Chapter 9 Haven
Haven
Amiracle has happened. I slept through the night.
Kind of.
I woke up once to feed Everly, and we both fell back to sleep almost immediately, so I’m counting it as a full, undisturbed night.
Turning my head, I find her still sleeping in her new crib—calm and peaceful.
Scooching up the bed, I prop the pillows under me and take in what I can of the barely lit room. Even the sun isn’t quite awake yet, there’s just a dull glow of morning coming through the thick drapes.
I’m tempted to get out and see what awaits me in the world today, but I’m so cozy that I can’t quite bring myself to look, even to check the time. But then the bongs on the church clock strike seven, which, I decide, is an acceptable hour to check my phone.
There are a dozen messages from Saylor throughout the night, the last one of which was
SAYLOR: S.O.S
—always dramatic.
A wide grin pops across my face as I type a reply.
HAVEN: Good morning.
Immediately, my phone vibrates, and Saylor’s face pops onto my screen. My eyes dart to my daughter, who hasn’t stirred, and I’m inclined to keep it that way.
“Wait one second,” I whisper, holding my finger to my lips.
I carefully tiptoe into the bathroom and through to Everly’s room, bathed in the soft glow of nightlights plugged in on either side.
The drapes are open to the most perfect view. I saw it yesterday when I was unpacking, but this morning, as the sun peeks over the horizon, there’s a magical quality to it.
Bare trees, decorated with icicles. The silvery sheen of frost coating the backyard, and the church in the distance looming over the village like a protective mother.
Wisps of chilly air curl in the lightening sky, and from what I can tell, it’s going to be another clear, crisp day. My favorite.
I never thought I’d find anywhere that could rival my view in Aspen.
My kitchen window faces the mountains and the long, winding path heading up to Talisker Peak, a flat stretch of mountainside where I used to hike with my dad.
But where Aspen goes forever with its never-ending forests, Valentine Nook is cozy, with narrow, winding lanes and tiny stores.
There’s a beauty to it that makes me feel at home after only a couple of days.
“Haven?”
I almost forgot I was holding my phone. “Sorry, I’m here.”
There’s a blanket on the rocking chair where I left it after giving Everly her nighttime feed. It’s so fricking soft, and when I wrap it around me, the faint scent of fall wafts through the air.
Except it’s not fall. It’s Alex.
“Thank God. You’re alive.”
Making sure she sees my hefty eye roll, I reply, “Of course I’m alive. And I spoke to you yesterday.”
“No, that was today, this morning. I haven’t heard from you all day. This time difference isn’t working for me.”
I grin at her dramatics. “How’s it going? How’s Aspen?”
“I don’t care about Aspen. I’ll send you the snow report. I want to hear all about you. I still can’t believe you’re moving in with the English crumpet.”
I nod, because me either. “It makes sense. Alex can get to know Everly, and I’m not making people mad with all her crying. And we’re good. Everything is good.” I pause, wondering if there’s more to tell her, because from the way she’s looking at me, it seems she’s expecting it.
But there’s a difference between having more to tell and wanting to tell her everything.
I’ve never kept secrets from Saylor, but truthfully, I don’t know where to start. I don’t know how to describe it, and I don’t know how I feel.
So many times in the past seventy-two hours, I’ve told myself how lucky we are because this could have gone drastically in the wrong direction.
I had no expectations when I came to England. My one job was to find Alex and explain. I wasn’t even entirely convinced that I’d be able to find him, or if I did, that he’d want to know me. Or remember me.
And now I’m staying in his house, and I’m sitting in the room he decorated for Everly, complete with a giant panda she snuggled into last night, a bookshelf filled with more books than I’ll be able to read to her, and a bathtub with more products than I’ve ever owned.
That’s all before I explain that Everly’s now officially a member of an English aristocratic family with the longest name in history. (Seriously, her new name is too long.)
But what it really boils down to is excitement.
I know Saylor’s will outstrip mine because she will only see the silver lining of it all. She’ll have us married off before the clock strikes 8 a.m.
Saylor wants me to have my happy ending given the last ten years, during which I lost my parents one after the other and paid off their debts. But because of what I’ve been through, I am doomed to focus on practicalities.
