4. Chapter Four
Chapter Four
Hudson
I can’t remember the last time I was in a crowd of this many people.
It had to have been some time in college.
Back when I played football and would be at games.
It used to be so easy… at least, I thought it was at the time.
I hadn’t realized the toll it was taking on me.
All the social stuff was a lot, and I’d gotten so used to being run down that it became normal.
After college, I discovered that the exhaustion I felt wasn’t just from the alcohol and lack of sleep. It was mental exhaustion from masking all day to fit in.
I’d promised myself I wouldn’t do that anymore. That it wasn’t worth it. That there’s no reason to do that to myself.
Yet, here I am.
In a loud ass place with hundreds of people talking and laughing.
It feels like nails on a chalkboard, but I try my hardest to focus on the conversation the guys are having.
Something about relationships and dating.
Alex says something about being with someone but fucking it up.
No surprise there. He never was the settle down type of guy, and I can’t believe he even attempted it.
I nod along, answering when they speak to me, but everything is foggy. I feel like a robot, my mind already exhausted from forcing myself to not freak the fuck out over how overwhelming all of this is.
How do people do this?
How did I do this?
A wave of relief hits me when everyone decides it’s time to go. There are plans for lunch before the opening tomorrow, which I agree to, but I can’t be sure I’ll actually go. This was all too much, and though tomorrow won’t be like this, it’s still a lot.
But I can do this. It’s only two more days.
We make our way outside, say our goodbyes, and I’m looking left to right to recall which way I came from, when Trey is in my vision, smiling at me.
I can’t help but smile back.
“You okay?” I ask.
“Yeah, I’m good. Are you okay?”
I run my hand through my hair. “Fine.”
“Don’t lie to me, Huds. Something is going on.”
I stare at him, unsure what to say. Am I that obvious? Do I suck this badly at pretending to be okay these days? Fuck.
“I’m just tired, Trey,” I say, rubbing the back of my neck. “It’s been a long day, and it was loud as fuck in there.”
“Yeah,” he says carefully. “It was pretty fucking loud. And the guys don’t help.” He rolls his eyes. “Like a bunch of damn animals.”
I huff a laugh. “No, they don’t.”
“Do you wanna do something?”
“Like right now?”
He shrugs a shoulder. “Yeah, right now.”
“Oh, I, uh… was hoping to go back to the hotel and chill out.”
“You could come to mine. Like when you used to visit my dorm.”
“For…”
“I don’t know, Huds. It’s been forever since we saw each other, you know? I just want to catch up.”
“I don’t—”
“Come on ,” he pleads. “I promise to keep the noise level to a minimum.” He leans in close, lowering his voice. “I’ll even talk like this if you want me to.”
I shove him away, laughing. “Fine. But I’m not staying long.”
“Totally. Whatever you want.”
I follow Trey’s lead to where his hotel is, which is thankfully in the direction of mine. I won’t have far to walk back to my hotel.
“So, what have you been up to?” he asks as we dodge the New York crowd.
“Working, mostly. You?”
“Same. I travel a lot. For work, I mean. You’re doing analytic stuff, right?”
“Yeah, I’m an operations analyst for the Minnesota Wolves.”
“Whoa,” he mutters. “Have you met any of them?”
“Just Trevor Hill once.”
“Holy shit! You met the Trevor Hill?”
“It’s not that serious.”
“He’s got some of the best stats as a QB in the history of the team.”
“Yeah… I know,” I deadpan.
“Oh, right.” He laughs. “Sorry for fangirling. The agents at Nutri-Go would have a heart attack if they could get him on the endorsement list.” He whistles.
“It’s fine,” I say. “I get it. A lot of the people in the office dream about meeting the guys on the team. But they’re just other guys, you know? It’s like Alex. We know him as Alex, and then you have all these people fawning over him like he’s something special.”
“Well, he kind of is.”
I roll my eyes. “Yeah, but he’s just our friend. He’s a person.”
