Chapter 58
Fifty-Eight
Ayla
T he process of having my marriage annulled by Father Dayne was so much easier than I expected. He got a bit more information, wrote it all out on a piece of paper in Vestrian, and then told me where I needed to sign my own name. When that was done, he had me kneel before the cross, said a few words, and then all four of us prayed together.
That was it.
When it was over, I thanked the man so much, Jeera had to all but drag me out of there. I just couldn't believe all my ties to Reynold were gone! God wasn't angry with me, and so far as I cared, Lorsa was the closest thing to Heaven I'd ever heard of! I had a smile plastered on my face that didn't even wilt when we returned to the heat outside. My eyes, however, weren't as thrilled with the change from darkness to the midday sun, so they started to water.
"Oh, don't cry," Brielle said, reaching over to rub my back.
I quickly wiped my eyes. "It's just the light," I assured her. "It gets a little better every day, but I stay inside when it’s this bright out usually."
"Bright?" Jeera asked.
I gestured at the sky, unsure which part of that was confusing. "The first day I was aboveground, I couldn't even keep my lids all the way open. It used to be painful, but now my eyes just water sometimes."
"Because it was dark in the compound," Brielle realized.
"I never knew it was dark," I told them. "We had lights, and I could read well enough, but it wasn't quite as bright as the moonlight."
"You..." Jeera caught my arm, pulling me to a halt so she could look right into my face. "Ayla, you can read in moonlight?"
"Yeah?" I looked between her and Brielle again. "Can't you?"
"No," she assured me. "So you see better at night than right now?"
"Yes? At least I used to."
"Then squint," she told me before turning me the way she wanted and guiding me forward the same way Zasen had on our walk here.
I wasn't sure where we were going, but it didn't really matter. Jeera had found a way to remove my marriage, so I'd gladly spend time doing anything she wanted as my way of thanking her. I had a feeling I might enjoy it too, even if I'd probably get embarrassed, not know what to say, or ask a million stupid questions in an attempt to keep up. The best part, however, was that neither she nor Brielle acted like they cared when I did.
Yet when we ended up walking down some stairs and into a very large building with a massive room filled with tables, I wasn't sure what to make of it. Brielle pointed to a spot at the side, and Jeera directed me that way, so I didn't try to resist. As we passed one man, he grumbled out words which didn't sound happy, but Jeera just gave him a warning look.
"And now, for the fun part," Brielle said. Tossing a smile at me, she raised her voice and called out, "Service!"
A man yelled something back from behind a door. But when he stepped through in the middle of his sentence, I recognized the brilliant colors across his body. A split-second later, Rymar's face split into a grin and he hurried over.
"Ayla!" he greeted me.
"Rymar," I said, but my voice wasn't yelling like everyone else's.
"Okay," he said as he knelt down between me and Brielle, with Jeera sitting on my other side. "So I guess the amazing women have decided to grace us with their presence, hm? I'm guessing you want some food to go with your big day out on the town?"
"You knew I was going to see the town today?" I asked, because it felt like Rymar was never at the house with the others.
He chuckled. "Who do you think got Jeera and Brielle involved?"
"Zasen asked Rymar if he could tell us," Jeera admitted. "And then we took over."
"So?" Rymar asked.
"I think we all need meals," Brielle told him.
"No, I meant the other thing," he clarified.
"Yes, we already went to church," Jeera assured him.
Rymar turned his eyes to me. "And?"
"Father Dayne annulled my marriage to Mr. Saunders," I said meekly, dropping my eyes to the table. "He also said it wasn't a sin for me to put the fork in his arm because I was defending myself. He said God is kind and loving and that anything else is a lie."
"I'm giving that man free drinks for life," Rymar muttered.
"He's a priest," Jeera pointed out. "He doesn't drink, Rymar."
"See, a win-win," Rymar joked.
But that little conversation made me realize something. "Wait, is this the bar they told me about?"
"It's a cafe," Rymar assured me. "But yes, this is my business. We serve meals, drinks, and a cool space to spend time with friends."
Pausing, I looked around to take in the room I sat in. The walls were made of polished wood, just like the floors in the house. There were windows, but they were high up, and we'd come down stairs when we entered. That meant most of the seating area was slightly belowground. Dimmed lanterns hung from the ceiling, dispelling the worst of the shadows, and at least twenty tables were placed in the large open space. A few had people seated at them.
"So this is a dining hall?" I asked.
"Sorta," Rymar said. "Probably serves a very similar purpose." Then he clasped my shoulder. "So how about I get all of you some food, hm? What's your favorite meat, Ayla?"
Favorite. That word had been coming up a lot lately. The problem was I didn't have a favorite. I liked all the new things! I wanted to experience more of them. But Zasen had said for now, and that it was okay to change my favorite later.
"Venison," I decided. "Maybe."
"Then I'll get you something delicious made from venison," he assured me. "Ladies? The usual?"
"Please," Jeera said. "Thanks, Rymar. I also have a wad of cash, so bill me."
