Chapter 24
I’m all over the place because of him. Going inside my room, I peel my clothes off. I’m weak in front of my greatest temptation and wildest desire. And staying away has always proved impossible, just like us.
Love, hurt, and anger battle for a primary spot in my broken heart while I can’t do anything but watch the carnage unfolding from the sideline.
I turn the shower on when I catch movement from the corner of my eye. A scream is already at the tip of my tongue when Dane’s hand covers my mouth, cutting the sound.
The water drenches his clothes. His hair covers a bit of those dark brown eyes. They appear almost black as they pin me.
Drowning in them, I push at his chest, only for him to back me into the wall. I guess one thing hasn’t changed: his proclivity for pushing me against walls and caging me in. Not escaping him is the story of my life.
He pulls his hand away. I open my mouth when his intense stare keeps me rooted in place.
“Scream and see what happens.”
I do just that, only for him to slam his mouth on mine, silencing me.
Time stills, my heartbeats leap, and my skin heats. Everything else vanishes as our lips lock. One kiss that has the power to drag me back from that dark place I’ve been shackled to for the last two years.
I give in, biting into his lip to make him experience the madness he puts me through. He groans and thrusts his tongue into my mouth, conquering me. Surrendering, the seductive and passionate dance of our lips sweeps me away. I am breathless when the kiss ends.
We stand perfectly still, facing each other. I place my hands on his chest, determined to get him off me, but my fingers clutch his jacket, pulling him back.
But I can’t be weak again and again for him. It comes at a cost that kills me a bit more every day. I release my grip only for my palms to flatten on his chest. I feel his heart racing under my palm.
“Leave. Please.”
I take a step back, and he makes a gesture for me to look at him. It’s not my fault he got in the water.
The sound of a knock has both of our heads flitting toward the door.
“Abi?” Kaden asks.
“Tell him I’m here and we’re going to fight. I’m so fucking ready for that.” Dane’s entire body ripples with an angry energy.
Keeping eye contact to let him show my annoyance, I say, “I’m in the shower.”
“Come to my room afterward,” Kaden says.
With each passing day, the anguish in his voice becomes more prominent. No wonder, given that we are cursed with lovers who don’t give a damn about us, only their own pain.
“Give me a few,” I respond.
Dane’s hands curl into fists at his sides, his head hanging.
“Still together…”
He throws his head back and repeatedly hits it against the wall. The thumps reverberate through my bruised chest.
Everyone has a weakness. He will forever be mine.
I palm his face, needing him to stop hurting himself and killing me in the process. I’m naked while he’s fully dressed—I’m completely vulnerable. He’s encased in armor.
“You’re going to bleed on my shower floor.” The bitchy retort flies out of my mouth in a desperate attempt to make him leave and stay away.
“Care about that more, huh?”
His hand cups the back of my neck and drags me to him.
“You’re the poison I keep drinking, yet it’s never enough to fucking kill me.”
I swallow, and all the hurt urges me to say, “Stop drinking it, then.”
He chuckles and avoids my glance. “Tell me how to stop then.”
One stringed-together sentence that is the perfect summary of our love story.
It’s always an almost beginning, never an end with us.
While he plops on his ass, I shower and wash my hair, closing my eyes.
He’s not here, I am not here. We’re not irrevocably broken.
A hard thump has me staring at the floor where his clothes lie in a wet pile.
He pulls me to him by my hand and kisses the top of my head. “We never parted the right way.”
“You mean when you wanted to fuck me like your fuck toy?” I ask in a small voice.
“The girl I loved was leaving me…”
“So you loved me?”
“Fuck, Abigail… I…”
“You can’t take words back. That’s the thing. Neither can you take actions back.”
“I’m fucking accepting my words and my actions. What about you? What about if the roles were reversed? I took that risk. I bet you would have never taken a single one.”
I risked it all. And I lost it all.
Frustration takes hold of me, and I throw my arms in the air. “Stop talking about things you don’t know.”
His eyes land on the inside of my wrist, and panic strangles my vocal cords.
