Chapter 6 Alexander
Alexander
Lando’s staring at me slack-jawed. He hasn’t said anything for a good minute.
It’s possible I haven’t heard his response because every time the fireworks explode above us, everyone cheers. But I don’t think I’ve seen his mouth move.
I wanted to tell him before the fireworks, but Holiday’s and his plane landed a little later than planned. Then there was the inevitable celebration from our mother that they’d gotten back together, followed by the news that Holiday would be moving into Burlington.
Taking a long draw of my beer, I finally say, “This was my first reaction.” I’m still too ashamed of my behavior to discuss it just yet.
He shakes his head back and forth. “I don’t know what to say.”
I shrug. “There’s not much to say.”
“Alex, there’s so much to say. How do you feel? What are you going to do? When are you seeing her? Shit, what was it like to see her again for the first time since last Christmas?”
I swallow with a large gulp. Never in all my years of knowing Lando have I seen him so animated. Hanging out with Holiday seems to have rubbed off on him in more ways than one. He’s happier, that’s for sure, but this excitement is new.
I’m trying to decide whether it’s because Holiday’s an actress or American, when she sidles up next to him and tucks herself under his arm. Lando drops a kiss on her head.
“Hey guys, what’re you talking about?”
Lando’s eyebrows shoot up, but he stays silent.
He’s going to let me do the honors. I guess Holiday’s almost family now, which means Lando’s going to tell her anyway, and even though I haven’t told a single person outside of my mother and siblings, I definitely don’t want this to make it into the Valentine Nook weekly gossip roundup.
My cheeks blow out while I wait for a particularly flamboyant series of fireworks to be done so that I can have their full attention.
“Well, there’s a girl—”
“Haven?”
I nod. Maybe Lando has told her. “Yes, Haven. And we met last year, and I thought we had a connection—”
“Ohmygod, did you hear from her?”
I nod again. “I did, actually. She came here.”
Holiday’s eyes widen. “Here. In Valentine Nook?”
“Here in Valentine Nook.”
My eyes flick up to Lando’s, who nods for me to continue, but even though I’ve literally just told him, the words don’t come naturally to me.
My tongue is still tripping on them, because while it’s going round and round in my brain, I still have to remind myself that I’m now a father. I have a child.
A daughter.
“That’s not all . . .” Lando nudges, and Holiday’s brows shoot higher.
“Haven has arrived with a baby. And it’s mine. Apparently.” There. I said it. I’ve finished my short story.
Taking another long sip of my beer, I turn back to enjoy the fireworks because I think I stunned Holiday into silence, just as I did Lando.
They’re really good fireworks this year too.
It’s the perfect evening for it. Cold and clear.
The field behind the cricket pitch has been slowly filling up with visitors, all gathering to watch the show.
The bonfire was lit an hour ago, and it’s now burning bright.
Children wave sparklers around while parents watch on, chatting and queueing for beers, burgers, and tonight’s special Bonfire Barbecue, provided by Leon and Daughters—the local butcher.
And while I have one eye on the fireworks, my other is watching the entrance, waiting for Haven to walk in. Half of me wonders what I’m going to do if she doesn’t come. Because now that I know she’s leaving in two days, I probably need to go and find her. Obviously, I’m going to find her.
With every person that walks through the gates, my heart stalls, then judders to a beat that’s a little bit faster. During the past few hours, my stomach has been slowly tying itself in knots, over and over. I’m nothing more than a walking ball of anxiety.
“Wow, Alex. What are you going to do?” asks Holiday eventually, and I tear my attention away from the entrance gate. Her head tilts as she regards me. “This is huge. You must feel so overwhelmed.”
“I do,” I reply, and I’m suddenly struggling to swallow. The infernal lump in my throat is back.
“How did it feel seeing her again?”
My mind rewinds to yesterday, and the initial spike of surprise as my gaze fell on her. The happiness that coursed through me before confusion set in. It was a moment I’d been imagining for so long, and it didn’t go at all the way I thought it would. Quite the opposite.
But underneath it all, the feelings had been there. The instant attraction I had to her all those months ago returned with a vengeance. And that’s exactly why I’m now wiping my sweaty palms on my jeans like a nervous teenager waiting for his first date.
“Good,” is all I offer up. It’s succinct.
Based on both Lando’s and Holiday’s expressions, I’d say they were expecting something more effusive, but if I start on how I really felt, we’ll be here all night. Because it’s a complicated question with an even more complicated answer.