"Yeah," Rymar chuckled as he pushed to his feet. "Not gonna happen." And then he headed back towards the door he'd come out of.
"So he owns all of this?" I asked.
Jeera nodded her head slowly. "He does. When they were younger, the guys made plans and then worked together to make it happen. Rymar wanted to run a bar - which is why Kanik and Zasen always tease him about this being a bar. Well, the boys worked hard, pooled their money, and bought this place."
"Rymar paid them back too," Brielle said. "Well, mostly. Kanik and Zasen still have a stake in it, I think."
"And Saveah," Jeera added. "For Tasult's share. That's what's keeping her going right now. Zasen and Kanik told Rymar to give her their share for the kids."
I heard all of that, but most of it didn't make sense. One thing stood out, though. The men had helped each other. They took care of each other. They didn't try to compete, but rather shared their bounties. To me, it sounded amazing. It sounded... caring.
"So does everyone come here to eat?" I asked, trying to make sure I understood.
"Well, there are other restaurants," Jeera explained. "People also cook at home, like how you've been eating lately. But when they want to let someone else do the work, they go out."
"Or if they're at work and home is too far of a walk," Brielle added. "See, we're in the business district, Ayla. Most of the buildings around us are stores or places people make..." Then her words trailed off and her eyes looked past me. "...things."
This time, I was smart enough to turn, but it wasn't Rymar who'd caught her attention. It was the door opening and someone walking in. With the bright light behind them, I couldn't see who. My eyes took a second to adjust from that blinding glare, but when I blinked the third time, I recognized the solid green man from my trip here trotting down the stairs and heading towards the other side of the room.
I tensed. That was the man who'd slapped me. Then again, he'd only done it once, but I didn't think he liked me. Would he be angry because I was here?
Then a man on the other side of the room called out, "Omden!"
Following the sound, I found another face I recognized. It was the tan, black, and green man named Drozel. At the sight of Omden, Drozel stood and his face immediately brightened. Omden said something too soft to hear, and the pair kept walking towards each other until they embraced in a tight hug. Then Drozel leaned back just enough to palm the side of Omden's face.
What happened next completely changed my view of Dragons. Drozel looked at Omden for only a moment before he leaned back in, pressing their mouths together - but this wasn't like the kisses I was used to seeing at weddings. This was the type of kiss those books had talked about. Drozel's mouth opened, Omden's matched, and the men kissed with their tongues. I was sure of it because I caught a flash of black.
I knew I should look away. I was convinced staring at them must be rude, but I couldn't help myself. They touched so gently. They kissed like they were happy. Neither man acted like he wanted it to be over, or as if he was embarrassed about doing something like this in public. No, they kissed like the entire world could stop around them and they wouldn't even notice.
I found myself smiling. That was love. That was what being married should be like. That was the type of kissing those fantasy books had talked about - and it was real! It was the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen, but I didn't even know how to put any of it into words. Yet when Brielle touched my arm, I jumped, waiting to be corrected.
"Is that okay?" she asked.
I nodded quickly. "I think so? I mean, no one will get angry with them for affection in public, right? Because Moles would make them repent and send them to their chambers for a week. But only young couples make that mistake, and never more than once."
Jeera just shook her head slowly. "I'm going to guess that's the first gay kiss you've ever seen, and you're more worried about them getting in trouble than anything else?"
"That's the first loving kiss I've ever seen," I corrected. "Gay or whatever the word is for the other option."
"Straight," Brielle told me. "Well, or bisexual, but it's hard to kiss two genders at once."
"But not impossible," Jeera added before waving that off. "But seriously, Ayla. Does it bother you to see two men kissing?"
"No," I promised. "Should it?"
"Some religions in the past - and I can only assume Moles based their religion on the past - said being gay was wrong."
"No," I said, more force coming out with my words than I expected. "If that's wrong, then I don't think I like what's right. Maybe the Moles say they're right, but they weren't. I know they were wrong, but I don't know all the ways yet. I'm trying to learn them, and the men have been helping me. I just don't want anyone to get in trouble. I care when I know someone is going to be punished because of something. I'm not worried about different, because different is what saved me."
"Which actually makes a lot of sense," Brielle said. "But now I have questions for you."
"Okay?"
"Ayla," Brielle said, her tone turning gentle, "have you ever had sex? With anyone?"
"No!" I gasped.
"Did you ever want to?" she asked next.
I shook my head. "No, that is how women get pregnant."
"Not always," Jeera assured me.
"But it happens," I insisted.
"Sometimes," Jeera relented. "I'm just curious if you'd ever kiss anyone like that?"
"I don't want to be married," I mumbled.
"And up here, you don't have to get married to kiss someone," Brielle pointed out. "Kissing is allowed, Ayla. No one will force you to get married for doing it."
"Yeah?" I asked.
Jeera nodded. "She's telling the truth. But what I'm curious about is, well, if you had to kiss someone, would it be a man or a woman? Do you like either one?"
"I..." My eyes jumped between them.