I move to turn around when he grabs my wrist. I yank my arm back, but his grip becomes stronger.
His eyes fix on the brand and the tattoo.
“What the fuck is this?”
I try to pull away and again fail. His thumb caresses the raised skin of the “D” and the tattoo of two small filigree fires surrounding the initial.
When Felix the Fucker branded me with Dane’s initial, I went to a tattoo parlor and got the flames around the “D” as a small act of rebellion.
“It’s nothing.”
“This is for me.”
“So what?”
“Why are you hiding it? And why are there two flames?”
For you and what we could have had. It’s a testament to my deepest weakness. My love for him and what was ripped from me.
I open but slam my mouth shut.
“Answer me.”
“Why do you care?”
“Princess.”
“Stop calling me that,” I scream, hurting to my damn bones. Every time he calls me that it’s a reminder of the love I destroyed.
“Fine, tell me what it means to you, and I’ll consider it.”
I get out of the shower and, in a flurry of movement, dry myself before I change into my silk pajama set.
“Leave.”
He takes me in and rushes to block my way.
“You’re not going to him like that.”
I look up at the ceiling, wishing for guidance and patience.
“And how are you going to stop me?”
“Change, or you’re not going anywhere.”
I flop on the bed, jutting my chin out at him.
“Fine. If I don’t go to him, Kaden’s coming to me.”
He locks the door and prowls toward me. My skin erupts in goose bumps. If he’s crazy, I have to be too. We’re stitched together by the same madness.
He crawls on top of me, and my back hits the mattress.
“In your place, I would find a good excuse.”
“I will always be there for Kaden.”
“Stop saying shit like that. Stop saying his fucking name.”
“Kaden, Kaden, Kaden. Want me to continue?”
His fingers curl around my neck, squeezing lightly and tipping my head up to look at him. His touch fires up all those dormant desires. I can’t act on those, though. I can’t have a repeat of what happened two years ago.
My heart has withered away slowly. I know if there’s someone who could revive my aching heart and comatose body, it’s Dane. I’m weak for him, and I can’t allow the truth to get out, afraid of what he might do.
His wrath would burn the world down to avenge me, what we could have had, and especially what we lost.
“Kaden and I have our entire future planned.”
“Oh, Abigail. I’d burn that fucking future down along with him if it ever comes to that.”
He plops on the mattress and drags the blanket over his body.
“What are you doing?”
“My clothes are wet, and I am tired.”
He’s crazy. There’s no point in continuing to argue with him.
Rolling out of bed, I unlock the door, and he says, “You have two fucking minutes to come back.”
Inside Kaden’s room, I say, “Dane’s in my room.”
“Fucking shit…”
“What are we going to do? Celine, now Dane…”
“I need to get her out a second time now…”
What he doesn’t say rings louder. He’s postponing our escape plan.
“He can’t find out, Abi.”
“I know that.” I inhale deeply. “You should have warned me how much it can hurt.”
“You saw what losing Celine did to me, and that didn’t stop you.”
“I can’t believe she did that,” I say, looking at the place where his piano used to be.
“She does things I would have never seen coming. Her fighting skills, her attitude. It’s as if she has been trained for a mission. The question is, for what?”
“Aren’t you tired of thinking all the time?”
“If I stop, I will have to look at my life and that is truly something that would make me give up.”
A deep sigh leaves his mouth while I prop my hip against his desk.
“Is it awful if I love and miss the old her and want like crazy this new version of her?” he asks.
“We’re mad, you and me.”
He nods, shutting his eyes for a second.
“You still have the option to talk to her.”
“Celine doesn’t want to believe me, anyway. While I’m burning for her, she’s probably fucking Hunter at his place right now.”
Not being able to help him, I go to my room.
Dane must be asleep, his chest rising and falling in deep breaths.
I lock the door and find he has put his clothes on the chair to dry. I pick them up and inhale deeply, but the water diffused his heady scent. Tiptoeing downstairs to the basement, I put them in the dryer.
