14. Chapter Fourteen
Chapter Fourteen
Hudson
I don’t know what it is that has my dick hard. This isn’t an issue I have often. For a while, I was sure I’d used up my dick in college between all the alcohol and girls that I hardly remember. It was all a drunken fog.
But since then… there’s been no one. My focus has solely been on work and dodging my parents when they call to check up on me, and the rest of the time I’m just trying to get as much breathing room as I can from my therapist’s suggestions.
Maybe that’s the problem. Maybe I’m too busy. So busy, that even my own dick isn’t interested in me… or anything I do. Am I really that boring?
Looking up at the ceiling, I let my mind wander to all those memories Trey brought up earlier. The parties we went to. The girls we fucked.
I used to be fun. I did things and hung out with people and had experiences.
I never let my diagnosis stop me from anything back then.
I can’t say I wanted all those things, because I don’t really know if I did, but I never let my diagnosis get in the way.
I blended in, as I was supposed to. It wasn’t so bad…
But after graduating and getting my job with the Wolves, I somehow turned into a hermit and became everything I promised myself I would never be.
My throat gets tight as I focus on breathing. What about today is so different? What is it that has my dick springing back to life? The stress? That seems like it would have the opposite effect. The storm? Unlikely. Can’t be because I’m tired—that also doesn’t feel right.
But it could be…
No. It couldn’t possibly be because of Trey.
Could it?
I mean, the last time my dick was interested in something was when we hung out all those years ago, but it was never because of him… was it?
No, definitely not.
Right?
I can’t be sure.
Especially now.
There’s something about the warmth of his body next to me that is equal parts familiar and new at the same time.
His smell, like hotel shampoo with the faint edge of sweat.
His breathing, steady and almost hypnotic.
The way he came to my rescue today. The comfort he gives me, even after all these years, like nothing’s changed, even though I’m acutely aware of how everything has changed. I certainly have.
There’s just something about him that suddenly has me thinking all these strange thoughts that I’ve never considered before.
Am I into guys?
I can’t say I’ve ever thought of one as attractive before. Though I can say that the only reason I ever commented on women being attractive was because the guys did and it made sense.
People do things in college because they know it’s temporary.
They know the damage they cause won’t last forever.
It’s what typical people do when they go to college.
They drink a lot, fuck a lot, stress about their grades even more.
But they get through it. And what happens never really matters.
At the moment it feels monumental, but after it’s over?
It just becomes a memory, and all the energy that was once there fades away until it’s just something that happened.
What if this is like that?
We’re going home tomorrow, to very different places.
We’ve talked about texting and talking, and maybe we will, but seeing each other again?
It’s unlikely. Very unlikely. Look how long it took for us to get together this time, and it was purely a group thing, arranged by Alex for Austen.
Trey and I both have busy jobs. There’s no way we’re going to see each other anytime soon, and we don’t have to worry about any awkward run-ins because of the distance.
Austen and Cameron are together, and they were friends all those years ago.
I definitely heard Mack and Alex going at it today.
So… what’s wrong with me seeing if Trey wants to hook up?
Like… just this once.
It doesn’t have to be anything. It can be just like college.
No strings. No expectations. Just getting off and going on our way.
Though he hasn’t given me a single hint he would want this, and I could ruin everything if I ask, but if I don’t…
I’ll never know what could have happened tonight.
I’ll always wonder what he would have said.
Pick it apart along with the other things I’ve never said out loud, when I spiral into my failures, and live the rest of my life knowing I’ve grown into a boring human.
I’m doing this for my dick. Just to make sure it’s not broken. I’m sure guys do this all the time. People joke about it, but I’m pretty sure it’s a real thing. Guys just don’t like talking about it because of their toxic masculinity bullshit. They think being into guys makes them less of a man.
I don’t think that at all. In fact, I think the idea that men need to be rugged all the time is a little ridiculous.
Maybe that’s why I never bothered with making friends in college outside of the guys, and that only happened because of proximity, I think.
Had we not all been on the same team, I don’t know if we would have been friends.
Would I have met the guys some other way?
How much do I really have in common with them?
