Chapter 5
My lips tingle from the almost kiss. My entire body buzzes, wanting his touch—his nearness casting a spell on my body, heart, and mind that hypnotizes me. I swallow hard, trying to get a grip on myself, but it’s getting harder to fight temptation. He’s all the forbidden in which I want to indulge. One small taste, and then maybe I’ll be cured of this madness I crave as if it’s my salvation.
His gaze moves to the sky above, dragging another lungful of smoke from the cigarette. He might look in control, but I feel like he’s lost—so lost that something in me reacts. I want to pull him back, keep him with me. That thought scares me even more than my physical reaction to him so I hurry away.
We don’t have any more classes together for the rest of the day, so I return to my apartment.
A sigh leaves my lips. Why do I even care? Inside my bedroom, I tell myself this is the first and last time I’m going to spend any more time on Dane.
Opening my laptop, I search on his name. Hundreds of photos, videos, and an array of posts pop up about him. A smile tugs on my lips at him being a little boy in his father’s arms. The last photo of them together was when his father won his last Cup. My eyes move to a photo of him at his father’s funeral. My heart constricts seeing him in that tiny black suit, head hanging. I wish I could hug that little boy.
Despite his father’s death being ruled a natural one caused by a heart attack, there’s still a lot of speculation surrounding it.
Dane seems to smile in public only when he’s on the podium as the winner. My eyes devour the images until I blink at the video of his big night before he got suspended.
What could have possessed him to engage in a street race after he won the championship? The opinions range from ‘he is just a spoiled brat’ to ‘he is a rebel who finally got what he deserved because he never listens.’
I watch his empty, lifeless eyes—no flicker in those dark brown globes. My heart twists badly, and it physically pains me.
I know the feeling all too well. I shut the lid to my laptop, yet I can’t shut off my thoughts.
From his interviews, it appears he genuinely loves racing. Then why did he risk it? It’s still unclear how long his suspension will last.
Will he return and compete again? Him not doing what he loves saddens me. Was it that dreaded destiny that put him in my path?
Of all the high schools, he had to come here and disturb my life.
Blake shouts from the hallway. I didn’t even know he was here.
“One of you wanna join my party? Kidding. Just wanted to say goodnight.”
I’m out of my room in the next second and cross my arms over my chest. “When will you stop? It’s not worth the trouble if the Family finds out.”
“Live a little. It’s just a party.”
“One sec. I’m coming with you,” I blurt out, aware that I can’t stop myself even if I try.
His eyes widen in surprise, and I rush back into my room to change. I tell myself I’m going to watch over Blake; someone needs to, even though I’m ignoring that this is the first time I’ve done it. I keep telling myself it has nothing to do with Dane, but I can lie all I want. I am acutely aware of the true reason.
I opt for ripped jeans, a crop top, and a biker jacket. After I apply smokey eye makeup, I pull my hair into a high ponytail. Looking in the mirror, I smile at myself, knowing that this is a stolen moment just to pretend I’m not a marionette in someone else’s hands. When Blake sees me, his eyes shine with approval. “I missed this Abi.”
He pulls me into a hug, and I say, “Come on, before I change my mind.”
But the moment he opens the door, Kaden walks toward us along with Bailey.
“I hope you know what you’re doing,” he says.
No, I don’t, but I am beyond being rational.
“Have fun. Love the combo,” Bailey says, hugging her laptop before she disappears inside.
“This is not okay. She’s spending practically every waking moment with her head in some device.”
“That’s her coping mechanism,” Kaden says and walks down the hallway to his apartment.
I can just head back inside and put a stop to this before it’s too late, but it’s impossible to suppress this urge to see Dane.
Decision made, I Inhale deeply, putting one foot in front of the other with Blake by my side. While we walk in silence, my brain and heart war over what I should do and what I want to do, splitting me in two.
When Blake and I near the woods at the far edge of the school grounds, doubts creep up in my mind, nerves making me all jittery.
“What are you so worried about?” Blake asks.
“You know what they do when they find out we love something.”
“And who’s going to tell?”
“The Family always has a way of finding things out.”
