Chapter 17 #2
Instead, bitterly, all he felt was relief when Maxwell emerged from the triage room with a sympathetic expression and shook his head. Casey would have killed Alex. Daniel and Julian, too, if he’d had a chance. Nicolas wouldn’t mourn him. The world might even be a better place without him.
It was almost dawn when James finally dismissed them all. Exhausted and beaten down, Nicolas trudged to his car, wondering if Ashmedai would even be at his apartment. They’d agreed that they wouldn’t see each other during the day. If Nicolas came home after dawn, would Ashmedai already be gone?
God, he hoped not.
He didn’t know at what point he started to cry on the drive home.
The tears tracked unheeded down his face, dripping onto his shirt and lap.
He needed to see Ashmedai, needed to fall into his arms and beg him to take him to the Rink.
Needed to beg for forgiveness from Daniel and Julian and Alex.
He’d never wanted to hurt any of them like that.
When he got to his apartment, he spilled through the door and sobbed with relief when he spotted orange eyes glowing at him from the corner of the darkened living room. He almost never opened his curtains anymore, and the weak light of dawn couldn’t penetrate the dark bubble of his home.
“Thank God you’re here.” He flung the door shut and raced across the room to slam into Ashmedai, who uttered a chuff of surprise and immediately wrapped his arms around him.
“What’s wrong?” Ashmedai asked, cradling the back of Nicolas’s head with a clawed hand. “You’re crying.”
“Please take me to the Rink. Please, right now, I have to go see Daniel.”
Ashmedai drew back to look at him, tracking a tear with a claw. “Okay. Hold tight.”
Nicolas buried his face in the dark curve of Ashmedai’s neck, where the shadows of his hood were deepest, and closed his eyes as the world bottomed out around them.
When he felt tiled floor under his feet, his chin wobbled.
What if Daniel hated him? What if they all did?
Where would he go when all of this was over, if they refused to accept him here because of what he’d done?
“Breathe,” Ashmedai growled in his ear, “slower.”
Nicolas struggled to obey, stomach quivering as he inhaled slowly and held it in before exhaling. Ashmedai’s hands smoothed up and down his back, wrinkling his shirt. He was pretty sure he was getting snot on Ashmedai’s fancy hood.
“Did someone hurt you?”
“No.” His breath hitched. “I hurt them.”
“Who?”
There was no way he could tell Ashmedai right now without breaking down. He shook his head, turning away. He wiped at his face as he opened the door.
The sight that greeted him made him nauseous. Everyone was crowded in the sitting area. Alex was on one end of the sofa, an arm wrapped around his middle. His face was pale, his body slouched down against the cushion. Talon knelt between his legs, gripping his free hand.
Daniel was beside him, leaning forward with his fingers buried in his hair.
At the end of the couch, Julian was leaning on the armrest, one arm wrapped around Valac’s thick, jean-clad thigh like he needed a point of contact with him.
The enormous demon’s glowing purple eyes landed on Nicolas and Ashmedai first. The ink-black lines on his skin moved like slow waves, calm but oddly ominous.
“…Forgo patrols for a while, just to be safe,” Talon was saying.
Alex opened his mouth to protest, and Talon cut him off.
“I know, I know. None of you will want to. But the paladins are still patrolling, so they can handle the beasts for a while. It’s not safe for you anymore.
Running into a full squad of paladins is too—” He broke off at the sound of Nicolas’s approaching footsteps, whirling around with a murderous glare.
“You! You’ve got a lot of nerve showing your goddamn face here today.
I should hang you from the ceiling by your innards, holy man. ”
Nicolas stopped abruptly as Talon strode toward him, backing straight into Ashmedai’s steadfast body.
Ashmedai draped an arm over his shoulder, palm pressing flat against his chest, while his other hand extended in a stopping motion toward Talon.
A growl hissed out of him, higher-pitched than the deep, purring one Nicolas had grown used to.
“Do not threaten him,” he rasped.
“Your human here almost got mine killed,” Talon spat.
“I’m sorry,” Nicolas said.
“It sounds like you played your part a little too well, holy man,” Talon sneered. “I’m beginning to question your motives.”
It felt like a sucker punch, but a well-deserved one.
He’d thought something similar, hadn’t he?
It was too easy to say the right things around Sloan’s people.
