Chapter 34
“ Q uick, I don’t know if they’ve followed me.” I jump out of Peyton’s car and rush to get into the passenger seat of Laura’s.
“What the hell happened?” She looks at the bent out-of-shape hood in shock and reminds me that I now owe Peyton a car.
“Just start the engine and head for the fight.” I check the wing mirror nervously. I can only imagine how furious my brother will be when he realizes I’ve left. Not to mention, the fact I almost ran over one of his prospects. Laura wastes no time in getting us away, and her wheels screech loudly as she takes off
“So, what have you got for me? It better be good because I’ve just got myself into some real trouble to hear it.”
Laura’s eyes keep flicking up at the rearview mirror. She looks petrified and I hate that I’ve put her in this position.
“Laura, I need to know what dirt you have on your brother.” I need her to start talking, and when she remains silent I start paying attention to the direction she’s heading in and get confused.
“The fight is back that way, why are you heading for–”
“I’m sorry.” My friend turns her head to look at me, and as guilt fills her eyes, I feel something sharp jab into my neck.
“I’m sorry, Eden. I promise it won’t hurt you. This is all for your own good.” She tells me through her tears as her face turns into a blur and the lights on the road start to flicker. I feel myself drifting off and battle so hard to stay awake, but everything is black now and all I can hear are those same words over and over again.
“I’m sorry.”
“I told you not to use that, she’s been out far too long.” I hear a female voice, one that even in my groggy state I know belongs to Mark’s mom, Trisha.
“You said it would be a last resort.” Laura sounds angry.
“She was clearly starting to panic, what if she’d grabbed the wheel? We could have been killed.”
Mark? That was definitely Mark’s voice. I fight against the heaviness that keeps my eyes closed and when I manage to get them open I realize that the entire Collard family is staring over me.
“Thank God, you're awake.” Laura throws herself on top of me, while Mark clears his throat and backs away.
“We’re sorry about that, dear.” Trisha flashes me her fake smile before her eyes glare over to Mark. Her head shakes in disgust and when Laura finally gets off me, I slowly try to sit up.
“Don’t move too fast, you're probably still drowsy,” she warns, offering me some support. I shrug her away when everything that happened in the car comes back to me.
“ You drugged me? ” I stare at my best friend, feeling betrayed.
“ I didn’t, he did.” Her head turns to her brother, who is casually sitting in a chair in the corner, sipping a scotch.
“Like I said, she was starting to panic.” He speaks to her as if she’s an idiot and it makes me wonder how I ever considered being married to him. “None of that matters now, she’s come around and you're fine. Aren’t you, sweetheart?” Trisha lifts up a glass from the table beside her and offers it to me.
“Here drink this, it’s just water. I’ve read about the side effects. Your mouth must be dry.” She smiles as if I haven’t just been fucking kidnapped and I look between all three of them, waiting for someone to offer me an explanation.
“What the hell is all this about? Laura, I need to get to the fight before Aaron gets hurt.”
“Relax, the fight has been dealt with.” Mr Collard steps into view again, I’d almost forgotten he was here. His participation in all of this throws me completely off. Grahame’s a quiet man and one who’s impossible to read. He never gets involved with anything. “The fight was stopped about an hour ago, the local PD got an anonymous tip.” He looks at his wife and raises his eyebrows. And suddenly, all this starts to make sense. If Aaron doesn’t fight I can’t buy the business back from Mark. What I can’t understand, is why I’m here.
“This is crazy, you can’t just take me against my will.” I can feel the panic building in my chest. These people can’t be right in the head.
“Technically, we didn’t take you against your will, you got into Laura’s car very freely.” Mark sniggers as he knocks back the last of his glass.
“Why am I here?” I slide my fingers over my forehead when it starts pounding, the lights in the chandelier in the Collard’s living room are far too bright.
“Because I needed to speak to ya.” A voice I don’t recognize comes from behind me and when I slowly turn around and see an old man wearing a very worn Dirty Souls cut, I know instantly who he is. He’s tall, even with his slightly hunched back, and although his skin looks too saggy for his face, I can still see that he has the same eyes as Raze.
“Dad?” I stare at him, not knowing how I feel about him being here. Part of me wants to run to him, to wrap my arms around him and check that he’s real. The other part of me wants to cause him pain. And not the physical kind, the same kind he’s put me through.
