Chapter 19 #2
“Fuck. You’re sure?” he says, rising to his feet and fixing his clothes as he listens to whoever’s talking. “OK, give me two hours to get to a pick-up point. I’ll send the address.”
Two hours? It’s not only the interruption of hot sex in the snow that causes me to freeze.
Someone has just poured cold water over our entire weekend.
Tears well in my eyes as I stand. I don’t look at Shade as I fix my clothes ready for our return to the lodge, and he doesn’t say anything until he’s tapped out the message he promised to send.
“I’m sorry, Lily,” he says, noticing my tears for the first time. “We have to leave.”
“So I figured,” I say with a sniff. “Who was that?”
“One of my brothers. I’m needed elsewhere.”
“Is it important?”
He pauses as if the answer is a complex one. “It’s important to be with my brothers right now, so yes. And we need to get moving. I’m going to get picked up at the motel where you left your car.”
It’s progress that he’s sharing that much with me, but as I wait for an explanation as to why he’s leaving, he simply looks away. “That’s it? That’s all you’re giving me?” I ask, the first tendrils of anger tightening around my throat.
“That’s all I can give you,” he replies tightly.
I shake my head. “No, it’s all you choose to give me, Shade. There’s a difference, and this game of yours is starting to lose its appeal pretty fucking fast.”
Shade takes my hand, but it’s not a gesture of intimacy. He simply wants to drag me back to the lodge. I pull away from his grip as soon as we start walking.
“I can manage fine on my own,” I snap, stomping ahead.
Shade and his long legs have no problem keeping up with me. “Lily, I wouldn’t be doing this if there was any other choice. I can take you away another time.”
My laugh is borderline maniacal. “No, you really can’t. Not on your terms.” I don’t think I could face this happening again. “We either have a normal relationship, or we don’t. No more playing.”
“Are you quitting on me?”
His tone of voice gives nothing away so I turn to check his expression, but as soon as I take my eyes off the path, I stumble. Shade catches hold of me, and when he takes my hand again, his grip is one I don’t think I could pull away from if I tried.
“Do you have any idea how lonely you make me feel?” I ask. The only response I get is a tightening grip of my hand. I swallow a lump in my throat. “I was fine living on my own until I met you.”
“I’m sorry.”
I wasn’t sure before, but I hear it now, loud and clear. The Shade that had started to open up to me has vanished. I’m back to talking to a man who wants the world to think he’s devoid of emotion.
We’re almost at the lodge. I can see lights through the trees, and the world beyond it feels desolate. I don’t want to leave. I don’t want this to end. I don’t want to be cast aside yet again, forced to wait for whatever crumbs Shade is willing to offer of the life he won’t share with me.
“Tell me your name!” I ask, rounding on him.
“Now isn’t the time.”
Shade doesn’t let go of my hand so I beat my other against his chest. “Why!”
He grabs my hand to keep me still. His jaw tenses and his chest rises steeply, but the walls he’s put up are impenetrable. He ignores my pleas and doesn’t say a word. It’s infuriating.
“Why do you have to be so damn closed off? Why can’t we just enjoy each other’s company, and not have to constantly think about game strategy all the time!”
His cold eyes deflect the fire in mine. “If you want safe and reliable, I’ll buy you a fucking dog,” he spits out.
I tip my head back and release a cry in frustration. “I don’t need a dog. I’ve got one already, thank you very much!”
“No, you haven’t!” he shouts back. “And you’d know that if you ever listened to your mom’s voicemails, so don’t lecture me about being closed off!”
The world stills, and all I hear is the thudding of my heart against my eardrums. My eyes bounce between his. “What did you say?”
Shade blinks and releases me. As he strides towards the lodge, I have to race to catch him up.
My thoughts spin so fast I can’t grasp them, but there’s one that hits me hard in the chest. Rubin’s dead.
The golden retriever was always my dog – as long as I ignored his obvious preference for Luke.
I hope they’re together somewhere, but now isn’t the time to let my thoughts spiral.
I’ll grieve when I’ve caught my breath, when I’ve got this simmering anger out of my system.
“Have you been listening to my private voicemails?” I rasp out.
Shade flings his hands up in the air. “Only one,” he says as if that makes it even close to acceptable.
I’d taken a huge leap of trust yesterday when I realized Shade had hacked into my work account.
I already knew he followed me, possibly tracked me with his wizardry, but this is an invasion of privacy on a whole new level.
Half-forgotten doubts come back to me in a sickening wave of realization.
He knew I had a contraceptive implant. He knew about my movie night with Kaitlyn when he’d suggested another.
He knew what dresses I wanted to buy, but hadn’t. And he knew Rubin had died…
I’m pulling my cell from my pocket as we reach the wrap-around porch. I thrust it in his face. “Whatever you’ve installed on my phone, remove it.”
Shade rests his hand on the door handle. He dares to meet my gaze. “Lily…”
“Do it right fucking now,” I hiss.
With a sigh, he takes my phone and steps into the lodge.
He’s tapping away as I fling off my jacket and boots.
My wet clothes quickly follow as I head straight to the bedroom and the closet.
I’m not only changing because of our snow play.
I don’t want to wear the things Shade bought me like he was dressing a doll.
Completely naked, I grab my overnight bag and take out the fresh underwear and change of clothes I’d packed. As I turn, Shade is in the doorway, shoulder against the frame as he watches silently.
“Is it done?” I ask.
“Your phone’s clean.”
I slip on my panties. “I suppose I’ll have to take your word for it.”
“I told you, I would never lie to you, Lily.”
“Easy for a man who doesn’t talk much,” I reply as I fasten my bra.
His gaze travels down my body before he meets my eyes again. “For what it’s worth, I know how lonely you feel because I feel it too when I’m away from you.”
My body sways, the need to go over to him all-consuming. As much as I want him to take me in his arms and kiss me, he’s not going to whisper his name in my ear. He’s not going to phone his brother back and tell him he’s staying where he is.
“I thought you were in a hurry?” I remind him. It’s my turn to be the cold one.
Shade places my cell on a nearby shelf. “You don’t need to pack everything. I’ll arrange to have your things sent on to you.”
I shrug into my leggings. “Not necessary. I only want what I came with. Keep the rest.”
“We’ll see about that,” he says as I’m pulling a sweatshirt over my head. When I sweep back my hair from my face, the doorway is empty.