Chapter 23 Xeni
Xeni
Wednesday morning arrives in a blur of endless questions and meticulous planning. Maps with scribbled escape routes have been shoved in my face, and diagrams of the prison layout handed over like I’m supposed to memorize every detail overnight.
They’ve even given me a list of the soldiers known to work at the supply distribution center, as if knowing Da’qual the two-stripe Curtiphan drove the truck seventeen weeks ago will somehow save the day.
Bash has barely left the conference room since I burst in with my plan. He’s keeping his distance, but whenever I glance up, his eyes are on me. What started as worry on his face has shifted to frustration, and now it’s edged with outright anger.
I’m starting to think my plan is backfiring spectacularly.
It all seemed so logical in my head at the time. I’d just stepped out of the shower and was heading to his room, ready to remind him again how perfectly we fit together.
I’ve got no pride left when it comes to him. Pleading with him to love me back won’t make it so, but I’d beg night and day if it shifted the needle even a nudge in my direction.
Then I overheard them talking about Cato’s brother, and I seized the chance.
Two birds, one stone.
Begrudgingly save Gideon, and show I can be selfless.
Bash has always had a touch of hero worship.
He grew up devouring comic books, reading about the good guys who swoop in to save the day, and never outgrew his need for justice.
He told me countless stories of running around as a kid with a tablecloth tied around his shoulders in a makeshift cape, saving his action figures from certain doom.
It’s a stark contrast to how I was raised. I was taught to take what I wanted without caring who I took it from. Consequences were for those beneath us, or so my father drilled into me.
Real winner, my pops.
Bash’s need to play the hero and his tendency to always put others first made the plan feel foolproof in my mind.
Save the day.
Get the guy.
Only now he’s pulled away again. He’s wrapped himself up tight and surrounded himself with his friends, all the while refusing to be alone with me.
Once again, I’m the outsider.
After everyone crashed last night, I ended up at his bedroom door, knocking and calling for him. Even without hearing the rustle of blankets, I sensed him there.
My heart felt his presence, but he never came.
Minutes dragged on, and after an embarrassing amount of time, I slunk back to my dark, lonely bed in that tiny windowless room.
The razor sat on the bathroom sink, whispering my name. My sweating palms shook as I fought the urge to carve away some of this suffocating loneliness.
But I promised him I wouldn’t, and the thread holding us together is fraying thin as it is. One wrong move, and I’m terrified it’ll snap.
The smell of my armor turns my stomach as I secure the clasps, and as I slide my gloves over my hands, a soft knock sounds at the door.
“Yeah, yeah, I’m ready,” I mutter.
The door swings open, and I expect Ego, but Bash steps inside instead.
“Hey,” he says cautiously, eyes tracing up my frame. “It’s weird seeing you in the uniform.”
“Weirder to wear it.”
He nods, gripping the back of his neck. “Yeah, probably.”
Awkward silence stretches between us, thick and uncomfortable in a way it never used to be.
“Xeni—” he starts, just as I say, “Listen,” and we both fall quiet.
“You go,” I say.
He glances into the bathroom. “I should’ve checked on you last night.”
My gaze follows his to the razor on the sink’s edge, and when I look back at him, there’s a silent question in his eyes.
“I didn’t,” I say softly. “I promised you I wouldn’t, so I didn’t.”
He releases a shaky exhale. “Did you want to?”
My shoulder lifts in a helpless shrug, but I give him the honesty he asked for as I nod. “Yes.”
He nods too, but it feels forced. His arms cross high over his chest as his face tightens, lips pulling into a tense line and a muscle ticking in his cheek.
Silence lingers again until he blurts, “Don’t do this for me. Don’t put yourself in danger trying to prove something. You don’t have to, Xen. You don’t need to play martyr to remind me you’re not the enemy. I know you’re not.”
“Maybe,” I concede. “Maybe you know that, or maybe you just want to believe it. But I know you, Bash, and I know what actions mean to you.”
I take a cautious step forward, and he doesn’t back away as I rest my hand on his chest. “There’s a long way between ‘not the enemy’ and…”
“And?” he prompts when I trail off.
“And someone you used to love.”
“Used to,” he mutters.
A deep breath fills my lungs as my heart pounds. “Someone you might… learn to love again?”
“Whatever happened to being patient?” he asks with a soft teasing in his voice that sends my nerves skyrocketing. “I have to remember how to like you first.”
