Chapter Five
Kim just shook her head as her parents waltzed around the kitchen to their favorite Neil Diamond song. This always happened, no matter where they were, no matter what they were doing, when they heard this song, they danced. Her parents were such goofs.
"What are you smirking at over there, Kimmy?" her father asked as he dipped her mother.
"You two. ” She said, sitting on a stool by the island. “How many years have you been doing this?"
"Close to thirty years, " he replied, "It was the first song your mom and I ever danced to."
"At the fall dance our freshman year." Her mother said, smiling up her father. "You cut in on Jerry Thomas."
"Damn straight, that guy had two left feet. I had to save your pretty toes."
" My hero." she gushed as he twirled her.
“Always , babe.”
The image merg ed into Jen and Todd dancing at their wedding. They looked so happy, so in love with Jen in her white mermaid-wedding gown and Todd in his white fitted tuxedo. Soon her parents joined them on the dance floor and they danced.
Kim moved to the floor to join them, her date following close behind, but when she turned, it wasn’t John who held her hand. It was stinky bastard.
“No!” she screamed ripping her hand away, but he just hissed at her, laughing as his claws shredded her dress and he threw her to the ground. Turning to her family for help, she found them gone, replaced by two little girls with the saddest eyes.
"No one ever helps you." The older one said.
"They just lie and use you." The younger one continued.
"You can't trust any of them." They said together.
“No!” Kim screamed again. She refused to go through this again. Either she killed stinky bastard or he killed her. Reaching up, she clawed at his eyes.
∞ ∞ ∞ ∞ ∞
“Kim!” Wray pulled her hands from his face, not feeling the sting of the nails raking his cheek, his entire being focused on her. “Kim! Stop!” he said, pinning her hands to his chest. “Wake up!” he said giving her a shake. “Wake up now, Kim!” he ordered.
The eyes that snapped open at his command were wild, unseeing and full of fear. It made his heart ache to see her like this. “I am here, Kim.” He whispered to her. “Me. Wray. Just me. Come back to me, little one.” He pleaded and watched as she blinked and her eyes slowly began to focus.
“Wray?” she asked instinctively looking to him.
“Yes , little one. It’s me. You are safe. My vow.” He said it as he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her against his chest, rocking her. Goddess she scared him.
"What happened?" she mumbled into his chest.
"You had a nightmare , little one."
“ A nightmare?" she frowned at him, then it all came rushing back to her and she started to tremble. "I was dreaming about my sister’s wedding... Everyone was dancing, mom and dad, Jen and Todd. I was going out to join them, but when I turned it wasn’t John beside me, it was stinky bastard.”
“He’s dead , Kim. He can’t hurt you anymore.” He told her running a reassuring hand up and down her back.
“He laughed at me , Wray,” tears filled her eyes as she looked up at him. “As he ripped my dress off, he laughed and there was no one there to stop him.”
“It was not real, Kim.”
“They said no one would ever help me. That they would just lie to me and use me. That I couldn’t trust anyone.”
“Who said that?” he demanded angrily. No one told lies to his Kim.
“ Lucan’s daughters. They just stood there,” her eyes pleading with him to help her understand, “watching. They said no one would ever help me.”
“They were wrong , Kim.” He denied, instantly realizing that some evil had tried to poison her mind. He didn’t know how or why and he didn’t care. He wouldn’t allow it. “I am here. I’ll help you.”
"I..." she trembled as she looked at him, trying to shake off the fear that gripped her. She knew this male, knew he would never hurt her. How? She wasn’t sure, but she knew it the same way she’d known that Warrior wouldn’t hurt her. Some things were just known. Something didn’t want her to believe in him, didn’t want her to trust him. Why?
“You need rest , Kim.” Wray told her.
“I don’t want to sleep. I… oh my God , what happened to your face?” she asked finally seeing the angry red streaks that ran down one cheek.
“It is nothing , little one.” He pulled her more firmly into his embrace. “You can rest. I will be here.”
“Stop that.” She said and reached up to grip his chin. Forcing his face to the side, she inspected the marks, then gasped when she realized they perfectly matched her fingers.
"It's alright , Kim." Wray said gently, pulling his chin away.
"I did that to you …" she whispered, her eyes filling again.
"You were dreaming. You did not mean to, I know this , little one." Wray needed her to know he didn't blame her that it was okay. He also wanted to take that devastated look from her face. "You are very strong when you are upset, little one." He found himself trying to tease a smile out of her. "I will have to remember that in the future."
"It's not funny , Wray." Her eyes flew to his beautiful gray ones. "I was trying to scratch stinky bastard's eyes out."