“I never thought I’d hear ya say that.” A smile lifts on his wrinkled mouth as he shuffles toward the chair beside mine and when Mr Collard offers to help him into, it he shoos him away.
“I’m not a fuckin’ invalid, Grahame, don’t treat me like one.” He coughs repeatedly as he lowers himself into the chair, then makes everyone stare at him in shock when he takes the pipe from the inside of his cut.
“You two know each other?” I glance between him and Mr Collard, and then when I look across to Laura again, I see even more guilt on her face.
“Me and Grahame, here, go back a long way.” He looks up at Mr Collard and the grin they exchange tells me I’ve been reading Mark and Laura’s father very wrong.
“I used to be a member of the Utah charter, back when I was?—”
“We don’t talk about those days anymore, do we, Grahame?” Trish interrupts him, still not letting her fake smile slip as she pours herself a vodka from the bar.
“ You were a Soul? ” I stare at him in shock.
“For a while, it was a rebellion against my parents to start with. I soon learned that the lifestyle wasn’t for me, but I always upheld my loyalty. Especially to the brothers who were good to me.” He places his hand on my father’s shoulder.
“All this time, did you know that I was here?” I ask him, feeling my eyes sting from the tears they’re forming.
“Sweetheart, I’m the reason you were here,” he tells me, sounding as if he expects me to be grateful.
“No.” I shake my head as I look at each member of the Collard family, and suddenly I notice how guilty they look, even Mark.
“I met you at college, we were on the same course.” I frown at Laura, my best friend, the person who’s been by my side for the past ten years.
“It was Laura’s interest in fashion that gave me the idea,” my father admits. “Grahame was always talkin’ about how keen she was to be a designer when we spoke. I knew from what Jimmer and your brother had told me, that you were into the same kinda thing. At first, I just wanted you to have a friend, someone ya could talk to.” He somehow makes his tone go soft through his deep, scratchy voice.
“A friend, but not a father?” I stand up in anger, and even though my feet feel a little wobbly, I manage to stay up on them.
“Don’t get mad, not until you’ve heard me out.” He narrows his eyes at me.
“Oh, I have to listen now, now that you're ready to explain?” I can feel my anger building. I don’t feel ready for this conversation. I’ve been blindsided and I wish Raze or Aaron could be here with me.
“Yes, Eden, ya have to listen because you're about to make a huge mistake. One I’ve been tryin’ so hard to help you avoid.”
“So, my friendship with you,” I look from Laura to Mark, “and my relationship with you was all based on a lie?” The thought puts a hollow feeling in my chest.
“To be fair, you were the one with the fake identity.” Mark gets up from his chair and tops himself up.
“You… You were going to marry me! Why… because your daddy told you to?” I stare at him in disbelief. Up until now I always thought he was so powerful and in control.
“No, Eden .” He starts walking toward me. “I was going to marry you because I fell in love with you.” There's a raw pain in his eyes that doesn’t just make me believe him, it makes me feel a little sorry for him too.
“We were supposed to be like a surrogate family to you,” Trisha interrupts, looking across to my father warily as she takes her son’s arm and pulls him slightly back from me. “Your father wanted you to enjoy all the holidays and family vacations. He just wanted to give you all the things he couldn’t.” The way she looks down her nose tells me that she was never happy about the arrangement. “Nothing about what Mark felt for you was faked. Believe me, I tried to talk him out of it. The fool fell in love.” The way she looks at her son has him ripping his arm away from her, angrily.
“There's nothing foolish about being in love, Mom. Maybe if you tried it yourself you might have an idea–”
“That's enough!” Mr Collard shouts over him, pointing his finger and scolding him like a child.
“Eden, I promise I never had to fake it, either. I loved spending time with you. I had no idea that Dad had been involved with the club, or your real father until the day I argued with them. I came to the club to tell you that, but I couldn’t.” Laura takes my hand, her tears look genuine and so does her disappointment. “When Dad first told me I was going to study in Utah, instead of here, I was so scared. It seemed so far from home and I’ve never been good at making friends.”
“You were told to make friends with me.” Saying the words out loud makes them hurt even more. Knowing our friendship was staged for her seems like the worst betrayal of all.
“At first, yes. But I’d only spent a few hours with you before I knew we were going to be real friends. None of it ever felt fake to me.”
“I can’t take all of this in.” I sit back down when I start to go dizzy.
