Chapter 19 #2
And maybe it is for people like him. Nothing Quinn told me on Friday has made me change my view that Ash is involved with bad people, even if his motives, at times, are honorable.
“Is that what you’ll do if I try to run? Throw me into the trunk of your car and abduct me?” I ask. Before he can give me some bullshit alpha-male answer, I pose another question. “Will you do the same to Piper?”
He flinches at that. “No.”
“I don’t believe you. I think you’re someone who’d come up with his own justifications to do all kinds of bad things.”
He closes his eyes, and as his head tips back, it hits the headrest with a thump. “Maybe I am.”
“I want you to get out of my car so I can go home to my daughter.”
He turns to look at me. “Not. Yet.”
I take a steadying breath, only to release it as a sob. Ash reaches a hand towards me, but he stops himself.
“I’m sorry if I’m scaring you, Belle, but this whole shit-show is scaring me too,” he says on a sigh. “It’s scaring me that you’ll stay with Barrett just to piss me off, or else you’ll run away to piss me off even more.”
“Wow, I love the way you put yourself front and center in all my decisions,” I reply, swallowing the lump in my throat.
“I hate to break it to you, Ash Griffin, but you lost that position a long time ago. There’s only one person who matters in this.
Piper. And I’d face down a horde of demons to keep her safe. Even if one of them is you.”
“I’m not–”
Fury explodes in my chest, consuming my fear.
“The hell you’re not! You’ve just threatened to throw me into your car, for fuck’s sake!
How do you expect me to respond to that?
” I bark at him. “And if you think for one damn minute that I’m going to follow your orders without question, then fuck you! Fuck you, Ash!”
As I slide on my seatbelt, he reaches across and snatches hold of my left hand. “Glad to see you took that ugly-as-fuck diamond off your finger like I asked.”
I snatch my hand away. “You mean the ring that’s now sitting on your fiancée’s finger?” Before he can reply, I turn the engine. “Are you getting out?”
“No.”
“Fine! You do you!” I say, putting my foot down on the gas and pulling out.
A horn blares as we’re almost rear-ended by a truck I didn’t see, or even look for.
“Feeling better now you’ve almost killed us both?” he asks.
“I saw him.”
He grabs the bag containing the jelly donut and stretches out his legs as if settling in for a leisurely drive. “Sure, you did.”
The rumble of pleasure rising up through his chest as he bites into the donut does nothing to slow my pulse. I hate that he still has that effect on me.
“This is so good,” he groans. “I can see how you won Jake over.”
I try to block out the sounds Ash makes as I speed out of town. I just need to get back to the estate, and if Ash still refuses to get out, I’ll leave my car by the gate and walk the rest of the way.
“So, about Katarina,” Ash says, licking his fingers when he’s done. “I’m not marrying her. We just have to make it look that way for a short while.”
I stop myself from checking his expression. It shouldn’t matter to me, one way or the other. It doesn’t matter to me. “I don’t know why you’re telling me this. I don’t care who you marry.”
I feel his gaze on me as he shifts in his seat. “Well, I care who you marry.” His tone is hard. He’s not being playful anymore. “I care who shares their life with my daughter.”
My head snaps towards him. “So do I,” I snarl. “I thought that would have been obvious now you know why I left Eastham Grove.”
There’s hurt in the hazel eyes staring back at me, and I see the ghost of the man I fell in love with.
I want to take my words back, but there’s a vein pulsing in Ash’s temple that serves as a warning.
I don’t know what emotions are bubbling inside him, and I’m scared to find out.
I was right to keep him out of Piper’s life. I have to believe that.
I focus back on the road.
“Do you have any idea what this is doing to me?” he asks, his words shockingly raw.
“To know I have a daughter and not be able to see her? I’ve allowed myself one single photo, and I still have to stop myself spending every waking hour staring at it, imagining what I’d say to her, what she’d say to me. ”
I’m not expecting this vulnerable side to Ash. I thought that man was gone, replaced by the one who came back from Las Vegas all those years ago. He’s a dangerous man. He’s killed people. He’s killing me.
“I want to see her, Belle. I want to meet my daughter.”
My refusal gets stuck in my throat.
“Katarina says Piper hates Barrett,” he says rather than pressing for an answer. “Good to know she takes after me in that respect.”
I swallow hard. And loudly.
“And what about you, Belle? Do you still think Barrett is a good man?”
“I can’t… I’m not having this conversation with you.”
