Chapter 17 #2
He couldn’t stop himself from reaching over and brushing his thumb over the dimple in her cheek. His simple letters, which he thought were pretty boring, had been important to her.
“God’s taken care of us, Jalon. Despite mei worries and doubts and mistakes, he’s provided.” She leaned into his touch. “He’ll take care of you too. The burden isn’t all on yer shoulders.”
Reluctantly he drew away his hand. “ Danki for the reminder. I do believe God is faithful, Phoebe. He’s there when we stumble around—like I did.”
“Like I did too.”
“I still am. I haven’t handled everything well, especially between us.”
Her blue eyes gleamed. “You’ve handled things just fine, Jalon.”
A lump came to his throat. “I knew from the first letter you sent that you were special.”
“I only wrote a few words.”
“It wasn’t the words.” He didn’t know how to explain it, how to tell her that he sensed a connection between them and that’s why he’d written her back. “There was just something there ...”
“Between us?”
He nodded.
“I felt it too.” She glanced down, then looked up at him shyly. “I thought I was reading into things, though. Wishing for something that wasn’t there.”
“It’s definitely there.” He straightened, feeling a confidence he hadn’t felt for a long time, maybe not ever before.
“I don’t think I’d suddenly out of the blue want to farm after years of avoiding it unless God was at work.
And I don’t think”—he touched her cheek—“you and I would be here if he didn’t want us to be together. ”
“What are you saying?”
Jalon paused. What was he saying? “I—”
She put her finger to his lips. “Never mind.”
He moved her hand away. “Never mind?”
“Jalon, I don’t want to rush into anything. You’re important to me. Important enough that I want both of us to be sure about this.”
She was right. Now wasn’t the time for either of them to make any rash decisions. He’d made enough of those lately. He moved away from her, not wanting to, but knowing it was the right thing to do.
“What are you going to do about Adam?” she asked.
He stared at the ground and kicked away a piece of stray straw. “I’ll have to talk to him again. I can’t leave things between us like this.” He looked up. “He says he forgives me.”
“You don’t believe him?”
“I do. But it seems too easy. He’s paralyzed, Phoebe.”
“He doesn’t strike me as the kind of person to brood over the past and hold grudges.”
“He’s not. He’s definitely not like that.”
“It’s time to let geh of the past, Jalon.”
He turned to her. “It’s time for you to let geh too. You don’t have to be ashamed of what happened with Brody. Not anymore. You’ve been forgiven.”
“Just like you have.”
He nodded, the words finally, finally sinking in.
She touched his arm. “Now, geh talk to Adam. Set things right between you.” Then she stood up and left.
He rose from the hay bale and glanced at the wall. The beer was drying, the smell dissipating. He swept up the shards and threw them away. He’d made it past a huge hurdle tonight ... but he hadn’t done it on his own. He had God in his corner. He had Phoebe. And now he knew he had Adam too.
Adam sat at the base of the tree, frustration welling up inside him.
He was used to this type of frustration, the kind that started in his gut.
He clenched his hands, his well-worn leather gloves crackling with the movement.
This frustration wasn’t only about Jalon, although giving his cousin over to God made it lessen.
It was over losing his ability to walk—all because he had chosen to climb up a tree.
He’d told Jalon the truth about accepting his disability.
But there were times when it hit him square on that he’d lost the use of his legs forever.
Now, looking at this tree—a beautiful, grand oak that stood majestically on the Chupp property—he fought anger and resentment.
Maybe he hadn’t completely come to terms with it after all.
Memories flooded over him as he remembered that day when he and Jalon had challenged each other to climb it. Jalon was almost halfway up by the time Adam reached the base. Jalon was always faster and stronger, but Adam tried to keep up.
“Slowpoke,” Jalon called out to him as he shimmied up a couple more branches. He was right by a thick one and sat on the edge of it. Jalon was fearless.
Adam knew he was teasing him, but it still rankled. He was on the short side and had legs like thick tree trunks. Still, he was determined to climb as far and as high as Jalon. He started to climb up the tree. His foot slipped on the trunk.
