5. Stephen
STEPHEN
“I can’t think about him.”
That was what I said, but images of him filled my head. His scent was on the jacket I’d been wearing this evening and now refused to take off, even though I was home and had showered.
Instead, I ran my mind over Posy’s sobs and her voice begging me to find her dad. My eyes filled with tears as I sank into an armchair and curled my feet under me. And when she appeared at the door in her nightgown and said I could come for pancakes, my heart beat so forcefully I winced.
But her thoughts returned to her father, the same alpha who was so muddleheaded his flat tire left his little girl at home by herself. He was my happy ever after except he wasn’t happy, at least not with me, and that was probably how he'd be forever after.
Though his animosity was probably because he was mated and happy and I was a fool fate had dumped at his doorstep. Him not wanting anything to do with me was expected if his mate was his one and only.
I tugged my hair. I shouldn’t have wished for that damned wrong number. That was tempting destiny and it had given me the finger.
You have to go back. My fox was pressing against me, making me nauseous.
No. I have to think of Posy. I’m not ruining her life.
My beast’s response was to have a fine layer of fur ripple over my arms.
Stop that, now.
He was so desperate for me and the wolf shifter to mate, one of his claws replaced my nail and ripped the armchair fabric.
My beast had never shifted without permission, not even a partial one. But my body was shaking, and he was clawing at my insides.
Be strong, I told my beast, but I didn’t take my own advice and I staggered to the bed and collapsed face down. My salty tears dampened the bedding as my beast whimpered and wailed inside me.
During the night, I tossed and turned, got up to get water, and stared at the moon, wondering if Posy’s dad was awake too. Or was he in his mate’s arms?
By five, I gave up on sleep and got ready for work. But as I strode out to the car, I remembered the meeting later and the report I’d left on the desk. I wasn’t thinking properly, and it was to do with the screw-up the universe had made.
Oh gods, let me get past this break-up stage. Posy’s dad and I hadn’t been together, so technically we didn’t break up, but that was what I was experiencing. My human friends were miserable for weeks or months when a relationship didn’t work out, and I was barely holding it together.
Somehow I got through the day, including the meeting.
I kept my work expression in place until I wished Remy a pleasant evening and headed home.
But I had no appetite and crawled into bed fully clothed.
I had been tempted to drive past Posy’s house, and my fox told me to do it.
But while on the surface it was harmless, if her dad saw me, he might consider it harassment.
But my resolve to stay away from their street evaporated by the next morning. I put on huge sunglasses, left here by my sister when she visited, and wished I could change cars, though it’d been dark and Posy’s dad might not have paid attention to the make and model.
My palms were wet, and I’d have to change my shirt when I got to Remy’s because I was sweating buckets. I hunkered down in the driver’s seat and didn’t look at the house, but damn, the alpha was coming out the front door with a bag of garbage. Shit, what if he recognized me?
Don’t look, don’t look, I repeated.
Stop the car, my beast yelled. You must talk to him.
I can’t.
As he opened the garbage can, he glanced up. Oh gods, he stared at the car as I zoomed past. When I checked the rearview mirror, he was still looking and clutching the bag of garbage.
After parking outside Remy’s, I rested my head on the steering wheel. I was bathed in yet more sweat, and a change of clothes wouldn’t mask the stench.
My boss made a face when I entered the office. I was always the first one here, but him flapping his hand and holding his nose suggested his reaction wasn’t surprise.
“Did you run here?”
“No, sorry. Not sure what’s going on.”
He eyed me and while still blocking his nose asked what was wrong.
“I met my mate.”
“What? That’s wonderful, but why are you so sweaty?” He got up and looked outside. “Were you chasing one another?” He was sporting a wicked grin as he leaned over his desk. “Oh, is that a fox thing? Tell me more.”
“No, and ewww, if it was I wouldn’t be sharing it.”
“Meanie.”
“He’s mated and has a daughter.” I didn’t go into detail about the how, what, why, and when.
“What? I thought the fated mate system was failsafe.”
I rolled my eyes because fate couldn’t be trusted and there was no system. He asked if I wanted time off, but I needed to keep busy.
My nights were now predictable. I fell asleep on the bed when I got home, woke up in the middle of the night to eat, shower, and brush my teeth, then fall back asleep, only to have my dreams filled with the alpha wolf.
The next day as I arrived at work, I was still in the car and my beast took his fur, right there in the front seat.
What are you doing? That was a silly question because the answer was obvious.
Going to find our mate.
I wrenched control from him and shifted back. Think of Posy and how she loves her alpha dad and probably her omega father too. Do you want her to grieve as you're grieving?
No, but—
But nothing. We’re not going to disrupt that little girl and her omega dad's lives. No, no, no.
Harvey texted and asked how I was doing. Him also being a fox shifter, I’d confided in him.
Do you want me to do a deep dive into the guy’s life? I can get all the dirt.
Did I want to know if he paid his parking tickets, how much he owned on his mortgage, and if he had a middle name?
Not really, but any investigation would discover his mate’s name, how long they’d been together, family photos, and texts.
Reading and seeing how happy he was would break what was left of my heart.
No, let the guy be. I shouldn’t be keeping tabs on him.
But I did need Harvey to shift with me. His fox was bigger and faster than mine and perhaps racing through the forest chasing a rabbit or squirrel might ease the pain a little. If not for me, then for my fox.
Shift with me after work.
You got it.
I could probably have left the office earlier than usual because I wasn’t the efficient guy Remy had hired, but even 50% of me was better than 100% of most assistants.
“I’m so sorry this happened to you.” Harvey was undressing and tossing his clothes in the back seat of his car, whereas I was folding mine. “It sucks.”
The days were passing, but my agony at not being able to be with my mate was the same, or worse. Each day I woke expecting to be a little better, but the grief hovered around me like barbed wire, not letting me live the life I’d had before that phone call.
We took our fur and I gave myself over to my fox.
He was much more aggressive than usual, charging ahead of Harvey’s beast, blocking his path, and not letting him kill the squirrel he’d scented but shoving him into the bushes.
Harvey’s fox growled at my beast. It wasn’t that loud snarl that wolves made, but a softer sound that rumbled out of him.
My fox ignored him as he took down the squirrel and tore a chunk of flesh off the bones.
Hey, run fast and hunt hard, but don’t make an enemy of Harvey’s fox.
He didn’t respond, but he let the other fox make a kill without interfering.
“You aren’t the only one who’s in mourning.” Harvey put on his crumpled shirt and pants.
I apologized and grabbed food on the way home which made a change from eating cereal at three in the morning.
But I picked at it and put the rest in the fridge before searching for something to watch.
I scrolled through comedies and dramas and talk shows and settled on a documentary.
But a wolf appeared on screen and I shut it down.
I hadn’t watched the news since that night, and my world was growing smaller. Other than Harvey and Remy, I’d not been out with any friends, citing too much work as the reason.
But life went on without me, and I was left standing at the starting line with no way of getting to the finish.