Chapter 29
Belle
Six Years Ago
Islump against my pillows and stare up at the peeling paint on the ceiling.
I can’t stay at the guesthouse much longer.
I can’t afford to. The bank that held a knife to my throat is in the process of selling off the Simmons’ legacy to the highest bidder, and it’s unclear yet if the proceeds will be enough to cover my debts.
If there is anything left, it’s not going to be enough for me to start a new life. But a new life is on the cards.
Resting my hands over my abdomen, I can’t stop thinking how Ash had knelt in front of me and pressed his face to my stomach.
I should have told him then and there what I suspected, but if he’d been there when I finally plucked up the courage to take a pregnancy test, the possibility of us going our separate ways would be over, and I still need that as an option.
Ash said his ties with the mafia would last a lifetime, and if we stay together, that means not only our lifetime, but our child’s too.
I love Ash, and we could make a good life together, all three of us.
But only if I ignored his occasional trips to Las Vegas, or wherever else his business with the McConkeys might take him.
I know he’d protect us, but a simpler way to guarantee my baby’s safety would be to keep Ash out of our lives.
Ash knows that. It’s why he’s left me to decide whether we see each other again.
Can I make that decision when he doesn’t know all the facts? Should I?
I’ve been avoiding talking to him as much as I can. He’s been at his dad’s bedside for over a week now, and when we have spoken, I’ve kept the conversation away from talk of our future. But there’s no avoiding it. I’m going to have to talk to him soon.
In the meantime, I’m exploring other options.
I’ve been swapping emails with some guy looking for a housemate.
It’s only a few towns over, and Ethan’s a firefighter.
I wouldn’t normally consider sharing a place with a single man, but I’ve already told him I’m pregnant so he knows I’m not going to be a lodger with benefits.
He hasn’t ghosted me yet, and he’s even offered to help me find a job.
Two versions of my future form in my head, one of being a single mother, and the other being married to Ash. Both scare me. So much so that when there’s a rap on the door, I jump.
I don’t think it’s Ash, but I can’t be too sure. I do a quick sweep of the room and shove a booklet on early pregnancy beneath the mattress before I open the door to a man in an expensive and perfectly tailored suit.
“Barrett?”
“I came as soon as I could,” he says, sweeping me into a hug. “I’m so sorry, Belle. I know how much your dad’s brewery meant to you.”
I could point out it was a distillery, but what does it matter? It doesn’t exist anymore.
Barrett sees the tears welling in my eyes. “Come here, sit down,” he says, leading me to the bed and patting the space next to him.
I perch on the edge of the mattress. I don’t know Barrett that well, and I don’t exactly know why he’s here. We have some history, but I wouldn’t call us friends, and yet Barrett looks crestfallen. His concern has me crying again.
After months of ignoring my emails, Barrett had got in touch a few weeks back while Ash was away. He’d apologized for taking so long to reply and offered help, but I’d told him I already had an investor, little knowing the bank was about to foreclose on my loan.
“If I’d known the help you were relying on would fall through, I would have stepped in. I don’t have much influence with the banks, but I might have been able to do something.”
“Please don’t,” I beg. I don’t want to hear the ‘what ifs.’ “It’s gone now.”
Barrett takes my hand and rests it in his lap. “I’m just so confused. Why did Ash Griffin let you down?”
“His help came too late.”
“But he was with you for most of the summer, Belle. What was he doing, if not helping?” Barrett notices my cheeks flush and fills in the gaps. “Oh, I see. He was helping himself.”
I don’t know how Barrett knows so much about Ash being here, it certainly wasn’t from me. There’s only one person I want to discuss my relationship with, so I choose to ignore the comment. “There was a problem with cashflow,” I reply.
I can hear Barrett’s teeth grinding. “Is that what he told you?” He doesn’t wait for an answer. “I should have known he’d let you down. I wish I’d warned you.”
“Warned me?” I ask. “You know Ash?”
“He never told you about me?”
My hand feels clammy in his grasp, and I pull away. “Why would he? I don’t think I ever mentioned you.”
Barrett’s mouth twists as if I’ve offended him, but he starts nodding. “It’s probably for the best. We don’t want him finding out that I’m helping you.”
