Chapter 5 Bash
Bash
Four Years Ago
I wake to an empty bed and the faint creak of floorboards under quiet footsteps.
The sheets beside me are still warm, rumpled from where Xeni slept, but the air feels cooler without him beside me. I blink against the dim morning light seeping through the curtains.
It’s the kind of gray dawn that reminds me how cramped this base is, making it feel more like a cage without the sunlight to bring some artificial cheer.
Rubbing sleep from my eyes, I prop myself up on one elbow as the mattress dips under my weight. Xeni is already up, standing by the window with his back to me.
I frown as I realize he’s dressed in his full uniform. The crisp black leathers gleam faintly in the low light, buckled tight and precise.
Everything about it feels off.
Xeni isn't a morning person. Most days when the alarm blares, he groans and pulls me back down for ‘five more minutes’ that turn into twenty, then lounges lazily wearing nothing at all as he stumbles around, searching for coffee.
Seeing him fully geared sends a trickle of unease down my spine.
“Xen?” My voice is thick with sleep, cracking a little as I sit up fully. The sheet slides down my bare chest, and I shiver in the chill. “You’re up early. Is everything okay?”
He turns then, and flashes me a smile. It’s the small one that crinkles the corner of his eyes… the one that makes my heart flip even after all this time.
But today it lands too quick, too practiced, like he’s slipping it on as part of the uniform.
“Yeah,” he says lightly, voice steady but not quite meeting my gaze for more than a second. “Couldn’t sleep. Figured I’d get a head start on the day.”
I frown, the fog in my head clearing slower than I’d like.
The room smells like him—warm amber and faint soap from last night’s shower.
It usually comforts me, but right now as I watch his mechanical movements, it just heightens the wrongness.
The past few days rush through my mind, and I search for something I’ve done that might’ve upset him, but I come up blank.
“Why are you in uniform?” I ask carefully, knowing how much he hates wearing it. “What’s going on? Shift doesn’t start for hours.”
“Just… routine stuff. Aeliphis asked me to take care of a few things.”
He shrugs one shoulder in that casual way he does when he’s deflecting, and my heart hammers faster.
Xeni walks over, the leather creaking softly with each step, and leans down to kiss me. It’s soft at first, his lips warm and familiar, but then it deepens. His hand cups the back of my neck, fingers threading through my hair like he’s holding on for dear life.
I melt into it, my arms wrapping around his shoulders to pull him closer. His taste floods my senses. Mint from his toothpaste, and the underlying bite of coffee from the empty mug on the table.
For a moment, I forget the unease.
When he pulls back, his forehead rests against mine, breaths mingling in the small space between us. His fingers linger in my hair, thumb brushing my temple in slow circles.
“I love you,” he whispers, and the words are rough around the edges, like they’re being dragged out of him.
“I love you too,” I murmur, cupping his face.
His skin is warm under my palms, but there’s a faint tremor in his touch that I can’t ignore.
“Xeni, you’re scaring me, princess. What’s wrong? Talk to me.”
He closes his eyes, just for a second, and my heart sinks further. When they open, the smile is back, but it doesn’t reach them like it should.
“I’m fine,” he says, voice unnaturally smooth now. “Get dressed, okay? We’ve got a long day ahead of us.”
I search his face, looking for the crack—the tell that something’s breaking him. But he’s good at hiding behind that calm mask when he needs to. I’ve seen it before, on bad days when the things we’re forced to do here weigh too heavily, but never like this.
Never directed at me.
“Okay,” I say finally, though my gut twists.
I swing my legs over the side of the bed, reaching for the clothes I left on the chair last night. My hands feel clumsy, fingers fumbling with the buttons as I pull on my shirt. The fabric is cool against my skin, a stark contrast to his warmth that lingers where we touched.
Xeni watches from the dresser, arms crossed. His posture is too straight, too controlled, and he tracks every movement I make. Zipping my pants, tying my shoes, grabbing my lab coat and shrugging it over my shoulders.
He never looks away.
The air in the room feels heavy, like the pressure before a storm. Nerves churn in my gut until bile rises in my throat, and when I can’t take it anymore, I turn to him.
“Xeni, seriously, what—”
The knock comes sharp and sudden.
Three hard raps that echo like gunshots in the quiet.
Xeni doesn’t flinch. He walks over and opens the door in fluid movements that feel almost rehearsed.
Guards stand in the hall. Four of them, looming in the doorway like shadows come to life. It’s a tiny base, so we all know each other, but right now, they feel like strangers. They’re wearing full tactical gear, and the familiar faces are cold as ice.