Too easy to blend in with them. He was raised to carry those same values, and time had only eroded them, not erased them.
Pretending to be one of them was like a slow poison dripping into his veins. Too much exposure would kill him.
“Talon,” Alex protested.
Talon’s attention didn’t waver, and Nicolas could barely stand to meet his midnight gaze. “Give me one good reason why I shouldn’t kill you where you stand.”
He didn’t have a good reason. Ashmedai wouldn’t let him do that, but what if the other demons intervened on Talon’s behalf?
Could Ashmedai fight them all off? Valac wore a stormy glare, his possessive hand on Julian’s head broadcasting his disapproval more than any words could.
The others all looked equally cold and uninviting.
“I can’t give you one,” he whispered, and Ashmedai’s claws pricked his skin through the fabric of his T-shirt.
He looked past Talon and met Daniel’s stricken gaze.
“I’m so fucking sorry, you guys. I prayed the whole drive to sector 114 that we wouldn’t see any of you.
I knew what they were doing. I knew they were looking for some of you.
I knew it was a test for me. They wanted to see how I’d react. ”
“Well, I take it you aced that one,” Talon growled.
His throat ached. “I don’t know. I let them get away, so probably not.”
Daniel stood. Nicolas didn’t dare to breathe as he walked over. Would Daniel hit him? He’d deserve it. Tell him to leave? He’d deserve that, too.
He closed his eyes, dashing away the tears that squeezed out. “I’m sorry, Danny. I’m so sorry. I never wanted to hurt you, any of you.” Whatever happened next, he couldn’t look Daniel in the eye for it. He’d deserve it, but he wasn’t strong enough.
He didn’t expect a hug. Daniel’s arms folded around his neck, trapping Ashmedai’s hand between their chests. Nicolas sobbed, squeezing his little brother and hiding his tears in his collar.
“I forgive you, dumbass,” Daniel said fondly. “Although you’ve got a mean right hook. And left hook. But I knew what you were doing. You hit me in an away direction that sent me right toward Julian and away from the squad.”
Nicolas nodded.
Another arm fell around his neck, and he turned his head to see Julian beside them, an arm around both of them and grinning wide.
“I forgive you, too,” he declared.
“Jules.” Nicolas extricated an arm to wrap around Julian’s back, and the icy loneliness that had plagued him these last few weeks began to truly thaw at last. Ashmedai released a deep purr that vibrated against his spine, like he somehow knew this was exactly what Nicolas needed.
When they untangled themselves, Daniel said, “No more isolating yourself. When you’re not at HQ, you’re with us.”
He immediately began to shake his head. “That’s too dangerous. What if—”
“They see your super secret demon lover sneaking you in and out through our storage closet?” Julian asked. “I think the odds of that are low. Just don’t be seen outside with him or any of the rest of us, and you’ll be fine.”
“I’m not appeased,” Talon said, arms folded across his chest.
“I am,” Alex called, and Talon wheeled around with an exasperated sigh.
“Little bird!”
“I don’t know you well enough to get up and hug you, but I get why you did it. Now, come here and hold my hand, Tal. I think the last rib is about to pop back into place.” He held out one hand, wiggling his fingers.
Talon obeyed, dropping to his knees once more and gripping Alex’s hand as his face went white and he squirmed in discomfort.
“Rib popping into place?” Nicolas repeated. “What?”
“Yeah, he had…” Julian blew out a breath. “Five broken ribs, we think, and a dislocated shoulder. Bones take a little longer to heal than flesh wounds.”
“Bones take weeks to heal,” Nicolas said dumbly. “Weeks. Not hours. It’s been just… an hour or two since that happened, right? I know I had to spend a little time at HQ dealing with Casey but… I wasn’t there for weeks, right?”
Daniel tilted his head curiously. “You don’t know?”
“Know what?”
“Don’t tell him,” Talon said sourly. “He doesn’t deserve to know about that.”
“I mean, it makes sense that you don’t know, I guess. I just found out when I started staying here at the Rink. I assumed you already knew because you’re seeing Ashmedai, though. Didn’t he tell you?”
Nicolas turned his head to peer back at Ashmedai, who cocked his head to one side and shrugged.
“Ashmedai doesn’t know either,” Nicolas said.
