Chapter 30
Luna
A soft thud drifts in from the distance, like a cabinet being shut gently, and I blink. It takes me a second to realize where I am. Then a smile spreads across my lips as I remember last night and…Zayden.
I turn my head, expecting to see him still there beside me, but the space is empty, the blanket pulled back slightly. I sit up slowly, stretching my arms overhead. My muscles feel loose, lazy, like someone who had one of the best sleeps of her life.
Pushing the blankets off, I swing my legs over the side of the bed and make my way toward the kitchen. Then I stop. Because standing in the kitchen with his back to me is Zayden. Shirtless, broad shoulders, barefoot, and gray sweatpants slung low on his hips.
The tattoos I barely got to see last night are completely visible now. One stands out: a skate and a hockey stick on his side.
He must sense my presence, because he turns to look at me. “Morning.”
“Morning.” I walk over and hop onto the counter beside him. “What’s all this?” I ask, eyeing the pan.
“Quinoa bowl.”
“You googled migraine-safe breakfasts, didn’t you?” I ask, narrowing my eyes.
Zayden shrugs one shoulder. “You should stay the weekend,” he says suddenly, without looking up. “Like a migraine retreat.”
I blink. “A retreat?”
“Yeah. You. Me. Food. Sleep. No stress.”
I tilt my head at him, pretending to consider. “Hmm. And does this retreat include…orgasms?”
Zayden chokes slightly, then glances up at me like I’ve just short-circuited every brain cell he has. “That’s…optional.”
I grin, leaning back on my hands on the counter beside him. “Optional?”
He recovers fast. “Available upon request.”
I hum. “That’s good customer service.”
“You’re trouble,” he mutters, but he’s smiling now. The real kind—the one that softens his whole face and makes me want to kiss it off him.
I laugh, but it’s quieter this time. My fingers curl around the edge of the counter.
I like us here. I like the way he smiles more. I like the quiet. I like that I don’t feel like I have to keep proving I belong. But part of me already knows this won’t last.
And once we get back to campus? The walls will go up again. The secrets and the silences. He’ll start acting like I imagined all of this, and I still haven’t told him about the archives.
I must go quiet, because Zayden turns toward me fully now, eyebrows drawing together. “What’s going on in that head of yours, Ice Princess?”
I shake my head, but he already knows.
“You’re thinking about what happens when we go back.”
I nod.
“Luna,” he says, stepping in front of me. “Whatever this is…” He hesitates for a breath. “We have to keep it between us.” The moment the words leave his mouth, everything in me goes still.
I press both hands against his chest and slide off the counter, and make my way toward the hallway. But before I have time to make it far, his hand curls gently around my wrist, pulling me back to him.
“Hey, talk to me, please.”
“What do you want from me, Zayden?” I snap.
“I want you.”
“Then why do I feel like some secret you don’t want anyone to know about?”
“It’s not like that.”
“Isn’t it?” I ask. “Are you ashamed of me?”
He shakes his head. “No. God, no.” He looks wrecked, like that question hit something inside of him.
“It’s because Valcérre ruins anything that’s good.
You’ve seen it.” He looks away for a second before looking back at me.
“If they find out about us, they’ll destroy it.
They’ll destroy you. And I can’t let that happen. ”
I stare at him, every part of me begging to believe the way he’s looking at me. But it’s not enough. Not when he keeps pulling me in only to push me away.
“You don’t get to do this.” I motion between us. “The back and forth. One second, you act like you care, and the next, you’re shutting me out like I imagined the whole damn thing.”
Something burns behind my eyes, but I blink it back. I will not cry. Not here, and definitely not in front of him.
“I’m used to people not caring about me.
I know how to be alone and how to take care of myself.
I’ve done it my whole life.” The words catch in my throat.
“But if you care about me, I can’t keep second-guessing it every time you push me away.
” A tear escapes before I can stop it, and I quickly turn around, hoping he didn’t see it.
But of course, he did.
He gently turns me around to face him, and I look down at the floor, avoiding his eyes. “Look at me, Luna.”
I don’t.
I don’t want him to see how much he affects me.
Then his fingers slip under my chin, and he gently brings my eyes up to meet his.
“Don’t hide from me,” he says, catching a traitorous tear with his thumb.
And I want to disappear. “I do care about you. So much it terrifies me.” His eyes are full of something I can’t describe.
