Chapter 20 Wraith
Wraith
We fell asleep and the night passed easily, so when I venture downstairs, I’m anxious. Pax hasn’t heard from Boone yet.
“Hey, man.” I sidle up next to Whisper at the island while he’s making tea. “Any chance you could still help us look for Boone?”
He grins at me, giving me a sidelong glance. “Never stopped. I was bored, so I kept searching along the highway.”
“Fuck yeah.”
“He’s not an idiot. It seems he left the car for a few hours then went back to it and headed east toward Crestvale.”
“Huh. I wonder where he’s going. His place is in Mistone but Paxon’s is here.”
“He’ll turn up. He could’ve left town by now but he hasn’t, so that means something.”
“Good point.”
Whisper takes a sip of his tea. “Tell me how you ended up with a star hockey player in your bed and how your target is related to him. That’s not your normal process.”
“Didn’t know. Literally was stalking the arena for the target and saw Bouche. Couldn’t keep my eyes off him and I got a vibe, so I followed him out to his car and took things from there.” I lean my elbows on the island. “He’s not out, so it’s been hookups and nothing more.”
“But he’s in your bed upstairs.”
“I know. Once we figured out how we’re connected things shifted.” I scratch my beard. “That’s when it shifted for him, maybe. I fucked up and caught feelings.”
Whisper doesn’t even bother to look surprised. “Obviously,” he drawls, lifting his mug to his lips. “What now? He’s a famous, high-profile athlete.”
“It can’t continue. Once we get this situation with his brother handled, it’s gonna end.”
His brow crinkles. “Why? Because he’s not out?”
“I’m sure that’s part of it, but the bigger issue is me. What I do. We can’t expect a normie to go along with all of this.”
“Did he say he’s not okay with it or is it more about his brother right now?”
“What’s the difference?”
“A lot, I think. I’m sure he was shocked to know you planned to take his brother out, but maybe once that’s resolved, he could see it through different eyes.”
“Maybe, but could I ask him to? He’d have to keep a major part of his life a secret.”
“Colson does it. Bellamy did it.”
“They’re unique.”
“Are they? Or are they just in love?”
“Bellamy left.”
“Not because he didn’t approve or had some moral dilemma about it. I have a feeling he’ll be back. You saw the way he and Shadow were together. That was real.”
“It was.” Dragging a hand through my hair, I straighten to stand fully. “I want to keep him so bad, Whisper.”
“Why?”
“Bror.” I chuckle. “He’s so beautiful. And I’m not just talking about the outside.
He’s like this buried treasure, you know?
The world sees this popular, world-class athlete, and that’s what he wants them to see, but underneath that he’s sensitive, and cares about his brother so much.
He wants to be cared for and loved, and I want to be the man who gives him that. ”
Whisper studies me intently. “I’m not one of those people who thinks love solves everything or overcomes every challenge. I think sometimes it’s the wrong time or wrong situation and there’s nothing that can be done about that.”
“Yeah.”
“But listen—I do believe that when the love is rare and strong, it’s worth fighting for.
It’s worth being uncomfortable and even sacrificing things.
Love isn’t always easy or fairy-tale. It doesn’t always fall into our laps without any effort or difficulty.
Sometimes you have to work to keep it. And that fight is what makes it all the sweeter. ”
I can tell from his tone that he’s speaking from experience. There’s an unhealed wound there.
“And if you still lose it?” I ask.
“At least you had it for a while.” He claps my shoulder. “Most people never even get that, but how fortunate to be one of the few who have known true love, however fleeting.”
“Are you good, bror?”
He nods, offering a slight smile. “It was eons ago, but it was worth everything that happened after.”
“If you ever want to talk about it, I’m here for you.”
He nods. “I’ll remember that.”
Before we can continue talking, Specter walks in. “You guys about ready for the morning meeting?”
“Let me run some coffee up to Pax and then I’ll join you in the rec room.”
I pour a cup quickly then hurry back up the stairs. I find Pax still in bed, lying on his side facing the window with his back to me, but he’s not asleep. He’s staring at his phone.
“Everything okay?”
He glances up, smiling softly. “Just checking for messages from Boone. Nothing yet.”
“Brought you some coffee. Figured you could use it.”
Pax sits up. “Thank you.” He takes a sip as I sit on the edge of the bed.