"And you would have . But I am not him." He told her wanting to make sure she knew he would never harm her like that.
"I know that." Kim said in a putout voice. "You're nothing like stinky bastard. You're not anything like Lucan either."
"You truly believe that?" he asked softly, a strange feeling starting to grow in his chest.
"I do," she looked up at him and wanted him to know the rest. "I trust you, Wray."
"You trust me..." the feeling exp anded. She trusted him. Kim trusted him . Wray. Because of his actions, not because of his title.
"Of course , I do," she looked up into his amazing eyes and gave him a slight smile. "Now what have you got in that bag I can use on your face?"
∞ ∞ ∞ ∞ ∞
“You have cold and hot water?” Kim didn’t try to hide her shock as she looked at Wray.
Wray just nodded as he led her deeper into the chamber. She'd refused to listen to him when he'd assured her he was fine. Instead, she rose and searched the bag, haphazardly tossing things out, including the locator beacon. When she found nothing she felt would be useful except a sealed cloth she'd become angry, demanding to know what idiot had packed an emergency bag with no bandages or disinfectant.
Wray had wondered the same thing, for while the portable repair unit would have easily repaired his cheek there still should have been other medical supplies in case it had been damaged. Something was very wrong with this pack and once they returned to the Searcher, he planned to have all of them inspected.
When she went to wet a rag and found it still sealed, she growled her frustration. It had been the most arousing sound Wray had ever heard.
“Is it very deep? ” Kim asked, pulling his attention back to him. “Could I bath and wash away….” Kim asked as she slowed her rapid approach to the pool and looked down at her hands. Her pale, healed, clean hands. There was no dirt under her nails, no blood and she knew they had been bloody before. Taking a deep breath, she realized she didn’t smell either.
How could she have missed something like that?
Slowly she turned to Wray, who suddenly looked uncomfortable. “That repair unit of yours… it cleans a person too?” she asked, hoping she was wrong.
“No.” Wray told her honestly and watched her eyes darken before she turned back to the pool.
“So how did I get clean?” She whispered.
“I cleansed you …” Wray answered quietly, “in the pool.”
“You… while I was….” She stuttered.
“I couldn’t leave you like that , Kim. Once I discovered what your natural skin tone was, I had to cleanse you. I didn’t want…” he trailed off.
“Didn’t want what?”
“For you to wake and find yourself still covered in Ganglian filth.”
“So you washed it away.”
“Yes.”
Walking over to the pool Kim carefully stuck in her toe, testing its temperature, then stepped in so the water lapped around her ankles. Wray had bathed her. He removed her shirt, carried her into this water and touched her… everywhere. Wray touched her and she hadn’t even known it. He removed all evidence of her attack. She looked down at the faint scars that still crisscrossed her fingers, at least as much as he could.
She should be upset with him, furious. He had no right to touch her like that. Not without her permission. No one did.
Tipping her head back , she let her gaze travel over the luciferins that clung to the ceiling. They were so beautiful and yet fragile. They survived in harsh conditions by using what they were given and driving away the darkness. They really were amazing. At her thought, they seemed to sparkle brighter for a moment.
Could she be like them ? Could she survive what had happened to her and not let it defeat her? Could she take what she was given and thrive on it? She made herself really think about what Wray had done and compare it to what would have happened to her on Earth.
If she had been found unconscious, she would have been quickly treated and rushed to the hospital for a more in-depth treatment. Just as Wray had done and if she had remained unconscious for days, a nurse would have bathed her. It wouldn’t have upset her, it would have been considered normal.
But nothing about this was ‘normal.' This was Wray. Someone she was coming to care a great deal about and she realized it wasn’t so much that he’d bathed her that bothered her, it was that he hadn’t told her.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” she asked, looking over her shoulder at him.
“How was I supposed to tell you I’d touched you without your permission?” Wray asked hoarsely , knowing that whatever trust they had begun to build was gone.
“If I’d been awake, I wouldn’t have let you touch me.” While Wray didn’t move, he looked as if she’d struck him. “I wouldn’t have let anyone touch me.” She continued, turning to face him. “But it was something that needed to be done.”
Wray’s eyes widened at her words. “Kim….”
“I’m not finished.” She interrupted him and watched his mouth snap shut, but he nodded. “What upsets me the most is that you didn’t tell me. What else haven’t you told me, Wray? I’m completely at your mercy here, just as I was with the Ganglians. No, you are not the same.” Kim said quickly seeing his eyes flash. “But that doesn’t change the fact that you are only telling me what you want me to know and that’s not right.”
