Chapter 16 Alexander #2
However, there’s a thin line between being confident and being cocky, and I crossed it when I forgot about the smoke alarm.
By the time I manage to stop its high-pitched wailing, Everly’s crying, Dolly is howling, and Blackberry’s scarpered.
“Jesus fucking Christ.” I grunt at nothing in particular while I try to soothe my daughter by lifting her out of the bouncer. “Sorry, sausage, Daddy’s an idiot.”
“Quite the wake-up call.”
Spinning around, I come face to face with Haven, and all my annoyance melts away.
My cheeks immediately warm, reminiscent of a bashful teenager seeing the girl he’s crushed on forever in school assembly the morning after their first kiss.
Wearing sweatpants and a hoodie, wet hair twisted into a knot, showing off rounded cheekbones and the graceful curve of her neck, I can’t take my eyes off her. I can never take my eyes off her, but this morning . . . she’s stunning.
I like Haven, and I want her to like me. It’s a weird thing to say, but I’m so aware of not fucking this up and already praying the past fifteen minutes doesn’t count.
“Sorry,” I say again, this time to her, as she eases our daughter out of my arms and kisses her. “The alarms are particularly sensitive because the roofs are thatched. Probably another reason I shouldn’t ever attempt to cook. Let’s try again. Good morning.”
“Good morning.”
Her light laugh doesn’t help to ease the tension because she’s still standing close enough to me that I can see every freckle on her nose and breathe in the perfume of her shampoo.
Her eyes seem even greener from this angle, her neck elongates toward me, and if I’m not mistaken, she’s angling for me to kiss her. Maybe.
It might be wishful thinking, but it’s a risk I’m willing to take and find out.
My lips have barely touched hers when sirens blare too loudly to ignore. A thunderous banging on the front door follows it. Peering out the window, I see three fire trucks and a dozen firefighters unloading hoses.
Fuck my life.
“What happened today, Al?”
Miles’s smirk says he knows exactly what happened today.
The whole of Valentine Nook knows what happened. If Max hadn’t been in school, he would have come by to check out the fire engines.
“Oh, fuck off.”
Haven rubs my arm. It’s a conciliatory gesture because she’s laughing along with Miles. And I want to be annoyed, but I love seeing her laugh, so in the end I grumble something about trying new things.
“Hey, I’m all for trying new things. I just know my limits, and cooking is one of them. Plus, why bother when we have a beautiful breakfast laid out up here every morning?” Miles asks, gesticulating around the Great Hall.
“It’s pretty fancy,” Haven agrees. It’s a stark contrast to the first time I brought her to Burlington, when she walked around with her mouth open and stared at everything. “But why are those guys moving all the furniture out?”
My guts twist. Miles senses my discomfort enough that he answers for me.
“They’re getting ready for the Christmas tree.” His lips roll, eyes slicing to mine in case I want to finish the rest. “Every year it comes in and we decorate it.”
I dearly wish Haven’s face wasn’t lighting up with more happiness than I’ve seen in her since she’s been here, especially when she turns to me with green eyes alight with excitement, but possibly a little wariness. “You decorate a tree?”
I can’t tell whether she’s asking if I personally decorate the tree, or if it’s a collective you that includes the entire family. Again, Miles is silent. He’s as eager for my reply as Haven.
I haven’t decorated the Burlington Christmas tree since the year before my dad died.
It was always a tradition for Lando and me to come home from boarding school at the beginning of December to a naked tree ready for its baubles.
It was always my favorite time of year, and I counted down the days until Michaelmas term ended so we could go home.
Then twenty-one years ago, we arrived back, and it had already been decorated because my parents had plans to take us to the pantomime instead.
I was so upset that my dad left the following morning to buy another tree for us all to decorate.
He died before he made it there. His car was hit by another driver on the wrong side of the road.
I never have a Christmas tree in the cottage.
I never have decorations.
I haven’t joined in with our decades-old family tradition since that day.
But I’d have to be a monster to say no to Haven when she’s agreed to stay in Valentine Nook for Christmas, giving up her beloved holiday season in Aspen. I remember all those decorations around her house. The Nutcrackers. A life-sized Santa and his entire sleigh, a tree in every room.
My nightmare is her Disneyland.
I can’t look at Miles when I nod and reply, “Yes. Next Saturday, then we go down to see the lights switched on.”
Again, I don’t know why I’m including myself. I never go.
Her head tilts, and I’m not entirely sure she’s bought my bullshit, but then the twinkle returns to her eyes.
“I figured you wouldn’t have a tree, but this is so cool.” She turns to Everly, freshly bathed and ready for bed, wrapped up in her little sheep onesie. She’ll sleep in Max’s old crib while we spend the evening downstairs. “Your first Christmas tree, Evey.”
My heart lurches because as much as I hate Christmas, I know I will do anything for Haven and Everly.
“Who wants a drink?” Miles asks, and I shoot him a grateful smile.
“Me. Definitely.”
He claps a hand on my shoulder and squeezes. “Let’s go. Fuck knows where everyone else is.”
“You guys do family dinner every week?” asks Haven, as we walk toward the library room with its fully stocked bar.
The change of subject cheers me somewhat. “We do. But movie night’s usually once a month.”
“Movie night?”
I stop and blink. Shit. In the chaos of the fire engines and everything that followed, I totally forgot to mention movie night. I’m not even sure how because I definitely meant to prewarn her.
“Yes. Tonight’s movie night. So I need you to get your game face on, family movie night is not a small undertaking.
Miles usually talks all the way through, Lando gets annoyed, and Clemmie either cries or watches behind her fingers.
If Max is with us, we only get through half a film because we have to keep stopping it to answer his questions. ”
Haven stifles a giggle, which has me smiling.
