Chapter 7
I’ve tried to quench my desire and snub the temptation. But it goes up in smoke like my resolve. My mouth crashes on his, and euphoria floods me.
His hands cup my face, drawing me to his chest, and gluing my body to his.
Every day I told myself I was stronger than the pull. But it was in vain.
I open my mouth and his tongue plunges in—conquering me. His ashy and minty taste drugs my tastebuds and dizzies my senses. I moan as our lips dance to a sensual rhythm, making me forget everything else. He groans into my mouth, and another moan escapes mine.
It’s a feverish, all-consuming kiss; it brands me with his hunger. There’s no way I can escape. Whatever we share has been building up to the point of madness. I am risking it all. And I don’t care because right now I feel alive. I feel so much that I am afraid I will burst. His soft lips feel exquisite against mine. He sucks on my tongue, and my knees go weak. His wicked mouth and hungry kisses undo me.
Caged between the wall and his chest, he doesn’t let go of me. Never let me go .
My senses, my thoughts, my heartbeats brim with him. Madness and euphoria, that’s what he unleashes in me. I am attuned to him while we share a forbidden kiss that lights my whole body up like fireworks.
I free-fall with stretched arms into bliss. My fingers curl in his hair, kissing him with everything in me. The kiss turns frenzied with every nip and nibble. When he traces his tongue along the contour of my lips, a spark runs through me, electrifying me.
I gasp for air as he continues to pepper kisses on my lips, cheeks, and eyelids, lingering on my forehead.
Beneath my palm, his heart races—just like mine. I feel lightheaded when the moment ends. He has a dazed look on his face, his lips glistening.
But as reality crashes in on me, instead of the happiness I felt just seconds away, dread fills me.
If someone saw this and word got out, there would be hell to pay.
What have I done? I take a step to the side, which is the hardest thing possible.
His eyes burn with that fire and hunger for me, keeping me rooted in place—trapped in the unyielding web that he spun around my heart, mind, and body.
“This was a mistake.” Even as I say it, I want another kiss—him—like I never wanted anything before.
I force myself to take another step back, and a shiver skitters down my spine as I touch my lips; they still tingle.
“A mistake?”
His gruff rebuttal has me shrinking. He’ll forever be my favorite mistake. His feet erase the distance between us, backing me back into the wall. Strangely, I don’t feel trapped; I feel like I’m where I belong.
“What was a mistake, exactly?” His deep voice lowers.
Why does he want to know more? It’s not as if I can give him an honest answer.
My gaze drops.
“Abigail.” My name falls from his lips in a gravelly tone.
I look up, entranced at the lips I risked everything for.
“This is just the beginning,” he says, determination lacing his hard tone.
Panic sets heavily on my chest, and I fist my hands into the jacket’s lapels to shake some sense into him.
“There never was and never will be a beginning for us. Please, Dane.”
“Yes, tell that to yourself. Keep lying, princess. I love to crush them under my lips when I have my mouth on yours. We’re going to end up right where we were a moment ago.”
His confidence does things to me, this reckless boy who I would drag down with me. I can’t be that selfish.
I scurry away and stumble through the school’s front door. I collide with Kaden’s chest, a testament to how unfocused I am.
His gaze sweeps over me as if he can read my secret on my face.
I open my mouth to lie and defend myself, but when Dane saunters inside, I freeze.
This is the perfect moment to admit what I did because all things aside, I initiated the kiss and he took it like a starving man.
Neither of us is innocent.
Dane jerks his chin in his direction in a greeting that comes across more like a challenge, and the breath I held inside of me bursts free.
“Abi.” My nickname, a few letters that convey so much more. Fear for me is the most prominent one.
“He makes me feel alive, Kaden. In a world where I am a damn puppet, with him it feels as if I am free.”
“The Family has spies everywhere. And they’re only waiting for you to have a weakness.”
What my best friend doesn’t say casts an even more ominous shadow over my head. My feelings for Dane would put him in danger. In the end, I would have to let him go, anyway.
But how can I stay away? How, when no one ever ignited in me this fiery passion, mad desire, and surreal connection?
The wire between us is a living, pulsating thing tethering us together.
“What do you think the Family would do to him, more than to you? Because that’s the thing. The moment it’s serious, that’s when they can take a part of your soul. Believe me, it’s pure agony, knowing the other part is away from you.”
I offer a small nod, trapped in my thoughts.
