Epilogue
Two Months Later
Quinn
Igrip Reid’s hand and inhale the pine-scented air.
The log cabin had been an all-too-brief respite from the leash Ilya had managed to tie around my neck, and I’m glad we’re back here.
There’s no leash now. I’m as free as I can be while weighed down by a persistent guilt that I can’t yet shake. I’m hoping today will change that.
“Just remember, you can stop this at any time,” Reid says, dragging his heels as we walk away from the row of cabins. The day has lost some of its heat, but it’ll be a while before the sun sets. “If it gets too overwhelming. Or if it just feels wrong. Stop. You can try again another time.”
I tug his hand, forcing him to keep walking. “Reid, I can’t promise I won’t get upset. You know I will. But I have to try this,” I insist. “And there won’t be another time. This isn’t a rehearsal. Either it gives me what I need, or it doesn’t.”
As we head for the woods, I wave to Levi. I didn’t question when two men were assigned to protect us during our week-long trip. There’s no harm in being cautious. We’re not too far from Poulton Springs, and the Griffins still don’t trust Barrett, even without Ilya’s influence.
I’m hoping to visit the town before I leave. I’ve heard Clara is back and has returned to her old housekeeping job. According to Tandy, who, unlike Clara, is still speaking to me after my switch of allegiance, there’s been a lot of activity at the estate.
“I hope Strider’s set this up properly,” Reid says.
He’d wanted Mace to work on my little assignment, but even though I’ve been living under the same roof as Reid’s brother for over three months now, Strider’s known me forever.
He was our neighbor when Blake and I were growing up, and we often sought refuge in his house, spending most of our time in the basement where Strider is currently waiting for my call.
“I know you’d feel better if you knew him, but you’re going to have to trust me on this. We share a history, and he’s the best chance I have of this stupid idea working.”
“So, you admit it’s a stupid idea?”
I pull Reid to a stop. “Maybe. But I need you to give me the space to do this. I’m the one making the call. You stay here.”
He rests a hand on the gentle swell of my belly. “I know you want your privacy, but I’ll be watching.”
“Thank you,” I say, cupping his cheek and going in for the longest kiss. It’s deep and sensual, and sends my pulse racing for all the right reasons. “I won’t be long.”
I walk on alone and check my phone. There’s a new message from Strider confirming it’s all set.
Resting against the gnarled trunk of an old cedar tree, I slide to the ground and rest my back against it. Dappled sunlight plays across my bare arms as I tap the screen and put my phone to my ear.
My heart pounds in my chest. It’s for me to break the silence.
“Blake, are you there?”
“Yeah, I’ve been waiting for you.”
My breath hitches. It sounds just like my little sister, which settles one question I’d been beating myself up over. I couldn’t understand why I’d been stupid enough to fall for an AI-generated voice, but this technology is frighteningly good.
“Are you doing OK?” she asks when I don’t say anything.
“I think so.” My voice is suddenly hoarse when I add, “But damn, I miss you.”
Blake sighs, and it’s a sound I’ve heard a thousand times. “I know it’s hard,” she says.
I note that she doesn’t say she misses me too.
I’ve had long conversations with Strider about the parameters we needed to establish for this conversation.
I’m not looking for make-believe. I buried my sister last month in a cemetery close to where we’d grown up in Boston.
We didn’t have much of a home life there, but it’s the only home Blake knew in her short life.
AI Blake knows my sister is dead, and has been given explicit instructions not to generate a false narrative. She can’t miss me. She has no feelings in the present.
What this Blake does have is a good understanding of our past relationship.
Ilya had not only recorded my sister’s telephone conversations with me, he’d recorded their conversations too, ones where he’d asked Blake about her relationships with her family.
Blake wasn’t a unique experiment in that respect.
Ilya had used AI numerous times to deter family members from tracking down the women he enthralled.
“What do you want to talk about?” asks Blake. “You know you can tell me anything, right? You were always there for me, and I want to be here for you too.”
“I just…”
I press the heel of my hand against my forehead. I wish I wasn’t so painfully aware that this Blake isn’t real. I’d wanted this call because I’m desperate to be with my sister one last time, but my rational brain resists the pull I feel deep down in my soul.
“I’ve been wondering what I’d say to you for days,” I say, “but maybe hearing your voice is enough. It makes me remember how easy it was to talk to you.”
“Like all those times we’d stay up through the night talking absolute rubbish.”