Caution is my best friend.
It’s why it took me so long to track down Alex in the first place. It’s why I never returned his calls and deleted the messages he left on the store machine. My heart’s already been broken too many times.
“He’s been really kind,” I say eventually. “He didn’t have to do anything at all. I had four months to get used to Everly coming, and it wasn’t enough. He’s handled it way better than I did.”
“I still think it’s super romantic. But promise if you move over, you’ll bring me with you. The guys in Aspen are dull.”
I laugh. “That isn’t happening.”
It’s one thing I know for sure. I am never leaving Aspen. My parents lived there, and they built their house there. My life is there. I want Everly to grow up there like I did. Ski in the winter, hike in the summer.
Aspen is my home, and that’s not changing. Not for one hundred million dollars, not for anything.
Alex and I will have to figure things out when it comes to travel.
“Are you sure? It’s got to be more exciting than this place.” She laughs. “And there’s no Mike in England.”
I groan, dropping my face in my hand. “Oh no.”
“Nothing I can’t handle,” she replies without hesitation.
Mike is a guy I dated for a couple of weeks.
He works for Joe at the Old Saloon, and we would often share shifts.
After Alex left Aspen last Christmas and flew back to England, I threw myself into work.
I told myself it was to clear the final few thousand dollars of my parents’ debt, but if I’m honest, it was mostly to forget Alex.
Part of that plan was dating Mike after he asked me out on New Year’s. It didn’t last long, and we made out once, after which I threw up. In hindsight, it was early morning sickness, but as my nausea increased, my desire to leave the house decreased, and I ended things.
Given nothing happened, I thought we’d laugh about it and stay friends. But once I discovered I was pregnant, things changed. His fragile ego had been dented, and since then, any chance he gets, he passes a comment about me, none of them complimentary.
“I’m sorry, Saylor.”
“Don’t worry about it, all I’m saying is maybe staying in England isn’t a bad idea.”
I don’t reply because the throb in my chest brings me back to reality, and I know I need to feed Everly before I get too sore. I started using a pump in Aspen, but since I had only planned to stay here for a few days, I packed light.
I’m tempted to ask Saylor to send it over, but it would probably be cheaper to buy one. When I catch her yawning, we say good night, then I go and see my daughter.
She’s staring up at the mobile above her crib, letting out happy gurgling sounds. I switch on the little ducks, and they spin around as a lullaby plays softly. Her big blue eyes widen, and the bottom of her sleep sack kicks out.
“You like that? You like these little ducks Alex bought you?”
Daddy. Daddy. I guess I have to get used to calling him that.
Lifting her out, I head back through and make quick work of unwrapping the swaddling, then change her diaper before she gets grouchy, before settling back into the rocking chair.
As she eats, I hear the floorboards creak in the hallway outside, which means Alex is awake.
From the brief house tour yesterday, I know his room is at the end. I wait to see if he comes to join us, but I’m kind of glad when he walks on by because after catching sight of myself in the mirror, I know I need to run a brush through my hair.
When I switch sides for Everly, the scent of coffee permeates under the door, and my saliva glands fill.
I haven’t had much coffee since she came along.
I’m a person who could happily hook themselves up to a caffeine drip, and I didn’t want to pass that along.
I’ve somehow managed to limit myself to two small cups.
But I can tell this is good coffee, and after Everly finishes feeding, I hurry to clean us both up.
And all the while I’m washing my face, brushing my hair, and cleaning my teeth, I tell myself it has nothing to do with Alex, before I head downstairs.
I stop short at the sight I’m greeted with and, in case I forgot, every memory of exactly why I was attracted to Alex the first time hits me like a Mack truck.
His back is to me, and he’s wearing nothing but a pair of pajama pants that sit so low on his narrow waist I can see the last of his summer tan line.
In my deepest dreams of the past year, I thought my brain had exaggerated his incredible body—smooth skin, taut muscles, broad shoulders, and the deep crevasse of his spine, which I remember scratching my nails along—but standing before me, I have proof that I didn’t.
I’m quiet, so he doesn’t notice me as he follows a large black cat and a yellow Labrador into the pantry off the kitchen.
