Chapter 9
“ W here were ya, Raze called church before he left?” Ruckus looks confused when I return to the club. I’ve just followed Eden back from the coffee shop, and now I’m watching her talk to Alicia and Polly on the other side of the clubhouse.
“I promised Raze I’d watch her,” I explain, getting more and more frustrated by the fact she’s shutting me out. There’s a fuckin’ killer on the loose and she’s being too stubborn to let me protect her.
“Maybe you're bein’ a little too much?” Dev, who’s never been interested in a female for longer than it takes for him to empty his ball sack, tries giving his opinion, and it ain’t wanted.
“Tell that to me when the two of you find a girl to care about.”
Dev laughs at the suggestion and when I light myself another cigarette Ruck snatches it straight from my mouth.
“You should be cuttin’ down. You need those lungs to get you through four fuckin’ fights.” He slips it between his own lips and tokes back. I can tell from how he’s been acting that he thinks me going into this is a bad idea, but like I said, I don’t expect him to understand. The members of this club have had it drummed into their heads that women are bad news. They see them as a weakness, and the way I’m feeling right now is making it hard for me to argue.
I look around the room and wonder if one of my brothers could be the person responsible for killing those girls and the thought makes my skin crawl.
“I got a lot on my mind,” I admit to Ruckus, lighting myself another.
“Raze spoke to the cops before he left and they don’t seem to be suspectin’ the club, they know the bar where they found that girl hasn’t been open for years, and you’d have to be a pretty shit killer to dump a body on your own doorstep.” Ruckus knocks back his beer.
“Raze told ya about that?” I frown.
“‘Course he did, called us into church before he left and broke the news, I’m guessin’ he wanted to read everyone's faces. You know the killer could be among us?” Ruckus’s eyes cross the room toward Saint.
“Not a chance.” I shake my head. I may not have known Saint for long, but he’s a good guy.
“Saint, no, but I’d question that creepy, little alter-ego of his. We’ve all seen what he’s capable of.”
“Nah, everythin’ about this is pointin’ toward Cliff,” I toke back hard on my cigarette, and this time it’s Dev that takes it outta my hand.
“Ruckus is right, you need to focus on the fight,” he growls at me.
“Yeah, well, the only way that's gonna happen is if someone starts playin’ ball.” I get up from my stool and make my way over to where Eden and the girls are. “Can I get a word?” I interrupt them from giggling, and when Eden turns around she’s already got that sassy look on her face that tells me she’s gonna try and make this hard.
“Sure.” She looks me up and down expectantly.
“In private.” I gesture my eyes toward the door that leads outside, suddenly it feels real stuffy in here, and the last thing I want is to be made a fool out of in front of my club brothers… again.
“Fine.” Her eyes roll as she struts past me, out the door, and I ignore the grins on Dev and Ruckus’s faces as I follow her out.
“Aaron, before you start–”
“You keep callin’ me Aaron, and that's not who I am anymore,” I snap, hoping to gain some control over this situation. “I’m Wrath, I’m VP of this club and I’m tellin’ ya that you're comin’ home with me tonight.” I watch the way she blinks back at me in shock and have to try real hard not to give in and kiss her again.
“I promised Peyton I’d take care of the bird.” She smiles cleverly.
“Screw the fuckin’ bird. I’ll have Polly deal with it. I ain’t takin’ no for an answer.”
“Aaron, you’re–”
“Stop fuckin’ callin’ me that!” I growl through my teeth. “Aaron ain’t here anymore. Aaron is the boy that hurt you and Wrath is the man who’s gonna make sure nothin’ ever hurts you again. We ain’t arguin’ on this, you're comin’ home with me.” I stand firm.
“I made my friend a promise, and I have a perfectly good room here…” She makes me wanna throw my fist at the wall when she continues to argue. “...but, you can stay with me.” Her words cut off the argument I’m about to make. “And that’s a compromise.” She smiles before heading back inside looking all pretty and fuckin’ pleased with herself.
“Well, this isn’t awkward at all.” Eden comes outta her bathroom a few hours later and looks down at the floor where I’ve laid out a spare blanket. I swear she’s trying to fuckin’ tease me in the tight tank top and the shorts she’s got on.
