Chapter 10
I groaned, feeling the slackening in the GPS thread connecting me to Carmine.
Heading this way. Dammit.
I folded the letter to Tempest and tucked it in the pocket of a dress in my wardrobe. One of the Magus-earth-demon gowns that Carmine pretended to like for my sake. He wouldn’t go near it.
Returning to the bed, I shoved the rest of the blank paper under my blankets, then replaced the ink and quill on the small desk that I’d never used until yesterday.
The door opened.
I picked up my goblet and walked into the bathroom. “Most people knock.”
“Most people aren’t king,” Carmine answered.
His tone was casual. No anger. Some uncertainty?
As I filled the goblet from the sink faucet, he called, “I haven’t seen much of you.”
“I was there for the play last night.”
And I’d seen none of it while plotting how to get word to Tempest. I’d moved through each Magus method of communication in turn and strategized ways to adapt them to my means. Nothing. After all that, I’d landed on… snail mail.
Incriminating snail mail. I had no idea how to get my letter through the gate without Carmine sensing me there.
Athira could help. But that would mean passing over evidence to her that could take me out.
I’d avoid that if possible, especially because if I could get the letter through the gate, then I could banish it to Tempest. Which Athira couldn’t do.
Now that Carmine mentioned it, I hadn’t uttered more than a few words to him at the play.
He sat on the bed, and my heart sputtered thinking about the sheets of paper on his right, under the blanket. There wasn’t anything written on those, right? I’d just swept everything up without checking.
I entered the room again and sipped at my water.
He watched me. “Syera, our conversation in the archives yesterday must have come as a shock to you.”
Mother be, that? Was that why I “wasn’t speaking to him”? Sure, why not? “You could say that.”
“I hadn’t thought children were on your mind.”
“Are you kidding? I’m nearly twenty-one.
Got to get started soon.” I set the goblet down.
“Carmine, I don’t want to have this conversation.
You’ve made up your mind. I’ll be your mate-intended that you don’t want to fuck because you don’t want her to have children, just like you don’t want her to have choice.
Don’t come in here and try to patch things over when you have no intention to compromise. ”
“Demons don’t compromise,” was his reply.
I shook my head, but this was kind of fun. No wonder some women chose the crazy and possessive route. “My body is ready for you, Carmine, and you’re not interested. You’ve never been interested.”
He frowned. “That’s not true. You haven’t wanted me close.”
“I’ve always wanted you,” I exploded, rounding on him.
“How many times do I need to throw myself at you? Oh, that’s right.
After all this time, you’re only now telling me that you’d decided on a celibate, child-free life long before starting our mating ritual.
Five years of rejection, and there won’t be a sixth year. I’m done begging you for pleasure.”
Carmine had blinked at least five times during that speech. “Enamai, you ran from the fortress three years ago. You have rejected me. Not the other way around.”
“No, I didn’t!” I paused, then thought for a moment, then shook my head. “No I didn’t.” I winced as if in pain, then rubbed my temples. “Did I? I don’t…”
This was the most fun I’d had in five years.
Carmine stood and approached me with raised hands. “Enamai, it’s okay. I’ve misremembered.”
Must be time to cry.
I sniffed. “Why would you say something like that? Do you like me crazy?”
I liked me crazy.
Carmine wrapped his arms around me. Weird. I couldn’t recall if we’d hugged. Ever. He’d curved around me during and after sex. I’d rested my head on his chest. But this hug was unprecedented.
Unnatural. Totally authentic on his behalf. Gross.
I sniffed again. “I don’t understand why you won’t breed with me. Why you won’t reconsider?”
A laugh almost escaped me, and I clamped down hard. I should quit while I was ahead. I couldn’t refer to breeding with a straight face.
Carmine trailed fingers up and down my spine, and I sighed, melting into him like the unhinged girlfriend I was.
He hesitated. “Maybe one day, when my enemies are defeated. Maybe then a child will be possible.”
“Nice to see where my happiness ranks,” I muttered.
“I’m leaving for Luther territory tonight.”
Nothing like a subject change. My eyes widened, though, because all of a sudden, there was a solution to my problem.
“I want to come,” I said.
“No.”
This was the perfect chance to get a letter to Tempest. I shoved away from Carmine. “That’s right. I forgot that I have no choice.” I whirled on him. “I’m meant to be queen one day. Hold a senior position in the army.”
“For appearances only. A queen has never been to war.”
