Chapter 12
TWELVE
JAX
T he knots of apprehension in my stomach refused to loosen as I stared intently at the woman. She arrived at the camp a few minutes earlier, out of breath and panting, her face flushed from exertion.
And her pulse… It thundered in her neck. I found my gaze drawn there instinctually as hunger rose, swift and brutal.
Calm yourself, Jax, I internally chastised myself, even as my stomach throbbed.
Things hadn’t been quite as bad this time around. The voices were quiet, the walls were still, and hallucinations didn’t plague my every waking moment. But the hunger persisted, regardless, clawing at my dry throat and demanding I give in.
The woman accepted a cup of water from Mali gratefully. As she drank from the cup, my gaze once again snagged on her throat, on her steadily thrumming pulse.
Just one sip.
One sip.
One—
I turned away with gritted teeth and willed myself to regain control. I wouldn’t feed on this poor human woman, no matter how thirsty I was. Hell, I wasn’t even sure if I could feed on Z in my current state.
When I was starving myself—and consequently going insane because of it—I became numb to the incessant gnawing in my stomach, demanding I consume blood. It didn’t dissipate, but it became…background noise, easier for me to tune out. But when I began to feed again, courtesy of Aaliyah, the times I prohibited myself from taking blood became even more noticeable. It was a dull ache that refused to alleviate, no matter what I did.
I hadn’t drunk from anyone since Z disappeared with Bash over a week ago.
And I had a feeling if I consumed blood now, I would drain the human dry.
Even Z.
The mere thought twisted up my insides. I would need to be supervised if I fed off of her. All of my brothers would need to be there to stop me from taking too much, too soon.
I couldn’t allow that to happen.
Fear-laced adrenaline charged through me.
No, I would sooner starve myself than risk anything happening to Z.
I forced myself to return my attention to the human woman. The spy. She appeared older, maybe in her mid-thirties, but had ageless, almost regal features on a heart-shaped face. Golden curls tumbled down her back. Dirt stuck to her cheeks, and there was a twig woven in her hair. Besides that, she appeared relatively unharmed.
“Z’s on her way,” Killian said, inching a tentative step forward.
The woman—who’d introduced herself as Jade—scrambled backwards through the cumbersome grass, fear splayed across her face, causing her mouth and eyes to widen simultaneously. Killian froze, frowned, and then moved backwards until he stood a few feet away from the woman. He lowered his head in shame.
“He won’t hurt you,” Mali whispered, though her voice still carried. “He’s one of the Liberator’s mates. I know the horns and tail look scary?—”
“It’s not because of that,” Jade replied harshly. Unlike Mali, she didn’t bother to keep her voice down. Keen eyes landed on Killian and narrowed. “He’s an incubus. I’ve seen what his kind does to humans.”
A delicate tremor worked its way through her.
Killian looked as if he was going to be sick.
“He wouldn’t do that,” Mali assured her softly. “Even if he wasn’t in love with Z, he would never force himself on anyone.”
“I’m just going to…” Killian gestured vaguely over his shoulder and then took off without a word, his shoulders slumped and his head lowered.
Jade let out a breath of relief when he was out of sight, though she didn’t completely relax. Her eyes continued to shift in my direction, as if she were waiting for me to snap.
And how close she was to the truth…
I squeezed my eyelids shut and turned away, forcing myself to breathe through my nose.
I would not let my hunger control me.
Not again.
Not ever.
The crackling of leaves and the snapping of twigs preceded Z stepping into the clearing. I didn’t spot Dair—probably because it would be hard for his wheelchair to traverse the forest—but she stood between Devlin, Bash, and Ryland.
Z frowned when she saw me. “Where’s Killian and Lupe?”
“Kill just left,” Mali answered, remaining knelt beside the woman. “But I don’t know where Lupe is.”
Z nodded and lowered herself to her knees before the spy. Her tone turned softer, almost friendlier, and I swore my heart went through a pressure chamber at the sound. I loved Z all the time, but there was something about her softness that melted me. It was so rare to see that I treasured each moment like the gift it was.
“Hello. My name is Z, and?—”
“I know who you are.” Jade bowed her head reverently, a heady flush in her cheeks. “Liberator.”
Z’s upper lip curled in distaste. “Just Z works.”
Jade appeared as if she wanted to protest, her lips moving without any sound escaping, before she nodded once. “Of course. Whatever you say, Lib—Z.”
Ryland stepped forward, his features completely obscured by shadows. “You said you saw Aaliyah?”
