Chapter June 27, 2020—Seattle, Washington—Three Months Later #3
His chest tightened, an ache blooming and radiating through his body, paralyzing him with longing and guilt.
Tremors spread from his fingertips to his spine, anchoring him to the spot as Adrian’s voice climbed higher, unwavering, his gaze distant yet piercing.
Logan felt exposed, like Adrian could see him right there, falling apart in the shadows of a life he never wanted.
And I called your name, but the winds stole it away,
Can you hear my silent cries, drifting through the waves?
Be my lifesaver, and I’ll be yours,
We’ll weather the storms that crash on distant shores.
We’ll find safe harbors where the winds are still,
And wait till the waves are gone, till our hearts can heal.
Be my lifesaver, and I’ll be yours,
Together we’ll stand through the tempest’s roar,
We’ll find the shore where the storms can’t find,
I’ll keep you safe, through the tides unwind.
We’ll trace our path from the heart of the deepest blue.
He couldn’t look away, couldn’t move, trapped in the bittersweet agony of the song’s embrace, feeling every word echo the love he had lost, and the man he still was somewhere underneath it all.
Your eyes burned through me, lighting up the dark,
They still haunt the quietest nights I’ve ever known,
In your smile, the world was whole and true,
You stole the dark, but when you left, it’s all that lingered.
I spent hours beneath the ocean’s grace,
Dove to the depths in search of you,
Sank into the ocean’s heart but couldn’t find you.
In the abyss, my heart yearns for you,
In every crowd, I long to see your face,
And the sound of your voice still echoes the same,
It haunts my soul and will do it until my last breath.
Logan wiped his eyes, though it was hopeless; the tears kept spilling over, blurring the screen as Adrian’s voice filled his head and existence.
Every word felt like it was meant for him alone—a confession, a plea, a memory spun into song, and a swell of anger rose in him that this private moment was shared with strangers online.
Adrian was singing to him, his voice reaching through the distance and the silence that had grown between them.
When Adrian reached the chorus again, the words changed and his voice was gentler, rawer, as if he, too, was struggling to keep his voice steady.
The words struck Logan harder now, and his resolve shattered.
His hands shook as he set the phone down on his lap, burying his face in his hands, his shoulders wracked with sobs that had been waiting, so long, to be released.
He cried like a child, undone, as Adrian’s voice wrapped around him, pouring every lost promise and unspoken regret back into his heart.
I draw each breath only to offer it to you,
Be my lifesaver, and I’ll be yours,
We’ll weather the storms that crash on distant shores.
We’ll find safe harbors where the winds are still,
And wait till the waves are gone, till our hearts can heal.
Be my lifesaver, and I’ll be yours,
Together we’ll stand through the tempest’s roar,
We’ll find the shore where the storms can’t find,
I’ll keep you safe, through the tides unwind.
We’ll trace our path from the heart of the deepest blue.
I’ll be your lifesaver,
Even if you don’t wish to be mine.
I’ll guide you to safe shores,
And keep you alive until your true love arrives.
Logan picked up his phone again, clutching it tightly, his other hand pressed to his chest as though he could soothe the ache that had lodged there for five hundred and ninety-three days.
Memories of Adrian flooded back, unbidden—moments of laughter, stolen glances, the quiet warmth they’d shared.
As Adrian reached the fifth verse, Logan felt his control slipping, his pulse pounding with the urge to close the video, to fling the phone across the room, anything to escape the torment.
But he didn’t. He couldn’t. He sat there, rooted to the spot, transfixed by the familiar voice he loved more than anything in the world.
On the screen, Adrian sang with such raw honesty, each word a confession of heartbreak and loss.
Logan watched, helpless, as the love of his life bared his soul, singing a song of ruin—one that told the story of how he, Logan, had shattered everything they once had.
When I close my eyes, silver waves will seek me,
They pull me down, with you always out of reach.
I’ll dive deeper than the ocean’s floor,
Needing you to save me once more,
I called your name, but I couldn’t see you,
I begged for you but you turned away,
I truly thought you’d come, I thought you’d save me too.
I draw each breath only to offer it to you,
Be my lifesaver, and I’ll be yours,
We’ll weather the storms that crash on distant shores.