“You’re going to give up now like a little boppli ?” Jalon taunted. His legs hung in the air and swayed back and forth, as casually as if he were sitting on a chair in the kitchen.
“I’ll never give up!” Adam resumed his footing and got a grip on the branches.
He hauled himself up one branch, then another, the whole time Jalon calling him names.
Nothing cruel, just ribbing like young boys did, but it was enough to spur Adam on.
He put his foot on what he thought was a strong branch.
It gave way, knocking him off balance and making him let go of the tree.
He felt himself falling ... falling ..
. as if the ground had disappeared beneath him.
Then he slammed into the hard earth and felt the base of his spine crack.
“Adam?”
He turned to see Karen walking toward him, the dusky purple sky behind her. He wiped his eyes, forcing a smile. “Hey, Karen.”
“Are you okay?” she asked, stopping short in front of him.
So much for hiding his tears. He looked away. “Yeah. Just a little dust in mei eyes, that’s all.”
She nodded, even though there wasn’t any dust at all.
He saw she was carrying a small case. “Going somewhere?” he asked.
“Home, remember? Now that you and Leanna are here, I’m not needed.”
Disappointment threaded through him. He’d enjoyed listening to her talk over supper. He also had hidden the fact that he’d plain enjoyed watching her, taking in her slender hands and animated eyes. She was also a good cook, which was an added bonus in his book.
“I remember you,” he said. What was with him blurting out things around her?
Her pale red eyebrows lifted. “You do?”
“I remember you and yer sister coming over here when mei familye would visit. There was that one time we played volleyball. Leanna accidentally hit you in the head with the ball and you started to cry.”
“I was only eight,” she said, sounding a little indignant. “Besides, those balls are hard and you know how Leanna can punch a ball.” She rubbed the side of her head as if reliving the memory. “It hurt.”
“I’m sure it did. But after you cried you went back in the game and started playing again like nix happened.” He grinned. “That was kind of a cool thing for a twelve-year-old bu to see.”
“A tough girl?” Her lips quirked into a smirk.
He couldn’t stop himself from looking her up and down. “You don’t look so tough anymore.”
She tilted her head, her expression inscrutable. “I don’t know if I should take that as an insult or a compliment.”
“A compliment,” he said, throwing caution out the door. No reason not to be plain spoken with her. If that put her off, it wasn’t his fault. “Definitely a compliment.”
She stilled and looked down at him, her face still blank.
He shifted, his bluster disappearing. This was one of the things he hated about being in a wheelchair.
People looked down at him. They had no choice, of course.
But sometimes there was a sense of superiority in their eyes too.
Or worse, pity. Women were even more difficult.
Many of them thought he was either helpless or invisible.
He didn’t want Karen to see him that way.
If he could, he’d stand up right now. Show her he was more than useless legs and a wheelchair. That he was a man.
She took a step forward and put down her case. She crouched down in front of him, her face close to his. “I remember you too,” she said, her voice soft and lilting. “Not just because of the accident.” She met his gaze straight on. “I had a crush on you. A huge crush.”
His eyes widened, and for a split moment he believed her. Then he came back to reality. She was being nice. Plus, a childhood crush didn’t equal adult attraction.
“You were the most handsome bu I’d ever seen.”
“At ten?” He couldn’t help but roll his eyes.
“ Ya. More handsome than any of the others here in Birch Creek.”
“Now you’re making things up.”
“Why would I do that? Here I am revealing the deepest feelings of mei youth and you’re dismissing them.” He thought he detected an edge of annoyance in her voice.
“I’m sorry,” he said seriously. “I thought we were just talking about the past. Silly childhood stuff.”
“It wasn’t silly to me.” She leaned forward and rested her hands lightly on his knees. “And I’m not so sure it’s just a childhood crush anymore.”
He inhaled a sharp breath as she stood up, picked up her case, and left as if she hadn’t just turned his world upside-down.
His heart thrummed as he turned and faced the tree again. This time it didn’t loom so large. Didn’t feel so threatening. And the memories stayed at bay, replaced with thoughts of a pretty red-haired woman who had definitely made him feel like a man.