What I do know is my dick is aching in a way I haven’t felt in a long time. I close my eyes and wonder if I should just roll back over and go to sleep. I don’t think it’ll work—my dick is demanding and impatient.
“Trey?” I whisper, needing to see if he’s even awake. I could have all these thoughts going in my head for nothing. He did say I could talk to him about anything, but if he’s sleeping, then I need to go to sleep.
“Yeah?” he says, sounding more awake than I thought he’d be.
I don’t know if I’m relieved or disappointed.
“I, uh… I need to say something that I’m already regretting, so I just need to hurry up and say it. And if it’s a bad idea, then I’m sorry, but I need to let it out.” I clear my throat. “I think I, uh… I think I want to have sex with you.”
The room is so quiet I can hear my heart beating. I feel it in my throat, too.
Trey doesn’t move even an inch. I don’t think he’s breathing either.
Maybe I killed him because my question was so fucking stupid.
Because I’m an idiot and don’t know how to read the room because I’m a hermit who never goes out anywhere.
I’ve lost all the social skills that I built when I was younger.
Every last one of them. You don’t just tell people you want to have sex with them.
What the hell is wrong with me? I’m an idiot.
But because I’m nervous, I’m going to keep blabbing instead of shutting up and going to sleep.
“It doesn’t have to mean anything. And, like, you could pretend I’m someone else if you want—”
He turns his head to look at me. Even in the low light, I can see his eyebrows furrow. “Why would I want to do that?”
Fuck. I knew this was a bad idea. The worst I’ve had in years.
“You’re right. I’m sorry. I knew it was stupid to say something. I’ve just been struggling with my sexuality, and people in general, and I knew I shouldn’t have—”
“No, Huds,” he says, turning over on his side.
His gaze finds mine. “I mean why would I want to pretend you’re someone else?
” There’s a heavy breath between us as his words land on me, and I most definitely notice the way his gaze drifts to my mouth because it hovers there for what feels like forever before he looks back up at my eyes.
“I don’t know,” I blurt out. “I just—” I try to find the right words, but it’s not as easy as it should be because all my attention is being pulled to my dick.
“Can I be honest with you?” he asks, his voice barely a whisper.
I nod.
“I’ve been having weird thoughts too,” he says softly.
“I don’t know if it’s being around Cameron and Austen, or you talking about Alex and Mack.
Maybe it’s some weird midlife crisis thing, but I, uh…
” He runs a hand through his hair, biting his lower lip.
I think he’s going to recant his words from earlier.
You can tell me anything. But I really meant anything but this.
But that’s not what he does. It’s not what he says at all.
“I’m not opposed to the idea.”
I blink, making sure I heard him right.
“Really?” I ask breathlessly.
He scoots closer, grinding against me, and I feel his hard dick against mine.
“One hundred percent.”
I swallow hard.
“Fuck,” I breathe out, feeling the unmistakable twitch of his dick. “That’s hotter than I thought it would be.”
He lets out a shaky breath, licking his lips as he settles a hand on my waist. His palm is hot enough that I feel him through my shirt.
He grips me, pulling me toward him with the slightest motion.
His fingers slide over the waistband of my sweatpants, and I wait all of two seconds before shoving my pants down and tearing my shirt off.
Trey does the same, and all caution is out the window.
I crawl on top of him, finding his mouth with mine.
If we’re going to do this, we’re going all out.
If my dick is interested in Trey, if I am interested in someone, I’m not going easy. It’s been too long, and I’m not sure I’ll ever have the chance to do this again. So I intend to make the most of it.
“I’m sorry if this sucks or if I last two seconds.
I haven’t done this since college,” I say against his lips.
He tenses, and I think he’s going to backtrack everything.
Tell me that he’s changed his mind. If he wants me to stop, I will, but I won’t lie and say I won’t be disappointed as hell, if that is the case.
And just as I’m about to brace for the impact of his rejection, he settles a warm palm on my hip and looks at me curiously.
“You’ve been with guys before?” he asks.
“No. Sex.”
“Whoa—” He presses both hands against my chest, putting some space between us. “You haven’t fucked anyone in eight years?”
“Well, no. Four. I was in college longer than the rest of you.”
“You think that’s any better?” he asks.
“Does it matter?”