When I return, I notice he shifted and is now facing my side.
I put the folded clothes back on the chair, and then I climb into bed.
Taking in his sharp, chiseled features, my hand has a mind of its own. I trace his thick eyebrows with my finger. My heart screams with longing. It misses its mate. Tears well in my eyes, and I let them fall. No one is here to witness them. He’s near and so damn far.
I itch just to breathe him in when his arm drapes around me. Pulling me to him, I bury my face in his chest, and his arms tighten even more around me.
He’s dreaming, and I can’t pretend I don’t need and want him like I do—with every heartbeat, every fiber of my body, and every second of every minute of every day.
One night, just this one time. I place a kiss on his lips, and his eyes blink open.
“You’re here.”
“Where else would I be?” I ask in a soft whisper.
“I’m dreaming, right?”
I nod. His eyes close, and I steal another kiss.
He will never find out. This never happened.
But I’m greedy. That has always been the problem. Selfish. Lost. Broken.
“You want me to think this is a dream?”
“Yes.”
“Can I do anything I want, then?”
“It’s your dream.”
He rolls me back onto the mattress with him on top of me. His eyes pin me, keeping me there with no will to leave.
“We two, we’re inevitable, princess. But yes, it’s also a dream because reality will always crush it in the morning.”
He lowers his head and kisses me—long and hard until I could explode from just him kissing me. He’s savoring, tasting, and teasing my lips as if my mouth can satiate him.
Passion burns me up.
“Please.”
He moves down my neck and nips at my skin. It’s been too long since I felt anything resembling pleasure and now it’s all too much, yet I crave it all and more. He cups my breasts and latches onto one nipple, then moves to the other. Pleasure lights up my body. Need takes over. My back arches up, demanding more.
I am so wet and needy as he peels my shorts off. Slapping my thighs apart, I spread my legs on instinct. He traces his finger over my slit and a shiver skitters down my body.
“So wet, princess, and I haven’t even started.”
He shows me his glistening finger before he sucks it clean, groaning low. Seeing what my taste does to him sends a ripple of satisfaction through me. My core throbs in anticipation.
He buries his face between my thighs, eating me out like a ravenous man. I might combust any moment. I clamp my hand over my mouth when his tongue licks me from bottom to top. A zap of current goes through my body, electrifying me. He bites into my clit hard. That has me almost tipping over.
“Let me hear you or I will stop.”
My hand drops on command.
He eats me out with hungry lips, sucking on my clit so greedily that I see freaking stars dancing before my eyes. Moans explode from my mouth. How I missed all the frenzy he ignites in me. His palm splays on my stomach, holding me in place. There’s no need. I’m taking everything he gives me. He’s bringing me higher and higher with every lap, every nibble. I stand no chance.
My body is his canvas, and he’s drawing his lust on me, shaping me to his desire, and marking me with his need.
His drive and passion undo me, and when he pushes two fingers inside of me while nipping at my clit, I fall apart on a stuttered moan. My thighs still tremble with the aftershocks. I need a moment to call my soul back to my body after that powerful orgasm.
But he’s not done and won’t stop until I come undone. He peppers my pussy and thighs with soft kisses, filling me with all those wonderful emotions only he can.
Climbing on top of me, he braces himself on his palms on each side of my face.
I cup his cheek, and he leans into my touch. Strong emotions tug at my heartstrings. He drops a kiss on my lips, looking at me with pure love and heartbreaking regret.
“If you could have just loved me, princess, I would have made us work. I would have been all in and given you everything in me. I would have depleted myself to fill you.” He inhales deeply and continues, tone laced with sorrow. “I would have loved you with all of me, with a capacity of not one heart but of a hundred—for a lifetime and beyond.”
His words shred my heart, scattering all the pieces in my chest while he pushes inside of me, filling me.
How can it be that he’s inside of me, and I can’t keep him?
He’s saying goodbye. I close my eyes to hide my tears, yet they slip out.
“Eyes on me,” he commands.
