Chapter 7
L ord, what am I doing?
Jalon sat in the front seat of the car, trying to sort out his jumbled thoughts and emotions.
He wasn’t having much success. He glanced over his shoulder.
Malachi was leaning on Phoebe’s shoulder, asleep, while she looked out the window, her hands twisting in her lap.
Seemed he wasn’t the only one wrestling with his thoughts.
He faced front, everything passing by in a blur even though their driver was going slow over the still-icy roads.
Jalon barely noticed the shoveled driveways, the heaping piles of soft snow, the starkness of a landscape that come spring would be vibrant and bustling.
It all hardly registered as he tried to figure out if he was doing the right thing.
No, that wasn’t the problem. He knew he was doing the right thing.
He’d gotten the sense from Phoebe’s letters that living with Aunt Bertha wasn’t easy, but he’d had no idea the woman was downright abusive.
Her glare alone could cut through stone.
This was what Phoebe had been living with all these months?
From what he could tell she was a loving mother, and it was clear she and Malachi were close.
Why had she subjected herself to abusive treatment, then? Why had she subjected her son?
Which led him to the real issue that made his head ache.
Phoebe had a son. He was relieved when she said she’d never been married, or at least his jealousy had been relieved.
But there was still the question of why she hadn’t told him about Malachi.
Why would she neglect to reveal something so important?
At the moment the answer didn’t matter. He’d taken on the responsibility of Phoebe and her child, for now anyway.
Not that he understood what that meant. Her aunt had torn up his letter, which meant Phoebe hadn’t read it.
She didn’t know how he felt about her, and considering the circumstances, that might be a good thing.
She hadn’t said a word since they got in the car, other than to tell Malachi to be quiet. He complied and soon fell asleep. Since then she’d been staring out the window.
He looked over his shoulder again and studied her profile.
Right now he wasn’t sure about anything when it came to her .
.. other than the deep attraction he still felt.
It was hard to keep his eyes off her. She was so pretty, but that wasn’t the only thing that drew him.
He’d seen the pain and defeat in her eyes when her aunt berated her.
But he’d also witnessed her inner strength as she stood up to the harsh woman.
And he could see Phoebe deeply loved her son.
Her heart was in her eyes when she looked at the boy.
Suddenly she turned away from the window, and he quickly faced front. He shifted in his seat, his confusion growing. How could he have these tender feelings about her when he really didn’t know her? How could he still care about her when she had kept such a huge secret from him?
Almost two hours later, the taxi driver pulled into Jalon’s driveway. Jalon turned to Phoebe. “I’ll get yer suitcase,” he said.
“I can get it.” She scrambled out of the car before Jalon could stop her, Malachi remaining behind. He was awake now and looking at Jalon with wide, expectant eyes. Jalon had never felt so out of his depth.
“I’ll pop the trunk,” the driver said, pushing up his black, square-rimmed glasses as he opened the car door.
Jalon paid him. “Thanks for the ride.”
“No problem.” He took the cash, then gestured with his thumb to the backseat. “Cute kid you got there.”
“He’s not—” Jalon clammed up as he spied Malachi sitting on the seat with his feet barely reaching the edge, still looking at Jalon. “Thanks,” he said to the driver, then got out of the car.
Malachi scooted from his seat and climbed out of the vehicle. Jalon walked around to the back of the car as Phoebe tugged her heavy suitcase out of the trunk.
“Malachi,” she called out.
Jalon turned to see him barreling through the snow. At least eight inches were on the ground.
“Stay close,” Phoebe instructed.
He nodded and ran up to Blue, who was meowing indignantly in the middle of the driveway. Malachi squatted down in front of the cat and started petting his head. “Good kitty.”
“I’ll take this,” Jalon said, reaching for the suitcase.
“I’ve got it.”
He wasn’t about to let her carry her own bag.
He knew how heavy it was too. His hand touched hers as she held on to the handle with both hands.
A jolt went through him, and he couldn’t keep himself from meeting her gaze.
This could be a problem. He composed himself and said more firmly, “Let me do it.” He took the suitcase and grabbed his duffle bag.
He paused, then said, “We should geh inside. Get out of this cold.” Once they were in the house he would figure out what to do next.
She walked a few paces behind him. Malachi was still enamored with Blue, and the cat was rubbing the side of its face against the boy’s fingers.
