Chapter 14
T’raat
With the door shut behind me, I quickly stripped my clothing and climbed under the bed coverings, zi’in in hand. I turned the small package over several times, staring at the dim light reflecting off the foil.
Was this really about to happen? Did the circumstances cause Leigh to change her mind, or was this now the third date?
Leigh returned a moment later and closed the door behind herself. She turned the metal device on the knob, which I knew to be the lock. My eyes widened as she slowly removed her clothing before getting into bed with me. She pulled down the covers, and her eyes locked onto my hard n’ril . Something changed in her expression, and she paused. Hesitated. Slowed in her actions.
Once we were both under the covers, Leigh wrapped her arms around me and pulled me down next to her, but she did not touch my n’ril .
“Leigh, is this—”
“Shh. L-let’s not worry about that for now. Maybe we’ll just sleep, and … maybe later we’ll use that zi’in in your hand. Right now, I’m a little … exhausted. I could use some actual sleep before we—before that gets used.” She kissed my cheek and held me close. “Let’s just snuggle to start. You can be the Big Spoon.”
Snuggle: An affectionate physical act unfortunately not always involving mating.
Big Spoon: After some confusing searching, my nanites found the less-literal meaning of this. She did not mean utensils for eating; she meant to have me lie behind her and hold her to me. Also not always correlated with mating.
I did not understand her sudden change in enthusiasm for mating with me.
Regardless of her hesitation, I returned her embrace and rested my head on one of the copious pillows provided by the two men whose home we had invaded. Since Leigh did not wish to mate yet, I willed my n’ril to calm themselves as I positioned myself as the Big Spoon.
Leigh’s breathing slowed. Evened out. For quite some time, I thought that she slept. I stroked her soft, golden hair in a lazy rhythm, grateful for the touch but still frustrated.
After some time units, there was a hitch in Leigh’s breath. A sniffle from her nose. Another hitch, then another. Was she in distress?
“Leigh? Are you all right?”
More sniffles. She curled in on herself, wrapping her arms around her chest. The hitching continued. Then, a sound I was not familiar with. I anxiously awaited an explanation from my nanites. Finally, the word for the sound came to me: A sob.
She was crying.
“Leigh?” I sat up, hovering over her shaking form. Something was wrong. Crying was not a positive reaction in most instances, but I did not know what I could have done to cause this. I had not argued with her. I had been the Big Spoon. What could have happened?
I did not know the proper protocol for aiding a crying human. She needed comfort, perhaps, but what comfort could I offer if I did not know what bothered her?
With cautious care, I patted her shoulder. “I am here, Leigh. I do not know what has upset you, but I am here. I will not leave until you are well.” There. I had reassured her. Certainly that would help …
“I’m scared, T’raat.”
Her sudden words, so quiet that I almost could not hear them, did not serve to remedy my confusion. Did I frighten her, or was it something else?
“What frightens you? Is it something I can … assist with?” I paused, scrambling for the proper Earth words to combat fear. “If it is a human that has frightened you, I will fight them. I have much combat experience. Tell me, Leigh.”
Her sobs became interrupted with bursts of weak laughter. “No, it’s not a person that scares me. It’s … a possibility.”
I cocked my head. “You are frightened of a concept?”
She nodded and rolled over, wrapping her arms around my waist. “Yeah, I guess that’s it. It’s not something you can fight, that’s for sure.” Her head rested in my lap, and damp tears dripped onto my thigh. “T’raat, that thing Timber gave you—the zi’in —How effective is it? Like, as far as preventing pregnancy.”
“Xalanites have used these devices for many generations. I do not know of a single failure in the past hundred solar cycles or more.”
“So … If we use it, I won’t get pregnant?”
I paused. I did not wish to give her misinformation, but I was not well versed in human procreation. More answers were needed before I could reassure her with confidence.
“Human women … they are impregnated by male sperm, correct?”
She sniffed and nodded.
“And they cannot be impregnated without this genetic material, correct?”
“Right. It’s gotta come in contact with a woman’s egg, inside her body, in the right location at the right time in her cycle, but yeah, the genetic material is, uh, necessary.”
