Chapter 25 #2
His smile lights up his entire face. “I said I couldn’t wait for the day when I could walk down the street holding your hand for everyone to see.”
Lifting his hand to my mouth, I kiss his fingers. “I just remembered that moment, and I realized we get to do every day. I want everyone to see us, and I don’t care what they think.”
It’s such a simple thing, but it means everything to me to realize we have what we always dreamed of.
After finishing our purchases, we head home to get ready for lunch with Ronda and Heather.
Over the past few months, we’ve made it a monthly ritual to gather for a meal, taking turns between visiting them in Portland or them coming to Astoria. It’s our turn to host, and we’re serving a build-your-own taco and burrito bar.
We still have an hour before they arrive, so we’re tidying up the apartment and finishing the last of the meal prep when my phone buzzes on the counter.
It’s my mom. She’s never called me without scheduling the call first.
“Hey, Mom.”
There’s a momentary pause before a deep male voice speaks.
“Aiden?” the caller asks, sounding hesitant.
My nerves are instantly on edge. I’m crossing my fingers and toes it’s not my father, but it sounds a lot like him.
“Who’s this?” I growl.
“Oh, hey. It’s your brother…James.”
I nearly drop the phone. I haven’t heard his voice since he was ten.
“James?” I croak out, already heading toward the living room to sit down.
Hearing me say my brother’s name, Jay instantly switches into supportive boyfriend mode, following me to the couch and taking my hand. I put the phone on speaker so he can hear.
“Yeah, hey,” he says. “I know it’s been a long time. It took some convincing, but I finally got Mom to let me call you. I’m using her secret phone.”
“Wow! It’s really great to hear from you. How are you?”
“Honestly, things aren’t great right now.” The stress in his voice carries a heavy weight.
“What’s going on?”
“Well, before I tell you, I need to ask you something.”
“Sure, of course.”
“Why did you leave?” he asks, wariness in his voice. “Dad said you brought shame on our family. He made it sound like…like you did something criminal.”
“They never told you?”
I’m not surprised my brothers were kept in the dark, and even less surprised that my father made it seem like I’d done something illegal.
“No, I’ve asked so many times, but they wouldn’t tell me. Were you in prison?”
I pause, trying to keep myself calm.
This is the moment of truth I’ve feared for years, but I won’t hide who I am. I have the support I need now to face this head-on.
“I didn’t leave because I did anything wrong.” I breathe deep, letting out a long sigh. “He made me leave… because I’m gay.”
A thick silence lingers for a few moments. I hear him breathing heavily, but I wait him out.
James could react in any number of ways, and not all of them are good. He could be just like my father and a raging homophobe, for all I know.
Agony bleeds into every word when he finally speaks.
“Are you telling me I haven’t been allowed to talk to you this whole time… because you’re gay?“ His exasperated tone leaves me unsure how he’ll react.
“Yes.”
James explodes. “That lying, hypocritical piece of shit. As if what he’s done isn’t bad enough, he shunned his own son?!”
My breath catches. “What has he done, James?”
“That’s why I’m calling. Our family is in the middle of an epic shit show,” he rants. “Luke and I walked in on him in his office at the church, no less, having sex with a woman.
“After that mind fuck, and an image I can’t get out of my head, we’ve found out this isn’t the first time he’s done this. Mom finally admitted there have been others. She’s known…and she stayed.”
“Holy shit,” I exclaim.
Jay’s eyes are wide, matching my expression. The great Reginald Amato, a fine Christian man and holy defender of traditional family values, is an adulterer. Why am I not surprised? No wonder he got into politics.
“It gets worse,” James continues. “The local media caught wind of it, and they’re starting to swarm.
In case you didn’t know, Dad’s a state rep, and he’s got grand ambitions of becoming a congressman.
The shit is hitting the fan. I need to get Mom and Luke out of here. Do you still live in New York?”
My mom knows I moved to the West Coast, but she doesn’t know exactly where or that I’m with Jay. I thought about telling her, but it never felt like the right time.
“Actually, I moved to Oregon about six months ago,” I tell him.
“Oregon? Why’d you move there?”
I glance at Jay, who’s still holding my hand, his thumb brushing circles across my skin.
