Chapter 5
THE SHUTTER CLICKS on the camera, signaling that I caught the shot I wanted, but my eyes are glued to the scene in front of me.
This is why I wanted to capture this moment, the peace, the serenity, and a storm brewing in the background, far from the sandy shore I’m standing on.
The force of nature is beautiful to the naked eye, and now this moment, that storm, and the pink, yellow, and blue sky in front is captured forever.
Frozen in the way my eyes see it. It’s a pity really that the storm isn’t heading our way.
It’s been a whole year since I learned the truth of who I am and the magic I hold.
And once again California is seeing another scorcher of a summer with little to no rain, to the point that some areas are conserving water for certain times of the day, and other areas have seen small forest fires.
Everyone is looking forward to the change in the season, not that fall and winter bring drastic cold temps, but it will be chillier.
This is my second summer living here, and the state has somewhat grown on me after all this time.
As if sensing the rolling energy in the storm off the shore, my magic tingles in my veins, and little silent pops of static bounce off my fingertips.
“Easy,” I whisper to it under my breath.
Since my magic came back, it’s been strengthening inside of me.
I treat it like a separate entity, talking to it, placating it, soothing it, because although it lives in my body, I don’t have the connection to it that I should.
The belonging and understanding of it that Aunt Loreli claims I should have.
Most days, I walk around feeling like I’m just an incubator for it to thrive in.
Something is missing. I can feel it. And most of the time, it’s as if my magic can feel it too.
Something should be tethering us together, but it’s missing, and I can’t remember what it is.
It’s been over a year since I lost my memories, and they’ve never resurfaced.
I don’t even get spots of déjà vu anymore.
Once I decided to let it go, my mind just took a permanent hiatus from the past. Except on the nights when the nightmares creep back in and I’m flayed alive in my bed before waking, gasping for air, searching for something in my bed like I had been searching for in the water.
Most of the time, those dreams feel so vivid and painful that my stomach twists, and I get sick instantly.
Loreli knows about them now. After witnessing me crawling from my room to the bathroom one night, she interfered and was understandably mad I hadn’t told her.
She’s used some of her potions to help me sleep, and for the most part, they work.
The only thing that really cures me for a night is when I’ve expended my powers or when I run my body to exhaustion.
The storm in the distance calls to my magic, ready to purge itself from my body.
I’ve kept it pent-up. Any magical person would when they realize they don’t have control over their magic once they let it out.
Glancing around, I notice I am alone on this stretch of sand. It’s almost eight in the evening, the sun is setting, and most people have cleared out for the day. I could probably…
Before I can even finish my thought, my hand stretches out, and electric currents of my magic rush from my fingertips, sparking gently against my hand in what feels like little kisses.
My eyes widen as I see it rush toward the storm, wrapping and curling itself in the clouds, looking like lightning.
Beautiful. I raise my camera and catch another perfect shot of nature at its most powerful.
“Isn’t that cheating?” Azriel speaks right next to me, appearing suddenly out of thin air.
I used to jump when he started visiting me this way, but now I’m used to it.
Having our true identities out in the open has allowed him to be his actual self, and I’m aware now of how much he had been holding back in the early days of our friendship.
“That one was for me.” I turn to him with a smirk, only to find he’s still watching the storm and my magic dancing around.
“How is class going?” He finally glances at me, and I shrug in answer.
I finished my first year of college at the local community college.
It was more fun than I had expected, and for the first time, I didn’t feel like I was playing catch-up.
Thanks to the summer classes I completed when I first arrived in California, I was able to graduate with my diploma from River Falls High School and was accepted right away that fall to college.
Aunt Loreli is hoping I will follow her lead into the medical field, but I am still deciding what I want to do, and in the meantime, I am taking photography, which has always been a hobby of mine.
“Same. This semester, my professor is starting to move on past just the basics and wants us to do more landscape and find the meaning in the image. That’s at least fun.” I move closer to him and hold my camera out, showing him the images I captured earlier.
“These are so good, S.”
“It’s probably my favorite class right now. Having to take general classes the first year was enough to make me want to tear my hair out.” I laugh lightly, and he chuckles too.
