Chapter 17
Chapter seventeen
Essie cried out and Xander exhaled a sharp breath as he sank to the hilt. He didn’t dare move. The feel of her wrapped around him—so hot and tight—nearly made him lose his mind. Fighting for control, he held her gaze captive. Unwilling to let it go. To let her go.
“Okay?” He didn’t miss the flash of pain that had crossed her face, and he gave her a moment to adjust to his size. To the feel of him deep inside her.
She gave him a shaky nod. “I will be.”
“Oh, my star,” he whispered fiercely, forcing himself to move slowly.
He withdrew. Eased inside again. Holding back for her sake until she was ready for him to unleash the passion flowing through his body.
Each time one of them moved, it tested his restraint, but goddamn, it was the most beautiful torture he’d ever experienced.
Being intimately connected with Essie was more than he could’ve imagined. Like someone had left the pearly gates unlocked, allowing the devil to enter heaven. And he was going to treasure every stolen moment.
He kissed her hard and she kissed him right back without reserve, relaxing beneath him. Propped on his elbows, he began to move, rocking slowly. Doing his best to be gentle, fighting the urge to drive hard and deep. To let his demons loose.
Her legs locked around his waist, and he picked up his pace when she lifted her hips, meeting his thrusts. In and out. Finding a rhythm, which was damn hard because his control hung on by a very thin thread.
Before he took his pleasure, he wanted to send her back over the edge again. Reaching between their rocking bodies, he strummed her swollen clit. Her nails dug deep into his skin. Good. He wanted her marks, her passion. He planned on leaving his own, too.
“Xander,” she murmured around a moan of ecstasy.
“You feel so damn good,” he groaned.
She gasped as he plunged deeper, harder. Rubbing her clit faster.
“I can’t…” Her words broke off in a strangled whimper, but she didn’t break eye contact.
“You can, and you will. Now come for me.”
He thrust hard and she arched up, fracturing with a cry as her pussy spasmed.
Watching her release was the most beautiful thing he’d ever seen.
The way she gasped and gave herself over to him was breathtaking.
How she trusted him so completely, he had no idea.
But it was a gift he didn’t take lightly.
And exactly why he would make this the best sexual experience of her life.
The mere thought of Essie being with other men after this made his control snap.
He thrust again, then shattered. A shower of stars filled his vision as he came harder than he’d ever fucking come in his life.
Stiffening, he emptied every last drop, shuddering then collapsing half on top of her.
Trying not to crush her, still on an elbow and still deep inside her, he nuzzled his nose into her long hair and breathed her in deeply. His cinnamon-scented star.
Slowly pulling out, he pressed a lingering kiss to her neck then rolled out of bed.
He headed to the bathroom, tossed the condom spotted with specks of blood, and raked a hand through his mussed hair.
Gripping the edge of the counter, he studied his reflection in the mirror.
Still breathing hard, face flushed, he wasn’t sure what to make of everything that just happened.
He’d just fucked José Barrera’s sister. Not only had he fucked her, he’d taken her virginity. And goddammit, he’d do it all over again. You really are the devil. An absolute beast.
He reached for a washcloth and ran it under warm water then padded back into the bedroom.
Essie was sitting up, the sheet clutched to her chest, probably horrified by what they’d done. By what she’d let him do to her. Although, they both knew she’d offered herself to him on a silver platter. It’s not like it had been one-sided. The passion had consumed them both.
He extended his hand, offering the washcloth, and she took it without a word. But she just held it, looking a little shell-shocked.
“Regrets so soon?” he couldn’t help but ask, because he was a sarcastic bastard. But also, because he couldn’t decipher her expression. And as far gone as he was morally, something in him still needed to know what she was thinking.
Her head turned in his direction, dark eyes swirling with emotion. “Not one,” she whispered.
Xander’s brows shot up. That definitely was not what he expected. Tears, maybe. Anger, sure. But not that.
“I’m sorry if I hurt you.” He took the washcloth back and gently pulled the sheet down. “Let me… take care of you.”
Were those the right words? He didn’t know. He’d never offered any type of aftercare, let alone wiped away a virgin’s blood.
She let out a hiss as he cleaned between her legs as delicately as possible. The dark, tempting urge to kiss her where he’d hurt her took over. Tossing the washcloth, be bent down and pressed his lips against her center.
“Xander…”
She threaded her fingers through his hair, moaning softly when he worked his tongue between her tender pussy lips and over her clit.
Easing the ache with his mouth. Focusing on delivering more pleasure by sucking her swollen bud between his lips, softly working it with his tongue until she let out a surprised cry and splintered into another orgasm.
“Better?” he murmured.
She gave an incoherent answer, and a tremble shook through her frame. Kissing his way up her body, he found her mouth and kissed her with a possessiveness he’d never felt before. The overwhelming drive to claim and conquer filled him. He wanted to mark every corner of her. Mark her as his.
Forever.
“Fuck,” he rasped, breaking away. Forever was a very dangerous word. One he had no business contemplating, much less wanting.
She circled a hand around his neck, not letting him escape. Pulling him back to her. “Is it normal to feel like a bowl of jelly afterwards?” she asked with a small smile.
“I suppose after three orgasms.”
“You’re very good at giving me orgasms.” She searched his gaze, but he had no idea what she was looking for. A good man buried beneath the bastard hellbent on revenge?
Hate to break it to you, Peaches, but there isn’t one. What you see is what you get.
At the same time, he wanted to be better. But only for her. Fuck everyone else.