Blake pulls me to his side, and we keep walking until we reach the meadow in the forest. A large bonfire burns in the middle of the clearing. Most students surround it, chatting animatedly and drinking freely. It must be nice to let loose and party without care or worry. A pang of jealousy hits me. I could never belong among them.
We pass by a large speaker propped up on a truck bed, blaring hip-hop. Hearing my favorite music, I hum to the lyrics, but then I realize where I am and immediately stop, pulling myself together.
Blake leads us to a makeshift table, and I can’t contain my curiosity.
“How are you able to pull this off?”
“I have my ways.”
Movement halts, with all eyes on me. Once again, I’ve become the center of attention. Squaring my shoulders, I hold my chin high, glaring at them until they stop staring at me.
“Go have fun,” I tell Blake.
“What about you?”
I am regretting my decision with a fury.
The moment I playfully push him away, he opens his arms in obvious invitation. Two girls carrying cups walk over to him, and he pulls both of them to his sides.
Jessica and her group approach me, saying, “I would kill for those abs.”
Flicking a strand of my hair back, I say, “Eat less and exercise more.”
I turn on my heel with their gasps following me. A heavy dose of guilt seeps into my bloodstream, but I needed to do that. Being nice makes people think they have a chance to be my friend. I can’t afford it. Caring means someone can take that away from me.
“She’s such a cliche,” I hear someone from their group say, but I ignore it and keep walking.
Suddenly, I feel someone watching me, and my pulse spikes.
I search until our eyes lock, his pinning me in place while simultaneously stealing the breath from my lungs. Dane cocks his head, undressing me with those sinful, bottomless brown eyes of his, trapping me in his gravitational pull. It takes so much strength to force my gaze away and focus on something else.
Blake is playing strip poker on a blanket near the bonfire. He’s the only guy in the game. Letting him have his fun, I urge myself to keep walking.
I sense Dane behind me. It’s strange how I can tell his scent and his movements apart from everyone else’s.
“Never expected you to show up, princess,” he says, reaching my side.
I stubbornly stare ahead while he lights another smoke.
“You’re really trying to die young?”
“Tomorrow is not guaranteed. For anyone, Abigail.”
“It should be illegal for someone to be so young and so cynical.”
“Age is just a number. Some are born old, some die young.”
“So, we’re going to exchange words of wisdom with each other all night?”
Silence descends. When I tilt my head, he definitely should not look this good with that cancer stick between his lips, but he does.
“There’s a party in the other direction. I’m out of here.”
He follows me, just as I knew he would, and that knowledge has butterflies caressing my ribs.
We take a path further into the forest, walking in silence. Strangely, it doesn’t feel awkward at all.
I have no idea why I bring him here—to my place.
The small lake stretches in front of us. The moon casts a pale light, shimmering on the surface, making it appear ethereal. An old boat rests abandoned next to the brittle deck. I wish I could hop in and it would take me somewhere else. Anywhere else.
The two-story mansion on the property lies in ruins, its structure barely holding on to its hinges. Shadows from the surrounding trees give it a spooky air. Yet, this is my favorite spot in Greenville.
As if he has a private invite to my thoughts, Dane walks toward the deck and hops on the boat. He extends his hand and waits.
“Come on, princess.”
This moment feels like I am about to make a decision that could change everything. I take a step toward him. And another, the deck creaking under my feet.
His open invitation shoots my rationality into a hundred pieces, making it impossible for me to reassemble them into common sense. This boy is dangerous, and yet I dive into the abyss with open arms. And it’s liberating.
He grabs my hand and pulls me to him. The boat sways from one side to the other, and I shriek, digging my fingers into his arms hard enough that I might leave indents in his skin.
“I have you,” he says, low and full of conviction, putting me at ease instantly. I loosen my grip on him, and he lowers us down gently.
Seated, we face each other. The moon dances in his eyes, which are focused on me. It’s such a heady sensation, being the center of his attention. While I hate attention, I want his so badly—another mystery I can’t solve.
“Stop looking at me like that.”
He leans back on his palms, not losing eye contact. “Like what?”
A pause falls between us, bathing us in a strange intimacy.
