Chapter 25 Wraith
Wraith
“You’re not pissed I took Boone with us?”
Pax looks at me with an eyebrow raised. “I imagine he made the choice for you. Tell me I’m wrong.”
Chuckling, I shake my head. “You’re not wrong. He forced Shadow’s hand.”
“He does that.”
He’s perched on the edge of the bed, and I realize there’s tension creasing his face. “You’re in pain?”
He nods. “I could use a pain pill.”
“Where are they?”
He nods in the direction of the dresser. “Word of warning—they send me into space.”
“That’s okay. It’s late and you should sleep anyway.” I shake a pill out of the bottle and hand it to him, then pass him the water bottle from the nightstand. “What else do you need?”
“You.” He swallows the pill.
“You’ve got me. I’m gonna shower real quick and then I’ll be back.”
Pax nods. “I’ll be here.”
I shrug out of my coat, laying it across an armchair.
“So Boone was right and he helped tonight?”
“Boone was right. We intercepted a shipment of drugs and people. Kids. They were going to be sent to Bolivia.”
“Fuck.”
“He helped save those kids and seriously handicap that operation going forward. The risk he took was huge, but it paid off.”
“Do I want to know any details?”
“That’s up to you.”
He twists his lips for a second. “Are the bad guys dead?”
I nod.
“Did Boone…” He pauses, shaking his head. “Nothing?”
“No, he didn’t. He helped get the kids to safety, that’s all.”
“And you?”
“I did my job, Pax.” Smiling, I pat his ankle. “Rest. I’ll be back quickly.”
Heading to the bathroom, I try to shake off the lingering feeling that Pax is going to run. I don’t blame him, but fuck, I would give anything to keep him.
After a very quick shower, I walk back into the bedroom with a towel around my waist. Pax is lying slightly propped up with a dopey smile on his face and his eyes hooded.
“How ya feeling?”
“Good,” he says, his head lolling slightly. “Fuck, you’re gorgeous. S’not fair.”
I chuckle. “Sorry?”
Pax reaches for me and I happily go to him, climbing onto the bed and settling between his legs.
“Wanna tell you something, Wraith.”
“Okay.”
“Okay.” He drags his hand through his messy hair. “I’ve been thinking. A lot.” He laughs softly, and I realize he’s pretty doped up.
“We can talk in the morning if you want.”
“No.” Pax shakes his head. “I want you to know.”
“Know what?”
“I told Coach tonight. Told him I’m gonna do it, Wraith. I’m gonna retire after this season.”
“Wow. Okay. That’s huge.”
“I should’ve done it before. I was too scared. I don’t know who I am without hockey.”
I hold his hand in mine, rubbing the back of it and giving him space to speak.
“I thought I had nothing, you know? Just a fancy house with no one in it.”
“Pax…”
“Please.” He inhales and exhales slowly. “Damn, I’m floating.”
“We can talk later.”
“No, Wraith. I’m fine. I need to get this out.”
My chest tightens. He’s gonna end it. He’s gonna tell me that what we had was great but there’s too much for us to overcome.
And I just have to let him go.
“I’m listening.”
“When I was at the hospital earlier and they were getting me ready for the MRI, I knew it was gonna be bad. I knew it was the end of my career, and for the first time in years, I didn’t care. I wasn’t scared of the future, because…” He shifts slightly. “Because I have one now.”
My brow creases. “What?”
“You. Damn you, Wraith. You crawled under my skin and refused to leave. Now all the things I’ve wanted for so long have bubbled up to the surface.
I want to come out and be proud of who I am and who I love.
I want to do things with Boone and celebrate what we made it through. And I want to love you. Loudly.”
“Pax… Do you mean it?”
“You didn’t think I did before?”
“I believed your feelings for me, but not that you would stay.”
His eyelids flutter. “How could you believe it when I wasn’t sure either?
Let me tell you, when your skates leave the ice, everything flashes in front of you.
Every mistake, every high, every low, every desire.
Not this time though. All I saw was you.
I wanted to be with you, and I wished like hell you were there and could run out onto the ice to hold on to me. ”
He laughs softly, tilting his head back and closing his eyes. For a second, I wonder if he’s drifted off to sleep, but he opens his eyes again and focuses on me.
“I guess what I’m saying is that I’ve finally found the thing that makes me happy to let go of hockey.”
A rush of feelings spreads through me so quickly I feel lightheaded.
“Fuck, Pax. I love you so much.”
“I know. I feel it.” He closes his eyes again, his head tipping back on the pillow. “I don’t care about your job. I know who you are and I know you’re gonna make things safer and better. It matters to you.”
“It does. It matters to Shadow too.”
When he opens his eyes this time, my breath hitches. They are so full of love and softness, I could cry at his beauty.
“I promise, Wraith, to give it everything I’ve got to make this work.”
“I promise you the same.”
He hums, smiling as his eyes drift closed again. “We’ll figure it out.”
“Sleep now, min kjaere.”
“Whas that mean?” he asks, his words slurring.
“My love.”
“Sexy.”
“Yes, you are.”
“Even now?”
“Even now.”
I watch Pax drift into blissful sleep, wiping away the tear that slips down my cheek.
I get to keep him.
I get to love him.
Beautiful.