“No, he wouldn’t,” Nathan chimed in. “He’s been in Hell all his life, right? He’s never been on the surface to see what happens when—”
“Don’t!” Talon protested.
“—a human is given demon blood.”
Those words didn’t compute. “Given demon blood?” he repeated. “Given it how?”
Talon barked out an unkind laugh. “No wonder he hasn’t found the kids. Not exactly Einstein, is he?”
The white-haired Storm snorted in amusement, and Nathan swatted him. Nicolas couldn’t muster any anger. They were right to be pissed at him.
“When a human drinks demon blood,” Julian explained patiently, “they’re given some… enhancements. We’re faster, stronger, and we heal much quicker.”
“Broken bones in hours?”
“Usually less,” Julian replied, “but these were… extensive.”
“This is how you managed not to die when Wallace’s squad attacked you,” Nicolas said.
Julian pursed his lips. “Yeah. I didn’t have it in my system at the time, but Valac got to me quickly enough for it to help.
Everybody here with a demon partner has been regularly ingesting their blood.
It helps protect us, and…” He glanced over his shoulder at the others.
Talon was ignoring them all now, and Valac gave Julian an encouraging nod.
“And?”
“We heal so quickly that our cells regenerate, basically. As long as we aren’t killed, which is significantly harder to do with demon blood, we can live for a very long time. Indefinitely, really.” He looked almost sheepish as he said it, like he expected Nicolas to deny it.
Daniel was nodding like this was old news, and all Nicolas could do was gape in shock—until Ashmedai’s hand slid up from his chest to cradle his throat, guiding his head to turn.
Their eyes met, and Ashmedai leaned in, fairly looming over him, and all Nicolas’s other thoughts ground to a halt in favor of: Oh.
This was something they would have to talk about.
This was something Ashmedai wanted. The chance to spend eternity with Nicolas.
Eternity. He could barely wrap his mind around a week from now.
The moment was broken only when Alex groaned. Nicolas turned, wincing sympathetically, as Alex blew out a breath and slackened.
“Okay, I think it’s over.”
Talon rose up and kissed him gently, murmuring, “Fucking hate when you get hurt, little bird.”
“I’m not a fan of it, either,” Alex said.
“I meant what I said. No more patrolling for a while.”
Alex sighed. “Talon…”
“It’s too dangerous,” he insisted.
“It’s always dangerous,” Alex argued.
“Talon’s right,” Nicolas said, and everyone in the room turned toward him in surprise. “Danny killed Casey tonight. He died when we got him back to HQ.”
Daniel’s face twisted with grief. He’d never killed anyone before. Nicolas squeezed his shoulder. Better Casey than him. It was a no-brainer, as far as he was concerned, even if it did complicate things.
“They’ll be out for blood now. I mean, they already were. You should hear the things they say about you guys. They call you monsters, traitors, enemies. Casey went out tonight with the intention of killing any of you if he saw you.”
“But we have a job to do,” Nathan said, albeit weakly, carding his fingers through his chestnut hair.
“I understand that, but let the paladins hunt the monsters for now. Sloan’s sending out more squads now that he thinks Ashmedai is gone.
They can hunt the demons. But they’re also hunting you, so it’s important that you aren’t caught by surprise like tonight.
And they didn’t split up to patrol this sector tonight.
I don’t know if that was because I was there, or because they hoped they would outnumber any of you they found.
Either way, it’s too big a risk right now. ”
“Wait, it wasn’t eight tonight,” Julian said. “It was six, right? I thought for sure I counted six.”
“Yeah. Two of our guys were absent. James said Sloan sent them on a separate mission. He didn’t say what. I think it’s probably worth following them for a few days. They might have been with the Alvarez kids.”
“Wipe your burner phone and plant it on one of them with the location shared,” Shadrach said. “We’ll be able to track where they go.”
“Plant it on them how?” Nicolas asked.
“Duct tape it to the bottom of their car,” Talon said. “Or hide it under their seat or in their trunk, if they’re trusting enough to leave their cars unlocked at HQ.”
That was very likely. Nicolas remembered a time when he felt comfortable enough to leave his car unlocked at HQ. Not anymore, though. Not since they started whipping people in the courtyard. He was sure people like Kyle and Ashton felt as comfortable there as ever, which would make this doable.
“Okay,” he said. “I can do that.”