"Do girls make you feel silly?" Brielle tried instead. "Make you smile too much and have your tummy get all fluttery feeling? Or maybe boys make your heart beat faster and you want to look at them a little too much? Or maybe the other way around? Both? Neither?"
I just shrugged. "Everything makes my heart beat faster. I get nervous because I don't know what I'm allowed to do."
"Wait, wait," Jeera said. "Bri, I think we're asking this wrong." Then she turned to me. "Ayla, when you see a pretty woman, do you wish you could touch her leg, or maybe hold her hand? When you see a handsome man, do you wish you could touch his arm, or maybe hold his hand?"
"I like when the men hold my hand," I relented. "And sometimes I might stare at their chests, but that's only because they have muscles."
"Ha!" Jeera barked out.
Brielle waved her off. "But you only do that with boys? Well, men?"
I shrugged again, feeling like we shouldn't be talking about this here. Or maybe not this loudly. My face felt like it was heating up, and I was fighting the urge to look over my shoulder and see if anyone was staring at us.
"I don't..."
"It's okay," Jeera said, waving Brielle off. "Ayla, we can talk about this stuff. You're not going to get in trouble. And if someone gets mad, I'll tell them it's my fault, okay?"
"Really?" I asked.
She nodded her head once, and the gesture was very decisive. "I swear."
So I finally glanced back, not really surprised to find no one else seemed to even notice we were here. Then I leaned in and lowered my voice. "I was told it's evil to think about what I want like that. We're supposed to believe God will provide for us, and we're told we will learn to love our husbands, regardless of how they look - but I didn't want some old man. I kept hoping for this one man, Jamison. He was very handsome, and because he was a hunter, he had very broad shoulders. But he was courting someone else, so I knew he wouldn't propose to me. Never mind what happened with Gideon."
"So you do like men!" Jeera gasped before letting out a peal of laughter. "And you like the muscular ones, which means my brother might even have a shot."
"Or Rymar," Brielle pointed out.
"Kanik!" Jeera squealed, sounding more excited than I'd ever heard.
"But..." They didn't stop, rambling at each other like I'd just given them the best news. "I don't want to get married !" I blurted out.
Jeera just waved that off. "Then don't. That has nothing at all to do with kissing the guys."
"Yes, it does," I insisted. "Because kissing a man leads him on, and then he will want sex! Sometimes they even take it, and then the woman has to marry him - "
"No!" Jeera said, cutting me off. "Ayla, that's called rape. Here, if a man rapes a woman, he goes to jail and she never has to see him again. Men know better. There's nothing wrong with having sex, but only if the woman agrees, and sex - or kissing - has nothing at all to do with marriage, okay?"
"Okay," I relented just as Rymar made his way back with a tray full of food and drinks.
"Oh, this looks serious," he said as he began passing things out.
Jeera murmured in agreement. "I think I just found out why Ayla is so timid around you three."
"Oh?" He looked at me with a little smile, then back to Jeera. "Do tell."
"Because when a Mole man rapes a woman, she has to marry him."
Rymar's hands paused. No, it wasn't only his hands. It was all of him. For two whole seconds, it was as if time stopped for his body and he turned into a statue. I'd seen all of the Dragons do something similar, but it had never been this obvious. Leaned halfway across the table, with a drink only inches from where he was about to set it, Rymar had simply frozen.
"No..." he breathed as he began moving again. "Fuck, no wonder you keep getting freaked out when we do nice things, Ayla."
"I don't mean to," I mumbled.
"Not your fault," he assured me as he set a plate on the table before me. "And no one will make you get married."
"Like Father Dayne said," Brielle added, "they can't. You have to agree, otherwise it will simply be annulled."
"But is that before or after a man consummates it?" I asked.
Beside me, Rymar's tail lashed. "Ayla..." He quickly passed out the other plates, then turned to face me and squatted down so our faces were even. "We're friends, right?"
"Yes?"
"Good," he purred. "Then, as your friend, I'm going to make you a promise. I don't care what happens, or if a man says you 'led him on,' or anything else. If you do not want to get married, or have sex, or do anything else with anyone , then you will never have to. If they try, I will sting them. Even if they are immune to it, it will still hurt. And if I have to, I will keep stinging until they are dead, okay?"
My eyes went wide at the vehemence in his voice, but I nodded. "I don't want to, Rymar. The wives? They said it's horrible."
He reached out and smoothed his hand down the length of my braided hair. "But if you want to hold Kanik's hand - or Zasen's - that's okay. Even if you lead him on, he will not try to do more. He'll just smile."
"I'm sorry," I mumbled.
His hand swept down my hair again. "Don't be sorry, Ayla. This is what friends do. We take care of each other. We make sure it's okay to make mistakes when we try to learn new things. We have your back so you don't need to wonder all the time. You can actually try what you're curious about. And..." He smiled at me kindly. "...friends are the ones who will help you fix things when it all goes wrong. So take a chance, little orin. Be brave."
I looked up and met his pretty turquoise eyes. "Like a Dragon?"
"Like Ayla," he said. "Like the woman who burned down everything she knew and is making herself anew. Yeah, just like that."