Chapter 36
Luna
I wake up feeling new, like he cracked me open and put me back together.
Say hello to the new Luna.
The blanket is cool against my skin, the pillow still smells like him, and my body aches in the best way possible. Guess who’s not a virgin anymore? I smile to myself. I wouldn’t want to lose my virginity to anyone but Zayden Aldenhurst.
Because this man knew what he was doing.
Can someone ruin you and worship you at the same time? The way he fucked me so hard but then touched me like he was afraid I might break.
I groan and roll onto my stomach, burying my face in his pillow.
God, it smells so good. That clean, masculine, slightly musky scent that makes my toes curl.
I close my eyes and take a deep inhale, like I can breathe him into my bloodstream.
But who am I kidding? He’s already there, and that doesn’t scare me as much anymore.
I’ve heard my classmates talk about how awkward and uncomfortable their first time was, and I can’t share the sentiment. Mine was Zayden Aldenhurst looking at me like I was made of starlight and sin while he ruined me slow and sweet and so deep I saw God. Twice. Maybe three times.
I laugh into the pillow. I’m getting horny just thinking about it.
I’m so glad I waited.
I throw off the blanket, still smiling. My legs are a little sore from earlier as I move toward the dresser. I pull the drawer open and grab the first shirt I see and pull it over my head.
“Zayden?” I pad barefoot down the hallway.
The kitchen and living room are empty. My smile fades a little. He’s probably in the bathroom.
He’s not in the bathroom or closets. My breaths come out faster as I check the guest room and find no Zayden. If he’s playing with me, I don’t like this game.
Suddenly, I’m eight again, watching my sister Rylee—the person I love the most in the world—leave. The air around me thins, and I can’t breathe.
“Zayden?” He wouldn’t leave me, right? Not after everything. Not after the way he touched me, held me, looked at me. My vision blurs as tears burn behind my eyelids, hands shaking as I check all the doors. Nothing.
Until I see the basement door cracked open, and I run down the stairs two at a time. The cold hits first, then the sound of blades fills the silence.
And I see him on the ice. A small smile tugging at his mouth as he spins, lands, and glides across the rink like it’s his own private escape.
He’s in a white T-shirt and gray sweatpants, and he looks so beautiful and free that it hurts to look at him.
I feel so stupid. He didn’t leave, idiot. He was just skating, and I panicked like a total freak.
What’s wrong with me?
I turn to go back upstairs before he sees me like this.
“Luna?”
I freeze, glancing over my shoulder to see him jogging toward me, barefoot, with worry written all over his face.
“Hey, where are you going?”
“I–I’m just…” I point toward the stairs, trying to keep myself together. I’m going back upstairs so you don’t see me break down. “I woke up and you weren’t there, and…I—”thought you left. My voice cracks a little. “But I’m fine now.” I turn toward the stairs again.
“Luna,” he says softer now, stepping into my path. “Stop running.” His hands come up slowly, like he’s afraid I’ll bolt again. “Talk to me.”
“I thought you left,” I whisper, the words catching in my throat. “And I freaked out… And I didn’t want you to see me like this.” My lip trembles, and before I know what’s happening, I fall into his chest.
His arms wrap around me like instinct. “Hey, hey, hey. Shhh. I’m here,” he whispers.
“I’m a needy mess,” I choke out. I hate feeling like this.
“You’re not.” He leans in and presses his forehead to mine. “Even if you were, I’d still want you to be my needy mess.” He kisses me softly before pulling away to look at me. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to disappear. I just needed to clear my head. But I promise to leave a note next time.”
His thumbs brush the tears from my cheeks, but I can’t meet his eyes.
“Look at me.”
When I finally look up at him, what I see in his eyes stops me. Not because he’s angry, but because he’s looking at me like he sees me.
“I already told you. You don’t have to hide anything from me.” His voice is soft but still has that deep vibration that always does crazy things to my insides. “I want to see all of you, Luna.”
“You don’t know what you’re asking for.”
“Yes, I do,” he says, brushing his thumb along my jaw. “I want the Luna who skates like her life depends on it. The one who fights for everything. The one who glared at me in the hallways and called me out in front of my whole team.”
“You deserved that one.” I chuckle a little.
“I know.” He grins. “And it was so fucking hot.”
I roll my eyes, but he’s not done yet.
“I want the Luna who smiles at me like I’m not broken,” he says, voice rougher now.
“The one who teases me until I lose my mind. The one who’s bold enough to make me watch while she takes care of herself—” He closes his eyes like he is still thinking about it and it still wrecks him.
Then he dips his head, smile brushing against mine.
“I want the Luna who takes up space. Who goes after what she wants. Who falls apart for me.”
My heart cracks wide open.
He pulls back just enough to meet my eyes again.
“I want the Luna who’s scared, too. The one who thinks she’s a mess,” he says quietly. “You’re not a mess.”
I blink, my chest aching from feeling so much.
“I want all of you.”
“Even the one with abandonment issues and childhood trauma she still hasn’t figured out yet?”
He nods.
“The one who doesn’t think she’s good enough for anyone to love her?” I murmur. “Or the one who’s so stubborn she would rather drown in silence than admit she needs someone?”
“Especially her,” he says quietly.
I’ve never felt this much before. Not for someone. Not like this. And I don’t know what to do with it.
“I hate you, you know that?” I say in a breathless, watery laugh.
He smiles. “Yeah?”
“You broke me,” I whisper, half laughing and half crying.
He smiles knowingly.
Because he knows what I’m really saying.
I hate you for making me feel things.
I hate you for seeing me when I wasn’t ready.
I hate you because I’m starting to like you a lot, and that terrifies me. Because it’s too fast and too soon.
“What kind of migraine retreat is this, anyway?”
He laughs.
“You should have put emotional meltdowns as one of the side effects.”
He brushes my hair behind my ear, still smiling. “You didn’t read the fine print?”
“Fucking fine print. I want a full refund.”
He chuckles. “Let’s go back upstairs, yeah? I’ll make you dinner.”
“Okay.”