“Eden, I know it’s hard to understand but your father was only looking out for you. He was trying to give you a life you deserved.” Grahame tries to make all this sound justifiable.
“Do you know how bad I used to feel lying to all of you?” I look around the family that used to be mine, who now suddenly feel like strangers. “I had to make up a past that didn’t exist because I was so ashamed of who I was, and where I came from. Everyone around here knows who the Souls are, and I did everything I could to make sure you never found out I was one of the girls repeatedly raped by Cliff Adams.”
“ What? ” I can tell by the shock on my dad’s face that this is the first he’s hearing about it. His skin has turned white and I swear I can feel the heat coming from the anger in his eyes. “Are you tellin’ me that he…?”
“Yes, Dad, that’s what happened.”
“No, Stacey said that you were at the house, she said you were hangin’ out there. She never said anythin’ about you bein’ raped.” I see his fury getting stronger.
“I know, I’ve spoken to her since. She thought I was on the same path as her, she thought I was just a young girl hanging out with the wrong crowd. But she got it wrong. And you got it wrong when you thought this whole fake family charade was what I needed. All I needed you. ” The tears I’ve been holding back release, and my father lowers his head. “That’s when I needed you, Dad , not now when I’m happy. This whole ‘drugging me to get me away from the club’ is ridiculous. Aaron loves me. He was at that tournament tonight, fighting to get me the money to…” My voice fades out when I realize something, and I quickly turn back to look at Mark. “You were still going to blackmail me, use the business against me even when you knew all this?”
“He was followin’ my orders.” Vex’s voice comes out weak, and when I look back at him he’s looking guilty.
“I was the one who invested that money into you. I may not have been present in your life but that doesn’t mean I didn’t want ya to have the best of it.” He coughs and splutters some more. “Grahame told me how ya would talk about ownin’ your own studio, and that it was your dream to make costumes for the movies. I made it happen because that was all I could do for ya.” He manages to get out his words and when Grahame offers him some water he shakes his head in refusal.
“So, you ordered him to use that dream to blackmail me back into a life that I didn’t want?” I let him see how much that hurts me.
“I’m prepared to do anythin’ I have to, to keep you away from the club,” he tells me, with determination eliminating the guilt from his eyes. “I don’t want this kinda life for ya. Your mother would’ve wanted better.”
“You don’t get to talk about my mother. And you don’ t get to choose.” I shake my head at him. “Aaron makes me happy. Raze is an amazing brother, even if he isn’t quite sure of it yet, and he’s doing amazing things, not just for the club but for Long Beach too. You weren’t there for me when I was a kid. You weren’t there for me when I was going through all that shit with Cliff, and I won’t have you storm into my life now, and take all that’s good away from me!” I’m not crying out of hurt anymore, I’m crying out of anger.
“While you were planning all this, did it never occur to you that I might have just needed my dad?” I stare across at him, waiting for an answer.
“I’m not the dad you need.” He swallows thickly, his eyes filling with tears. “Just ask Raze.” His voice is full of emotion.
“Raze loves you. He hates the way you treat him, but he loves you,” I tell the stubborn, old fool.
“Can we have the room, please?” Vex lifts his head to Mr Collard, who quickly gathers his family and ushers them out the door.
“Eden, I can see that you're a strong girl, so I’m gonna give this to ya straight. I wasn’t put on this earth to be anybody’s father. I train men how to kill, I train ‘em how to torture, and how to withstand bein’ tortured themselves. I am not the kinda man you need in your life.” He looks a little tortured himself, but I’m not taking that as an excuse.
“You know what? I’m sick of this. I’m sick of all of it. You, Raze, Aaron, you're all the same. You all decided you knew what was best for me and I had to suffer the consequences. Feeling like you weren’t good enough is a lame excuse. I should have been the one who got to make that call!”
I realize that I’m yelling, and try to compose myself.
“When Raze first told me about ya, I acted shocked. I had to because I knew he’d be ashamed of me if he knew the truth.”
“And what is the truth?” I wonder what more revelations can come from this conversation.
“That I already knew you existed,” he admits, closing his eyes. “Your momma let me know when you were born, she told me that you were bein’ adopted by a nice family who lived by the beach. She was givin’ ya the best chance at a good life and she made me promise never to ruin it.” I feel a cramp in my stomach when I hear him speak about her. I know from talking to the adoption agency that she died not long after I was born.