“I did.” Worry lined the space between her brows. “I was in charge of watching her stronghold. Reporting any changes.”
“And?” Z pressed.
“For the most part, I didn’t see anything. Aaliyah remained inside of her castle. But the other day, I noticed something concerning.” Her lips puckered. “Aaliyah was on the balcony with a man. I didn’t recognize him, but he had…bald patches on his head. Was super skinny. Gaunt. Frail.”
“S,” Z whispered, and my heart ached for her.
S had been her boyfriend post-Devlin but before she met the rest of us. She had loved him, until shifters had killed him, the same way they murdered her parents.
But apparently, S hadn’t died, despite what Z believed. Devlin, who was nearby, made a deal with the human and stored his soul inside of his lamp. S’s brother, and one of Z’s oldest friends, made a deal to retrieve the stolen soul and freed S.
Somehow, a confused S ended up at Aaliyah’s castle, and the dark magic erupting from the hell pit corrupted him. He was no longer the man Z fell in love with, but a twisted, demented version of him who did Aaliyah’s bidding.
“Obviously, I couldn’t hear what they were saying, but they were joined on the balcony by another…creature.” A tremor reverberated through the woman. “Aaliyah said something to the creature, and then he left the castle, followed by hundreds and hundreds of others like him. I followed them for as long as I could, but I knew I needed to get back here and warn you. It appeared as if they were heading towards the capital.”
Terror skated down my spine.
“What did the creature look like?” Z demanded, but Jade shook her head.
I didn’t know if it was because she refused to answer or if it was because she didn’t know how to describe it.
Either way, fear barraged me from every direction, and I knew that emotion was echoed in my family.
Aaliyah had the ability to free extinct supernatural creatures from hell itself, using a pit inside of her castle. She had done it before, in an attempt to kidnap Z. A gorgon, a fae, a kraken, a wyvern. What else did that bitch have in store for us? She was even able to free gargoyles to guard her old stronghold.
“This is bad. Very, very bad,” Bash murmured.
“No shit,” Ryland snarked.
“Thank you, Jade,” Z said formally, not pushing for more answers. It was apparent we wouldn't get them at the moment. “Please come find me if you remember anything else. And go see Davia for your next assignment.”
The woman nodded, shakily got to her feet, and then hurried away without a word.
“I’ll make sure she arrives safely,” Mali told Z with a tentative smile.
Once the two women were out of sight, Z spun on us, a tight frown on her face.
“This isn’t good. At all. What is Aaliyah planning?”
“We should have someone following that army,” Devlin said, his mind probably already spinning with battle plans. He and Lupe were good at this—leading. They did so with an effortless grace that was almost enviable. “If Jade ran straight here, then they shouldn’t be too far ahead.”
“Do you think they’re heading for the kings?” Z worried her lip with her teeth.
“It’s a possibility,” Ryland said, some of the shadows lifting from his face. His ice-blue eyes gleamed in the rising sun. “Aaliyah may want to free the kings to have them on her side in the battle to come.”
“We’ll need to warn our troops stationed nearby,” Devlin added. “Tell them not to engage until we know more.”
“If Aaliyah manages to free the kings, then we’ll need to fight her, them, and whatever nightmares remain loyal to them,” Z pointed out, and renowned terror permeated the air.
We all knew that was one battle we might not survive. All of them individually? It was possible. But together? I shivered and attempted to force air into my spasming lungs. I accidentally inhaled too deeply and caught a whiff of Z’s sweet, natural scent.
The hunger returned with a vengeance.
My teeth lengthened, and I felt a growl crawling up my throat, buzzing like an electric saw. I quickly turned away before anyone could see my reaction.
Fortunately, they were all too preoccupied with the problem at hand to notice anything was amiss with me.
“I was giving this a lot of thought,” Devlin began, tapping his fingers against his pants rhythmically. “Remember Dair’s theory? Aaliyah is somehow able to exacerbate the sins of nightmares, so it stands to reason that you can calm them. And it worked, didn’t it? Not just with us but with the mages.”
“Whatever do you mean?” Agitated color crept into her cheeks.
“The mages are actively helping, Z,” Devlin continued. “They’re not just sitting on the sidelines. They’re using their magic to make change. To save lives. They’re being…diligent.”
Z winced as if she’d been slapped, and I could tell she wanted to argue. But there was nothing she could say that would change the situation. Everything Devlin said was true. We had discussed this before, in detail, but hadn’t confessed our theory to Z. We knew it would freak her out.
