Chapter 27
Aiden
When we get home, I help my brothers and Shelly settle into the apartment next door.
I give them a quick tour of where things are and make sure they have what they need before telling them they can come to our place for dinner whenever they’re ready.
They seem grateful for the space to breathe and relax.
Jay is waiting for me in our kitchen with a cold beer in hand and a gentle kiss on my lips. It’s the first time we’ve been alone together since the drive to the airport.
“You doing okay?” he asks, watching me closely.
“I think so,” I say, taking the beer and threading my fingers through his.
I lead us to the couch and sink into his arms, needing the comfort of his body against mine.
“That was much heavier than I expected. God, my father is such a selfish bastard.”
I’ve been twisted in knots since I got the call from James. I dealt with my feelings about my father a long time ago, and I don’t want to dwell on them any longer than I need to. He was never truly a dad to me at any point in my life.
What truly eats at me are the years we lost because of him and his self-righteous narcissism. The relationships I could have had with my brothers all this time, the lies they were forced to believe, and the fear they lived with because of his control and manipulation.
I almost feel guilty for getting out from under it and leaving them behind. I’ve lived freely, confident in who I am, but they haven’t had that, and I never even considered that as a possibility.
My head leans on Jay’s shoulder as he gently strokes my hair, lost in my thoughts. Usually, I’m the one offering him comfort, being the steady support. But right now, I need to get out of my head and let him comfort me.
Straddling his lap, I press my entire body against him, holding on as if I were a man lost at sea clutching a lifeboat. Jay’s arms wrap around me as he showers me with soft kisses, whispering gently in my ear.
“It’s okay…I’m here…I love you.”
We stay that way for God knows how long, tangled up together. Jay is my person. Being with him makes me feel safe in a way I never thought I would. No matter how messy this gets, if I have him, I know I’ll be okay.
Eventually, there’s a knock at the door.
“It’s open,” I call, sliding off Jay’s lap and nestling into his side, not ready to let him go just yet.
James and Shelly step inside, their hands clasped and faces soft with affection.
“Sorry to interrupt,” James says. “You two look cozy.”
I pull myself away from Jay and stand up.
“No need to apologize. We just needed time together to decompress.”
“Oh, trust me, we get it,” Shelly says with a grin, leaning into James and kissing his cheek. “Jimmy and I are the same way.”
It throws me a little to hear him called Jimmy. I’ve never heard anyone call him that before. Our father was a stickler for full names and didn’t allow nicknames in the house. It’s ironic how the man who goes by Reg insisted everyone else follow the rules. Maybe I’ll start calling him Jimmy, too.
“Where’s Luke?” I ask, wondering why he didn’t come over with them.
“He’s taking a nap,” James replies. “He needed it. I actually wanted to talk to you without him around.”
I get up and head to the kitchen to grab some beers for everyone. Handing them out, we all settle into our seats in the living room. Jay slides close to me and takes my hand, a quiet show of support.
“You know Luke and I have always been close, being twins,” James begins, leaning forward, his elbows on his knees.
“But over the last few years, especially after we went to different colleges, there’s been this growing divide between us. I started questioning everything. But Luke, he won’t question a thing. I’ve watched him kill himself trying to be so perfect. I’ve never really understood it.”
He glances at Shelly, then back at me. “Until I went to Buffalo, I didn’t realize how sheltered we were growing up.
Not just sheltered, but isolated in a twisted Christian bubble.
We were taught only one way to think and believe, and if you didn’t fit into that box, there was something wrong with you. Something to be fixed.”
I nod, remembering what that world was like. How it felt to realize I was different and didn’t fit the expected mold. The one thing that kept me grounded during those years was Jay. We were the same, and we had each other, until we didn’t.
James continues. “I’ve met so many people who are different from me, and my world cracked open. They’ve helped me see things in ways I didn’t know were possible.”
I smile. “It’s amazing how that can happen when you open yourself up to more.”
He looks at me, piercing me with a dead serious look. “I want you to know, all I care about is that you’re my brother, and I want you in my life.”
We’re both on our feet, wrapping each other in a fierce hug, tears freely flowing down our faces.
This is more than I ever dared to dream of.