A real grin spreads across his lips. It’s the first genuine one I’ve seen since I arrived, and gods, it melts me.
I step closer, drawn to his lightness, but hesitate and instead only return his smile.
“Whatever it takes, darling.”
He clocks my uncertainty and closes the gap between us in one fluid step, then wraps his arms around my neck, fingers threading into my hair.
“Tell you what,” he says. “I’ll make a deal with you.”
I hug his waist instinctively, clinging to the solid comfort of having him close. “Mmm, a proposition,” I say, forcing a playful edge to my voice. “Consider my interest piqued.”
A half-grin tips his lips lopsided. “If you promise you’ll come back safely, I’ll take you on a date.”
“Will you now?” I tilt my head, smile widening despite myself. “What kind of date?”
“Dinner and a movie, perhaps,” he teases, his thumb tracing idle circles at the nape of my neck.
My smile stretches further. “If memory serves, that was our first date once upon a time.”
“Maybe it could be our… second first date?” he says, eyes searching mine with that quiet intensity.
My eye closes as I take a deep inhale, hope flooding my chest in a reckless rush despite my best efforts to dam it up.
“Don’t assume I’ll fuck on the first date,” I finally say.
He coughs in surprise, a startled laugh bubbling up as his cheeks darken with a flush that’s utterly endearing. “You did last time.”
“Yeah,” I breathe, as I lean in closer, forehead resting against his. “I guess I did.”
“We didn’t even make it to the date,” he says with a quiet laugh.
“No,” I agree. “We definitely didn’t.”
Our laughter fades as my heart thunders, and Bash guides me closer until our noses brush.
“Come back to me,” he whispers. “I know I’ve been difficult—”
“I understand why you have been,” I interrupt.
He shakes his head with a sigh. “The anger was just… fucking heavy, Xen, and after carrying it so long, I wanted you to feel it too. I wanted to stay mad.”
“You had every right to be.”
“Yeah, maybe,” he murmurs, his eyes locking onto mine, raw and unguarded in a way I haven’t seen since I walked back into his life.
“There are three versions of you in my head. The one I loved so damn much, the one I hated for walking away, and now this one, standing right here. And I don’t know what to do with the Xeni in front of me. ”
“I know I’ve changed.”
“So have I,” he admits in a low voice. “Life didn’t exactly hand us a choice, did it?”
I grunt in agreement, the sound thick in my throat as his fingers scrape along my nape. I’m breathless under the weight of his nearness, watching those intelligent eyes wrestle with our reality.
He focuses again, that sad smile cutting deeper than any anger ever could. “I wanted to hate you for so long that I forgot there was another choice.”
“What choice?” I breathe.
He leans in, pressing a soft kiss to my lips like a confession. “To not hate you.”
There are more words there, words I desperately crave, but as he opens his mouth, I pull him tighter and kiss him deeper. His groan is sweet, and he melts into my arms. My hands slide lower to grip his ass, and he smiles against my lips.
Footsteps echo in the hallway and snap us back to reality.
“This conversation isn’t done,” he whispers, stealing one last kiss.
“So we’ll talk more about the whole first-date fuck when I get back?” I tease as I nip his bottom lip.
“Xeni!” he gasps, barking a startled laugh as he shoves at my chest.
The shy innocence in his wide eyes takes me back in time, dragging me straight to the old Bash.
I can’t help it as I scoop him into another hug, burying my face in his neck just to feel him shiver. “Gods, I missed making you blush like that,” I tease.
“Ready?” Ego shouts as she barges in, then freezes mid-step. “Oh, okay, wow, we’ve moved straight to PDA. I’ll just… give you two a moment… or ten.”
Bash clears his throat, stepping back with that flush still burning hot, and rubbing the back of his neck like he’s trying to hide the evidence.
I grin, and it feels natural for the first time in years.
“It’s alright,” I say to Ego, though my eye is locked on Bash. “We have a schedule to keep, and I’m looking forward to getting back tonight.”
“Oh, my gods, Xeni,” Bash mutters as he shoots me a glare that’s half mortified, half amused.
I smile wider.
My fingers graze Bash’s forearm as I pass, and he grabs my hand to stop me. My smile fades as I turn, and he yanks me down for another kiss, audience be damned.
“Be careful?” he whispers.
“Always,” I promise, squeezing his hand once more before joining the group in the hall.