“Why would Lilith allow this to happen?” Z threw her hands in the air, exasperation tinging her tone.
“We have no idea what her plans are. We only know what we’ve seen with our own two eyes.” Devlin gently placed his hands on her shoulders, steadying her. “The mages are changing, Z, and we believe that the rest of the nightmares will begin to as well once their trials are completed.”
Z opened and closed her mouth repeatedly. She glanced at Ryland first, whose shadows flickered around him like a cloak, and then at Bash. Finally, her gaze settled on mine, and the intensity in her eyes singed my already frazzled nerves.
“Okay.” Z sucked in a sharp breath. “Okay. Okay. Okay. Let’s head back to the tent and talk about this.”
“I’ll join you guys in a bit,” I said, focusing on a swaying tree branch just above her head.
At one point, there would be blood dripping from the leaves onto the ground. I could still hear the repetitive drip-drip-drip in my head, taunting me, reminding me of what would occur if I didn’t feed.
“Jax? Are you okay?” Z eyed me with concern.
“I’m fine.” I tried to offer her a smile, but it felt shaky around the edges.
I hadn’t smiled in so fucking long, I had almost forgotten how to do it.
She didn’t look convinced.
Determination swept through me, filling every single cell of my body.
I needed to get a handle on my bloodlust, and soon. Maybe once I cleared my head, it would be better, more manageable. Or maybe I’d attack her at the first opportunity.
I winced at the thought.
First, I needed to discuss this with her and my brothers. Come up with a plan. Maybe they could tie me down so I didn’t take more than was necessary. They would, of course, have to be in the room with us.
I didn’t trust myself.
God, I hated that fact, but it was the truth.
I still remembered the last girl I drank from who wasn’t Z…
I squeezed my eyelids shut to block out the memories. Sasha had been just a child, and because of me, her life had ended too damn soon.
I’d been doing better. So much better. But that was when I’d been drinking regularly. I hadn’t gone this long without drinking since my self-imposed diet.
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.
“I’ll be there in a bit,” I reassured them again.
And I would. We were a family and would solve this as one. But I needed to get my head on straight before then. The fresh air would do wonders for dispelling the cobwebs.
“Five minutes, Jax,” Devlin warned, “or I’m dragging your ass inside. No one should be alone right now.”
I nodded and then watched them walk away.
I didn’t understand what was wrong with me, why I felt so out of control. Or…maybe that was a lie. Maybe I did understand.
In a lot of ways, I was a newborn vampire when it came to the bloodlust. I had yet to perfect controlling my gluttonous urges. I went years without drinking even a droplet of blood, then months splurging on so much that I felt sick just thinking about it.
Then, we lost Z to Aaliyah, and I was without my blood source for weeks. I began to lose myself to the seductive pull of insanity. When we got her back, I was able to feed on her, and coherence returned. Was that why I was struggling after such a short period? Because I was an addict who had just gotten his fix, only to be cut off once more?
I hated my sin.
Hated it.
Hated the constant thirst for blood. The gluttonous urge to take, take, take, take.
A burst of bright light cut through the darkness with the precision of a knife. I winced, turning away, and attempted to protect myself from the sudden wave of blistering heat. The light faded, but my assessment of my surroundings extinguished any relief I might have felt.
I was in a room with blood-red walls and carpeting. Hell, even the ceiling was painted that garish color. A single bed rested against the far wall, and an opened door revealed a bathroom opposite it.
But there was no door out of the room.
What the fuck?
“No. No. No. No.” I began to pound my fist against the closest wall, then claw at it.
The anvil in my chest made it hard to breathe.
What the fuck was this?
But even as the thought popped into existence, I knew. I fucking knew.
It was the next trial.
And it involved isolating an already starving vampire.
I slowly folded in on myself like old, brittle paper, and an anguished moan ripped free of my lips. How long would I stay trapped here? What was Lilith’s plan?
I knew I would emerge from this room in one of two ways. Either I would lose my mind yet again and struggle to distinguish fantasy from reality.
Or I would lose myself to the bloodlust and want nothing more than to kill, kill, kill.
And if Z was in here with me…
Terror like I’d never felt before nestled in my stomach.
I tried to tell myself that I would never hurt her, that I would sooner stab myself in the chest than lay a finger she didn’t want on her flesh, but I knew my promises were in vain. The vampire who left this room wouldn’t be the same one who went in.
I might not be able to stop myself before I did something I could never take back.
Like drain the only woman I’d ever loved.