My brow furrows. “Please, Barrett. You’re talking in riddles. I don’t understand.”
His arm goes around me and he starts rubbing my back. I want to move away, but don’t want to appear rude. Should I care? I can only imagine what Ash would say if he knew Barrett was touching me. I used to like how Ash talked of me being his. It made me feel safe. I miss that. I miss him.
“This isn’t going to be easy to hear,” Barrett begins. “But to answer one question, yes, I do know Ash. He’s my brother. Half-brother to be precise. We have the same mother.”
The shock gives me a chance to lean away from Barrett. “He said his mom abandoned him.”
“My mom fled an abusive husband,” Barrett corrects stiffly. “Ash’s dad wouldn’t let her take her children, and cut her off from them.”
Ash had said his mom left because his dad refused to make his money by exploiting people. She’d abandoned them all to seek her fortune elsewhere, and if Ash’s mom is connected to the Emerson empire, obviously she succeeded.
“Ash is with his dad now,” I say. “He’s dying.”
“I know.”
There’s no emotion in Barrett’s response.
He must truly believe that Ash’s dad is a bad man, while I’m left not knowing what to believe.
Ash wouldn’t lie to me, but there’s no reason why Barrett would either.
I can only assume they’ve both been fed different versions of the breakup through one parent’s perspective as opposed to the other.
“I can tell you’re shocked,” Barrett continues, “but I’m afraid you’ve been manipulated into falling for a man who’s been hiding behind a mask. Ash isn’t some modern-day philanthropist, Belle. You don’t want to know what kind of business he’s involved with.”
“But I do know,” I reply. I stand up, stepping away from the bed. “Ash told me.” He’s not a liar. He’s just…
Barrett waits for me to say more, but I can’t defend Ash without demonizing him. How can I make it sound like working for the mafia is a good thing? I can’t, because it isn’t.
“Did he tell you about his friends, the McConkeys?”
I nod. “He was in Las Vegas up until recently.”
“Doing?” Barrett prompts me. When I shrug, he fills in gaps I’m not ready to hear. “You should look up the news reports. There was a bloody war between two mobsters. An entire warehouse was set ablaze and the police found the cremated remains of dozens of people inside.”
I’ve avoided morning sickness so far, but my stomach churns.
“I’m sure we’d all like to think that all the dead were bad men who won’t be missed, but who’s to say there weren’t innocents among them?
Women and children forced into working for people like the McConkeys, turning a profit so men like Ash Griffin can spend their blood money on flattering beautiful women with their charm and good deeds. ”
I don’t notice I’m still backing away until I’m pressed against a dresser. China ornaments rattle.
“What baffles me is how Ash was struggling with cashflow. Seriously, Belle. That wouldn’t have been a problem for him.”
“Then why…?”
Barrett rests his elbows on his knees, leaning into the truth he’s directing towards me.
“Is it possible he has other plans for you? He and his brothers are wicked, wretched men. They take what they want by any means necessary, and it sounds like Ash wanted you. He would never tolerate a woman who knows her own worth, someone who can act freely and independently. He was trapping you, Belle. Forcing you to become dependent on him.”
My mind flashes back to the day before Ash left for Las Vegas, when he claimed me as his. He’d stopped us from using a condom, and I’d been all too willing to do as he commanded. Was that part of the trap he’d set to ruin me?
I spin on my heels and race to the bathroom. Dropping to my knees, I throw up in the toilet bowl. As I heave up my guts and what’s left of my heart, a hand sweeps up my hair. Another hand is rubbing my back again.
“Don’t be scared, Belle,” Barrett soothes. “I can help you. Come back to New York with me. I’ll make sure you find a good job and a place to stay. No strings attached, I promise. It’s the least I can do. I feel responsible, and all I want to do is make things right.”
But Barrett can’t make this right. If the Griffins are as evil as he suggests, then no one can ever know that I’m carrying Ash’s child.
There’s no choice. I have to sever all ties with my past life, and that includes Ash’s half-brother.
I’m on my own, and for the sake of my unborn baby, I have to forget the man I fell in love with, if he ever existed.