My eyes open on his, but it’s him who can’t take whatever he sees on my face. He throws his head back, groaning more in pain than pleasure.
“I’m dying in your arms while I have you… you’re killing me…”
Why is my love toxic?
I’d do anything to ease him, but I’d only hurt him worse.
Our eyes lock, but his image is all blurred.
“Stop crying, princess. Please, I can’t take it.”
I wrap my arms and legs around him, offering him my body, hoping to bring him a bit of pleasure. He slides even deeper inside me, and a moan breaks free—a bit of pleasure while we’re both succumbing to despair.
I kiss him, pouring every fractured piece of me into him. I don’t have much left of me, but it’s his.
He moves inside of me, slowly in the beginning. I feel every ridge, every inch filling me to the brim. It feels so good. A gasp of pleasure slips out.
“So fucking tight… so fucking perfect, this sweet pussy I’d do the unthinkable just to feel it squeezing my damn cock.”
What starts as slow love making shifts into raw fucking.
He pounds into me, thrusting in and out so hard that I bite into his chest. The pleasure shoves the anguish away. He feels so damn good inside of me—my slice of euphoria.
Gripping my hair, he yanks me back, and bites into my neck, driving so hard and fast into me, the bed rocks.
My nails dig into his back as I feel my second orgasm skyrocketing. I cry out his name, coming and falling back, boneless.
Pulling out, he shoots his release on my belly, breathing heavily. Without him inside of me, tentacles of loss strangle my life essence.
Dane hops off the bed and goes to the bathroom, leaving me yearning, but not for long. He returns with a wet hand towel and cleans me. I’m already an emotional mess but him tending to me breaks and soothes my heart simultaneously.
He dresses quickly with jerky movements—he’s going to leave. I clutch at my heart to ease the sharp pain debilitating me. Why would I think he’d stay?
“Dane…”
“I can’t even look at you right now.”
How can we go from sharing something beautiful to this?
“I can’t do this again, Abigail. Are you this fucking cruel?”
I jump into his arms to stop him, to say with my body what I can’t tell him with words. Wrapping myself around him, I bury my face in his neck.
If he leaves now, I will shatter. The demons lurk right at the back of my mind, waiting, always waiting to catch me in their clutches.
I hold on to him like he’s my safeguard while knowing I’m the anchor that pulls him into the deep end, drowning him.
“Don’t hold me like you need me.”
His chest heaves with a deep sigh when I don’t move. “Abigail, princess, you made a fool of me so many times already. If you ever felt something for me, let me go.”
I stiffen in his arms, then peel myself away from him.
“Or make me stay. Give me a reason to stay. I need just one fucking reason.” What he doesn’t say sounds even more clear. If someone has that power, it’s me.
But I don’t. Instead, I climb into my bed and get under the covers. Pulling them over my head, hiding my hurt while counting one reason after the other.
Nothing has changed.
Nothing will change.
Dejection curls its claws around my neck, slicing me when he’s gone. I could have given him what he wanted, and then this misery would have ended.
But I can’t. And if he finally stays away, I will find the strength to do the same.
I am weeping on the inside because my tears have dried out over time. I’ve cried over my love for him, over his loss, over what we could have had—not for minutes or hours, but for days and months.
A knock on my door pulls me from my depressing thoughts, and Blake steps inside.
“How are you?”
I shrug. How do you tell anyone who cares about you that you’re slowly fading away?
The cure to my heartache is so near, yet taking it would not only be selfish but would end catastrophically. Dane could heal me. Only him.
“I saw Dane tiptoeing out. He loves you, Abi.”
“And because I love him, I can’t…”
“Both you and Kaden are fucking martyrs.”
No, just people in love. When you love, you want to protect the other person, keep them safe. It’s enough that I went through what I did and have to live with that pain pulsating inside of me.
“When you fall in love, you’ll understand.”
“If you say so.”
He leans against the doorframe, clothed casually in jeans, a shirt, and a bomber jacket.
“Going out?”
“Have a few fights tonight.”
“One is not enough?”