When he returns, he’s pulling a sweater over his head. The flash of abs and the memory that follows has me squeezing my thighs together. He pauses for a second when he spots us, and it’s followed by a slow, sleepy smile that has my heart beating double time.
“Good morning.” He runs fingers through his thick hair in an attempt to tidy it up. My fingers tingle to do the same. “How did you sleep?”
“We both slept well, thank you.”
Alex’s eyes fall to Everly, who’s looking back at him just as intently. Before I can blink, he crosses the kitchen until he’s so close I can feel the warmth of him, and the scent of fresh laundry fills the gap between us.
“Good morning, sweetheart. How did you sleep? Are you hungry?” he asks Everly, his voice soft and soothing.
“She slept well, and she shouldn’t be hungry. She already had her breakfast.”
“Oh . . . and I’m sure it was delicious,” he replies, but his shoulders drop, and his smile falters a little. “Does she ever use a bottle? I was hoping—maybe—I could feed her sometimes. If that would be okay?”
I blink, surprised. “We tried it, but I didn’t bring it with me because it was too much to carry for a short time.”
“Hmm.” He nods, thoughtfully, walks over to the sideboard on the other side of the kitchen, pulls out a pad of paper from the drawer, and places it on the table along with a pen. “Here you go. Write down everything you need, and I’ll order it.”
“Alex, no—”
“Haven, please. I haven’t been there for you. Let me help. You’re not on your own anymore, and I want to be Everly’s father in all senses of the word.”
I suck the inside of my cheek. There’s so much sincerity in his voice that I nod, because the dirty truth of the matter is I’m so used to doing everything by myself that it’s hard to recognize when I need help, and it’s even harder to accept it.
But I came to give my daughter the best shot of having a father, so why would I want to stop him when that’s everything he’s trying to do?
“Okay, but first, could I get a coffee?”
“Absolutely,” he replies, rushing back to the coffee machine. “Still take sugar and milk? I don’t have cream, but I can run and get some.”
I hide my surprise with a nod, but my cheeks warm anyway because he’s remembered how I take my coffee.
He doesn’t seem to notice, though, and sets about making it. While he does, the cat and the dog trot out of the pantry and over to the chair I’m sitting on. The cat jumps on the table while the dog takes a long sniff of Everly, licks her feet before I can stop it, and sits down.
“I didn’t know you had pets.”
Alex places my coffee on the table and removes the cat, only for it to jump on one of the other chairs and sit down.
“I don’t really.” He points at the cat. “This is Blackberry. Hendricks brought him over one day, having found a litter of kittens that had been dumped. They were tiny and soaking wet, and he put them on the AGA to warm up.” He turns and nods over to the big stove.
“As he was leaving, she jumped out of the box and has been here since. She thinks she owns the place. And this”—he reaches out and strokes the Labrador’s silky ears—“is Dolly, who only comes for breakfast.”
My coffee stops halfway to my lips. “Breakfast?”
“Yes, she lives at Burlington with the rest of the rabble but comes down here for breakfast. It’s actually her second breakfast. She’s already been fed once, but as soon as she’s done, she walks out of the back door and crosses the fields to come here.
We usually head back over together when I leave for work . . .”
Work.
Obviously, Alex works. I distinctly remember him saying he worked in sustainable agriculture because I thought how similar that was to what I was trying to achieve with my ranch.
Since then, I’ve achieved absolutely nothing because I had a baby, and my world turned upside down.
Why I’m surprised Alex is leaving me alone all day is anyone’s guess. He didn’t expect me here. He has things to do. But I’m surprised and almost disappointed we aren’t spending it together, nonetheless.
“But I’m not going in today.”
I pause. “You’re not?”
“No. I’m spending the day with you.” He stops, his thick dark brows dropping into a slash. “If that’s okay. Unless you have other plans?”
I almost laugh. I can barely remember what plans are. “No, I don’t have plans.”
“Excellent. I want to show you both around. Everly can stay with me while you get dressed,” he says, holding his arms out for her.
I put my coffee down and hand over the baby much less reluctantly than I’ve ever done because the pull of getting to shower and dress without worrying about Everly is too strong. I’ve already reached the top of the stairs when Alex calls after me.
“Take your time.”