“What about a mate-intended?”
Carmine’s gaze narrowed. “A king would never risk his mate. I will not risk you.”
“You won’t risk your power, you mean,” I sneered.
“That’s all I am to you. You don’t need me for sex.
You don’t need me for children. You don’t even want to complete the mating ritual.
I can’t believe I’ve been so blinded by my love for you for five years!
How am I meant to believe anything you say? ”
There was a real chance that I loved this.
A flash of confusion passed through his gaze, and I stormed into the bathroom and slammed the door. “Get out.”
I turned on the shower, then grinned at my reflection in the mirror. Carmine had no clue what to do with a crazy mate. When I snuck out the gates after the army, Carmine would assume I was still in a rage over his refusal to breed.
A weak cover, but some cover.
Carmine was still out there. I wasn’t sure how to keep up the act, so I locked the door and stripped. He’d feel me standing here.
A crazy girlfriend wouldn’t reflect on her crazy, right? She’d have a shower, then go back into the room like nothing had transpired.
I stepped into lukewarm water, and let it pour over my head and body. Phew. Had to hand it to those toxic types—possessiveness was tiring. Maybe less so when it came naturally. Maybe I’d get better at it.
But what was my game plan? Getting to the gates shouldn’t be a problem.
Then where should I banish the letter to once I got through?
I should cover up my betrayal after… like fight a Luther or burn something down.
My actions wouldn’t make a difference. My sister would be all over this, and I had no doubt there were protections in place for the Luthers and their humans.
Carmine was still in my room. I turned off the shower, then froze at the sounds of his movement. A rustle.
Shit! The letter!
I grabbed a drying cloth and wrapped it around my body.
As I reached for the door, it was ripped off the hinges.
I glanced at the paper in his hand, and my heart lurched before I saw that one side was blank. I’d written on both sides of every page to my twin.
“What?” I demanded as water dripped from my body to the stone floor.
He was pissed. White-lipped. Heaving chest. Rounded shoulders. Pissed. I checked the piece of paper again. No writing that I could see.
What was lodged up his royal ass?
Carmine stalked forward and tossed the paper on the vanity. His eyes were attempting to drill holes in my skull, but I dragged my focus to the page.
My dearest A
Oh, fuck. I couldn’t help a wince.
I’d started a letter to Adeuto yesterday, but then dripped ink lower on the page. I’d started a new one.
“Who is he?” Carmine breathed.
He asked the question in a way that suggested his control wouldn’t allow him to speak at a normal volume. I was surprised when ice didn’t cover me. The monster was here. I hadn’t seen him in a while.
“Are you kidding me?” I tried to step around Carmine, and he blocked the way with an arm.
I glanced up.
He lowered his head, and my heart hammered at the rage blanketing his face. No one could fail to feel terror this close to a furious Carmine.
“Who. Is. He?” he repeated.
“No one,” I answered.
I shivered at his cold expression.
“So this is the male who warmed your bed for three years,” he said.
“How did he like pleasuring you over and over, only for you to never reward him with screams? Not a bad exchange. He can find release while you never can. A desperate female wishing to overcome the rampant lust of a failed mating. Did you love him?”
I said nothing.
“Has he moved on? Does he await each of your letters?” His face twisted. “My dearest A.”
My attempt to push his arm out of the way was blocked again.
Carmine shifted until he stood behind me. “I’m going to find him, Syera. Personally. And I’m going to make him beg for his end while you watch. We may not share a bed. You will never be a mother. And no, you won’t ever have choice in my fortress. But I will not share.”
This was bad. He’d find Adeuto. Adeuto had to leave the realm. Tonight.
Change of plans.
Carmine asked next. “Will you go to him as soon as I’m on Earth?”
“That’s where I went last time.” The words were out before I could think better of them.
His roar obliterated my senses. I screamed in blind panic, and when I could think again, it was to register him dragging me through the halls. I clutched my towel, stumbling whenever my feet touched stone. He otherwise held me aloft.
Servants gaped, dodging back into the nearest rooms.
Crimsons smirked from branching halls.
Reds raised their brows.
I was dragged through the training hall and to the doors beyond. The soldiers guarding the way hurried to open the entrance, doing their best not to outright stare.
I really shouldn’t have snapped back at him. If I was right, then Carmine was taking me to Earth. And if he was taking me to Earth, then I couldn’t take Adeuto to the coven.
You had to open your big mouth, idiot.