“No , it is not and I am sorry, Kim.” Wray took a deep breath and did something he has never done before. He tried to explain his actions to a female. “When I discovered your natural color was not the gray that covered you, I had to remove it. The thought of anything Ganglian remaining on you… it was unacceptable to me. I knew it was wrong of me to do so without your permission, but I wanted nothing to remind you of your abuse when you woke. I did not realize how strong you were.”
“I’m not strong , Wray.” She denied.
“You are , Kim, you have survived something very few females do, not even Tornian ones. I do not know where your Earth is, but I know it has to be more than two days away from where we found you.”
“So?”
“No female has ever recovered from more than two days in Ganglian hands. It is why they are banned from nearly every known universe.”
“I don’t know how long they had me ,” Kim said, leaning down to wet the cloth still in her hand. “it seemed like a lifetime.”
“I am sorry , Kim.”
“It’s not your fault , Wray,” not wanting to talk about it any longer she turned and pointed to a rock next to the pool, “Sit, I need to clean those scratches.”
“You are no longer upset with me?” Wray asked, moving to where she pointed.
“I… no. It needed to be done and you did it.” She found she could look him in the eye when he sat. “It takes someone very strong to do that, Wray. To do what needs to be done even knowing it will upset someone else. So thank you, for taking care of me.” She gave him a slight smile. “Now let me take care of you.” She said, reaching up to clean the worst of the scratches.
Wray remained absolutely still while Kim cared for him. She stood unafraid between his legs, her face a mask of concentration, as she meticulously cleaned each scratch. The wounds themselves were insignificant to Wray's way of thinking, but her response to them was not. Never had a female cared for him, not like this. Never had one concerned herself with his well-being and health, not Adana, not even his own mother.
Kim's gentle touch made him feel wanted... needed... even valued... something a male never was. The strange feeling that had started to grow now filled every fiber of his being and he realized that this female was his . She completed him in a way he did not understand. Could this be the gift the Goddess once promised? If it was, how did he get Kim to feel the same way?
∞ ∞ ∞ ∞ ∞
"There, all done." Kim said, leaning back to inspect his cheek, making sure she hadn't missed anything. She still couldn't believe she'd done that to him. She had to figure out a way to deal with what happened to her. She wasn't going to be like Lucan's daughters. She was going to get over this. She wouldn't let it control the rest of her life.
"Thank you." Wray responded gruffly placing a hand on her hip when she would have moved away from him. “Kim?”
"Yes?" She frowned at the hesitancy in Wray’s voice. "What’s wrong?"
"Nothing is wrong .” He quickly reassured her. “I am just experiencing a great many new and unusual feelings and am unsure on how to express them."
"Oh." Kim frowned slightly. Expressing her feelings had never been a problem for her. If she was mad, you knew it. Upset, watch out. Her mother used to tell her she needed to learn some restraint or someday she would say something she couldn't take back and she had been right. She could never take back her last words to Jen. "Well, as long as you’re alright."
" You don’t wish to know my feelings?" Maybe she was more like a Tornian female than he thought, for some reason that upset Wray.
"I didn't say that." She denied.
"So you do want to know what I am feeling." He asked.
"Only if you want to tell me."
"I need you to understand, Kim, in my world, a male would die to protect a female, but he does not have feelings for her and even if he did he would not express them."
" Why not?"
" Because a male learns from an early age that no female will ever come to care for him, not even his own mother. She only cares about what a male can give her.”
“ Give her?”
“Yes, to attract a female a male must not only be fit and worthy, but he must also provide her with the things she desires. Jewels, precious metals and rare fabrics. Without them, she will never allow him Join with her.”
“She Joins with a male because of what he gives her?”
“Yes and he must be able to continue to provide for her until she chooses her next male.”
“What do you mean her 'next' male?”
“ Once she has presented the male with fit offspring she then takes all he has given her and chooses another.”
“She leaves him and her child?” Kim couldn't hide her shock.
“Of course, it is the only reason she Joins with a male.” Wray saw Kim’s mouth drop open and realized he had shocked her. “Is it not this way on Earth?”
" No. A male and female 'Join' because they love each other and want to spend the rest of their lives together.”
“Love…” Wray recognized that ancient word, but wasn't sure he knew what it meant. Was that what he was feeling? “Is that even possible?” Wray said not realizing he’d spoken aloud.
“Yes , it’s a feeling…” Kim looked at him and tried to figure out how to explain love to him. “I don’t know if I can explain it.”
"Please , Kim, try."