“Did you share his bed the other night?” he asks, his tone more insistent.
Quinn told him about that. I knew she would.
“Belle? Answer me,” he demands. “Did. He. Touch. You?”
I shake my head. No. My vision wobbles with more tears, and Ash’s hand appears in my periphery. He’s going to touch me this time, but I jerk my head away. “Don’t!”
“Let me look after you and Piper. You don’t have to stay with Barrett. And you don’t have to run. Or hide,” Ash says. “I want you with me.”
“And how exactly do you see that working, Ash?” I say, blinking away my tears. “Do I get my own room, or will I have to share with Katarina?”
When he doesn’t answer, I glance at him. He’s smirking. “You don’t have to share me with anyone, sweetheart.”
“Go to hell,” I seethe.
A dust storm whips up behind us as I press my foot down on the gas.
“OK, here’s the thing. I had to make a deal with Katarina,” he says more conversationally.
“She’s been used as a pawn her entire life, and she wants out.
I’ve said I’ll help her disappear. The fake engagement is just a way to give us time to put a plan together.
She wasn’t supposed to announce our engagement.
She did that to fuck with your head. And clearly it worked. ”
“And I told you, I don’t care.”
“You should care, because I did it for you and Piper.”
My foot comes off the gas a fraction. “What does that mean?”
“You told Katarina that Ethan had hazel eyes. She checked. And then she expressed a sample of Piper’s DNA to a lab. She knows she’s my daughter. I had to make a deal with her to ensure Vasili doesn’t find out yet.”
My mouth goes dry. “Yet? You think he’ll find out eventually?”
“It’s kind of inevitable once we’re living together. But I’ll put other measures in place for when that happens. I will keep you safe.”
I take my eyes off the road and chance a look at him. “Why can’t you just keep us safe by staying away?”
“You know why.”
This time when he reaches over, I don’t flinch. And I don’t look away.
“There’s a lot we need to talk about,” he says as he gently wipes away the tear sliding down my cheek. “But I promise I’ll tell you everything – all the ugly truth so you know exactly who I am. And who I’m not.”
I face front again, but his hand stays on me, caressing my cheek. His touch is warm, sparking flames where there should only be ashes.
“You’re not the man I fell in love with,” I whisper.
“You can tell yourself that all you like, but I’m exactly who you fell for.” His fingers trail down my neck. “I’ve only ever lied to you once. And that was when I said there was no us. There’s only us, Belle. Me. You. And Piper.”
His hand on my neck is tender, but he has me in a chokehold. I can’t breathe.
I slam on the brakes, bringing the car to a sudden stop.
While Ash curses, I unbuckle my belt and swing open my car door.
I choke on the dust settling around the BMW, and almost walk into a ditch in my eagerness to create some distance.
I correct my path, turning quickly. And I walk straight into a wall of muscle.
“Leave me alone,” I beg, backing away.
Ash herds me away from the ditch and backs me up against the hood of my BMW. I try pushing him away, but he doesn’t move.
I thump my fist against his chest. “I hate you!”
Ash cups each side of my face, forcing me to look at him.
His beard has sprinkles of sugar from the donut, but it’s his mouth that promises sweetness.
He has a split lip, and he licks the wound as I watch.
He leans closer, and when he rubs his nose against mine, I feel his breath, soft against my cheek, my mouth.
Ash doesn’t speak. Why isn’t he speaking? I need him to break this spell.
“I hate you,” I repeat in a whisper as my head tilts up, daring him to smother my words.
His lips hover just out of reach as he lifts me onto the hood of the car. He parts my legs and steps between them. My hands rest on his chest as he grabs my ass and pushes me hard against him.
He presses the ridge of his cock against my panties, and I moan. They shouldn’t be soaking, but they are, and I’m pretty sure I’m making a mess all over his suit pants. I don’t care as much as I should.
I’ve lost all sense because all I want right now is for him to kiss me. I slide my hands up to his thick neck. His shoulder muscles tighten as I try to pull him closer. He’s resisting, but I manage to bring his mouth a little closer to mine.
He didn’t have a beard the last time we kissed, and it tickles my lips as I come within touching distance of his mouth. But before I can kiss him, Ash pulls back. There’s a smirk on his face.
“If this is hate, Belle, then I must feel the same,” he whispers. “Fuck, I hate you with every cell in my body.”
His mouth smashes against mine and I devour his sinful sweetness.