Chapter 9 Lincoln
LINCOLN
Bronson's apartment was nothing like my place, not that I’d expected it to be and nor should it. Like me, he’d stamped his personality on his place.
It was small, but it oozed warmth and comfort. One of the differences compared to my home was the number of books. They were on the shelves, on the coffee table, stacked beside the sofa, and there was a pile on the kitchen counter.
Interestingly, there were framed images on the walls of mountains, forests, and wildlife. I puzzled over those, thinking he was jerking my chain, knowing that I was coming. Or had he stolen the ones Dale had printed out for me?
“So you’re into photography, specifically nature photography?”
He looked up, and his brow was crumpled in a frown. But I caught the moment he twigged what I was getting at. His eyes grew wide, and he bit his bottom lip, trying to tamp down a smile. But he didn’t succeed, and he snorted, which quickly became a full-throated laugh.
“My cousin took those.” He studied one of the photos. “That’s one reason I picked up on your BS, because when photography is mentioned, he can’t stop talking about the places he’s been, the sunsets, the animals, and the different cultures he’s been privileged to photograph.”
“My brother did print out some pics.”
Bronson rolled his eyes. “Give it a rest.” He reached behind the TV and pulled out an unframed print and held it to his chest. “I bought this after… you know… you showed me all of you.”
Is he talking about me?
Maybe.
I hoped it wasn’t a dick pic because he’d seen more of me than most people. Though if it was NSFW, that would be a positive step, at least I thought so. My brain was a little frazzled with all the back and forth.
He flipped the pic around, revealing a majestic photo of my panther in the early morning light. It was the one I’d sent him from the bonfire.
“He’s stunningly beautiful.”
“Thanks.”
He patted the couch, and we sat side by side, but our thighs and shoulders weren’t touching and I wished they were. “Tell me about human and shifter relationships. Not friends, but intimate, partner ones.”
I hesitated, because was he asking if part A was inserted into part B the way two humans had sex?
But he clarified by saying, “In general.”
I launched into an explanation of mating versus marriage, describing how one could be broken by a decree while the other was a lifetime bond. But I detoured about the subject of mates.
“Some humans can’t accept the shifter lifestyle, while others do but are unable to adapt.” Knowing your life partner transformed into an animal and hunted prey could be an insurmountable hurdle in a relationship if the shifter was carnivorous.
“So the difference is not just in the name but in the nature of the relationship.”
Much as I wanted to avoid the fated-mate discussion, I had to be honest. I’d intended to do it the day I shifted, but Bronson had rushed off. Not that I blamed him.
“Bronson, I like you.” That sounded as though we were high schoolers wanting to date. Or maybe kindergartners declaring we were going to marry our desk-mate.
I cleared my throat and began again. “You are my fated mate.” I drew in a deep breath, hoping when I let it out, he would have responded.
“Fated mate.” He got up and put a couple of yards between us. I let out that breath because his behavior suggested he wasn’t going to agree. “Can you explain that?” He crossed his arms, another signal that he wasn’t having what I was serving.
“For some shifters, not all but some, the universe puts someone on earth who is their destiny.”
If the universe is listening, I’d like to take back those words, please. But she wasn’t.
“Fate?” He huffed. “So you get no choice? There’s no falling in love?”
“That’s not… It’s hard to describe.” There was no hole opening to swallow me, so I had to keep going. “Some humans believe in love at first sight, right?”
“Yeeeeessss.” I didn’t need a dictionary or an interpreter to tell me he was wary.
“It’s like that, but a shifter recognizes his fated mate’s scent instantly.”
Bronson nodded and his arms fell to his side. Okay, we weren’t there yet, but slowly slowly.
“But I don’t want someone or an entity to choose who I fall in love with.”
Ummm, instead of going forward, we’d reversed. And while my panther couldn’t understand the problem, I had to listen and empathize with my mate.
“I agree. And you do. Just because I fell in love with you at first sight, that doesn’t decree that you must do the same. You have free will.”
Please choose me, I begged.
He sat beside me, though he wasn’t close enough. “Describe it for me if you can. How you experienced meeting me and discovering I was your mate.”
How was I to put into words something indefinable? “Ummm, it was sort of like gravity. Your scent hit me, and I would have slammed headfirst into the coffee shop table if I hadn’t restrained myself.”
“That bad, huh?” His lips were forming a smirk.
“You sound proud, as though ‘wow, I did that. I am so good.’”
He giggled. “Yeah, why not. It’s not often a human has such power over another person, in a good way.”
I didn’t want to delve into the many examples through history of the not-so-good kind of influence.
He wanted more details, such as did the bond fade over time. But it’d only been a week. For some shifters, it did weaken, but it was never severed.
“Every moment you’re not with me, my body aches to be at your side.”
“That’s a lot of pressure.” He pulled his legs up and sat cross-legged which was another defense move.
“We started out… I started… we… us… whatever… I messed up by lying, and this is me being truthful.”
He nibbled a nail, and we sat in silence. My heartbeats echoed in my head, and my panther demanded I adjust the sound.
“I didn’t ask for this, Lincoln.”
Ouch! Double ouch. I bent forward as his words punched me in the gut.
“My intention is not to hurt you, but to discover that the weird guy you have a crush on is your destiny is not something I can process in a few minutes.”
That wasn’t a no.
“What if we never see one another again after today?”
My beast was clawing at my insides, begging me to make Bronson change his mind.
“That’s your choice to make.”
How I got the words out, I didn’t know. I wanted to throw up, though shifters rarely did, except when we drank too much.
Shifting and running wasn’t an option and neither was screaming into a pillow.
So I sat still, not daring to move in case I slammed my lips onto his or got on my knees and pleaded that he be mine.
But I refused to use our bond to manipulate my mate.
You’re not telling him the truth.
The whole truth. I could live with myself for this omission. What I couldn’t live with was Bronson agreeing to be with me out of guilt.
He asked for more time to figure things out and I perked up, just a tad. That wasn’t a no.
It’s not a yes.
“You take all the time you need.”
He twisted around and faced me. “You’ll wait?”
Forever if I had to. “Yes.”
He changed positions and hugged his knees. We sat in silence, and I studied his cousin’s photos.
“Here’s the thing.”
It wasn’t a question, there was no appropriate response because I hadn’t a clue what he was about to say.
“What if I don’t want to say goodbye?”
My heart did some weird shit, and I tugged at my sweater. It sounded as though he was… Nope, I didn’t want to make assumptions. He might be about to suggest we become fuck buddies.
“You have free will, Bronson.”
“But I need to know this is me making the decision and there’s no invisible hand manipulating me like a marionette.”
He put his feet on the floor and shuffled across the couch cushions so we were touching just barely. It was a whisper of a touch, though my beast insisted that wasn’t a real thing.
“It’s all you.” My love and one and only.
He leaned toward me and his lips slammed onto mine. His mouth demanded I respond, while he ran his hands through my hair. I had to remind myself how to breathe because my brain was in shock. In and out. In and out.
My brain finally caught up, and I kissed him back, but we weren’t close enough, and I dragged him onto my lap while I tangled my fingers in his hair. He straddled me as my tongue probed his lips and demanded entry, and he let me.
“I changed my mind,” he mumbled into my mouth. “I choose us.”