“At least you can sleep, knowin’ that you’re safe. There's a murderer on the loose,” I remind her again, as I slam my fist into the over-stuffed cushion I took from the chair.
“Here.” She tosses me a pillow from the bed, and I take it gratefully and roll onto my side to face the wall.
She keeps the lamp beside her bed switched on, so I assume she’s gonna do some reading, and while we lie in the silence I let all the questions I have unanswered swirl round and round my head.
“Did you love him?” Eventually, the one that I keep coming back to lets itself out.
“Who, Mark?” she checks.
“How many others were there?” I feel my chest tighten when I imagine her being with any other guy but me, knowing about her ex-fiancé has been torture enough.
“I loved the idea of him. Like I said, he was sweet and kind. He loved his family and he treated me well. This side I’ve seen of him since I came here, is all new. I’m sure he’s doing it out of pride.”
“I’m glad he treated you well when you were together,” I admit, hating the idea of anyone hurting her after all she had to endure.
“I was never myself with him.” She surprises me when she carries the conversation further. “Looking back I realize it wasn’t just my name that was fake. All the laughs I made were fake too, and the smiles. I was always content, but never happy.”
I roll on my side so I’m facing her and when I see how sad she looks, all I wanna do is comfort her.
“How about you, were you ever in love?” she asks, biting her lip as she waits for my answer.
“Nah.” I prop my head up on my hand.
“Oh, c’mon. Look at you, you’re every woman's fuckin’ dream.” She makes that infectious laugh. “Do you really expect me to believe you’ve spent the past ten years being celibate?”
“Celibate, no, but never in love.” I shake my head. “There was never any chance of that happenin’.” Now would be the moment to tell her the truth, but she’s not ready to hear it anymore than I am to admit it.
“So you never pictured yourself settling down and having a family?” The way she studies me and waits for my answer makes me wanna kiss her like I did back home.
“I don’t know why we’re talkin’ about this shit. Go to sleep.” I snap, rolling back over and closing my eyes. Either this girl is really fuckin’ clueless, or she’s playing with me.
“Wrath.” Her voice comes out in a low whisper and sounds much closer than it did before, and when I feel her slide under the blanket that's covering me, I freeze.
“I thought about you every day.” Her hand slips under my arm and rests on my chest. “I know it was wrong but sometimes, when me and Mark were–”
“Don’t,” I warn her. Snatching at her wrist but not moving it away. I like how her hand feels on me, even if we are slipping into dangerous territory
“I just wanted to know how it’s been for you.” Her voice trembles and she gasps when I quickly turn around.
“You wanna know how it’s been?” I laugh, wondering if this is some kinda cruel game. “ I’ll tell ya how it’s been.” I stare back at her, letting her see the years of pain I’ve felt in my eyes.
“After I left here, the only emotion I could tolerate was hate. I hated the world and everyone in it, but most of all I hated myself. And yes, Eden, there were plenty of times I thought about settlin’ down and havin’ a family, but the girl I wanted to do all that with was fuckin’ dead.” She looks stunned as she takes in what I’m saying. “Can we go to fuckin’ sleep now?”
She nods her head slowly back at me, but instead of getting up like I expect her to she rests her head on the pillow and keeps her hand on my chest, feeling every fuckin’ beat of my heart as she drifts off to sleep.
“Aaron, are you payin’ attention?” My dad’s hand whacks the back of my head.
“Sure, I am,” I answer, continuing to pack the guns that he, Rex, and Mac plan on moving tonight.
“He’s thinkin’ about that girl again.” Rex snorts up a line and chuckles at me. “Ya know, the pretty, little thing that hangs out but don’t put out?” he adds, just to ensure he pisses me off.
“She’s Raze’s sister, not a whore,” I remind him, doing my best not to bite.
“Ya see Raze anywhere?” He grins, making me wanna smash his teeth into the back of his skull. I’m as certain as I can be, without evidence, that the fact Raze ain’t here right now has something to do with my father. Him getting arrested when he made that run across the border by himself all seemed a little bit too convenient. Especially now that my fathers knocked up Raze’s old lady. What bugs me the most is that everyone in this damn club is too scared to speak up about it.
“Raze is a club brother, and–”
“Calm down, kid.” My father kneads my shoulders. “Just focus on gettin’ these guns packed away.”
