Chapter 25
Schmoozing is fun when you have no skin in the game.
Unlike Kira and Antonio (or even Emily), I don’t go through the night feeling a huge weight on my shoulders, knowing whatever I say or do will affect my livelihood. Of course, I know it’ll affect theirs, but when something doesn’t feel all or nothing, it can be entertaining.
And I am entertaining. I’m charming. I’m funny.
Over the course of the evening, I help Kira and Antonio gather funding for pro bono surgeries, new state-of-the-art equipment, and other hospital supplies.
I even help Emily secure a donation to double the amount of NICU blankets, something that’s apparently very important to their department.
A few of her coworkers come up and thank me profusely for my contribution to their cause.
I can’t quite believe it. I’m not trying to pat myself on the back; I’m just shocked at my own behavior. Not once do I feel the urge to melt into the wall. Not once do I second-guess my words. Not once do I overthink every little detail. My shoulders have never felt so light in my life.
Somehow, I don’t notice how late it gets. At some point, Emily taps my shoulder, then jerks her thumb in the direction of the door. “Should we head out?”
I frown, then pull out my phone. My eyes widen when I see it’s nearing 1 a.m. It was just past seven when we left the apartment. “Wow, we’ve been out for a long time.” I tuck my phone back into my purse. “Yeah, let’s go. It’s still gonna take time to get back home, too.”
We bid our new companions goodbye, but not without swapping numbers with Kira and Antonio and promising to meet them soon for dinner. We swing by coat check to pick up our jackets, then head back downstairs.
Emily orders the Uber while I collapse onto one of the couches in the lobby.
I haven’t noticed until now how much my feet ache.
I guess I was having too much fun to feel it.
I tip my head back as sleep pulls at the backs of my eyes.
“I’m exhausted. I didn’t even stay out this late for my work holiday party. ”
Emily puts her phone away, then sticks her hands into her pockets. “You were really different tonight.”
Alarm bells go off in my head. I push myself up. “Bad different?”
She giggles and shakes her head. “No,” she assures me. A laugh bubbles out of her. “ Amazing different.” She comes over and sits next to me. “Wonderful different. Different like…this is who you’re meant to be.”
I shrug good-naturedly. It’s still a little strange for me to accept compliments. “Maybe it is.”
“Well, you were great,” she says. “I swear, I’ve never seen someone schmooze like you did.”
“I don’t think it’s about schmoozing,” I correct. “It’s more about…finding genuine connection. And when you do that, genuine feelings come out. And then it’s fun and easy to talk to people.” I point to her. “ That is what we need more of. People opening up and relating to each other.”
Emily shakes her head, a breathless stare on her face. “Aashiq is doing such good work with you.”
The alarm bells return, and I bolt up straight. “What? What do you mean?” She can’t have possibly figured out he’s not real, right? She can’t know he’s my writing muse come to life to help me get back to writing.
She furrows her brows at my sudden movement, but she just says, “I only mean he’s obviously rubbing off on you. Everything you’ve done tonight…it’s all so Aashiq of you.”
I frown. “Really?”
Emily scoffs. “Definitely. And it’s not a bad thing—it’s inevitable for partners to absorb each other’s behavior after they start dating.”
“Oh.” Okay, good. She’s not suspicious, then.
“You must really love him,” she speaks again.
My pulse picks back up. “Wh-what?” I clear my throat, trying to keep my hysteria down. “How do you figure?” I squeak out.
“Because he’s making your life better,” she responds with no hesitation.
“Anyone can see that. You wake up every morning and go on a run with him. Then you come home and have a good breakfast. You pack a lunch every day, and you come home and cook dinner. You also haven’t been complaining about work as much; it seems like whatever you’re doing, you’re enjoying.
” She shakes her head. “I mean, how long have I been trying to convince you to ditch the box dinners and takeout? How long have I been trying to convince you to go to the gym with me? And then with everything that happened tonight—you were a rock star, and you never would have done any of that stuff before you met Aashiq.” When she smiles, it’s like she’s a proud mother watching her child go off to kindergarten without crying. “You seem so much lighter these days.”
Something heavy rolls around in my gut, and I fight the urge to curl into a ball. “Well, that’s any relationship, right?”
“Oh, I’m not done.” She straightens up. “It’s not just about introducing a better lifestyle for you. I haven’t seen you so engrossed in writing in such a long time.”
I furrow my brows. “What do you mean? I write all the time.”
“Not like this.” Emily’s response is quick.
“Not for fun , and certainly not for something you think will have an end result.” She tilts her head.
“You know for days I was finding sticky notes with book ideas on the bathroom mirror? Your grocery lists are basically stories. You’re always coming home with stuff to journal with.
And you’re doing it all with a smile . I feel like whenever I saw you writing in your room or on the couch, it was always in the dark, always alone, and always with tension creasing your forehead.
It’s like…everything about life stopped being fun for you.
And you’re finding the fun again.” She blows out a breath of air.
“I don’t think I’ve ever seen you so happy.
” Then, she shakes her head and gives me a teasing grin. “You must be really falling for him.”
My lower lip wobbles. My eyes warm like a geyser of tears is going to shoot out of them.
Because she’s right; I think I am falling for him, and I don’t know what to do.
How would a relationship between us even work?
I guess I can touch him and see him, and so can other people when he allows it, but how am I supposed to tell people where we met?
How am I supposed to explain the fact that he has no family?
He doesn’t have a social security number, which will complicate things if he ever wants to get a real job or if we ever try to buy a house or something.
He doesn’t even have legal documentation to show he’s a citizen of the country.
But aside from all that… I don’t even know if he feels the same way about me.
Okay, yeah, he might have almost kissed me in the fountain, but since then he’s kept a respectful distance.
Sometimes I think there might be more between us, but what if he’s just being nice because he’s here to help me?
And what if by falling in love with him, I’m falling in love with myself—maybe it’s some weird form of narcissism?
My eyes must’ve glazed over because I snap back to attention when Emily says, “Oh, no.” I blink a couple of times, and once I’m focused, I see the tension in her face as she bites her lower lip.
“You’re spiraling. I’m making you spiral.
” She takes both of my hands in hers and stares at me squarely.
“I’m not saying all this stuff to freak you out or make you think you shouldn’t be falling for him,” she starts.
“I’m saying it because I want you to acknowledge how he makes you feel.
” She squeezes my hands. “You more than anyone deserve happiness. And if Aashiq is bringing it to your life, then I’m so happy, even if it’s making me slightly jealous because you have a guy, who you’ve only been dating for a short time, who makes dinner with you and takes you out for walks every day and I can’t even get my boyfriend of two years to put a ring on it. ”
A snort escapes my nose, and I swallow thickly before leaning over and wrapping Emily in a hug. “Thanks, Em,” I whisper against her shoulder.
She returns my hug, patting my back. “Anytime, girl.” Her pocket pings, and she pulls back to check it. “Our Uber’s here.” She stands up. “Come on. Also, I’m going to order a pizza on the way back home. There was barely anything real to eat here and I’m starving .”
“Oh, Aashiq got a pizza before we left,” I remind her. “Maybe there’s still some left.”
Emily wrinkles her nose. “No offense, Zee, but your boyfriend has extremely weird taste. I’m not touching that chocolate-covered pizza with a ten-foot pole.”
I open my mouth to defend him, but then just hook my arm through hers on the way to the exit. “I can’t argue with you there. Make sure to get mushrooms.”