One hour chases the other while I am cornered in an unfortunate position. When the day ends, I drag my feet toward the dorm. Dane leans against the wall in the hallway of the boys’ side, and I come to an abrupt halt.
I shrug, letting him see I want this—him—with every fiber of my yearning body and weak heart. I do, and that will be my perdition.
Eyes fixed on each other, we’re having a silent conversation. I’m begging him to understand that I’m not playing games for him to chase me. Regardless, I would drop into his lap and surrender.
I need him to let me go.
We can communicate with mere gestures and grimaces, apparently because he pushes himself off the wall and goes into his apartment. So near yet so far.
The door shuts, detonating in my ear. I fumble with my key card and walk inside mine.
“Hi, you. I made some avocado and cheese sandwiches,” Bailey chirps, peering from the kitchen, but I shake my head. I can’t even bring my mouth to talk. Eating is out of the question.
“Hey, what happened?”
I must really look as dejected as I feel because she puts her phone down and wraps her arms around me.
“Nothing, just a long day.”
“Are you nervous about dinner?”
Those stopped making me fearful a while ago, mostly because when you do nothing wrong, the Family leaves you alone. But today I slipped into insanity.
I change into an elegant tweed suit and ballet flats, apply a bit of makeup, and put my hair in a low ponytail.
The group meets outside, and each one gets into a black Mercedes coupe, the Family’s official transportation brand. But once we go to college, we’ll pick our own car.
Friday night, normal people go out and have fun. We attend dinner with a woman who has the power to decide our lives with a godly snap of a finger. I don’t stand a chance.
We drive past the thick wrought-iron gates and park in front of the opulent white mansion boasting high columns and double-hung windows. Getting out of the car, I curl my arm around Kaden’s. He stiffens while I give him a reassuring squeeze. We have to do what is needed to survive.
He nods, his lips pressing together in understanding.
We take the staircase toward the front door. Thomas, the butler, lets us in. The grand foyer sends a shudder down my spine. The outside is an architectural masterpiece, and the inside is filled with art and the finest decorations but empty of warmth, of life.
Then we walk down the long hallway, and Thomas opens the dining room door.
A crystal chandelier spans half of the ceiling. Fine tapestry and hardwood floors offer an old refinement vibe. Every piece of furniture is hand-crafted. This room has a regal touch just like the rest, perfectly fitting the status of the leader of the Family.
At the head of the long table, she checks the grandfather clock, but we’re punctual. Grandmother nods appreciatively. She’s dressed in all black, wearing her pearls, which give her the needed touch of color, looking elegant and intimidating as ever. I haven’t seen her in anything else since her daughter Cassandra died twelve years ago.
I plaster a smile on my face while she moves her eyes from our joined arms to our faces.
“Imagine it’s her. You have her back,” I urge Kaden.
It’s always the one sentence that makes him push out of his funk, and we walk to Grandmother, kissing her hand.
“You look lovely together.” She pats mine lightly.
What kind of grandmother sends her own granddaughter away? But that’s not even the worst part. Celine was a child accused of killing her parents. That should have been my first warning that this family is not normal. The second hint should have been that even though we share no blood ties, we have to use labels such as grandmother, uncle, or aunt.
We take our seats, and Grandmother says, “How is senior year going? I heard you invited the new student into your group.”
Kaden must sense the sheer panic wreaking havoc inside of me, and he rushes to answer. “Dane was causing a ruckus, and I thought if he was with us, he’d stop.”
“Interesting. You’ve allowed no one else in your group until him.”
I force myself to bite down on the filet while my thighs shake under the table. I hope I didn’t put a target on his back.
“You’re awfully quiet, Abigail.”
I choke on the piece of meat but quickly wash it down with water. Kaden squeezes my thigh, signaling to get a grip on my emotions.
“I’m sorry, Grandmother. I’m going through the curriculum for the second year architecture course. Stayed up all night.”
“Good. You and Kaden will be a formidable team. With you two at the reins of the next generation, I know my legacy will prevail.”
Shock mutes me for a moment. Women cheering and encouraging women to go after a career is not necessarily the norm in this family.
“Of course. That’s our greatest wish.”
“Duty, Abigail.”
Imagining Dane next to me makes the dream a sweet torment.
Grandmother eyes Bailey next, who squirms in her seat. While she openly disdains Celine, she disregards Bailey. I don’t understand what Grandmother’s problem is with her. But who knows her reasoning.
She moves on to Blake, who looks bored out of his mind and is not hiding it. His blatant I don’t care attitude could be dangerous. But he is the rebel of our group.