When they were in the living room, he set down the suitcase. “ Mei sister isn’t here right now. She’s in Mesopotamia, visiting familye .”
“So you’re alone?”
He turned to her. “ Ya. ” Remembering her aunt’s assumptions about both his and Phoebe’s character, he added, “We’ve got a dawdi haus in the back. I’ll sleep out there.”
She shook her head. “Malachi and I will be fine in the dawdi haus .”
They wouldn’t, since it was only half-finished.
As it was, he’d have to fix it up so he could stay there more than a few nights.
“You and Malachi can have mei room. Or he can sleep in mei room and you can have mei parents’ old room here on the first floor.
Either way, you’re both spending the night in this haus , so make yerself at home.
” He set his duffle bag near the base of the stairs.
“I have to geh next door and let mei neighbor know I’m back. ” He paused. “I won’t be gone long.”
Her brow knit tightly above her pretty eyes as she nodded. “All right.”
Jalon looked at her for a long moment, feeling the pull of attraction once again.
Yep, this was going to be a huge problem if he didn’t rein it in.
He couldn’t focus on feelings right now.
He had to think logically, which had never been a problem for him before, except when he was drinking.
Now that he was sober he was completely levelheaded .
.. except when it came to Phoebe. Get a grip already.
As he went back down the front porch steps, Jalon glanced at Malachi, who was digging in the snow again.
Blue was nearby, resting on the snow as if he didn’t feel the cold, licking a paw.
Malachi paused in his digging to look at Blue, patted him on the head, then resumed his mission.
Maybe he was looking for pirate treasure again.
Despite everything, Jalon smiled. He definitely was a cute kid.
That didn’t mean he wanted instant responsibility for him.
He walked across the field, even less sure about what to do than when he’d been in the taxi.
He saw Freemont and Ira outside. Ira was on the roof of their house brushing off the heavy snow.
Before Jalon got to them, Ira shimmied down the ladder, his job done.
He waved at Jalon, which made Freemont turn around.
He patted Ira on the back, and the boy went into the house.
“That was a quick trip.” Freemont pushed his hands into his coat pockets. “Everything geh okay?”
“Could have gone better.” He looked at Freemont, knowing he had to tell him what was going on. “I’ve got a problem. A big one.”
“What happened?”
Jalon explained about Phoebe and Malachi, leaving out the parts about her keeping her son a secret.
He also didn’t mention falling in love with her through the mail.
Love. That was in question now that he realized she was practically a stranger to him.
“She doesn’t have any place else to geh , and I couldn’t leave her in that situation. ”
Freemont nodded. “I understand. I would have done the same thing.”
“Leanna’s not home yet. I’m not sure when she’s coming back. She left her stay open-ended.”
“And you don’t want anyone gossiping about you and ... Phoebe. Is that her name?”
“Exactly.” He wouldn’t submit Phoebe to that kind of scrutiny. Hearing it from her aunt was enough.
Freemont tugged his beard. He wasn’t wearing any gloves and his hands were red from the cold and leathery from years of hard farmwork. “I’ll send Karen over. She can stay tonight. It should be all right as long as you stay in the dawdi haus .”
Jalon was relieved. “I’ll call Leanna and ask her to come back early. If she can arrange a ride yet today, Karen might not have to stay.”
“Sounds gut .” He clapped Jalon on the shoulder. “Don’t worry, Jalon. You did the right thing. I’m sure God will work all this out.”
Jalon nodded, glad the bishop had that kind of faith and trust when Jalon’s own was wavering. He was doing the right thing for Phoebe and Malachi. He didn’t have a doubt about that. But was he doing the right thing for himself?
“I don’t want to geh inside.” Malachi crossed his arms and pouted, his breath coming out in tiny white puffs. “I want to stay out here and play.”
Phoebe ground her teeth. Her nerves were frayed and the last thing she needed was Malachi throwing a fit. She wasn’t familiar with this house and property, and she couldn’t leave him unsupervised. “Malachi, you have to come inside. It’s too cold out here anyway.”
“Is not.” But his teeth were chattering and his lips were turning blue. She glanced down at the ground and saw the cat sitting at Malachi’s feet, staring at her with as much defiance as Malachi. Traitor.