"I... well between a man and woman on Earth... male and female," she corrected, "it's when they feel something for each other that they don't feel for anyone else. Something special and strong." Kim thought of her parent's marriage and tried to describe it. "My mom and dad, they were married, Joined, for over twenty-five years, but they actually meet four years earlier, at a school dance. Mom always said dad was her hero because he saved her from Jerry Thomas."
"Your manno saved your mother from an attack?"
"It wasn't an attack , it was squished toes," at his confused look she went on, "Jerry Thomas was a terrible dancer and kept stepping on mom's toes. Dad cut in 'saving' her."
"I do not understand... what is 'dance'?"
Kim just looked at him, then took a step back and held out her hands. “Let me show you.”
Wray looked at Kim not sure what she wanted from him , but he knew he would give it to her and if she needed to show him this ‘dance’ then he would let her. Trusting her, he put his hands in hers and stood.
When Wray placed his hands in hers, Kim immediately pulled him close. “You put your hands here.” she said, moving them to her waist, “and mine go here.” She put hers on his shoulders, “and then we move our feet.” She carefully shuffled her feet and leaned from side to side, showing him how to move. It wasn’t how her parents danced, but slow dancing was still dancing. "Jerry Thomas would do this." she told him and stepped on his toes.
"And this offended your mother?" Wray asked, frowning, it seemed insignificant to him.
"Now you step on mine." She told him gently.
"I would never do that." Wray was shocked that she would even suggest it, "It would harm you," and suddenly he understood what she was saying. "This Jerry Thomas harmed your mother this way and your manno stopped him."
"Yes."
"And this caused your mother to have... love for your manno."
" Well, it's where it started and as they got to know each other it grew until they decided they wanted to... Join and spend the rest of their lives together."
"She never chose another male after she presented you?" Wray found that hard to believe.
"Of course not. She wanted to stay with dad, the male she'd chosen and with her children... offspring."
"Children..." he softly questioned, "your mother presented more than just you to your manno?"
" Yes, I have an older sister, Jennifer."
"And still she stayed with your manno..." Wray couldn’t believe it… to have two female offspring…
"Yes, she loved him. Why do you think hav ing us would change that?"
"We have so few females," he started.
"You've told me that , Wray." She interrupted him impatiently; at his frown, she gave him a sheepish smile. "Sorry, go on."
" So when a female presents a female offspring she becomes even more desirable to other males. They will offer her a great deal to entice her to leave her current male in the hopes that she will present them with a female."
"But that doesn't mean..."
"She always leaves, Kim." He told her softly. “Except for the Empress, she must remain with the Emperor, ensuring his bloodline.”
“Even a mother?”
“Yes.”
"Because she has no feelings for the male or her offspring." Kim replied, suddenly understanding what Wray had been trying to tell her and her heart ached for him. To have never known a mother's loving touch, she couldn't imagine it. Even when she’d been horrible, she'd always known her mother loved her and would be there for her.
"Yes." Wray nodded.
"I'm sorry, Wray." Reaching up, she cupped his cheek in her hand. "It shouldn't be like that. Two people should Join because they love each other. They should care for each other and take care of each other. They should be loyal and honest and want to spend the rest of their lives together, not go looking for someone else. Offspring should be a natural extension of that love, not the reason for it."
" And this is what your manno and mother had?"
"Yes." Kim's eyes went a little sad as she remembered. "They were always so happy together, at just being together. They'd fight sometimes, disagree, but they never went to bed angry with each other." At his sharp look, she corrected. "Rested. They never rested together angry."
"They rested together? In the same bed . At night?"
"Yes. Don't you?" she frowned, thinking of him holding her while she rested.
"No. Once a male and female have finished Joining the female returns to her chamber until it is time to Join again."
"Why don't you rest together?"
“Because a female prefers the safety of her rooms. It makes her feel safe and protected. She would never risk herself by resting with a male."
“Why are they so fearful of you?” Kim didn’t understand it. Wray had been nothing but caring and gentle with her.
“Because of Emperor Lucan.”
“But that was over five hundred years ago , Wray! You’re not him!”
“We are not." Wray was relieved that she of all people understood that. "We would die to protect them, Kim, but still they fear us. One would never consider the needs of the male before her own, not even her own offspring's. One would never have thought of my hunger. She would never have thought to tend to my cheek as you have. I would never have been allowed to hold her like this.” He told her, tightening his arms around Kim, bringing her body closer to his as they continued to move.
As Wray spoke , Kim began to realize what Lucan's betrayal had really done to the Tornian people. It had destroyed more than the lives of two innocent young girls. It had destroyed the basic trust that must exist between a male and female for them to truly love one another and because of that, the Tornian people were dying.