“Do we bore you, Blake?”
He places his hand on his heart in a mock hurt. “Of course not, Grandmother. These dinners are the highlight of my week.”
I hide my amusement at his sarcasm while Kaden sends him a pointed look to behave.
Grandmother clutches her pearls. “These dinners are a privilege. One you shouldn’t take lightly.”
Right. Maybe it was the death of Cassandra, but our parents’ generation doesn’t have a ruler. The leadership of the Family will move to our generation with Kaden as the next patriarch.
No wonder Felix had to pull strings and get his power kick by playing matchmaker. I am sure he’s bitter that the role of the patriarch didn’t go to him as the second born. Unfortunately that means, all of Grandmother’s attention is on us.
“We know, Grandmother,” all four of us say, like the obedient little sheep she wants us to be.
“Good. Never forget your role. We don’t want eyes on us.”
That’s why she would never let me be with Dane, even if things were different. It’s pointless. I disliked his recklessness, but I was drawn to it, anyway. And now my recklessness could cost me more than I can handle.
She completely ignores Bailey for the rest of dinner, which makes me angry enough that I’d like to stab her in her cold-blooded heart. Then again, I doubt she even has one.
When she excuses us, I can finally breathe steadily again.
“Same old fucking bullshit. As if we could ever forget our damned roles,” Kaden says when we’re out of earshot.
“Privilege… the arrogance is astounding,” Bailey says in a rare bout of indignation.
“One day, we’ll be free of the shackles,” I murmur.
“Cheers to that.” Blake raises an invisible toast, and we all head to our cars, driving back to school.
Inside my room, I slump in my desk chair and try to get through the coursework, but I can’t focus.
Bailey didn’t even come home. Knowing her, she’s hiding in the school’s IT department.
I go to Kaden and Blake’s side of the building, letting myself in when Blake barges out from his bedroom. He’s wearing jeans, a black T-shirt, and a bomber jacket, which makes his black hair and green eyes pop.
I cross my arms over my chest, raising a brow. “Two times in a week?”
“Stop with the sermon. I had to endure one hour of Cerberus barking bullshit.”
I burst into laughter. Leave it to him to make me laugh while nerves infest my calmness.
“A party? Is he coming too?” I ask before I can stop myself.
“Abi, do you have a crush?”
He taps the tip of my nose, and I swat his hand away.
“No.”
He backs up with his hands lifted in the air in a peace gesture.
“You haven’t answered.”
“Don’t wait for me, honey.”
“Asshole.”
I’m torn between being mad at Dane for not contacting me, and mad at myself for wanting that from him.
You should focus on your studies and lie low and not on partying if you want to get back to racing. I type, sending the message before rationality has time to voice concern for obvious reasons.
Dane sees it and leaves it on read, but no dots appear.
I can see you read it, at least deactivate that.
I am too far down the rabbit hole to get a grip on reality.
Returning to my apartment, I fling my phone to the couch when it rings, and I hurry to answer with bated breath.
“Meet me at my car in five,” Dane says.
“Wait, no.”
“Or I am going to knock on your door.”
He’s definitely crazy. I’m crazier. Two mad people like us should be kept apart. Far apart.
The engine roars in my ears, and he says, “Make that four.”
“Dane, no. I—”
“Better hurry because I don’t give a fuck who sees me.”
I rush to my room. Going through my closet, I put on jeans and a sweater, then I slip on my trainers and sneak out.
The chaperone looks at me but keeps quiet. Good for him. Blake prefers to pay them; I prefer to blackmail them.
I run toward Dane’s car parked behind the building.
He leans against his car emanating that bad boy vibe, making the good girl in me want to do bad things. Clad in a leather jacket, fitted shirt, and jeans, he looks mouthwateringly hot. He pushes himself off the side of the car and opens the passenger door for me, waiting until I climb in. A bad boy with manners. I have no chance.
He drags me to his face by the back of my neck, commanding tingles to lick at my lips. Goose bumps spread as soon as he’s in my vicinity.
“And here I thought I’d wait forever for you. You keep surprising me.”
“You wouldn’t wait forever for me.”
A heavy moment transpires between us. His enigmatic, dark eyes peer into mine.
“You’re not ready for my answer, princess.”
The intensity is almost too much, so I shift in my seat and quickly change the subject.
“You don’t get the fancy version of me when you basically blackmail me to meet you.”
His thumb traces up and down my pulse. “I’m all for this side of you.”
