Chapter 3 #3
His face was hot with embarrassment during the whole explanation, but Daniel never looked disgusted.
He listened quietly as Nicolas told him what the demon said, how it had approached him, sniffed him, kissed him.
The overwhelming want he’d felt when the demon touched him.
How his better sense had fled and he let the demon divest him of his sword and crowd him up against the wall.
How the demon had explored his body with its clawed hands and dangerous mouth, yet listened when he’d said no.
How he’d finally fled and told the demon not to follow him, but now he was—apparently—seeing him everywhere.
“And earlier today, while I was shackled to that fucking post, all I wanted was to be back there in the dark with him,” he confessed quietly.
“But that makes me a traitor, exactly like the guild says. I could’ve fought, but I didn’t.
I didn’t want to.” He buried his face in his hands as the words finally stopped streaming out of him.
Daniel gently patted a spot on his upper back that wasn’t covered in gauze. “You’re not a traitor, Nic. I don’t blame you for wanting to go back to him when you were literally about to be whipped. Sounds like you had a better time with this demon than you’ve had at HQ in a long time.”
Nicolas snorted out a weak laugh.
“Do you think you’re really seeing him? Or are you imagining him?”
“I don’t know. The first time might’ve been him. The second time, though? I have wards on my apartment. He couldn’t have been in here.”
Daniel hummed noncommittally, then hesitantly asked, “Do you think… you might want to see him again?”
Nicolas slid his hands into his hair, staring at the carpet between his feet. “I’m scared to answer that.”
“Because of what the answer might be?”
“Yeah.”
Silence followed, interrupted a few minutes later by the arrival of the pizza.
Unburdened by the truth now that he’d finally told someone he trusted, Nicolas’s stomach growled.
He and Daniel sat on stools at the breakfast bar together, eating straight from the pizza box.
With the bite mark hidden below his shirt and fresh food in his belly, he almost began to feel normal again.
Two slices in, Daniel sighed and shot him a contemplative look.
“What?” Nicolas prompted.
“Maybe we should leave the guild.”
Anxiety slithered through him at the thought. “And put targets on our back?”
“We already have targets on our back. I’m a sympathizer, and now that you’ve been cleansed, you’ll be a pariah, too.”
“You remember what happened to Julian.” He wasn’t convinced it was any easier away from the guild than it was inside it.
They’d harassed Julian for weeks and eventually tried to kill him.
He’d survived, but barely, and Nicolas had a feeling they wouldn’t be so lucky.
He wouldn’t risk his little brother’s life on it.
Being a paladin might be hard right now, but at least it was familiar.
“But he’s doing just fine with the Sentinels now,” Daniel pointed out. “You’re the one who told me that, in fact.”
Nicolas shook his head. “It’s too risky. He got lucky.”
“No, it wasn’t luck. He went to the Sentinels. They helped him. They could help us, too.”
“The Sentinels are basically in hiding right now,” Nicolas said.
“They’ve got wards on that skating rink to keep us out, and no one knows where they’re staying anymore.
Sure, they’re surviving, but they’re outnumbered.
We’d just be bringing more trouble to their doorstep if we asked them for help.
” Julian had told him, during their last face-to-face meeting, that the Sentinels would help them if they asked for it.
It just felt like the frying pan versus the fire. They would burn either way.
Daniel sighed. “But…”
“What?”
“Maybe this connection you felt to that demon is a sign. They’re all with demons, too. Maybe you’re… like them.”
Nicolas winced. “I’m not sure that’s a good thing.” Weren’t their lives all much harder now that they were with their demons? Maybe they were happy, but that wasn’t without its own challenges. There was no guarantee it was better.
“They seem to be doing okay.”
“They’ve built a life with their demons, I guess. What life could I have with something like the sin eater?” It was so far-fetched, he should laugh, but he didn’t feel like laughing.
“What life can you have in a guild where everyone hates us?”
Nicolas put his half-eaten third slice down, suddenly not hungry anymore.
“What about Dad?” Nicolas asked. He’d raised them to be paladins.
He and Mom were buried behind the church at HQ.
If they left, they could never visit them again.
Their family had a long legacy in the guild.
If they left, they would be throwing away all of that history.
They’d spent their life trying to follow in their father’s footsteps.
He couldn’t imagine giving it all up so easily.
“Dad raised us to be soldiers for God. I don’t think God has much to do with the guild anymore.”
Not for the first time, Daniel was parroting his own thoughts.
Nicolas sighed. “I’m not saying no. I’m just saying… maybe not yet. There’s no guarantee life outside the guild is any better.”
“It can’t be any worse,” Daniel said grimly. “They’ve silenced all of us who disagreed with Sloan. He’s overtaken the council. There’s no one left to reign him in, and I think things are only gonna get worse from here.”
Nicolas feared the same, but he feared the unknown more.