“Yeah, yeah. So, what else have you been doing? You said you aren’t seeing anyone, but are you interested in anyone? You dating?”
“No, no one. No time for that.”
He hums his agreement. “I’m here,” he says, pointing ahead to the hotel on the corner.
“Get the fuck out,” I mutter.
“What?”
I look at him, smiling. “This is where I’m staying.”
“Shut the fuck up.”
“I’m serious.” I pull my keycard from my pocket to show him. “Twenty-second floor. You?”
“Twenty-nine.”
The doors slide open as we reach them, and we walk into the spacious lobby that is relatively quiet, other than the soft classical music playing over the speakers.
“Let’s grab a drink before we go up?” he asks, nodding in the direction of the bar, that’s down the hall and past the elevators. “I have zero alcohol in my room.”
“I don’t really drink anymore,” I say with a shrug.
“Because you don’t want to, or because you don’t want to?”
I groan and move toward the bar. Trey always was good at getting me to do things that I didn’t want to do.
It’s like doing it with him made it a little easier.
Knowing he was there in case I needed him helped.
I never needed him, though. At least, not really.
There was that time in Vegas when I was drunk as hell and threw up everywhere.
He took care of me. I’ve never forgotten that.
It meant a lot to me. I’m sure he hardly remembers it at all. Just another drunk night for us.
There’s always been something about Trey that was calming.
If I were going to tell anyone about my diagnosis, it would be him.
He’d understand. He’d get it. He wouldn’t judge me or look at me differently.
But it doesn’t matter because this is only a weekend together, and then we go back to our normal lives.
No need to get into personal details when we aren’t going to see each other again for…
who knows? Another eight years. Maybe ten. Or maybe never.
“Where is it that you live now?” Trey asks as we take up stools at the bar.
There is a couple sitting on one end, and a few singles scattered around.
“Minnesota.”
“Well, yeah, but where? I keep tabs on everyone, you know? Just wanting to see what everyone is up to, and you never post a damn thing. I wouldn’t even know your birthday if it wasn’t so easy to remember.”
“You remember my birthday?”
“Uh, yeah. One-two, bro.”
I huff a laugh. January second. That’s my birthday.
“What can I get you guys?” the bartender asks as she puts down coasters in front of each of us. She’s a young girl, dark hair up in a ponytail. Pretty. Probably gets really good tips.
“Whatever beer you have on tap,” Trey says.
“I’ll have the same.”
It’s easier than going through all the options and trying to figure out what I’ll like or won’t.
“She’s hot,” Trey mutters, staring at the bartender.
“Uh, sure,” I say, looking anywhere but at him or her. My cheeks get warm. I’m not shy, but I don’t like this subject.
“Think I could get her number?”
“Yeah, probably. I don’t see why not.”
From the corner of my eye, I see his narrow-eyed stare. “Are you sure you’re okay? You’re… different.”
“We all are,” I say quickly. “I mean, it’s been eight years, Trey. We’ve grown up. Our prefrontal cortex is fully developed now.”
Trey shakes his head, giving me a smirk.
“I don’t know about we ,” he says with a shrug.
“The rest of those guys all seem like the same exact people.”
“Andre and Paul have kids. They were joking around and going along with the conversation because this is our dynamic. This is how we know each other. But if we saw them alone? In their own element. I bet we wouldn’t even recognize them.”
Trey’s eyes are wide and I realize I went too far.
“Sorry,” I apologize quickly. “Didn’t mean to get weird about that.”
“No, it’s totally fine. I know what you mean. We’ve grown up.”
“Exactly.”
“Do you want to start a tab?” the bartender asks as she puts our beers down.
“No,” I answer quickly, not wanting to stay longer than this one beer.
She prints a receipt and hands them to us, but I grab Trey’s before he can get it and put my card on the table.
“That’s for dinner,” I tell him.
He laughs to himself and picks up his beer, taking a long swig.