadow flinches as Stealth clears his throat.
“Take your time,” Whisper says softly.
Stealth nods, stretching his neck. “Something got fucked in my head and I let the demons take over. I convinced myself that, um, you’d all be better off if I wasn’t here anymore, but I couldn’t walk away, so I tried to…” His voice trembles.
“Stealth,” Shadow whispers, his expression pained.
“It’s okay.” Stealth straightens his shoulders. “I practiced this in therapy. I tried to end it, but the truth is I didn’t want to. I don’t want to now either. I’ve worked through those demons and I know how to handle them now.”
“What can we do to support you?” I ask.
“Nothing different. Just be yourselves. I’m solid now and I have lots of new coping skills.”
“I have a question.” Ghost glances around nervously. “Do they know what you do for a living?”
“They?” Stealth asks.
“The treatment place.”
“Of course not.”
Ghost bites his bottom lip as he nods.
“What?” Stealth says. “You can ask me anything.”
“Okay, how do they know you’ll handle the job stress okay?”
“It wasn’t the job, Ghost. It was personal shit from the past rearing up on me.
It was…” He pauses again and my gaze shifts to Shadow, who looks like he might be sick.
Stealth drags a hand through his hair, stopping on a tangle.
“Real talk? It was my inability to regulate my emotions and how I perceive other people’s emotions and actions.
I was seeing someone and it didn’t go well.
I have some pretty deep-seated abandonment issues and they took over. ”
His voice is light, but his body is tense as he speaks.
Shadow is staring at the floor, his jaw ticking with tension.
What the actual fuck? I know Shadow and Stealth weren’t seeing each other.
For one thing, that’s a hard no for Shadow, but even if something happened, I’m pretty sure he’d be honest with us about it.
“Do we need to kill someone?” Phantom asks, dead serious.
“Nah, man, he’s not in my life anymore. He’s not even in this state.
” He half shrugs. “Which is kind of what set me off. Funny thing is I wasn’t in love or anything; I just wanted to be.
I was clinging to something that wasn’t good for me, but I have a habit of doing that.
” He clears his throat. “At least, I used to. I’m different now.
” He glances at Shadow. “And knowing you guys were still here for me and that Shadow trusted me to come back got me through the hard days. We’re, um, we’re family. Right?”
“Fuck yeah, we are,” Whisper says while the rest of us add our agreement.
“We’re happy you’re back,” I say. “Truly. You were missed.”
“Thanks, brother. I didn’t want to leave until I knew I wouldn’t relapse. I quit cigarettes too.”
“Impressive,” Phantom says.
“So it’s business as usual,” Stealth continues. “I’ll get back in the rotation when Shadow’s ready, but as far as how to treat me, it’s the same as it was. The responsibility is on me to speak up if I need support, and you have my word that I will.”
“What about, like, drinking and stuff in front of you?” Specter asks.
“It’s not an issue. Alcohol was never my problem, and none of you do meth or heroin, so I should be fine.”
Shadow flinches again but blows out a quiet breath. “Your room is clean and ready for you.”
Stealth smiles slightly. “Thank you. For what it’s worth, I’m so fucking happy to be back home with you guys.”
“That’s worth fucking everything,” Carnage says.
Stealth grabs one of his bags and turns to me. “Got a second?”
My brow crinkles but I nod, rising to my feet. “Of course.”
I take one of the other bags and follow him up the stairs to his room. Once we’re in there, he opens a smaller bag and pulls out a crinkled piece of paper.
“Here.”
I take it and unfold it, unsure of what this is. On the paper are a bunch of scribbled words that are too hard to read.
“I wrote that to you,” Stealth says. “Obviously, I wasn’t mentally clear when I wrote it, but you wrote me and it meant so fucking much, Wraith.
I read your letter every day for weeks because you said the one thing I needed to hear.
That I was worth fighting for.” His eyes turn glassy, but he blinks the emotion away.
“The others wrote me too, but for some reason it was what you said that got through the noise. So, thank you.”
“Bror, you’re welcome. I’m glad I could help, and it’s true.”
“I know that now. I wanted you to know that it had an effect and I tried to write back.”
“I didn’t expect anything. I’m glad you’re back and healthy.”
“Me too. We’ll see how Shadow does with letting me off the leash.”
“He looked tense as fuck. Are you two okay?”
Stealth nods, a slight smile on his lips. “Yeah, but you know him. He’s gonna beat himself up.”
“We know. We’ve tried to help him through it.”
Stealth glances at his closed bedroom door for a second before asking, “Has he, um, has he found someone?”
“Found someone?”
“Like, dating. Or whatever.”
Uh okay, that’s an interesting question. “He’s not with anyone right now.”
“What about while I was away?”
“He had someone for a little while, but um, he left.”
“Shadow left or the guy did?”
“The guy did. His name is Bellamy and we thought it was good. They seemed really into each other.”
“But then…?”
I guess I can tell him everything, but I’m surprised Shadow didn’t. “Did you know Specter got shot last year?”
He nods. “Shadow told me on the drive home.”
“Okay, so after that, Bellamy got skittish. He was worried and his anxiety got the best of him.”
Stealth looks pissed. “He left Shadow because of his job? Shadow doesn’t even do fieldwork most of the time.”
“I know. I don’t think Shadow knows that we know why Bellamy left. We heard it from Colson.”
“Specter’s husband?” He chuckles. “Never thought I’d say those words.”
“Right?” I laugh too. “But he’s happy. They’re a good match.”
“That’s awesome. Shadow doesn’t talk about Bellamy, then?”
“Nope. It’s a sore subject.”
“Did he love him?”
I shake my head, shrugging. “No clue, but he seemed happy.”
Stealth nods, biting his bottom lip. “Anything else exciting?”
“No. Just the usual stuff.”
“That’s good, I guess. How’s Nimble?”
“Good guy. Very efficient, as his name suggests. He likes using a bullet, quick and easy. He’s got a man too, a senator’s son, who comes by sometimes and spends a night or two.”
“A senator’s son?”
“I know.” I chuckle. “The senator is actually how he got hooked up with us.”
“That’s wild.”
“It is.”
“And Specter is happy? Does he smile now?”
“Whenever Colson’s around he does.”
“If he can find love, maybe there’s hope for the rest of us.”
“If that’s what you’re looking for. I’m not.”
He pulls a shirt from his tote and folds it over his arm. “Yeah, guess I’m just talking shit. Love is more trouble than it’s worth.”
“Seems like it from where I’m standing. Maybe you get lucky sometimes, like Specter did with Colson, but most of the time it just ends in heartache.”