Was it motherhood that frightened Leigh? I knew she was young for her species, but she was of a birthing age. Her body, in theory, was ready to bear children. Perhaps, though, her mind was not ready, and if that was the case, I would use a thousand zi’in if it meant her comfort.
I stroked her cheek, wiping away the tears. “Then if we use the zi’in , you will not get pregnant. They are designed to prevent any molecules from passing between partners.”
“Will it still be good for you?” she asked, her voice small. “The sex, I mean. Timber said those things don’t affect the sensations, but … Will you still like it?”
She expressed concern for my pleasure while her own doubts plagued her? How did I deserve such a mate? “I cannot honestly say. As you know, I have never mated, with or without a zi’in . I do not believe it matters, though. I will enjoy mating with you.”
Leigh looked into my eyes, and the despair I saw in her beautiful face sorrowed me. I did not wish her to feel like this over a matter as trivial as mating.
“How can you be sure? If you’ve never done it, and I’ve never done it … I might be terrible at it. And if you can’t even get kids out of the deal, what’s the draw for you, then?” She blinked her red-rimmed blue eyes, pressing out fresh tears. “I don’t want you to feel disappointed or something because our ‘mating’ won’t result in kids.”
Her strange emphasis on the word “mating” gave me pause. There were so many nuances to human language that the nanites could not interpret, almost as though each individual human spoke their own unique dialect. I couldn’t fathom why she would use the word in such a manner unless it held a different meaning to her than my nanites were giving me. Was my use of the word the cause of her distress?
“Leigh, I do not understand why you think offspring matter to me. I wish to mate with you because you are a good mate. You are intelligent and attractive, and I enjoy spending time with you.”
She sniffed and wiped her nose with the back of her hand. “Then why do you phrase it the way you do? ‘Mate’ implies … well, mating . Breeding. Isn’t that what you really want?”
Realization slammed into me as I processed her words. Her people had a wide variety of words for the mating process, some more formal than others, and I had foolishly chosen to use one that needlessly put added pressure on my tyr’il . Humans must have different relations with their children than Xalanites. It would explain Leigh continuing to live with her father after reaching maturity, and her closeness with her aunt. Xalanites love and appreciate their offspring, but rarely do those connections remain so strongly after the parents have finished raising the children. If bearing my children would bring that kind of lifetime commitment to Leigh, I could understand her reticence.
Feeling a bit wiser, I chose my next words with more care.
“I do not wish to … breed you, Leigh. Not unless that is your wish as well. I wish to pleasure you. To court you, to lie with you, to satisfy you. I wish to ensure your enjoyment of our mutual activities. For Xalanites, there is only one word for sex. The first and closest translation my nanites provided me was the word ‘mate.’ I now regret using it so frequently when I did not know its human implications.”
The hitching slowed. Stilled. The sniffles stopped, and Leigh’s body relaxed into mine.
“You really don’t mind if I don’t want kids yet? It doesn’t bother you?”
I cupped her cheeks in my hands and tilted her face to look up at mine. “I would not be bothered if you never want children.” To lighten the mood, I closed one eye in an expression of human humor—a wink. “So long as you continue to want me.”
Leigh’s smile made my hearts happy. She rolled onto her back and threw off the covers with one hand while pulling me to her with the other.
“Xalanites can see in the dark, right?” she asked.
“Yes.”
“So, you can see all of me right now, right?”
I nodded. Looked down her lithe body and back to her face. Kissed her. “Yes. It is a most glorious view.”
She picked up the package containing the zi’in , which I had dropped onto the bed. “Well, better open this up and put it on, then, because that means anything goes. Remember: What you can see, you can touch … with any part of your body.”
I had never opened a product so fast in all my days.
As I applied the zi’in and it conformed to the shape of my lower n’ril , my body throbbed and ached with need. Leigh watched the process intently, squinting in the darkened room. “And it won’t break? Like, the scales won’t rip it?”
“No. It will not even be damaged when my knot forms inside you.”
“When your what does what??”