“I don’t talk all the way through,” Miles gripes and lets out a long huff. “Not every time, anyway.”
“He does,” I mouth to Haven, following Miles into the library. The bar has already been set up and laid out to make everyone’s favorite drinks. He walks behind it and slaps his hands down on the bar top. “Miles likes to play bartender.”
“And I’m excellent at it.” Picking up a tea towel, he drapes it on his shoulder, and lays out three glasses, then sticks a toothpick between his lips. “Now, Haven, what can I get you? Al, an old-fashioned, I presume?”
I nod, barking out a laugh at this ridiculous role he plays, complete with a very odd-sounding American accent. If he wasn’t a world-class polo player, Miles could be a very average actor. “Got it in one.”
“Well, if you’re making it, I’ll take an old-fashioned too. I’ve pumped enough milk to last until tomorrow, and I think I deserve a drink,” Haven declares, scooching onto the barstool, while I take Everly.
“Three old-fashioneds coming right up.” He starts scooping ice into a shaker. “Shit. Hang on, there aren’t any oranges. Back in a jiff.”
When he sprints off and leaves the three of us alone, I pull Haven’s stool closer until her knees slot between mine.
After the chaos of this morning, where the fire brigade wouldn’t take my word for it that no fire occurred and proceeded to check the kitchen and examine the roof with meticulous detail, I’ve barely had any time with Haven to pick up where we left off, so I’m taking the opportunity while I have it.
Getting as close to her as I’m able while holding our daughter, my mouth surrounds hers. Maybe this is our new norm: kissing while holding a baby. But I do my best not to muss up her perfectly made-up face or her hair, which I know she spent an hour styling.
I get to take my time with this kiss. It’s not frenzied or particularly hot. It’s calming. Both familiar and new all at the same time, with an overwhelming sense of relief that I’ve finally found what I’ve been searching for. I have her back.
And when I pull away, she leans into my palm and lets out a soft moan of contentment that I feel deep in my chest.
“I’m sorry this has to be our first date night. I promise it’ll only be the two of us for our second.”
“Are you kidding me? I love it. Big family dinners were always my dream as a kid. I love that Everly will get to have it in her life.” The grin she began her sentence with tapers off until her brows furrow and her expression turns wary. “Alex, are you sure about the tree?”
“What d’you mean?”
She looks down at her crossed legs, and I note how the pink polish on her nails catches in the bar lights.
“Don’t feel like you have to do things on my account or even stay here.
Clementine said you always leave Valentine Nook for Christmas, and if that’s what you want to do, then we’ll come with you.
I said I’d spend Christmas with you, but it doesn’t matter to me where that is. ”
My sister’s got a big fucking mouth.
My second thought is that I’m sorely tempted to take Haven up on her offer.
However, as much as I hate to admit it, Lando and Miles and Hendricks and Clementine, and my mother, are all right.
My father would be so disappointed that I lived like this, that I avoided his favorite holiday.
So maybe this is the year I finally get my shit together and hang a bauble on a fucking pine tree.
“No,” I say as firmly as I can, ignoring the churn in my guts and the blood whooshing in my ears. “We’re staying here. And we will decorate the tree.”
The hint of a smile tugs at Haven’s mouth. “Really?”
“Really.”
“With the whole family?”
“With the whole family. Actually, I don’t think Holiday and Lando will be here since they’ll be in America for Thanksgiving.” I grimace. “Are you sure you don’t mind missing Thanksgiving? We can fly back to Aspen if you do.”
She shakes her head. “No, Christmas was always the big holiday for me with my parents. We’d decorate the tree and sing carols. I’m happy to trade the holidays, but I still get to give thanks”—she pauses, taking a breath—“and I’m thankful for you this year.”
“Me?”
“For giving me Everly.” A smile tugs at her lips. “And Christmas.”
My throat lurches, and I swallow down the tears lodged there.
“Then you’re welcome.” I lean in and press my lips to hers. “I still wish it was just the two of us. Dinner with my entire family was not what I had in mind.”
“What did you have in mind?”
My eyes drop to her plump mouth. “I wanted to make out all night.”
She edges forward, teeth scraping her bottom lip as she peers up at me from under sooty-black lashes. My dick immediately pays attention.
“Isn’t that what movie night is for? We’ll sit in the back row.”
My laughter barrels up my throat. “I knew there was a reason I liked you.”
“Plus, no one’s here now.” Her lips hover over mine, only to groan. “Damn.”
“Got the oranges.” Miles walks in, juggling them. “Plus, Holiday and Lando arrived. They brought the movie.”
“What movie are we watching?”
“A new Christmas one Holiday brought. It’s got that guy from the Avengers.”
I have no idea who he’s talking about, but Haven clearly does from the way her entire body stiffens.
“Oh my God, oh my God. I’ve been wanting to see this movie. It’s not out for another few weeks. Oh my God, Alex, thank you.”
She’s off her stool, jumping up and down, and squeezing my arm like I’ve planned the whole evening around how much she loves Christmas, which I didn’t. Obviously. But I can’t help but laugh because this excitement is exactly the level my dad would have appreciated. He would have liked Haven.
Hell, he would have loved her.
And weirdly, as the evening progresses, I come around to the idea that while it’s not my choice for a first date, it’s the perfect first date for Haven.
The rest of my family finally arrives. We drink and eat and laugh. Max and Everly go to bed without fuss, and when it’s time for the movie to begin, Haven and I take one of the sofas and pull a blanket over us.
I hold her hand like we’re watching a slasher film because while she doesn’t need the moral support, I do.
Yet the best part of the evening is when the movie finishes. Not because it’s over, but because we get to bundle our daughter into the car and go home together.
The three of us.