“At the time I took the call, I had three dead men laid out in front of me. I remember starin’ at them really hard, focusin’ on all the bad things I’d done to them, just to stop me from imaginin’ what you might have looked like,” he admits. “It was a closed adoption. I had no way of findin’ out where you’d gone. I hated that. But I hated the idea of you knowin’ who I was, more. You should never have gone to the club lookin’ for me.” He places his oxygen mask over his face and inhales.
“I’m never going to regret it. I found Raze, I found Aaro–”
“Aaron,” he shakes his head and laughs. “The hero who fucked ya in front of eight men to earn his cut.” He puts it so crudely that I want to launch one of Trish’s elaborate horse ornaments at him.
“That’s not how it happened. Cliff put us in a position of him or them, and I begged for it to be him.” He closes his eyes as if hearing it out loud causes him pain. “Aaron was protecting me!” I make that point very fucking clear.
“Aaron should be dead!” He grits the words out through his teeth. “He should have taken on all eight of those men before he allowed you to go through that.”
“Can you hear yourself?” I laugh at him “When did you ever fight for me, Dad ?”
“I… I’ve tried fixin–”
“Asking this family to take me on wasn’t the fix I needed. I needed you . I needed my family. Not this one.”
“All I ever did was what I thought was best.”
“And that’s exactly what everyone else has done. Aaron, leaving me after it happened. Raze, keeping his distance so I wouldn’t be drawn back to the club. You hate them for what they did to me, but you did exactly the same thing. Is this the life you think I want?” I look around the Collard’s luxurious living room. “It’s not. It never was. I want the life I’m living, right now. Me and Aaron together, the way it always should have been. A brother who proves to me he cares every single day, and friends. Real fucking friends . I know the club is dangerous. I know there will always be a risk but that's my choice.”
Vex goes to speak but I interrupt him.
“Do you know that, right now, Raze has Cliff Adams? He has him at the warehouse where he made Aaron take my virginity, and he’s ensuring that I never have to worry about him again.”
“At the warehouse, huh?” Vex nods his head as if he’s impressed.
“Did you know that Cliff was in town? Is that why you're here?”
“You tell enough men who ya don’t trust, what ya want your enemy to know, eventually it’ll get back to him.” His smirk is a devious one.
“So, you're the reason Cliff came here?”
“Raze wanted to draw him out, I helped push him in the right direction.” He shrugs.
“How?” For a hermit who never leaves his cabin, my father seems to orchestrate a lot.
“I told a few people that Grimm found out his Mom was bein’ watched and that he asked the guys from Long Beach to take her and keep her hidden.”
“You put Anita in danger? The whole point of Aaron taking her was to keep her safe.”
“A woman loved by Cliff Adams is never safe. And no, I didn’t put Anita in any danger. Ever since I heard you were back in Long Beach, I’ve had my own men watchin’ the club. Cliff was never gonna get close to ya. Me and Errol go way back and I knew Raze would be loyal to him when he took over Long Beach, Cliff would’ve known the same. Which is why he totally bought the story that Anita had bein’ hidden in his whorehouse.” He looks proud of himself, and when he goes to stand up I get confused.
“Where are you going? This conversation isn’t over.” I watch him hobble his way to the door.
“No, but I’m gonna have to put it on hold.” He smiles back at me. “I was happy for your brother to end Cliff because I knew it was important for the club, but that was before I knew what he did to ya. Now that I do, it’s me that’s gonna take that fucker’s last breath.” He reaches for the door and I quickly rush to get in front of him. I ignore the woozy feeling it gives me as I slam my hand over his.
“I’m coming with you,” I tell him firmly.
“No, you’re gonna stay here and when I’m done, we’ll pick up where we left off.” He shakes his head.
“Are you sorry for what happened? Knowing what you know now if you could go back and do it all differently, would you?” I look deep into his eyes, beyond his anger, and deeper than his guilt.
“Yes,” he answers me, softly and sincerely.
“You can’t change the past, but you can learn from it. Take me with you, let me watch the man who hurt me suffer. Don’t make this decision for me.”
He blows out a heavy breath and stares back at me, and just when I think he’s going to argue, he opens the door and gestures for me to go through it.
“You just took the right road toward being forgiven.” I press a kiss on his rough, stubbly jaw before stepping out into the Collard’s hall. I ignore each one of them as I head outside and get into the black truck that I know will belong to my father, and when I jump into the driver’s seat he gives me a stern look but doesn’t argue.