“What are you thinking about?” I blurt, not knowing how to deal with this electrifying tension wrapping around us that zaps every atom in me.
“You.”
“And what do you think of me?”
I need to hear those words—cold, bitch, shallow—so I can cut this cord, escape this connection, and snap out of whatever trance he has me trapped in.
“Beautiful, so fucking beautiful—”
“Never heard that one before,” I say, dejection coating every word. A doll. That’s what everyone sees.
He tucks a strand of hair behind my ear, and my heart pounds an erratic beat.
“I didn’t finish. You’re astounding. Fascinating. Captivating.”
A smile teases the corners of my lips.
“And you?” he asks.
“We’re not playing twenty-one questions.”
He arches a brow playfully. “Afraid my answers will be smarter?”
“I doubt it.” I snort a laugh, and then my hand flies to my mouth. I forget all manners—and myself—when I’m with him.
“You wound me, princess.” He says that with a pout, melting my insides.
Why does it sound endearing coming from him? It shouldn’t, especially in that deep, husky voice of his.
“You’re missing the party.”
“I’m right where I want to be.”
Me too .
Averting my gaze, I fidget with my fingers. “You’re wasting your time with me.”
He palms the side of my face, his thumb caressing my cheek, drugging my senses and capturing all my attention once again. “Where is that boyfriend of yours? Because if you were mine, I’d spend every free moment with you.”
Back at the dorm, in his apartment, where I should be as well. Instead, I am with him, and the most disturbing thing is that I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else.
His touch is soothing, a magic spell that compels me to stay rooted.
“Is it true?” he asks.
Ah, the rumor mill. Like the cold bitch I am, I snatched Kaden from Celine. She felt so betrayed that she moved across the ocean, which solidified the role I’ve had to play after everything went down.
“Would it change anything if it wasn’t?” I whisper.
“You want this cold, bitchy image so bad and that tells me that maybe you’re not.”
I must have been so engrossed in him that when I take in my surroundings, I notice we’re in the middle of the lake.
“Bring me back.” I shoot upright, causing the boat to wobble. Someone could see us.
Anxiety hits me, boxing me into a dark corner. If Felix finds out.
I can’t… I…
My throat clamps up, and a cold sweat breaks out over my body. A full-blown panic attack swallows me in its merciless depths, making it hard for me to regulate my breathing. My pulse spikes, and I get dizzy as black spots dance before my eyes. I haven’t had those in a while.
Dane drags me onto his lap, taking my face in his hands.
“Abigail.”
My pulse normalizes as he puts his arms around me, holding me tight.
“I got you. Breathe in, breathe out.”
His soft voice calms down my frayed nerves, soothing all the anguish.
“Just like that, sweetheart.”
“You’re awfully good at this,” I say once I have myself better under control.
“What triggered it?”
“We’re not friends.”
“No. Friends don’t think of kissing, and I want to do so much more to you. With you.”
Me too.
I clear my throat. “You’re conveniently forgetting about my boyfriend.” I push myself to say that, but if we don’t find a way out, Kaden and I are going to be so much more.
He arches a brow, calling me out. “I don’t know which one of us forgets that more when you’re with me.”
His eyes burn with a hunger I want to feed off of. He has lit a fire in me, the searing flames of desire and temptation lick at my skin.
I thought that this would never happen to me. But I can’t give in to this attraction, I remind myself. Yet, I can only guess how good it would feel.
No, that would be catastrophically bad.
Stop entertaining this madness.
“Why are you here?” I ask to cut off my thought process only to showcase my interest in him.
“How do we go from talking about me and you to this heavy shit? I thought I had better game,” he huffs exaggeratedly.
I giggle at his fake incredulity—his playfulness is something else.
“Friendship is all I can offer.”
“Fine. Let’s be friends then, princess.”
I shift into a cross-legged position and rest my cheek in my palm. His eyes are fixed solely on me, and that’s an addictive sensation. No one has ever made me their focus of attention.
I feel my cheeks burn. “Stop looking at me like that.”
“I can’t stop.”
“Remember, we’re friends. I have one condition for this friendship, though.”