“Because I know the moment I let myself have this…have you, I won’t survive if I lose you. ”
The words hit somewhere so deep that it hurts. I don’t think anyone has ever been scared of losing me before. I want to say something, but the words are gone. Lost somewhere in the pressure behind my ribs, blocked by the way my throat’s closing up.
Instead, I press my face into his chest and bury myself into the warmth of his skin. His arms tighten around me instantly, pulling me even closer.
“Promise you won’t push me away again,” I whisper. “Because if I open up to this, and you push me away again…” I swallow hard, my voice barely there. “I don’t know what it’ll do to me.”
“I promise. I can’t stay away from you even if I try.”
“Okay, cool.” And just like that, I’m crying. Tears spill down my cheeks, hot, stupid, and so not me. My whole chest trembles, and I’m trying to keep it in, trying to stay quiet, but it just keeps breaking through.
“God, this is so embarrassing. I don’t do crying.” I let out this half sob, half laugh that sounds completely unhinged. “Do you mind if I stay here forever?” I bury my face deeper into his chest.
A sound rumbles beneath my cheek that sounds like a laugh. “Come on. Let me see that pretty face.” He tries to nudge me away, but I tighten my arms around him.
“Absolutely not.”
He backs up slowly until he reaches the couch, lowering himself and bringing me with him. I’m still curled up on his chest, knees on either side of him.
“You can stay here for as long as you want,” he whispers against the top of my head. His fingers move in slow circles on my back. I could stay like this forever.
“So…” I tilt my head just enough to peek at him. “Is the migraine retreat offer still open?”
“Depends. You looking for the basic package or the premium one?”
“Hmm,” I hum against him. “Does the premium one come with more of that breakfast I smelled…and, you know…orgasms?”
He groans into my hair, arms tightening slightly around my waist. “Jesus, Luna.”
“What?” I ask, all innocence.
“You’re gonna kill me.” He closes his eyes.
We stay like that for a while, the silence stretching between us.
I shift slightly in his lap, and he sucks in a breath. I feel the way his body responds to mine, already hard beneath me.
“Shit, I’m sorry. Didn’t mean to—”
“Get turned on?” I raise an eyebrow. “I’m pretty sure that’s normal. And I would be offended if you didn’t.”
He exhales like he’s been holding his breath. “I just can’t help it with your body pressing against mine, but we don’t have to do anything, okay?”
“Okay.” I roll my hips slowly against him, and he chokes on a breath.
“Luna?”
“Yes?” I say sweetly, grinding harder this time, rolling my hips in a lazy circle against the thick bulge beneath me.
Zayden groans, head tipping back against the couch. “Fuck, Luna. What are you doing?”
I shift my angle, hitting a new spot. “Take a guess.”
His hands grip my hips.
A whimper escapes me before I can swallow it. “This feels so good, Zayden.” My panties are soaked now, clinging to me, catching the friction just right.
“That’s it, pretty girl. Take what you need from me.”
I ride him harder, dragging friction right where I need it. His cock twitches beneath me. “You like this?”
My moans get louder, more desperate. I can barely breathe through it.
“What do you think, Luna?” His voice drops to something darker, breathless. “Fuck, look at you. You look so fucking beautiful riding me like this.”
I shudder, my body lighting up at his praise—thighs burning and heat building low in my stomach.
“Can I…” He looks down at my shirt where my nipples are already hard and begging for attention.
I nod.
Then he leans down, and his head disappears under my shirt. I gasp when I feel his mouth wrap around my nipple. He sucks, gently at first, then harder, before swirling his tongue around it. I love the way he moans low in his throat, like this feels as good to him as it does for me.
“Yes.” My fingers find his locs where they are buried under my shirt, and I tug them just enough to make him groan against my skin.
His hand moves to my other nipple, giving her awaited attention. She was getting a little jealous. He runs his thumbs around the bud before pinching it gently, then a little harder. Just enough to make me gasp again.
He alternates between sucking one and rolling the other between his fingers, switching sides.
And I feel every suck, every pull, straight to where I need him most. Like his mouth on my breast is directly connected to my pussy.
The pressure deepens between my legs, and I’m so soaked; I’m pretty sure I’m leaking through his pants.
“Zayden…I’m so close,” I breathe, hips grinding against his lap without thinking.
He lifts his head to look at me, lips wet and slightly parted, and his eyes are heavy-lidded like he’s drunk on me. Then he fucking smiles, and I think I just got pregnant from that smile alone.