“Why we doin’ this here anyway? We’d have these packed and already be on our way if the others were helping.” I don’t like the shifty look that passes between Mac and Rex.
“The others ain’t in on this one, it’s a private job.” Dad lights himself a smoke and settles on a kitchen chair beside Mac.
“I thought–”
“Ya thought wrong. There are two sides to our club, Aaron. Jimmer Carson has his agenda, and I got mine. Your life ain’t ever gonna change when you're splittin’ earnings twelve ways. You gotta take the opportunities when they come,” he interrupts me again, and it’s really starting to piss me off.
“So, the others know about these private jobs?” I ask, knowing damn well that if they did we wouldn’t be packing this shit up in my dad’s kitchen. Before Raze got put away he had his suspicions, and ever since he’s been gone my dad seems to be reeling me in closer. It’s strange behavior for a man who, up to now, has always made me feel as if I don’t exist.
“Son, don’t mind yourself with the others, be grateful that I’m bringin’ you in on this.” He stares back at me as if I’m acting ungrateful. “There comes a time in man's life when he has to show his colors, and your time is comin’. Now, you can spend ya time dancin’ around the pool pit, showin’ off what Raze taught ya, and daydreamin’ over that cock-teasin’ little sister of his, or you can become somebody. Somebody who earns big, like we do.”
“The only thing I wanna earn is my cut.” I take the opportunity to remind him. He knows that any other prospect would have been patched in by now. I’ve been on my prospect probation for three years, and I know that the fact I asked Raze to mentor me is the reason my father’s held me back.
I don’t know what I ever did to make this man so determined to see me fail, but I sense there's some kinda power play behind it all.
With him it always comes down to power.
“I don’t like the idea of cuttin’ others out.” I show him my colors and stand up for what I believe in.
“Ya hear that Rex? Our boy here is ridin’ high on the moral high ground, and wonderin’ why he ain’t wearin’ the cut.” My father laughs.
“I’m not an idiot. I know what the Souls do is far from legal, we make our own rules, but if we ain’t stickin’ by them ru ? —”
‘Shhhh, I do hear somethin’, sounds like Raze talkin’ to me. But it can’t be, I hear he’s locked up in Boise” Mac laughs.
“You say that like I should be ashamed.” I narrow my eyes at him. Nothing would please me more than this fucker throwing the first punch. If he did, maybe, I could show him a little of what Raze has taught me.
“You’re pathetic.” Dad's head shakes as he laughs at me. “Go home, boy, run on back to your little girlfriend.” He snatches the rifle from my hand and as I head out the door, he shouts after me.
“Remember, you saw nothin’ here.”
“What’s the matter with you tonight, you're so tense.” Eden tries to loosen me up by tickling my ribs but it doesn’t work. I’m too focused on staring down Rex. He’s sitting on the other side of the room acting as if he ain’t deceiving everyone here and I don’t like the way he’s fuckin’ looking at her.
“I’m fine,” I lie, scowling at the club member who, like my dad, thinks that any unclaimed female that hangs out is fair game. It’s why I hate Eden being here. I’ve told her so many times that it's not safe and yet she keeps on showing her pretty, little face.
Her being Raze’s sister ain’t the only reason I can’t lay a claim on her, prospects don’t get those kinds of privileges.
“You are soooo not fine.” She laughs, looping her arms around mine and resting her head on my shoulder. I’m letting her get far too close to me, considering we can never be more than just friends but I can’t help liking how it feels.
“Come on, I’m takin’ ya home.” I stand up and take her hand in mine.
“Home? Aaron, I just got here.” She looks up at me as if I’m talking crazy.
“Why don’t you just have another drink and we can shoot some pool.”
She stands up and moves toward the pool table, hitching her ass up on its edge. “I might even let you win.” She winks.
“Come on, I’m not kiddin’. I don’t want ya here tonight.” I drag my hand through my hair in frustration and when the playful smile drops from her lips and she jumps back down, I see the disappointment building in her eyes as she steps toward me.
“I’m starting to think you don’t want me here at all,” she tells me, before barging her shoulder into mine and heading out the door. I look across the room toward Ruckus and he shakes his head. He knows how I feel about Eden, and he also likes to remind me how dangerous it is. The last thing I need from him right now is the ‘I told ya so’ speech.