“Oh, the life of a human,” he teases and nudges me with his shoulder when I scoff in response. Although he isn’t lying. I may have magic, but since I barely use it, I do feel like a normal, human, college student.
“Green is not your color,” I joke back with him and begin walking toward my bag to pack up my equipment.
Azriel trails behind me, his hands in his pockets. “Are you still doing your campout tomorrow night?”
“Yeah. The meteor shower is supposed to pass right over us. But obviously getting far from the city will be the best way to spot it,” I answer and glance up at him from where I’m kneeling in the sand. “Are you still able to come, or did some angelic business come up?”
Now that I know Azriel’s true self, I’m privy to the fact that he is actually a lot busier than I had thought and that he had been making special trips to catch me after my summer school classes when we first met.
“I always have time for you, S.” He smirks and tilts his head at me. “Lord knows you need someone watching out for you.”
I scoff and shake my head, denying his words even while they may be true.
In the past year, I’ve grown in many ways, feeling more at home here and feeling safe.
I’m confident in class, behind the camera, and generally making friends and connections.
The life I thought I would hate here has grown on me.
For the most part, I’ve pushed down and buried the things that haunt my past. I just wish I could connect with my magic to feel whole.
My heart feels like I’m missing something, but I can’t pinpoint what it is.
“Come on. I’ll walk you to the bus stop.” He holds out a hand, helping me back to my feet.
“I can handle it alone if you have things to do. You’ve been busy lately.”
Azriel eyes me speculatively before looking off into the horizon again at the storm. “There’s been a lot of chatter lately. Not just amongst the angels but through all the different sects of beings. I don’t know if we should be worried. Everyone is just on edge.”
My brow arches, my curiosity piqued. Azriel shares very little information with me about the paranormal world.
Part of me realizes it’s due to my aunt, wanting to ease me into it so we don’t shatter the fragile veil in my mind.
And the other part of me knows that Azriel thinks he’s protecting me until my magic is back to being fully restored. “What’s the chatter about?”
“I’m still working on that. There are a lot of unanswered questions, though. Remember last year how I asked for your blood and brought it to the higher angelisist?”
I nod. “Yes, and she basically told you that you aren’t privy to know about my blood.” My eyes roll at that information again.
“It hasn’t set right with me, which is why I brought it to someone I don’t report to. And given what I know about you and your past, I’m just... I’m feeling extra cautious right now. As I said, everyone is on edge.” He blows out a steady breath, but his mind is already miles away, deep in thought.
We walk in silence to the bus stop just in time for me to catch one of the last buses of the evening before Azriel disappears just as quickly as he came.
My lips twitch in a secret smile when I catch a few questioning looks from the other riders who saw me arrive at the stop with someone who just vanished.
The ride is quick, and before I know it, I’m back at the apartment.
Loreli is working late tonight, so I have the place to myself.
A breeze blows gently across my skin and leaves goosebumps in its wake.
My usually pale skin now carries a slight tan, proof that I live in a sunny state.
Unlike when we lived in North Shore or even when I lived in River Falls, where my skin was eternally pale.
I like the subtle changes I’ve seen in myself since coming here from the hospital.
It’s times like this that I believe I was meant to be here, and that even though I don’t have memory of that time, it’s clear to me I wasn’t thriving.
I move quietly through the front door and the living room before heading upstairs to my room.
The sky is vacant of stars tonight, but the moon still casts a glow in my room before I turn on the light.
After uploading my assignment to my professor, I put my camera away and shower off the evening I spent at the beach.
All the while I get ready for bed, I can’t stop the nagging feeling in the back of my mind.
Azriel rarely shares his personal business with me.
For this to be bothering him, he must be worried.
And if he told me about it, then he must be concerned that it somehow affects me.
Aunt Loreli isn’t super fond of Azriel, but she puts up with him because of me; she knows he’ll guard me.
Since the night she laid bare all our family secrets, she has trusted him to know everything there is about me, my past, the trauma of losing my memory.
He has become an important fixture in our lives, and he feels like family.
Before turning out my light, I open an empty journal page next to my bed and make a note to talk to Azriel about this more tomorrow.