It was dark by the time Jalon approached Adam, and the moonlight illumined the tree, casting it in eerie shadow. Adam didn’t turn around, but kept facing the tree. Jalon stood by Adam’s wheelchair. The two men didn’t say anything for a long time.
“You were right,” Jalon finally said.
“I know.” Adam glanced up at him. “But tell me anyway.”
Jalon shook his head, smiling a bit. “It was easier to wallow in guilt than forgive myself for what happened.” He paused. “I’ve been carrying it around for so long. It’s not going to be easy to let geh .” He put his hand on Adam’s shoulder. “I can’t promise that I won’t be a moody jerk sometimes.”
“And I can’t promise that I won’t point it out.” Adam looked at the tree again. “Nice hatchet job.”
“Yeah. Tried to take it out on mei own. Didn’t realize what a bad idea it was until it was too late.”
“If you leave it like this, it’s going to die.”
“I thought about finishing the job—with help, of course—and using the wood to add onto the barn.”
“So you’re really doing it. You’re going to be a farmer. Leanna told me your plans.”
“ Ya. Although I’ve got to say, the odds are stacked against me right now.” He explained his financial situation. “But even if all I can manage is a small garden, it will be a start.”
Adam didn’t say anything right away. Jalon was about to tell him good night when Adam reached into his pants pocket. “Here,” he said, handing a small, folded piece of paper to Jalon.
Jalon opened it, held it up to the moonlight, and grimaced. A check. He didn’t bother to note the amount. “I’m not taking yer money,” he said, shoving it back at Adam.
Adam ignored him. “It’s not mei money. It’s yers .”
“I sent it to help you. I see now that you don’t need mei help, but I still want you to have it.”
“Even if you’re the one who needs it now?”
Jalon stilled. A foolish man ... That’s what he was being right now, turning down the check.
Foolish. Yet he couldn’t bring himself to accept it.
He had given the money to Adam to assuage his guilt, but that wasn’t the only reason.
He’d wanted to help his cousin. He’d wanted Adam to have the best life he could. That motivation hadn’t changed.
“Think of it as an investment,” Adam said.
“In what?”
“The farm.”
Jalon opened the check again. His jaw dropped at the amount. “This can’t be right.”
“I saved every single penny you sent me, plus I invested some of it.”
“But this is—”
“Plenty to get the farm going.”
“You want to invest in the farm.” Jalon was still reeling from the tens of thousands of dollars in his hand and the fact that his cousin wanted it to go toward his farm.
“ Ya , but under one condition.” Adam grinned, his teeth flashing white in the silvery moonlight. “I want to be an onsite investor. Which means I would move here to Birch Creek.” He held up his hand. “Before you say anything, I think I can be a valuable addition to yer enterprise.”
Jalon laughed at the fancy words. Adam was very smart, and when they were kids, when he wasn’t playing outside or climbing trees, he had his nose in a book. “How so?” he said.
“I can definitely handle the business aspect of it. I may not be able to guide the plow but I can handle money.”
He’d already proven that. “Are you sure you want to move here?”
Adam nodded. “There’s not much for me in Mespo. I like working for mei onkel , but you’re right, it’s not what I want to do. I like the challenge of trying to make this farm into something. I have some ideas too.”
Jalon listened as Adam explained about his plans and sketches.
His cousin had been studying farming without knowing the opportunity to help run a farm would arise.
And now he was here, providing the money Jalon needed, money that had been Jalon’s to begin with, but was now Adam’s. God is faithful. He absolutely was.
Adam reached out his hand. Jalon grabbed it, marveling at the strong grip. His palm rested against the leather palm of Adam’s fingerless glove as they shook and sealed the deal. This felt right, and he couldn’t wait to start working alongside his cousin ... his friend.
“Tomorrow over breakfast we can discuss the particulars.” Adam yawned. “I’m too tired tonight.” He glanced at the tree. “It’s a shame it’s coming down. It was a beautiful tree.”
“It’s going to be part of a fresh start.” Jalon nodded at the tree. “For both of us.”