Damn, it was nice sleeping next to him and waking up with him beside me. I could get used to it, but that would be stupid.
“Whisper found out that Boone is traveling towards Crestvale now. It seems like he intentionally left the car for a while and then changed direction.”
Relief floods his face, but it’s brief. “Are we sure it’s Boone?”
“Well, no, but it’s a good sign. If…” I pause, then push forward. “If someone hurt him there would be no reason to leave the car and then return to it. It’s a rental. It would be better for it to be abandoned.”
“Right.” He sips his coffee again, nodding. “So he might be okay?”
“Yeah. I have a meeting with the team, but once that’s done, we’ll figure out where to go from there.”
“I have a game tonight.”
“I know.” I squeeze his knee. “We’ll find him.”
I rise from the bed and head into the bathroom to brush my teeth and run some water through my ratty hair.
My nerves get worse as I pull a sweater over my t-shirt.
I don’t know what Shadow plans to say about the news I dropped on him, but I’m sure he hasn’t thought of anything else since he heard it.
Despite what we do, Shadow is a good man.
He’s loyal and caring, and when you’re his to protect, he takes that seriously.
I linger in the doorway, wishing like hell that I could crawl back into bed with Pax and love on him some more, but duty calls.
“I’ll be back as soon as I can.”
Pax nods, his soulful eyes searching my face. “I fucked up your whole life, didn’t I?”
“In the best way possible.”
“If you say so.”
“I do. Make yourself comfortable. I’ll be back.”
Slipping from the room before I can’t, I shake out my shoulders, thinking about what Whisper said to me. How do I fight for Pax? Could I really walk away from this life and my brothers for a shot at love? Would he accept me, knowing my past?
I find all my brothers gathered in the rec room except Carnage, who stumbles in a few minutes later, clearly having rolled straight out of bed.
He grins at me before slumping into an armchair.
Only seconds later, Shadow darkens the doorway.
He looks pale and tired, and guilt washes over me knowing it’s my fault.
“Morning,” Shadow mumbles. “Thanks for meeting on short notice. I’ve recently learned some significant information, and it’s important to share and talk through next steps.”
Ghost and Nimble look very concerned, while Phantom appears more curious than anything. The rest of us have our normal resting bitch face expressions.
“Apparently,” Shadow starts, “I’ve gotten a bit lax on my vetting of clients. One of them has turned out to be a prolific trafficker. Drugs, exotic animals, even kids.”
Specter’s face fills with rage, his eyes narrowing and jaw twitching. “What?”
“I didn’t know, obviously. We were hired to take out someone who knows all about the operation and was trying, poorly, to stop it from continuing. He got in over his head, but his intentions were good.”
“Wait,” Carnage says. “We were hired to kill the good guy?”
Shadow waffles his head back and forth. “Essentially, yes. He’s very good at evasion, and their guys couldn’t find him so they called us for backup.
The target has proof—names, dates, all that.
He could take down the whole operation and I think he got close to doing that, but the stakes changed and he got scared. ”
“How did you find this out, boss?” Nimble asks.
Shadow looks at me. “It’s Wraith’s assignment. He found the target and subsequently uncovered the full situation.”
Ghost lets out a low whistle. “You didn’t do it yet, did you?”
I shake my head. “I came to Shadow first.”
Shadow exhales slowly. “Wraith learned that we were hired to kill someone who is essentially innocent, and it made me wonder how many times this could have happened in the past. I know the types we normally deal with make it clear which side of the law they’re on, but how many have slipped through the cracks? ”
We’re all silent in response to the barely contained emotion in Shadow’s voice.
“I gave it some thought,” he says after a few silent moments. “After we finish the current list of assignments, we’re taking a hiatus.”
I pull my head back. I wasn’t expecting that.
“We can afford the break, and perhaps it would be good for all of us to have some downtime. During that hiatus, I’ll be reviewing our systems and seeing what we can do to ensure this doesn’t happen again.” He turns to me. “What you did was brave. You took a risk, and I’m thankful you did.”
I nod. “Thank you for being open. Have you considered what I should do now?”
“Of course.”
“Do you want us to leave?” Specter asks.
“No. This is for all of you to hear. Anyone who is available, I’d like you to work with Wraith to find the target. We need to get him to safety. I also have the client’s information, and we’ll need a group of you to handle him, myself included.”