Not only did I find the love of my life again and start building a future together, but I also got my family back.
There are still challenging hills to climb and battles to fight, but my tribe keeps growing, and I feel like we can face anything as long as we have each other.
We finally break apart, Jay and Shelly watching us with puffy eyes. I’m thankful that both of us have partners who understand how much this means. I know little about Shelly, but I get the feeling she’s a driving force in my brother’s life.
Settling back into our seats, I say to James, “I hate talking about Luke without him here, but he doesn’t seem to offer much. How’s he doing?”
James loudly exhales. “He’s not good. This whole thing with Dad has fucked with my head, but it’s nothing compared to what it’s doing to Luke.”
“How so?”
The Luke I remember was quiet and reserved, so his behavior since he arrived hasn’t completely surprised me. I thought it was just his personality. But maybe it’s more than that.
“You need to understand,” James says. “Luke has let Dad dictate everything in his life, including where he’s going to school, his major, his career path—everything. I’ve asked him so many times why he does that, but he’ll never give me a straight answer.”
Shelly adds, “I’ve gotten to know him over the last week. We hadn’t spent much time together until now, but I’m starting to understand him, I think.”
James beams at what she says.
“Shell is really good at helping people open up. It comes naturally to her. It’s why she’s majoring in social work,” he says, pride dripping from every word.
She smiles at him, clasping his hand and gazing at him with heart eyes. It’s sweet.
“From some things he’s told me, which I will not share,” she says, pointing a finger at James as if they’ve talked about this before, “he’s been driven by fear for a very long time. And fear can be a powerful motivator that can choke the life out of you.”
I’m all too familiar with that feeling. Fear kept me from reaching out to my brothers for years—fear of the unknown, of rejection, and what my father might do if I tried. His influence is extensive, and I lacked the support I needed to face him. But I have that now.
James adds, his voice strained. “When we walked in on Dad with a woman in his office, something in Luke shattered. I’ve never seen him like this.” He drags a hand over his face.
“And it’s not just the cheating.” His jaw tightens. “The woman, Amanda, is part of the college ministry Luke leads at church. A few weeks ago, Luke went to Dad for advice because she was struggling. Dad told him he’d help…get her support.”
James’s voice cracks. “Then we walked in and found him with her. It’s so fucked up.”
My stomach turns. This whole situation gets worse by the minute. I assumed he was having an affair with a woman of his own age, not a vulnerable girl in college whom he took advantage of.
“Is there anything we can do to help Luke?” Jay asks, his voice gentle but steady.
My man always leads with compassion, and I feel a swell of gratitude just hearing the question. I squeeze his hand, silently thanking him.
James sighs. “I honestly don’t know. After we caught Dad with Amanda, Luke word-vomited everything in the heat of the moment. But since then, he’s shut down.” Exhaustion spreads across his face. “Shell has an idea, though.”
Shelly leans forward. “My uncle runs a retreat center in upstate New York. The center specializes in helping people dealing with religious trauma and deconstructing. It’s a very supportive environment.”
That’s not a phrase I’m familiar with, deconstructing. I’ll have to ask about that later.
“Do you think Luke would even consider it?” I ask, just as the front door slams shut.
I hadn’t heard it open.
“Consider what?” Luke says sharply from the entryway, a look of dread on his face.
He must have caught the tail end of our conversation.
James stands and takes a cautious step toward him. “Hey…Shell was suggesting it might be good for you to go to the retreat center her uncle Simon runs. I think you might need some help.”
Luke shifts awkwardly, tugging at the hem of his shirt. “Look, I know I’m not handling this very well. But do you really think going to some hippie spiritual retreat is the best place for me?”
Shelly walks slowly over to him, her voice gentle.
“Sweetie, it’s not like that. It’s a safe space to ask hard questions without getting a prepackaged answer.
Simon used to be a priest. He got into it for all the wrong reasons, trying to be something he wasn’t, and he finally realized that and left.
He knows what it’s like to question everything. That’s why he started the retreat.”
Luke looks down, his voice barely above a whisper. “I’ll think about it.”
Sensing this is too much for him, I steer the conversation to safer ground.
“What sounds good for dinner?” I ask.