“We kept each other awake because we had to,” I reply. “Those creeps Mom brought home were always losing their way to the bathroom.”
“Remember that time I stuck my finger down my throat to make myself puke? It was the only way to get that one guy to leave our room.”
I surprise myself by laughing. “I forgot about that.”
“I didn’t. It was one of my favorite anecdotes about our wonderful childhood,” she says. “Then there was that time you climbed down the drainpipe so you could steal food from the kitchen while I distracted Mom.”
“Now, I do remember that. I fell when the drainpipe gave way, and I still have the scar on my elbow to prove it,” I reply. “It’s weird how I look back at that as a fond memory when our situation was pretty horrific when you think about it.”
“Could it be that it wasn’t the neglect that molded us, but the way we survived it? Together.”
I bring my knees up, not getting them as close to my chest as usual now that I have my little baby bump. “That’s what I’m going to miss most of all, Blake. We helped each other figure out all of life’s challenges. Or we did until you met Ilya.” I take a deep inhale and release it. “I’m so sorry.”
“Why are you sorry?” she prompts.
My jaw tenses. I’ve talked to Reid about my feelings, but this last confession is one I’ve been too afraid to voice to anyone.
“What if I’d never meddled in your relationship?
If you hadn’t tried to leave, things could be so different now.
I’m not saying there was ever a chance Ilya wouldn’t have exploited you.
It was inevitable that he’d end up selling you on, or forcing you to work for him, but there’s a chance you’d still…
” I squeeze my eyes shut. “You’d still be alive. ”
“That might be true,” she concedes, “but no matter how many iterations you play out of my time with Ilya, do you honestly think there’s a single version where you would have stepped back and watched him slowly destroy me?”
I shake my head from side to side My shoulders start to shake. “No.”
“The last time we really talked, we were both ready to take on the fight,” Blake says.
“You made me see what was truly important to me. You reminded me of the dreams I’d been aiming for, and most importantly, you made me believe in myself again.
If there had to be a final memory, is it such a bad one? ”
“Better than the fight I thought we had, but didn’t,” I admit.
“Exactly.”
I manage to lift my head again. I go to speak, but all I manage is a stifled sob.
“Oh, Jade,” my sister says, and it is her. I’ve taken the leap and it’s Blake on the other end of the line. I cling to her every word. “You know there’s nothing I can say that’s going to stop you beating yourself up over this. The healing has to come from within. Only you can forgive yourself.”
“I know I keep saying it, but I miss you so much. It was torture not knowing where you were, or how you were being treated. I never felt so alone.”
“And now?”
“Now I’m living in a house with the craziest family. And it’s the kind of crazy you would have loved.”
I sniff back my tears and glance to where Reid stands, watching me. He has one arm across his chest, using it as a prop to rest his elbow. His chin is in his hand. I want to kiss away the lines of worry creasing his brow.
“And I’m in love with the most amazing man,” I add. “I love him so much, Blake. I knew from the first moment I met him, if only because he made me so damn mad.”
“Are you going to marry him?”
“Oh, absolutely. And he’s making it so obvious that he’s trying to pick the perfect moment to ask me,” I tell her as my stomach flutters with nerves.
“He hasn’t figured out yet that perfect doesn’t matter.
It’s the moments that are blissfully unremarkable that we’ll look back on and treasure.
All those times when just enough was all we needed.
” I’d relive any ordinary day with Blake if I could.
“You sound happy,” Blake says.
“I am,” I admit. “Or I would be if only I’d let myself.”
“For fuck’s sake, Jade! Stop torturing yourself. Go and enjoy life!”
The sharp response makes me laugh. It’s typical Blake. “There’s something else I need to tell you first.” I chew my lip. “I’m going to have a baby.”
“So I’ve heard,” she says with a soft chuckle, and I’m grateful there isn’t some feigned surprise. “Do you know what you’re having?”
I bite down harder on my lip to control a trembling smile. “Yes, but we haven’t told anyone. Let’s just say, it’s exactly what I predicted when we talked about having kids.”
“Good. And you’re going to be an amazing mom. You were to me.”
“I bossed you around too much.”
“You looked after me, Jade. I know we fought a lot, but do you think I ever doubted how much you loved me?”
“No,” I say, finally letting the tears fall. My throat constricts and my voice shakes when I add, “And I still love you. I love you so much, Blake.”