Chapter 13 #2
There’s a faint pulsing in my head, and the space right behind my eyes starts to throb slightly.
This bothers me. A feeling of déjà vu grabs hold for a second before I’m released.
My gaze snaps once more to Madden’s, only to find him watching me this time, curious.
There’s a flare of regret that sparks there too, but it’s chased away just as quick.
He leans closer, until we’re almost eye level.
My heart races in my chest, and I make the mistake of breathing him in.
His lips pull back in a tight sneer, clearly knowing he affected me.
“Stay away from Killian, Skully. He doesn’t want you either.”
My mind is momentarily spun, and before I get the chance to retort, the three of them are moving again.
They walk like a unit, like they’ve known each other their whole lives.
And I guess they have. According to Baylee, they’ve all been friends since elementary school.
I was the new girl that year. And for some reason, Madden is convinced I broke up his little friend group.
I hike my way back across campus and over to the duplex.
The sun has set by the time I get there.
Usually, I tend to take my time, but today, I’m in the mood to release some extra energy.
It’s been so long since I ran. With how things shook out the last time I was in River Falls, I wasn’t in a hurry to find deserted roads and trails to run along.
I had bigger things to worry about, like getting books, finding my classes, and avoiding my family and Madden.
Once I reach the front porch, I’m breathing deeply and trying to get my heart rate back under control. My hand shakes slightly as the key slides into the lock, and I let myself inside.
“Hey,” Baylee calls from the couch. She’s wearing her comfy clothes and a sheet mask over her face.
“Spa night?” I joke, noticing her nail polish set out and the reality show on the television.
“My econ class was no joke today. I decided I needed a little pampering tonight. How was the photoshoot?” She lifts her chin toward my camera bag.
I plop on the couch next to her and grab the nearest pillow, squeezing it tightly to my chest. “It was good until Killian showed up.”
Baylee’s eyes widen, and she moves from her relaxed position onto her knees, facing me. “Killian? What did he want?”
I shrug, my hand running down my face. “To throw me off. Mess with me. Well, mess with Madden more likely. It got really awkward when that asshole showed up.”
“Madden was there too!” Baylee practically screeches. Her hands are on the side of her face, and her mouth is open in shock.
I nod slowly. “Aero and Lily, too.”
“Ugh, of course she was there. Those boys can’t take a shit without her being within reach. It’s creepy almost. Aero surprises me, though. He usually has a late class on Mondays.” Baylee starts talking more to herself than me, her voice trailing off when she realizes what exactly she’s divulged.
My brow rises, and a smile curves my lips. “Aero, huh? I thought you couldn’t stand the fierce four.”
She rolls her eyes, sighing dramatically. “I can’t. I also just happened to have seen him coming out of the building once, and he mentioned it.” Baylee’s gaze drops to the blanket on her lap, her fingers absently playing with the pattern.
Deciding to let her off the hook for now, I reach for her hand, and once again, her eyes meet mine. “Remember how I said I didn’t want any more information?”
She nods her head yes, and her eyes widen a little. I smile at the look on her face like she’s about to explode from everything she’s been holding in.
“Well, I changed my mind.” I exhale, my gaze dropping to my lap while I squeeze her hand.
“Being by Killian brought a rush of emotions. Not memories, but feelings I haven’t had.
Like I was grateful but also scared. He made it sound like we were friends, but when Madden showed up, they fought.
Madden he… he seemed concerned at first.”
“Concerned about you?” Baylee asks quietly, and I nod my head, too afraid to look at her. I can’t believe my own traitorous heart leapt at the way she said it.
“For a second, yeah. Then he went back to being an asshole, and I don’t know why I care.” I throw my hands up in the air and fall back against the sofa.
Baylee grows quiet, worrying her bottom lip with her teeth. I can see the contemplativeness in her eyes. I can feel that she’s worried about me. “I don’t want to feed you my memories of what happened.”
I agree with her. “I’ll go into this, taking everything piece by piece.”
Sighing, Baylee pulls the sheet mask off and begins patting her face. Everything about her body language reads that she’s struggling. “I took the garbage out tonight.”
I feel the sensation of the lie in my palm, and my hand closes. “What?”
She shrugs and gives me an impish smile. “Just testing that it still works.” Baylee laughs while I jokingly glare at her.
“Yeah, yeah.” I wave her off. Once Baylee settles back in, she takes a deep breath and keeps her focus on me.
“When you first arrived at the school, Madden was drawn to you. It pissed off a lot of the girls in our school who had been vying for his attention for years. Some of them became very catty and aggressive. It seemed like all of it rolled off of you. The first time you guys walked in the halls together was when the tide changed.”
“Before that day, was I different? Or was I always the same back then?” I turn to her. Baylee’s face scrunches.