“Not even a hundred would be enough…”
“You know you can tell me… whatever it is.”
“Abi, don’t make promises you can’t keep.”
Nothing he could do or say would make me love him less.
“I’m coming with you.”
These walls will just close in on me, caging me in with despair, trapping me back to hell. If I stay, it will break me for good.
“Will you win?”
“I never lose.”
A cocky response, but I’ve never seen him with a black eye or bruised knuckles.
He waits for me downstairs to get changed. We walk toward the abandoned building, the night shielding the illicit affairs taking place.
Lamps are positioned on each side of the cobblestone path. When we reach what used to be the old sports facility, it’s full pandemonium inside. Cheers erupt, the crowd shouting Blake’s name.
At least a hundred people are here. Music blares from boxes placed in each corner. The high windows are all black, and ten lamps cast a yellowish light from the ceiling.
I see Xavier at the bar along the right wall, so Tyson can’t be far away.
These two have made quite a name on campus grounds, from organizing races, fights, and parties.
“I have to get ready,” Blake says.
I nod, and when Xavier sees me, he does a double take.
“Never thought to see you here.”
I place my elbows on the bar top. “I wanted to see what the fuss is all about.”
He leans over and says, “Blake’s undefeated. There are guys coming from other states to fight him.”
I steal a glance as Blake hops into the boxing ring in the middle of the room. Loosening his arms and legs, he cracks his neck a few times.
Tyson offers him the hand tape, both in deep talk.
I see the other guy entering the ring. He’s bigger than Blake, and my friend grinds his jaw, seemingly not impressed.
Xavier puts a shot of tequila in front of me. I down it, hoping to make myself forget, at least for a few minutes. From the corner of my eye, I see a familiar brunette. Sliding into the bar chair, I notice Mia going to a corner. Her eyes sweep around until they land on Blake. I watch her watching him until she must feel my stare. She comes over and takes the seat next to me. A purple hair clip decorates her shoulder length hair.
I ask Xavier for another shot. My belly warms, and there is a nice buzz coursing through my veins.
“This stuff is actually good,” I say, savoring the bitter taste yet sweet notes.
“I’m not into drinking.”
“No, you’re into things you shouldn’t be.”
A blush pinks her cheeks and her brows furrow.
“You must hate me on principle, with Celine being your friend.”
“I’m my own person. I make my own opinions,” Mia replies.
I knew I liked her.
“Still, you hurt my best friend,” she says.
“Your best friend should have enjoyed the freedom she was gifted.”
“If only it were that easy.”
A tap on the microphone causes both of us to shift our heads toward the middle of the building. Tyson is in the middle of the ring.
“Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the king’s show. On the left, Blake, the undisputed champion of Eagleton. On the right, what was your name again?”
Laughter breaks out. I can’t help but chuckle.
Mia leans into me and says, “Why does Blake do that?”
“I don’t even know…” Attention, validation, to feel something. I don’t say any of that, instead, I add, “We can’t stop him. Blake has always done what he wanted.”
“Then why is he miserable?”
“It’s the Family curse.”
The fight starts, and Mia is completely enraptured. She twitches every time the opponent comes close to Blake, but the other guy doesn’t stand a chance. Blake’s in his element, dodging perfectly every hit, throwing punch after punch with a precision that has everyone gasping.
It’s his show, and everyone has eyes only for him.
I snap my fingers in Xander’s face for another shot. He grumbles but makes me another one, quickly redirecting his attention to the boxing ring.
Blake is not even breaking a sweat. Toying with his opponent, he switches from one foot to the other. Dancing to a violent rhythm, Blake tires the other guy, who wavers on his feet. He delivers short but precise punches; his opponent’s brow splits and one of his eyes swells. With a right hook, Blake sends the guy flying and dropping onto the mat.
Mia jumps up, hand to her chest. I empty my shot in time for Blake and Tyson to come to us. Blake greets her with a jerk of his chin, no surprise flickering in his eyes. Hmm. Interesting.