“No, I just…”
I grip his jaw and kiss him again, this time really feeling him.
Tasting him. His lips are soft. So is his tongue.
He lets out a sound that is a cross between a grunt and a sigh.
It might be the hottest thing I’ve ever heard.
He kisses me back hungrily. One hand slides to the back of my neck, gripping so hard his fingernails dig in.
He bites my lower lip before he sucks on it.
His tongue grazes mine as his grip on me tightens.
He’s more aggressive than the girls I’ve been with, which isn’t surprising.
“I don’t know what the fuck I’m doing,” he admits.
“Neither do I,” I say between kissing him. “Just don’t think about it.”
Nodding, his mouth finds my neck. He licks and sucks at my flesh, biting it teasingly. My dick throbs, and I grind against him, needing the pressure, needing to feel him.
It’s not enough, so I spit into my hand and reach between us, grasping us both together to jerk us off. His head falls back as he groans.
“Holy fucking shit,” he says, thrusting into me.
“Fuck, that feels good,” I say, stroking us faster. “Kiss my neck again.”
I lean down, lifting my knee higher to get more steady support. His mouth finds my neck without hesitation. He whimpers, sharp breaths leaving him.
“Fuck, Hudson,” he breathes out. “I think—”
“Me too,” I say, just as my orgasm hits me.
My eyes squeeze shut as I let the pleasure roll through me, cum covering my hand. I hear Trey moaning too, and the thought of him coming because of me has my orgasm lasting forever.
“Fuck,” I hiss, resting my forehead on his warm chest. His heart is beating so fast and so hard. I glance up at him. “Are you okay?”
“Are you?”
“Definitely.”
I haven’t felt this good in years.
“You’re not freaking out?” he asks, his eyebrows furrowed again.
“No. Are you?”
“No, and that’s what’s making me freak out.”
“Huh?”
He lets out a sharp breath, closing his eyes. I shift so I can look down at him. “What’s going on?”
“You just jerked me off. I had one of the best orgasms of my life. And your cum is all over me. I should be freaking out about this, but I’m not, and that’s freaking me out.”
“What’s there to freak out about, Trey? It’s just sex.”
“Yeah, gay sex. I don’t think I’m gay.”
“You don’t have to be gay to have sex with a guy. I’m not.”
“What the hell are you saying?” he blurts.
I get up and go into the bathroom to get a towel.
Maybe he’ll feel better when my cum isn’t all over him.
I consider wiping him up, but that might freak him out more, so I hand the wet towel to him instead.
He wipes himself up, then pushes to sit up against the headboard.
His dick is still a little hard, resting against his leg, and I wonder what he tastes like.
“This doesn’t have to be anything, Trey. Don’t overthink it.”
“What did you mean when you said you don’t have to be gay to have sex with a guy?”
I huff a laugh. “Trey, there are so many things in between. It isn’t just gay or straight. Honestly, after this, I’m pretty sure I’m demisexual.”
“What does that even mean?”
I sigh, running a hand through my hair. “I haven’t had any interest in sex since leaving college, and I’m convinced I only did then because I was drunk half the time and everyone else was doing it.
I did a lot of things to fit in then, and that was one of them.
But since leaving college? I haven’t been interested in anyone.
Not until now. I think that’s because I’m comfortable with you.
” He says nothing, so I continue. “Look, if you regret it and want to for—”
“No, that’s not it. I don’t regret it.” He sighs, running a hand through his hair again. “It was hot as fuck, if I’m being honest. It was just…” He licks his kiss-swollen lips, dropping his hand to his lap. “It was my first time with a guy, and I need a minute to process this, okay?”
“Got it,” I say, settling into bed and pulling the blankets up.
“Are we supposed to cuddle or something?” he asks after a long moment. I hear the humor in his tone.
I look at him over my shoulder. “Only if you want to.”
He looks at me curiously.
“Do… you?” He clears his throat. “Want to, I mean?”
He’s trying to play cool, maybe even be a little aloof. I don’t think I’ve ever cuddled after sex before.
“Sure,” I say, resting my head against the pillow and closing my eyes. I’m already falling asleep when I feel Trey’s arm come around my waist.