Maybe there was a slim chance. Maybe she could help him find the salvation he always believed lay out of his grasp. If anyone could, she could. My Estrella. His shooting star, bright and beautiful, guiding him when he always felt so lost.
But what if they burned too strong and too fast? Burned out? Without her, he’d return to darkness.
Essie cupped his face. “Talk to me, Xander. What’s going on in that head of yours?”
He sighed, nuzzled his cheek against her hand and kissed her palm. “You should hate me.”
“I don’t hate you.”
“Why not? I told you I’m going to kill your brother. I just stole your virginity. I’m using you as bait—”
“I gave you my virginity,” she corrected.
“And, in case you forgot, I offered myself to be exchanged for Tomás. As for José, well, blood doesn’t always make you family.
He’s become a stranger to me. A man who must be stopped before he hurts anyone else.
I don’t condone the atrocities he’s committed.
” She ran her fingers over his bottom lip. “I’m on your side.”
As much as he liked hearing it, he wondered. After everything was all said and done, would she still feel the same? Was there even a remote possibility she’d want to remain in his life?
A part of him felt like they were star-crossed lovers, doomed before they could ever truly begin. His more rebellious side reminded him he didn’t believe in that crap. Flipping off fate and creating his own destiny was a normal part of his repertoire.
Instead of responding with words, he kissed her. Slow and deep, trying to pretend they had all the time in the world, when he knew it was slowly running out. Like a bomb ticking down, inevitably leading to one spectacular and final detonation.
Essie pressed a hand against the glass door as the shower sprayed her from above and Xander ate her out below. Leaning against the cool tiles, leg hooked over his shoulder, she rocked against his face as he brought her to another crashing orgasm.
Dios mío. How much more could she take? The man was voracious, completely insatiable, and his favorite thing seemed to be putting his mouth between her legs.
It made her want to do the same in return.
To taste and pleasure him until that impressive control he possessed was reduced to ribbons.
She wondered what it would take to make him shatter.
When he unhooked her leg and stood up, she decided to find out. “My turn,” she whispered and lowered to her knees.
“Essie—” he ground out.
His words cut off and turned into a groan as she wrapped her hands around his hard cock.
Looking up at him through her lashes, she watched his reaction as she lightly squeezed then licked his engorged tip.
His hands sank into her hair, fingers flexing and twisting the wet strands, and his hips rocked forward.
She dropped a string of soft butterfly kisses down his steel length, lightly caressing the underside with her fingertips.
She kept eye contact with him as she continued to tease and explore his cock.
Above her, he watched her every move, as though mesmerized, blinking water droplets from his long lashes, chest heaving and cock pulsing.
It was big and throbbing, and when she wrapped her mouth around the leaking tip and began to suck, he slapped a hand against the wall.
A guttural curse tore from his lips, and he tugged hard on the handful of hair still in his opposite fist. She continued to suck him deeper, using her tongue to tease, enjoying the way his breaths heaved in and out as he struggled to hold onto his control.
But it shattered, and she watched as he broke apart with pleasure.
“Sweet Christ,” he ground out. A rapturous look came over his face and his eyes rolled back in his head.
Seeing Xander Hawke lose his normally unbreakable control made Essie’s confidence soar.
Since she’d never gone down on a man before, she wasn’t exactly sure what she was doing, but he clearly approved of her technique.
And that made her very happy. So happy, she lightly hummed around his twitching cock.
A low groan tore from his throat as he reached down, grabbed shoulders and hauled her up.
“But you didn’t finish,” she complained.
“I’m finishing inside you,” he growled.
Lifting her as though she weighed nothing, he spun and pressed her back to the wall. She wrapped her legs around his waist and he surged up, his fingers digging into her hips as he guided her down onto his thick cock. With a gasp, she took him, feeling every rigid inch of him glide inside her.
“So good,” he drawled, thrusting into her over and over. “So… fucking… good.”
His arms, braced behind her, softened the brush of her back against the tile. And when he wrapped his hands over her shoulders, his grip tightened, making her feel safe, cocooned in his embrace as he continued to mutter dirty words and phrases of appreciation in her ear.
Capturing her mouth, they kissed hard and hot beneath the spray, all tongue and desperate need. His fingers found her clit, rubbing hard, fast circles until she threw her head back and screamed.
The pleasure hit like a bolt of lightning, and she bit down on his shoulder. Shaking in his arms, she buried her face against his chest. Xander’s body jerked with a spasm as he came with her, spilling his hot release with a low, gritty growl.
For a long, dazed moment, neither of them moved. Just held onto each other and stood beneath the water, letting it pour over them. Finally, he loosened his hold and pulled back, uttering a curse.
“I’m sorry,” he rasped, rubbing his nose against hers. “I shouldn’t have taken you bare.”
“Well, considering I’ve never…”
She let the words trail off as she pressed a kiss to the corner of his mouth, and he smiled. Of course, pregnancy was always an issue, but the idea of having Xander’s baby didn’t scare her. In fact, the idea made her belly somersault. Or maybe those were her ovaries doing a little dance.
He turned his face and caught her lips in a long, searing kiss. “I haven’t been intimate with a woman in over three years,” he admitted.
Surprise made her brows lift. “Ah, that could explain your enthusiasm.”
He threw his head back and laughed. Then he grew serious, locking gazes with her. “I need you to know—no matter what happens—I’ll always keep you safe. Always take care of you, if you’ll let me.”
Essie felt the back of her eyes burn with tears. “You’re a good man, Xander Hawke.” Before he could deny it, she kissed him like her very life depended on it.