We’ll find safe harbors where the winds are still,
And wait till the waves are gone, till our hearts can heal.
Be my lifesaver, and I’ll be yours,
Together we’ll stand through the tempest’s roar,
We’ll find the shore where the storms can’t find,
I’ll keep you safe, through the tides unwind.
I’ll be your lifesaver,
Even if you don’t want to be mine.
I’ll guide you to safe shores,
And keep you alive until your real love arrives.
When Adrian sang the chorus again, Logan felt a surge of life stirring within him, a bittersweet spark in the darkness that had swallowed his world.
This time, the chorus carried a depth that hadn’t been there before—Adrian sang with an intensity that was both passion and agony intertwined.
Logan could feel every ounce of emotion poured into those words; he felt Adrian’s hurt bleeding through, raw and exposed.
But Logan didn’t need to feel it to understand.
He lived that pain daily, carrying it like a wound that never healed, an ache that gnawed at him every second.
He knew with chilling certainty that it was Adrian’s shattered heart woven into each lyric, his sorrow crafting every line, his pain binding the melody together.
When Adrian sang the chorus one last time, his voice rose in a shout that echoed across the ocean, bridging the distance between them, electrifying the air.
Logan’s breath hitched as Adrian’s voice poured through his earbuds, haunting and beautiful, every word heavy with truth.
His skin prickled, hairs standing on end as Adrian’s smooth, deep voice resonated with fierce intensity, singing each word as though it were his last confession.
Logan knew, in that moment, that Adrian meant every syllable, that his heart had been poured into this song—a love letter written in heartbreak, echoing across the miles that had torn them apart.
Then the music softened, dropping to a hushed, haunting tone, and Adrian’s voice trembled as he sang the final verse.
I saw the parts you keep hidden from the light,
I loved you in your darkest, most fragile fight.
I always wonder if you ever think of me,
Does my memory soothe you like the sea?
If you’re broken now, I can’t fix you,
Nothing of my soul survived the final dive.
But if you’re damaged, maybe you need me as much as I need you?
I am fractured, but if you are whole, then I’ll find my peace in your joy,
I believe my fate was to cross paths with you,
To be the one who saves you,
Logan’s shattered heart broke further, splintering into pieces as he watched Adrian struggle to continue.
His voice wavered, barely holding the melody, his breath catching on each word, until a single tear slipped down his cheek, landing softly on the guitar.
Logan’s hands gripped the edge of his seat, helpless, as he saw Adrian lift his head, his face streaked with raw anguish, his eyes reflecting a depth of sorrow that was almost unbearable to witness.
A choked cry escaped Logan as he took in the full weight of Adrian’s pain—so familiar, yet somehow deeper than he’d ever known.
That last sentence was a whispered confession, a tender farewell, the last thing he would hear from Adrian:
So when the end draws near, and life leaves you,
I’ll be here, waiting to save you.
Tears streamed down Adrian’s face as he abruptly rose and left the stage.
The screen went dark, and the video ended, leaving a suffocating silence in its wake.
Logan cast his phone to the other side of the couch, yanking his earbuds out and letting them fall onto the pristine carpet and couch, his body finally surrendering to the torrent of emotions he had kept buried.
He let himself cry, truly cry, as hot tears poured from his gray eyes, carrying the weight of all the pain and self-hatred he’d suppressed for so long.
The ache in his chest was like a living creature clawing through him, devouring him from the inside, a torture he knew he deserved.
He sat there, lost to time, sobbing until he was breathless, his words breaking through the silence as he whispered, “I’m sorry,” and screamed, “I love you,” as if Adrian could somehow hear him across the miles.
It felt as though he were drowning in his grief, the weight pressing harder and harder, an agony that didn’t subside but only grew, each tear a testament to how deeply broken, how utterly in love he still was.
He’d made the choice he thought was right, yet his heart bled openly, calling to Adrian with a desperation that felt like it would consume him whole.
Eventually, Logan reached for his phone, fingers trembling as he pulled up Adrian’s Facebook page, his thumb hovering over the message button.
He needed to reach out, to say something, to cross the distance.
The image of Adrian’s face, etched in grief, filled his mind, and fresh waves of self-loathing washed over him.
But still, all he wanted was to hold him, to pull him close and tell him. .. tell him what?