Thankfully, that’s the moment I spot someone familiar walking through the gate, and they lose all my attention. It’s dark, but the bright glow from the bonfire plus the various lamps dotted about the place light her up.
Haven has arrived.
I don’t know why I thought anyone else who’d walked through the gates earlier could have been her because there’s no mistaking her silhouette.
Her hair’s tied up, revealing her side profile—the high cheekbones and cute button nose, full lips I remember so well.
And the baby she’s carrying confirms it.
If I thought I was nervous before, it’s nothing on how I feel now.
Almost a year of anticipation coupled with the events of the last day, and the shame I feel at my behavior has me thrusting my beer at Lando, so I can wipe my hands on my jeans and rub away the pressure in my temples.
Looking at Lando, he’s also spotted her. “Go,” he urges.
I jog over until I’m only a couple of feet away, but standing in the shadows enough that Haven doesn’t notice me immediately.
She’s looking around, and I briefly wonder if she’s looking for me.
I hope she’s looking for me. The thought gives me enough resolve to power forward until I’m standing in front of her.
“Hey.”
She glances up, her eyes flaring in the light of a particularly bright firework. “Alex!”
She wraps her arms around her body, but I realize she’s wrapping them around the baby.
“Sorry, I didn’t mean to startle you.”
“No, no, it’s okay, you didn’t. I just wasn’t expecting to see you here so soon. I was expecting . . . um, your sister, actually. She said she’d meet me.”
“Ah.” I push my hands deep into my coat pockets and rock back on my heels as disappointment flashes in my chest. Of course she is. Why would she be looking for the guy who yelled at her? “She’s here somewhere. I can find her for you if you’d like.”
Haven shakes her head, her ponytail flicking from side to side. “No, no. I was kind of hoping to see you again.”
“You were?”
“Yeah.” She hugs herself tight again, and I wonder if it’s a reflex. Protect the baby. Protect herself. “I wanted to apologize for yesterday. I ambushed you. You’re right, I should have called you. It’s just . . . well, it’s been a lot.”
My heart sinks. Shame rises. I didn’t know what she was going to say, but it certainly wasn’t an apology. She’s not the one who needs to apologize, I am.
“No, Haven. You have nothing to apologize for. I shouldn’t have reacted the way I did. It was a shock, that’s all.”
She huffs out a laugh. “Yeah, I get that.”
“I’m sure,” I concede with a smile. “But I’m sorry nonetheless.”
Her lips roll, and her teeth worry along the bottom. Her anxiety is obvious, mine probably less so. I want to help but I don’t know how.
However, as Miles said in one of his rare moments of wisdom, she made the effort to come here, so the least I can do is listen. This situation can’t be solved tonight or even overnight, so starting again might be what we need.
“Look,” I say, “how about we do over, call a truce? Pretend the last twenty-four hours never happened.”
Haven’s brows draw together. “How are we going to do that?”
“Meet me in the morning for a coffee, and we can start from the beginning and talk everything through.”
She turns her body, enough that I catch a glimpse of the baby snuggled into her chest. The tiny little thing is fast asleep in the comfort of her mother’s chest.
“Okay, sure. That sounds good,” she says eventually.
We stand there, gazes locked into each other.
I remember things I’d forgotten, like the way her nose crinkles when she smiles, and the tiny gold heart inside the shell of her ear, which catches the light of the bonfire—how I ran my tongue around it.
We stand there long enough that the baby begins to stir, and I notice Haven tense, even under her thick coat.
Then her face freezes, like she’s holding her breath while she waits to see if the baby wakes up.
I hear Miles’s voice saying she’s been struggling, and I wonder if this is what he means. I know nothing about babies beyond Max, and even then, I didn’t spend much time with him as a newborn. But they cry. They’re demanding. And being on call twenty-four seven doesn’t sound like a fun time.
Instead of being annoyed at her not calling, I suddenly feel desperately sorry for Haven. And what she’s been dealing with on her own, especially when the baby decides to wake fully.
Boy, does she have a set of lungs on her. Max has some competition.
“I should get back. Everly needs to sleep properly, and it’s cold.”
“Sure, okay. Good plan.” My hands push deep into my pockets again. It’s all I can do to stop myself from touching her, hugging her. “But I’ll see you tomorrow morning. The Beanery on Valentine High Street serves the best coffee in the Cotswolds,” I add with a smile I hope comes across as sincere.
“See you in the morning.”
She turns to leave, but before she does, I do something I should have done ten months ago.
“Haven. May I have your mobile number?”