“Following my heart,” I say, smiling at him.
James exhales. “That’s farther away than I expected, but that’s probably a good thing. The further we can get from this mess, the better. Can we go there?
“Mom’s a mess, and Luke is… well, I don’t know what Luke is right now. I’ll bring my girlfriend, Shelly, too.”
“Of course,” I say, my mind already spinning. “Tell me what you need.”
We spend the next few minutes organizing the logistics. He’ll send me their flight details, planning to arrive in a couple of days. When we hang up, I lean back into the couch, eyes on the ceiling.
Jay squeezes my hand. “Are you okay?” he asks, curling into my side and resting his head on my shoulder.
I wrap my arm around him and breathe him in. I’m so grateful to have him by my side. The next few days are going to be rough, but I know, without a doubt, he’ll be beside me every step of the way.
“I don’t even know how I feel,” I admit.
“I’m excited to see my brothers and my mom.
It breaks my heart that they’re going through this.
But I’m furious with my father for being such an asshole.
I knew that about him, but I didn’t expect this.
He always made himself seem so perfect. I guess all that shiny perfection was covering some filth underneath. ”
Jay sits up and kisses me. “I’m here for whatever you need. I’ll take the day off from work so I can go with you to the airport. Where will we have them stay?”
“I have an idea for my mom, but that will wait for the moment. James, Shelly, and Luke can stay in the apartment next door since it isn’t rented yet. It’s a good thing we furnished it. It just needs some bedding and towels.”
A knock on the door halts our conversation. I’d nearly forgotten Ronda and Heather were coming. Jay gets up to let them in, while I head to the kitchen to finish prepping the food.
After exchanging hugs and greetings, we fix our plates of food and sit down at the round kitchen table in the open-concept living area, chatting for a bit about what’s happening in everyone’s lives before I bring up the subject.
“I got a phone call earlier that I wanted to tell you about.”
“Oh? Who from?” Ronda asks as she takes a bite of her taco.
“My brother, James.”
She freezes. She understands the weight of that name.
“Wow,” she says softly. “How’d that go?”
I start from the beginning: James’s voice on the phone, the shock of hearing it after all this time, his questions, his anger, and then the bombshell about our father. By the time I’m finished, Ronda looks pale. Heather looks like she’s about to flip the table.
“Yet another fucking man preaching to the masses how they’re all sinners and going to hell, and he’s out doing worse,” Heather rants.
I’m not surprised she went straight to her soapbox.
“Sweetheart, that’s not helpful right now,” Ronda says gently, patting her on the arm and giving me a sympathetic look. “Aiden, what can we do?”
“Well, that’s what I wanted to talk to you about.” I take a deep breath. “James said my mom hasn’t told them much. Just enough for them to know this has happened before.
“I know it’s a lot to ask, but would you be willing to let her stay with you? I think she really needs a friend right now, and I can’t think of anyone better.”
Heather starts to say something, but Ronda silences her with a look.
Then she turns to me, her face full of compassion. She sighs softly.
“I’d love nothing more than for her to stay with me. Losing her as my friend was one of the hardest things I’ve ever gone through, even worse than my divorce.” She pauses, looking down at her hands for a moment.
“I don’t think I ever told you this, but right before we left, she had suspicions that your dad was cheating.” She swallows, a shadow crossing her face. “I always wondered what happened, and I worried about my friend.”
Her steady eyes meet mine again. “Besides me, she didn’t have anyone else to confide in. Being the wife of the lead pastor meant constant pressure to appear perfect, to submit, and to keep quiet. I can’t imagine what she’s been through.”
My stomach churns. “But that was years ago. Do you think it’s been going on that long?”
Ronda nods grimly. “He changed when he got into politics. He was gone all the time, surrounded by temptations and filled with his own ego. I’m sure it didn’t take much for him to go down that path.”
He condemned me to hell, called me a disgrace, and cut me off from my family…all while he was breaking one of the Ten Commandments like it meant nothing.
What a crooked man.
After going over the details of their arrival and coordinating the logistics, Ronda and Heather eventually head home. I thank them both, and when the door closes behind them, I finally let out a long breath.
Today has wrung me out. All I want now is to crawl into bed and wrap myself around the man who’s stood by me through every second of this.