“Eden, wait,” I call after her, ignoring all the heckles and cheers that follow me as I chase her out the door. “Eden, I said wait…” I yell and when she stops and turns around she’s not looking hurt anymore. She’s looking angry.
“Wait for what?” She shrugs.“For you to stop denying what's happening between us, or for you to humiliate me and sleep with one of your father’s whores?”
“What? Ede…I would never do th–”
“Why not?” she questions me, tilting her head. “I’m nothing to you, you haven’t ‘claimed’ me. I’m not your girl. You're the club president's son, you could walk back into that barroom and have whichever of those girls you wanted. So, why are you out here chasing me?”
I look away from her and try to find some fuckin’ calm.
“Come on, Aaron, tell me? Why are you out here following me, when you could be in there screwing around with one of them?” She stares at me blankly and when I offer her no explanation she laughs bitterly and turns on her heels again.
“Because I’m in love with ya.” I blurt the words out desperately before she can make it to the gate, and when she slowly turns around I wonder why the hell she looks so surprised.
“Aar—”
“No, you asked, and now you're gettin’ the answer.” I storm toward her. “I’m not in there screwin’ around, because the only person I want close to me is you. I’m in love with ya. I think about you as soon as I open my eyes. I dream about ya when I’m sleepin’, every thought that goes through my head involves you, somehow. But none of that matters, because I can’t have ya.”I swallow the lump in my throat as I raise my hand and let my thumb stroke over her flushed pink cheek.
“Because of a stupid club rule.” I watch a tear spill from the corner of her eye.
“Eden, it’s the code we all live by, and if we forget about that, we’re just thugs on motorbikes.” I need her to know that this hurts me just as much as it does her. I’ve got the perfect girl right in front of me, and knowing I can’t have her is a worse fuckin’ torture than anything Raze has ever taught me.
“Then speak to Raze, tell him how you feel, Aaron. Let him see this side of you,” she begs. “Because I love you too, and I want us to be together. I want us to…” She glances around the yard awkwardly and when her eyes drop down to my jeans, just the suggestion of what she might be thinking turns me hard.
“It’s not that easy.” I shake my head. “If it was...” I have to bite my lip to stop myself from kissing her.
“Aaron, I’ve never…you know, been with anyone before. I really need it to be you.” Her cheeks go even pinker and she’s so fuckin’ adorable, I wanna wrap her up and keep her safe from the whole wicked world.
“You don’t know what you're sayin’.” I shake my head and slide my hand away.
“I know what I want, I don’t want to lose my virginity to some drunk college boy. I want it to mean something. And who better to give it to, than the person you love?” She smiles me that cute, innocent smile that never fails to make me weaken.
“Fuck.” I look up at the starry sky and wonder why God hates me so much.
“I’m not worth that, Eden, I’m a prospect biker, I’m not the good guy you think I am. I’ve done things.”
“I know that, and I don’t care, you're not that person when you’re with me. When I’m with you, I feel safe and cared for. Aaron, how long are you gonna pretend that we can go on like this?” She steps closer and takes my hand. “I’ve thought this through, I’ve even taken precautions.”
“Precautions?” I stare at her in shock.
“I went to a family planning clinic last month and got an implant. I’ve been thinking about this for a long time. I didn’t want anything to stand in our way when the moment came.” She laughs at herself as if she’s embarrassed. “Come on, Aaron. Raze loves you, if you tell him what you just told me, he’ll accept us. He wouldn’t want us to be unhappy.”
I wanna believe she’s right, but Raze has been locked up for six months, now. I’ve never been to jail, but I hear it can turn a man pretty fuckin’ bitter.
“Okay.” I nod my head, dragging her closer and burying her head into my chest. “I’ll speak to Monkhouse and ask him to organize a visit for me as soon as he can.” Kissing the top of her head, I breathe her in and curse myself for giving us both hope.
“And if Raze gives us the approval?” She looks up at me, with wide, hopeful eyes and I check around us before I snatch her up off her feet and pin her to the wall.
“Then there'll be nothin’ that stands in our way.” I take her lips and kiss them softly. “Thank you,” I whisper as I’m pulling away.
“For what?” She laughs again.
“For wantin’ it to be me. That makes me feel real special.”
“You are special, Aaron Adams.” I steal another kiss before I take her to the cage and drive her home.