“Silver,” he calls her in a soft voice I’ve never heard before.
“Blake.”
They keep looking at each other, completely ignoring whatever happens around them.
Tyson pulls me to his side. “What made you come tonight?”
Heartbreak. Instead, I say, “Same as everyone else, to have a good time.”
Blake leans into Mia, whispering something to her. She glares back at him, and then he gets back into the ring.
After two more opponents end on the mat, the fights are over for tonight. Five shots later, and I’m hanging on Blake’s arm.
“I love him so much,” I say.
“You’ve been saying that like a broken record. My ears are ringing.”
“I don’t know what to do. Tell me what to do.”
“I know for sure that I would die for the woman I love.”
A deep sigh heaves my chest. “That’s not reassuring because you would rather die than live and love.”
He flinches. “I need to get your drunk ass home.”
“Did I ruin your night? I did, didn’t I? I want to dance.”
I take a step back, colliding with Tyson.
“Easy there.”
“I want to dance.”
“No one is holding you back.” With his dark hair and eyes, he emanates that forbidden thrill girls can’t seem to resist. Yet, he does nothing for me.
“Blake wants to take me home.”
“If you want to dance, dance. You need to let loose. Let me handle Blake.”
I kiss his cheek. “Thanks.”
Letting the music sweep me away, I dance with Tyson for a while until he whispers in my ear, “Dane’s watching.”
I open my eyes to see him leaning against the opposite wall, holding me captive without even touching me.
Tyson pulls me closer. “He’s a lucky guy.”
“Hmm?”
“He’s the one you want.”
Tyson wraps his arms around my belly, undulating our bodies to the rhythm of the song. I might be in the arms of another guy, but it’s Dane who owns me. He pushes himself off the wall, a predator stalking his prey with single-minded purpose and undivided attention. Anticipation floors my insides.
“He can’t come to me.” I’m weak.
“Abi, the way he looks right now, I don’t think anyone could stop him.”
I turn around just to cut the connection, but then I’m ripped from Tyson’s arms. My back crashes into a familiar chest, sending my heart rate into overdrive.
Dane snakes his hand around my neck, pressing me harder into him. A buzz travels through my body, electrifying me. I’m high on him. No wonder I can’t withstand temptation.
“What are you doing here?” I ask, grinding against his dick.
He puts his mouth against my ear, awakening goose bumps on my neck. “Dancing with you or killing the guy who touched you. What do you prefer I do, princess?” His low and deep voice sends a delicious shiver down my spine. Not even the tequila could make me drunk like he does.
“I went out because of you.” I’ll never drink again. Apparently, the alcohol cuts the link between my mouth and brain.
“You did?”
Mouth, shut the fuck up.
“Yes. I wanted to forget for a bit. But I can’t.”
“What can’t you forget?”
Somewhere in the back of my brain, alarms go off. Multiple pairs of eyes are on us, yet for the first time, I don’t care. Let them watch and see who I truly belong to.
But then I come to my damn senses. I pull myself off him, which instantly chills me.
Rushing out, I push my way through the throng of people. Outside, the cool air wraps around my body, waking me up a bit from my alcoholic stupor. Dane is right behind me.
My arm shoots out to keep a bit of distance.
“How did you know where I was?” I ask.
He cocks a brow. “I have my ways.”
“Stalker.”
“You made me into one.”
I storm off.
“Your house is in the other direction,” he says to my back.
I come to an abrupt halt. “Right, thank you.”
“So polite, princess.”
I can’t let him bait me, yet I shift to face him so quickly that I trip over my feet. He’s there, catching me and tossing me over his shoulder.
“Put me down.”
“Let me get your drunk ass home.”
“You don’t need to. I didn’t give you a reason…”
“You’re my fucking reason.”
That quiets me instantly.
He places me in the passenger seat, and then he drives away. When we reach the college house, I sigh. “That’s not my home.”
He cocks his head. “Where is your home, then?”
“You.” I clap a hand over my mouth. “You should go. That’s what I meant.”
I get out and don’t look back.