He gestures for me to continue, and his shirt reveals a patch of his sculpted abdomen. I itch to trace my finger over every plane and ridge so I can draw him later.
“Eyes up here, princess.”
I slap his abdomen and in the process tug his shirt down to hide the reason for my distraction. His arms snake around my waist, pulling me to him, and I end up straddling him.
“You like me on top.”
“Apparently.”
“Behave. Friends.” I don’t know who I’m trying to remind of that more.
“What is this ominous condition of your friendship?”
“That you don’t cause more of a ruckus.”
Our mouths are one inch away from touching, making me wonder how his would feel pressed against mine. The anticipation ignites a raucous flutter in my belly.
“I can’t promise that.”
“Then we’re not going to be friends.”
He curls his hand around my nape and drags me even closer to him. He’s wrecking my composure with his possessiveness.
“Good, because I don’t want to be friends.”
He brushes his nose against mine, and goose bumps erupt on my skin. This concoction of desire and need for more drives me insane.
“I don’t like you,” I whisper, struggling to remember why “we” are a bad idea. The way he makes me feel is something I’ve never experienced before. It’s so potent that my rationality stands no chance. The biggest proof would be that I am doing absolutely nothing to stop him.
“You don’t seem to have a problem with me at this moment.” The corner of his mouth tips up into a smirk, perfectly fitting the bad boy vibe that he emanates. He takes what he wants. And right now, that’s me. He’s so conceited. I have awful taste in guys, apparently.
I suck in a breath as his finger ghosts over my abdomen, awakening dormant needs. His touch maddens me. Yet, I crave even more. I can feel the shackles rattling, trying to free something inside of me.
He places his forehead against mine, both our breathing turning heavier. The air around us brims with the forbidden, and I want to indulge so badly.
“You’re going to be mine, princess,” he vows, and a shiver runs through me. That wakes me up from whatever trance he put me under. I jump up, putting some much needed distance between us, trying to gather myself.
The boat lurches, threatening to tip at any moment. Dane jumps up, making it even worse. Planting his feet, he deliberately rocks the boat. The asshole.
I inch toward him with a sweet smile plastered on my face, then push hard at his chest. His arms flail out, and he tumbles backward into the water with a splash. Meanwhile, I balance the boat with my feet.
“You needed to cool down.”
He drags a hand through his hair, sliding it back. Those eyes, almost onyx, now burn with mischief. He swims to the boat like a predator chasing his prey. All wet, he looks even more mouthwatering. I clench my legs on instinct at the devastatingly handsome guy stalking toward me. He heaves his body up the side of the boat, and I force my mouth to stay closed at the panty-melting vision.
His arms are corded, his upper chest carved in stone with muscles visible behind his soaked shirt. I’m still contemplating him when the boat tips sideways. Shrieking, I topple face-first into the water.
My teeth clatter, my body’s temperature drops the moment I’m submerged.
“All cooled down, princess?”
Oh, no, he’s not getting away with this.
Searing anger fires up my body, making me hot. It’s not one of my proudest moments, but in times of war, any trick will do.
Dane swims away, and I push my head up and down the surface, pretending to drown. But the sheer panic I catch in his eyes as he plunges into the water to reach me has me nearly aborting my plan.
I remember he lost his father, and guilt shoots an arrow straight into my chest. I feel so horrible that when he pulls me up, I blurt out, “I’m sorry.”
He realizes the deceit and shakes his head, but when he turns his back to me, I drape my arms around his neck and lock my legs around his waist, desperate to hold on to him.
He breathes heavily, every muscle in his body tensing.
“I wanted to get back at you,” I murmur.
“Well, you did. What do you want to hear? Congratulations?” His voice turns so cold, icicles pierce along my spine.
“You’re manipulative. You’re cunning. I guess they were right.”
I thought there was no way for someone to break my heart even worse. Yet, he just did. This is what I deserve for being vulnerable.
He saw a part of me no one has ever seen—a part no one will ever see—and now he punishes me for one thoughtless mistake.
That’s why I don’t let people in. I am ugly on the inside. I am not worthy of love. I am just a doll, beautiful only on the outside. Maybe nature made me like this to hide the monster under my skin.