Whoa. Not what I was expecting.
“From what I learned, this ring is global and it stretches far beyond our reach, but we can disrupt it by taking out the Mistone players. In order to avoid starting a war, we need to be discreet and efficient.”
“I have an idea,” Stealth says softly. “If you know where they stay, or at least where they meet, we can make it look natural. A gas leak?”
Carnage scoffs. “Come on, man. You think I’m gonna let some kid rapists die in their sleep? Fuck that. I’m ripping heads off.”
Stealth shrugs. “Shadow said discreet.”
“Let’s start with finding them,” Shadow says. “I have a lead on where they meet on Saturday nights.”
“Pax has a game tonight. I don’t want to leave him unprotected since the client obviously knows about the connection between Pax and Boone. There’s always a chance Boone will show up there too.”
“Take someone with you.”
“I can go,” Specter says.
“Me too,” Nimble chimes in.
I nod in acknowledgment.
“The rest of us will work on finding the client and his crew. Whisper, I’ve got some details you can start researching.”
“You got it, boss.”
“Once we know where they are, we’ll make a plan on how we end this.”
Carnage huffs but nods.
Before the meeting breaks up, I clear my throat, drawing all their eyes to me.
“I, er…” I shake my head, unable to find words. “Thank you.”
Shadow nods, his expression softening slightly. “We’ll make it right.”
“Is Paxon still here?” Specter asks.
“Yes.” I lean back in my chair, and words I wasn’t planning to say out loud fall from my lips. “I love him.”
I’m met with looks of surprise mixed with some smiles.
“Fuck. I don’t know what to do now. I’ve never felt like this about someone, and it’s so fucked. I was hired to…” I don’t finish the thought. I don’t have to. “Just please help me keep his brother safe. I won’t be able to live with myself if anything happens to him.”
“Hey.” Whisper squeezes my arm. “We’re on it, man. We’ll find him.”
I wipe at my damp eyes, nodding. “If anyone knows how to keep someone you should let go of, let me know.”
“Why should you let him go?” Carnage asks.
“We can’t be together.” I glance at Whisper. “No matter how good and right it feels. I’m not the kind of man he deserves.”
“Fuck that,” Specter says. “Seriously, dude, fuck that. You’re amazing and I’d bet he already knows that or he wouldn’t be upstairs in your room.”
“I kill people for a living.”
“And?” Ghost asks. “Okay, you’re not out here saving rainforests or curing cancer, but how many people are?”
“Big difference between those examples and me.”
“You mean us,” Phantom says. “We do the same thing you do. Are you saying none of us deserve love or happiness?”
“Of course not.”
“Do you think Colson is slumming by being with Specter?”
“No,” I grumble. “But Colson is unique.”
“He is unique,” Specter says, “But not because he loves me.”
“Okay, but you weren’t hired to kill him or his brother. How could I even ask Pax to forgive me?”
We’re all silent for a few heavy moments until Stealth clears his throat.
“If I can say something…?”
I nod, noticing how Shadow immediately focuses all his attention on our brother.
“I know a lot about forgiveness and loss. About letting good things go because it’s the right thing to do. I’m hardly the guy who should give someone else relationship advice, but I can share what I know.”
We’re all silent, waiting.
“Sometimes, we end up hurting ourselves and those we care about because we never…” He pauses, clearing his throat again.
“We never gave people the chance to be there for us. We assumed things or hid them because we thought that was safer or that we were protecting them, but what we were really doing was shutting them out. Listen, Wraith, I don’t know Pax, obviously, but what I hear you saying are a lot of assumptions about what he thinks and feels.
We’re not the people you need to ask about this.
If I could go back in time and redo anything, it would be the part where I decided to handle things my way without talking to those who mattered. Don’t make that mistake.”
His words hit hard, causing a lump of emotion to form in my throat. “Thanks, bror.”
He nods, staring at the floor. Shadow looks devastated, and the rest of us are equally shell-shocked. There was a lot to unpack in that, but the most important lesson was for me. I have to talk to Pax and not make assumptions about what he’s feeling.
Maybe, in some magical world, there’s a chance he could see beyond what I do, and he could see that my love for him could be good.
I have to at least give it a shot. If he can’t and this ends, at least I’ll know I did everything I could.
I have to try.