He starts the engine, his finger lingering on the button a moment longer. I’m so focused on him that I see the slight tremble of his hands on the wheel.
Before I can ask him, he takes off, the speed pushing me back into the seat. His frustration increases by the time we reach this place on the outskirts of Greenville, which I never even knew existed.
It’s on top of a cliff. The ocean laps at it, a constant slap of waves breaking against the stone. The half-moon casts a dim light over the green landscape, making it appear a magical, faraway place.
“What was that?” I whisper.
“Nothing.”
I can’t fault him for keeping secrets, so I let it go. Stepping out of the car, I hop on the hood, leaning back. The stars pepper the sky. For such a lovely and mysterious picture that has kept humanity wondering, the universe is lethal. Most beautiful things are.
From the corner of my eye, I see Dane propping himself on his elbow, watching me. If I just get to have moments with him, then I want to bottle them all up to remember this reckless boy who made me a reckless mess as well.
I turn to him, and he brushes a finger along my cheek.
“I can’t stay away from you,” he confesses. It’s as if he’s speaking of truths I might acknowledge but never voice.
“Obviously.”
He chuckles and comes even closer. “If you want me, I’m there. Okay.”
“Why?”
“Because you’re the only good thing in my life at this moment. When I’m with you, there is nothing else.”
I place my hands on his heart.
“Tell me, please.”
“You want all my truths?”
I nod, needing to know all about him.
“So my truths for your omissions? It sounds like a terrible bargain.”
“For my kisses,” I say, surprising us both because we remain silent for a few seconds. But then he pulls me into his lap, slamming his mouth on mine. His fingers dig into my ass, branding me with his fiery need. I love that he can’t keep his hands off me, can’t get enough of me.
His kiss deepens, showing his desperation for me and igniting mine. I lock my arms around his neck, gripping at the ends of his hair. Nothing else exists as we lose ourselves in each other’s mouths. I never want to miss the divine feeling of his lips pressed against mine, his tongue tangled with mine. Together, our lips create magic, a sensual dance taking me to the land of bliss.
Why can’t time freeze so I can savor it a moment longer?
When the kiss ends, a sigh parts my lips.
“Your kisses alone,” I murmur.
“Drive me mad,” he finishes.
On the hood of his car with me draped on his lap, he says, “After I found out why my father died, I did one stupid thing after the other, from street racing to getting drunk and driving home. Something changed once I lost control.” He stiffens, and I caress along his arm. He relaxes and continues. “My hands shake… If I got into my race car now, I don’t know if I’d burn it down or, by some miracle, want to drive it.”
“Why do you always go to alcohol and fire? Dane, you have to work through your problems.”
“If I’m burning, then I want my world to burn as well.”
I play with the ends of his thick, silky brown hair, needing to soothe him.
“Would you race now? It’s just you and me.”
“And a cliff.”
“Please, I want to watch you race.”
He squeezes my ass gently, and then he stands up with me in his arms.
This is my place, bathing me in a homey feeling.
When he lowers me to the ground, I yelp, and he steals a kiss. I doubt he needs to do that when I am so willing.
I slap his chest playfully, not stopping kissing him either. I am beyond questioning this insanity, so I accept it.
He places me in the seat and buckles me in, checking it twice.
“Do you trust me?”
“I do,” I say, believing it wholeheartedly.
“Even after I told you all of that?”
“Especially now. Fear is not always bad. Most of the time it keeps us alive.”
Adrenaline and excitement stir to life inside of me as he gets in the driver’s seat.
We’re on a narrow path that can’t even be called a street.
He speeds off, the sheer power sucking me into the seat. With expert dexterity, his hand, foot, and eye coordination impress me as he changes speeds so fast I don’t even have time to blink.
If I thought he was sexy before, it’s nothing compared to seeing him this focused, controlling the stick and all the horsepower with such ease.
I laugh, shout, and go through a hundred different sensations, feeling alive.
Dust rises behind us as he hits the gas pedal, driving as fast as the car goes. His hands never tremble and when the speedometer goes back down, I crash back into the seat, spent after the adrenaline wears off.
“That was amazing.” And hot, powerful, and addictive. “Would you teach me?”
“Next time. I’m still high on the rush.”
His smug smile does funny things to me, especially between my thighs. There is a throb there that feels unbearable.
He unlocks our seatbelts, drawing me in with his kisses. I climb over the center console and right into his lap. I couldn’t pick between my two favorite spots: his chest and his lap.
