Chapter 10 #2
I sit in silence for several minutes as I soothe her.
I shouldn’t be the person comforting her.
I’m the person hurting her, she just doesn’t know it.
After her breathing normalizes and the tears start to subside, I take a stuttering breath.
“Katie-cat…I don’t know what to say to all of that.
I think you are misguided about his feelings.
He is going with me to pick up your wedding dress. ”
I don’t know if I am trying to convince her, or myself.
“Because he wants time alone with you. He needs you to know why he hurt you.”
“You don’t know—”
“I do, Ellie. I overheard him on the phone with Emmy. The night that I asked you to go with him. He made his intentions for this trip clear. He thinks getting you on this trip is the only way you’ll hear him out.”
“That doesn’t mean he loves me, Katie—”
“He said it! He said the words. He said, ‘she needs to know that I still love her.’ I heard him say it!” she cries out, a mixture of anger and pain.
“So? He loves me. I love my friends too, Katie,” I say, desperate to stop her pain.
“That doesn’t mean he sees me any other way.
We had an intense friendship, and his actions hurt me.
I’m about to be his sister-in-law, so he probably wants to make amends before I tell on him,” I joke, trying to make her feel better.
She doesn’t smile.
I’m trying my hardest to salvage their relationship, though I no longer consider it repairable.
Not because of me, but because for the first time since Nate’s admission, I don’t believe that he is in love with my sister.
After Katie’s confession, I don’t believe that he ever has been.
I know what Nate’s love feels like, what it looks like.
What she described, what I see with my own eyes? That’s not it.
I sigh. “I’m not going tomorrow, Katie. We can transfer my ticket to your name if you want, but I’m not going to be a part of whatever elaborate game this is between you two.
Especially not when someone might get hurt in this entirely fucked up process.
That includes me, Katie. I love you, but did you ever consider how putting me in the middle of this situation might make me feel?
This isn’t fair to me, and it was a lot to ask. ”
After a moment of silence, I get up, ashamed of how I reversed the narrative.
I walk back inside, shutting the door behind me and make my way into the bathroom.
I slam the door shut in frustration. She’s the victim in this mess, but I didn’t ask for this either.
I didn’t ask to watch the man I once loved—still love—be with my sister.
I didn’t ask for these confusing feelings over a man I told myself I’d moved on from.
Feelings that position my two favorite people on opposite sides of my happiness.
Not that it matters, I’ve never put my happiness above anyone else’s.
A soft knock on my bathroom door brings me out of my thoughts. I open it to find Katie on the other side, eyes red from crying. I immediately step into her, hugging her close to me. It kills me to see her in so much pain.
“I’m sorry,” she whispers, her small voice hitching.
“I know I shouldn’t have asked you that and put all of this on your shoulders.
I’m just so lost. I don’t want to lose him, Els,” she sobs.
“I can’t help but feel like our relationship was a big ruse, one I had no part in. I think…I think his dad knew…”
“You think his dad knew what?” I ask, concerned anytime that asshole comes up in a conversation.
She pulls back from my embrace to look at me.
“Not long after Nathan and I started dating, his dad wanted to meet me. I thought that was a good sign, that maybe Nathan was more serious about us than I thought. Nathaniel came over for dinner one evening, and it went really well. He was charming and so kind to me. Nathan went to bed early, and I stayed up to talk with his father. Things got a little…weird. He asked me not to introduce Nathan to our family. He said with his political aspirations, the women his son dates are important. He said he wouldn’t want the wrong things getting out.
I don’t know. It felt…it felt like a threat. ”
“Why would Nate dating you affect his career?” I ask, taken aback but not surprised.
“I don’t know, Ellie. He didn’t tell me.
He just told me not to introduce Nathan to my family yet.
When a powerful man tells you something, you listen.
I used to think he wanted to be sure about me, maybe research our family and determine whether I am good enough for the Westin name.
Especially considering after Nathan proposed, Nathaniel mentioned how he couldn’t wait for Nathan to meet my family. ”
“That doesn’t make any sense, Katie. Why would you listen to that? Why would Nate?” I say, exasperated by this whole conversation.
“To be perfectly honest, Nathan never seemed interested in meeting my family. I didn’t think much of it, but now…now I wonder…did Nathaniel know about you and Nathan? About your friendship?”
I don’t miss the sarcasm in that word. She knows. Nate and I had much more than a friendship, and she is telling me she knows.
“As far as I know, Nathaniel didn’t know about us,” I say quietly, acknowledging the truth about our relationship. Katie inhales sharply, like she wasn’t expecting my honesty. That’s my fault, I put these lies between us.
She looks down, more tears slipping past her eyelids.
“I was thinking maybe he knew, and didn’t want it to affect our relationship.
Until we were more…settled. But I guess that doesn’t make sense.
It doesn’t even matter. It changes nothing,” she relents.
I can feel her defeat just as intensely as I can feel my own resolve fading.
“I’ll go, Katie. I’ll go with him, and then you will see that you’re wrong about everything.” I don’t believe a word I am saying. I don’t know if Nate still loves me, but I am certain he doesn’t plan to marry Katie. So why am I going? I know why. I just don’t have the courage to admit it to myself.
“Thank you, Els. I hope you’re right. I want you to know this isn’t about us. I know you’d never hurt me.”
I give her a small smile and turn toward the guest room. I don’t have the strength to respond. I’ve lied to my sister enough tonight.