“I didn’t see you before you started school.
I think you moved in like two weeks before the year started.
When I first met you, you seemed overwhelmed by everything, but super nice to me.
You were always nice to me, though. It just seemed like after that day with Madden, you became less joyful.
The stoic posture, less smiling, less caring about who was around you. ”
My mind rushes with the information, and I slam my eyes shut, willing for any type of recognition or memory.
I search for that same feeling, that throb in my head that I had when I watched Lily grip Madden’s arm.
“How does Killian fit into everything? Were we friends? He called me little devil. Acted like we were close.”
Baylee’s lips turn up in a sneer. “I never trusted him. You did. When I said you cared less about who was around you, I meant you kept a tight circle. The boys and me. That was it. I remember once I saw you and Killian sitting close together in the library. Madden had left school and didn’t come back until the end of the day for swim practice.
You felt sick in third period, and Killian brought you into the hall to get air, then you sat together in the library for the rest of the day.
Madden got mad. He brought you into a room at the library, so I’m not sure what was said, but after that, the fracture between Killian and Madden started. ”
“Does he think I cheated on him? With Killian?” My brow rises, and I swallow back the distasteful way the words sound on my tongue.
Baylee’s shoulders shrug. “I don’t know. You never told me anything that happened between you guys that way. I asked once, and you said it was council business.”
My palm tingles, and I frown at her. “Baylee.”
She sighs and runs her hands through her hair. “Okay, you didn’t say it was council business. You said it was none of my business because I wasn’t on the council.”
I grab her hand. “I was a bitch then, huh?”
She smiles, it’s small, and then returns the squeeze of my hand.
“No. I don’t think you were. You just always looked like you were carrying the weight of our world on your shoulders.
Then you had Killian and Madden at odds over you.
Aero was caught in the middle, and eventually he sided with Madden. ”
“And Lily?” I swallow back the emotion I can’t help but feel when I mention her. The display this afternoon is stuck in my mind. I see her hand grabbing Madden possessively. But I remember her face looking ashen, like she was nervous to be around me.
Baylee watches me closely. “Lily held the boys’ attention as their best friend for years.
They were all close since elementary school.
Aero was the first to befriend you. You lived with Madden and Heath, but it was almost like they had wrapped you in a bubble.
Aero shattered that bubble. You bonded over freaking video games of all things.
Then, Killian jumped into being your friend too.
Heath always saw you as the big sister he never had.
Slowly, the guys gravitated toward you and away from her. ”
“Did we leave her out?” I ask, feeling a pit in my stomach form. Maybe that’s why she seems to hate me.
“No. That’s why her attitude made no sense.
You didn’t push her out of the group. I never saw you do anything to her, but there were rumors that you scared her.
When Madden seemed to favor you, too, was when the rumors started.
” Baylee grimaces. “Everyone said you were with Killian and Madden. And that you were rude to Lily. None of that sat well with the guys. Things became tense between you all after the winter break. A few weeks before the incident, you started spending more time with Killian, but Madden was also very public with you. He kissed you in front of everyone one day. Here.” Baylee hands me her phone with an image on it.
“Why didn’t you show me this before?” My eyes roam over the very intimate image.
Madden’s hand is banded around my bicep, and he is pushing me into the lockers, his other hand on my chin while he kisses me.
My heart flutters in my chest, and that slight twinge behind my eyeball kicks up again. My hands drop Baylee’s phone on my lap.
“Skully,” Baylee says my name softly. “Are you okay?”
“It’s not a memory, but my brain reacts to things I’m seeing. Just now with this picture, and when I saw Lily grab Madden’s arm,” I tell her, my voice low, and my throat thick with emotions I can’t name. “This picture hurts.”
Baylee grabs the phone from me gently. We sit in silence while I process her version of events. I can’t let myself believe everything is as she says. There are different sides to everything. And somewhere in the middle is my truth. I just want to remember what that is.
“What are you going to do?”
I sigh, a laugh escaping at the same time.
“I have no idea. I want to avoid it all. Them, my family, our history. But I’m starting to think I won’t get answers or my memories that way.
My memories are reacting to things I’m seeing.
I think I need to keep seeing them. I’m going to have to be around them. Maybe then it will fix things.”
Baylee’s eyes roam over my face, and I can read the concern in hers. “What if it isn’t safe?”
“I’ve never been safe in River Falls, Bay. I don’t need my memories to know that. I already feel it.”
My attention falls to the largest window in the living room.
The curtains are pulled back. The sky is filled with stars tonight, and the bare trees are blowing in the slight breeze.
I didn’t want to come back. I don’t want to stay.
But I’m starting to realize that the only way to fix me might be by doing the one thing that scares me the most, confronting Madden.