With my palms on his chest, his strong heart beats under my fingertips—the melody matching mine.
“Thank you.”
A bad boy with manners. Those are the most dangerous types of boys there are.
He glides his hand down my back, feather-light touches turning desperate. I feel him hard under me, and my thighs clench in response. I swallow, my throat suddenly dry. Just one more kiss, one more touch, I tell myself. Nothing will happen. I am in control and can stop this at any moment.
He curls his hand in my hair, fisting it, and I become pliant, forgetting everything else. Yanking my head back, he nibbles along my neck. Why does it feel like if he stops, I will die? My entire body vibrates at how good it feels, responding to his touch and kisses. I’m his for the taking.
“Dane…” I can’t even string a thought together, so I don’t even know what I want to say. But my hands know, because they glide over his toned torso, feeling every hard ridge of his six-pack.
“You’re going to wreck me,” he rasps, ravishing my mouth, continuing the slow, torturous, and addictive exploration of my mouth and body. He’s a drug that hypnotizes my brain while giving my body the ultimate high. He’s proficient in obliterating my common sense because I can’t stop indulging.
“Tell me to stop, princess. If you don’t, I’m going to tear every piece of clothing off your body until you’re naked and mine for the taking.”
Our breathing turns labored, fogging the car windows. Eyes locked, I can see the struggle in those brown orbs and the promise to do just that.
My body undulates against him, grinding and so damn wanton. He’s the one who awoke this side of me, lighting and stoking it so that I burn in the flames of desire. I should just give in and experience all the forbidden yet divine pleasure. But a small voice in my head ruins the sensory bliss, whispering words of wisdom I truly want to ignore, but can’t.
There’s a war wreaking havoc inside of me, tearing me apart between what I should do: stop, and want to do: continue. And it’s all because of him. I’m tiptoeing on the edge of madness, and the call of the abyss is so strong that I want to open my arms and embrace it fully.
“What are you doing to me, Dane?”
“You’re not ready yet.”
After a kissing and dry humping session that leaves me even more hot and bothered than before, he’s the one who pumps the brakes. Something dislodges in my chest, and my heart flops out and straight into his palm, knowing it’s safe with him. How quickly he turned from a stranger into the one person who I trust with the most vulnerable part of me.
“Thank you,” I say in a meek voice, subdued by emotions.
He pulls me to him, kissing the top of my head, making me feel cherished. Knowing I’m safe with him, I cuddle myself to him while he plays with our intertwined fingers.
“Do you miss home?”
His other hand caresses down my back. “At this moment, no.”
His words, his touches, his presence… it’s all so overwhelming in the best way possible.
“You’re still not getting in my pants.” I don’t even sound convincing, but he doesn’t call me out.
“I’m in no hurry, princess. I want your heart first. And after I have that, I’m going to make everything else mine as well.”
I stand no chance with this guy. None. Zero. And I don’t even want that. When we’re together, it feels like he’s my person, the one I’m meant to be with, which sounds surreal, considering we have known each other for such a short time.
“Is that so?”
“Stating facts. You’ll be mine. I’ll make sure you won’t be able to deny who you belong to.”
He eyes me with certitude, and my insides reverberate with that blatant knowledge. Whatever is on my face must confirm it because he chuckles.
“I wanted to give you some time, but then you messaged me.”
He brushes his knuckles against my cheek. “Abigail, give me something too.”
While I lean into his touch, I draw on his chest, opening up. “We have mandatory dinners every Friday at Grandmother’s. She’s the matriarch of the Family. Our family is not a typical one and there are rules. Rules you make me break.”
“That’s it?”
A sigh heaves my chest, but I can’t get him involved in my life. I would love to. But that’s just not in my reality.
I palm his face. “Thank you for tonight.”
He scoots up, holding me in place. “No, fucking no.”
“What do you want me to do, huh?”
“How about you and me instead of you and Kaden? Sweetheart, this is not one-sided. And don’t you dare deny it.”
I can’t because I don’t want to lie to him.
“You and me can never happen in the open. That’s all I can offer.”
What I don’t say carries more weight. Stolen moments, secret encounters.
“Ah, so you’re one of those girls keeping me her little dirty secret. I pegged you differently. My bad.”
He releases me, and I move back to my seat. I’m instantly cold without the cocoon his embrace offered me. Sadness swallows me whole, and I blink away the wetness gathering in my eyes. My happiness is not worth risking his life.
“You don’t know what you’re talking about.”