'You will be my new beginning...' the melodic voice whispered through Kim's mind, startling her so much she jumped. It hadn’t been a dream!
"What ’s wrong, Kim?" Wray asked.
"I... nothing." How did you tell someone you heard a Goddess in your head? What did it mea n, 'she would be the beginning' ? The beginning of what? As she thought about it, she suddenly realized something more important... they were dancing! While they talked, Wray had taken over and slowly moved them around the chamber.
"We're dancing!" She exclaimed beaming up at him as her arms tightened around his neck.
"Is that what we are doing?" Wray asked gruffly as her full breasts brushed against his chest.
" Yes, usually there's music but otherwise, yeah... Mom and Dad used to dance all the time. It used to embarrass the hell out of me, but now…”
“But n ow?” Wray asked, ducking his head to catch her eye.
“Now I understand why they enjoyed it so much. To be held like this by someone….” Kim found herself fumbling again.
“Tell me , Kim.” Wray ordered softly, slowing his feet until they were barely moving.
∞ ∞ ∞ ∞ ∞
Kim looked up at Wray, he stared down at her so intently, here was a male she could trust, could rely on. When she was a young girl, she’d told her mother how when she grew up, she was going to marry someone just like her dad and he would be her perfect hero. Her mom had laughed for a moment, then turned serious telling her that no one was perfect, not even her father and that if she expected perfection she was setting herself up for disappointment. Kim hadn’t understood then, but she did now.
Wray wasn’t pe rfect. He was sometimes gruff and overbearing and he seemed very used to getting his way. Still, he is gentle and understanding with her. He cared for her, someone he hadn’t known, the best he could under difficult circumstances. He wasn’t the ‘perfect’ hero she’d told her mom she wanted, but she realized Wray was ‘perfect’ for her, flaws and all. Now she just needed to be as brave as Warrior had been and tell him.
∞ ∞ ∞ ∞ ∞
“By someone I could love.” She told him softly.
Wray felt his entire being still at Kim’s softly spoken words. She had strong feelings for him… thought she could love him. Love, it was something a male was never given. Suddenly his universe was filled with song and the weight he had been carrying around for so long lightened.
“I feel the same , Kim.” He told her, lowering his forehead to hers. “I do not know what I would do without you now that I’ve found you.”
“ Well, I have no plans on going anywhere without you, so you have nothing to worry about.” Kim told him sinking her fingers into his hair caressing his scalp.
“Goddess , Kim, that feels good.” Wray groaned enjoying the feel of her nails lightly scraping his scalp until they suddenly stilled. “What is wrong, Kim?” He asked, pulling back slightly and was shocked to see a hint of fear in her eyes. “Kim?”
“I won’t be , will I?” she asked as the terrifying thought suddenly struck her. “When we get back to your ship, I won’t be forced to go anywhere without you, will I? They can’t take me from you?”
“No!” Wray immediately denied and lifted her until they were eye to eye, so she could see his truth. “No one can ever take you from me without your permission, Kim. It is always the female’s choice on who she will Join with.”
“Okay .” She said, nodding jerkily relieved to know they would not be separated.
“Our Joining is not going to be like other Joinings , Kim.” Wray watched her carefully making sure that did not upset her. As Empress, she would never be allowed to leave him, but he was speaking to her as Wray, a male, not the Emperor.
“It’s not?” Her eyes searched his.
“No. Our Joining will be forever.”
“Oh, Wray….” Kim whispered, wrapping her arms around his head, she kissed him to let him know she agreed.
Wray went absolutely still as Kim pressed her lips to his. What was this? “Kim?” he questioned his lips barely moving against hers.
Kim pulled back slightly , looked at Wray and saw she had confused him again. “Kissing isn’t something Tornians do either, huh?”
“Kissing…”
“Yes, what I just did, putting my lips to yours.”
“This is something you do on Earth?”
“Yes, quite often actually.”
“Why?”
“Because it’s another way of expressing your feelings,” she said, giving him an amused smile, “and because it also feels really good.”
“Show me.” Wray ordered, lowering his lips back to hers, but before they could touch a loud beeping sound had him jerking his head away.
“What is that?” She asked, looking around the chamber.
“It is the locator beacon. I activated it as soon as we reached the cave.”
“What’s it for?”
“It lets my people know where we are and that we are okay. I need to respond to it, Kim.”
“Oh.” Disappointed, Kim loosened the grip as Wray lowered her to the ground, but instead of releasing her, he pulled her close and led her back to the outer chamber.