The lead one, Ranveer, steps forward.
“Sebastian Hale,” he orders. “You need to come with us.”
My blood freezes as I look between the faces all staring at me. “What?” I finally manage.
Ranveer’s jaw clenches, but he doesn’t back down. “Don’t make us force you.”
“What the fuck, Ranveer?” I ask as I take a step back, my gaze whipping to Xeni, but he’s staring at the ground. “Is this a joke? What the fuck is going on?”
They don’t answer. They surge forward like a tide of black armor, two of them clamping onto my arms with grips that feel like steel cuffs. Pain flares hot, bruises blooming under their fingers, but it’s nothing compared to the ice flooding my veins.
I twist, panic exploding in my chest like shattered glass.
“Let go of me!” I shout, trying to rip free of their grip, but they steer me toward the door. “I didn’t do anything! Xen—what is… what… help me!”
But he only stands there, arms limp at his sides.
No surprise.
No outrage.
Just… watching.
The same way he’d watch a storm through the window. Distant and detached, like it’s happening to someone else.
The guards haul me back, my heels dragging across the floor. I thrash and fight, and my elbow jabs into one’s gut as my foot stomps down onto another’s instep. Their grip loosens for a split second, and I wrench free.
My feet charge back towards the safety of Xeni’s barracks, lunging for the door.
“Xeni! Why are you just standing there? Tell them they’ve made a mistake. Get Aeliphis or the commander… do something!”
A guard tackles me from behind, slamming me face-first into the wall. Pain explodes in my nose as hot blood trickles down my lip. Stars burst in my vision as another pins my arms behind my back, and zipties bite into my wrists.
“Stop!” I scream, my voice cracking as the guards haul me backward. “Please… Xen, help me!”
The plea rips out of me, tearing my throat, but he doesn’t move. He stands frozen in the doorway, face too calm, like a statue carved from stone.
But I see it now.
The fractures beneath the mask.
His hands tremble at his sides, fists clenched so hard the knuckles bleach white and veins standing out like cords.
A tiny flinch ripples through him every time a guard tugs me too hard.
The smallest twitch of his shoulders, as if each blow hits him too.
His eyes glisten for one fleeting second before he blinks it away, forcing the tears back down where no one can see.
But he doesn’t speak.
Doesn’t reach out.
Doesn’t even breathe.
The way my heart breaks is sharper than any hit they’ve given me. Xeni watches them drag me away, watches me fight and scream and beg.
Watches them kill me slowly with every foot of space they put between us.
I thrash harder, kicking, twisting, trying to claw my way free. My teeth gnash, biting against any flesh I can find as outraged shouts bellow in my ears. My heart grips the bars of my ribcage that hold it prisoner, talons out and desperate to get back to him.
Back to the man who said he loved me just minutes ago.
He loves me.
He’d fight for me.
He loves me.
This can’t be real.
He loves me.
This is a nightmare, and I’ll wake up.
I have to wake up.
He loves me.
“Xen,” I whisper with a sob, and my voice splinters, breaking on his name.
Tears blur my vision, streaming hot and relentless down my face as they drag me farther away, my heels scraping useless furrows in the tile.
“Take me back,” I plead. “Take me back!” A scream rips from my throat, louder and wilder, raw, animal, and full of everything I can’t name.
Betrayal burns like swallowed fire, confusion claws at the inside of my skull, and the sudden, brutal realization hits me that the man I love is letting them take me.
He’s letting them pull me away.
My chest caves in, ribs collapsing around a heart that’s being torn out while it’s still beating.
Every breath is a knife, every heartbeat agony.
I fight harder, my arms straining against the zipties until they bite bone deep.
Sobs jolt my body as I pour every ounce of my energy into breaking free, but it’s all in vain.
This is a battle I won’t win.
The van doors loom ahead, open and waiting like a grave, and I’m sure I’m dying as they shove me inside.
My body slams against the metal floor, but I scramble up, lunging for the gap in one last, desperate attempt. The doors crash shut, and the lock snaps with a sound that feels like the end of everything.
I throw myself against the metal until my arms and shoulders are bruised and bleeding, screaming his name until my throat is raw. Through the narrow window, I see Xeni standing in the doorway.
Still just watching.
His face is a mask, but his hands… they’re shaking. One fist presses to his mouth, like he’s holding back words, or a scream of his own.
Then the van starts moving, and he turns away.
Slow, deliberate, shoulders rigid.
He walks back inside.
The door closes behind him.
And just like that, he’s gone.