Chapter 32
SUMMER
SIX WEEKS LATER . . .
My stomach tightens as the ache reaches my heart before I can stop it. I should be used to being without him by now, but another passing day doesn’t dull the pain. It worsens it. And right now, the loneliness hurts so much that it’s hard to breathe.
I gaze out the window at the water and feel my spirits sink.
When we promised each other that we’d meet up as often as possible, I had no idea that it wouldn’t be all that possible.
Daniel’s preseason training is intense, and his schedule isn’t nearly as forgiving as it was this summer.
The couple of days he did get free, he spent with Roman on back-to-school outings.
And the tourist season in Mountain Laurel Cove was the busiest that I can remember.
It took all hands on deck to keep things going, but we did it.
The Honey Hive has been wildly successful, and Dolly’s new front porch is proof.
“I hope you picked out the tiles,” a voice seeps into my spiraling thoughts, making me jump.
I look up, happy not to be met with a plumber’s crack today. “Huh?”
“If you want this project finished on time, we’re going to need the new tiles,” Willie says, standing next to where the tub basin used to sit.
Tiles? Right. “Oh yeah. Those were ordered last week, but I thought you had a lot more to do.”
“Once I got beneath this floor, the pipes to the kitchen looked in better condition than I thought. I replaced a few O-rings and sealed a few places, but the PVC for the drain lines isn’t cracking like it is in here, and the copper looks solid.”
“What does that mean?”
He grins. “It means less money you’ll have to spend.”
“Music to my ears, Willie.”
Kneeling again, he pulls a wrench from his toolbelt and looks at me like I’m intruding. “I should have this bathroom put back together in a few days. You can bring in your reno guys to repair the floors and walls.”
“Thanks for the update. Keep up the good work,” I reply, taking a wide berth around the beige couch in the living room when I rush past it to exit. I still can’t look at it without the memory of Daniel making me tingly.
I shut the front door behind me, my gaze catching on the waterline in the distance. Instead of rushing back to the house, I walk across the deck and down to where Daniel set up the Adirondack chairs for us. I never moved them back. It felt weird, like I was erasing pieces of our time together.
They look good there. So did he.
I take the seat he loved most and run my hands lightly over the painted wood. A breeze blows through this muggier September afternoon, providing a bit of relief that my heart refuses to give me.
My brain starts calculating the time until I might see Daniel again.
For someone who hates math, I spend an awful lot of time with numbers these days.
I’ll do anything to make this work between us, but how do we bridge the distance?
It’s the missing piece of the puzzle, one I’m finding myself wondering more and more if it was ever included in the box at all.
“I hate this,” I groan softly, the words swept away on the breeze.
Rocking back, I sling my arms over my knees as I pull them to my chest. I take a deep breath, resting my head against the chair and letting my gaze sweep over the property. At least the cottage is coming along faster than I anticipated. That’s one silver lining to this dreary situation.
“Stop it.” I sigh, dropping my knees down. “You’re not going to sit here and sulk. It’s not going to fix anything.”
I drag the Adirondack chair back to the deck and angle it like it should be—perfectly placed with the feet between the lines on solid wood planks. The devil is in the details.
Devil . . . Grinning, a warmth spreads through my veins. I have my own personal bad influence. The Maverick himself.
But just as the grin appeared, so did a host of unshed tears.
A swell of emotions rises in my chest, and I fight hard not to succumb to them.
How can I finally have everything I’ve ever wanted and still feel … sad? Overwhelmed? Alone?
I wrap my arms around my stomach and gaze across the water. The sun warms my cheeks. My eyes close as peace settles across my soul.
“You’re strong in mind and resilient . . . doesn’t mean you have to walk life’s path alone . . . You’ll know when you meet them. They’ll be the ones there when you need someone most.”
A solitary tear drips down my face as my mother’s voice echoes through my head. Her words are so perfect, so desperately needed. It was like she knew all those years ago that I would be in this place at this time and need to hear them. From her.
“What do I do?” I whisper, opening my eyes again.
“You don’t have to be strong all the time.” Daniel showed up when I needed him most. “You don’t have to travel life’s path alone.”
My heart clenches, but I laugh as more tears fall down my face and wonder if I’m losing my mind.
My head was caught in a future I thought I wanted.
But the fog has lifted. The sadness brightened.
The overwhelming sensation of fighting a losing battle has vanished.
And my true path has never been clearer in my life.
The puzzle piece that I worried was missing is right in front of my face.
“A missed opportunity can turn into regret.” Dolly’s words strike like a lightning bolt. “Go have the kind of fun that leaves the town gossiping.”
I refuse to live with regrets. I know what I need to do. “It’s time I break some rules,” I say, laughing and wiping the tears from my cheeks.
My heart pounds as I race back to the pink house and head straight for my bedroom like a woman on a mission. I sit at my desk, grab a pen and a piece of paper, and let the words flow.
Dear Daniel,
I hate to begin this note by inflating your ego, but here we are.
You were right.
I’ll give you a minute to enjoy that before I move on.
I’ve grown up feeling like I must care for everyone around me and that accepting help from others makes me weak.
I must be strong. I must stand tall and take the hits to protect others from feeling their effects.
But what I’ve realized lately is that isn’t the case.
I just needed the right person to walk into my life and allow me to set down my shield.
The way you love me is breathtaking. You make me feel safe and supported, cared for and worthy. You love me when it’s inconvenient and messy while loving you makes me feel strong and capable of anything—even being vulnerable.
I’ve been so busy with the renovation that I lost sight of the goal. It wasn’t about making it pretty. It was about making it a home. I picked out the tiles and the faucets with renters in mind, so they would be comfortable. And feel at home. But that’s not what I want.
Well, I want it to be a home. Our home.
It will be our place together, where we can raise Roman and maybe our own children.
Writing that makes me panic a little. Not because I don’t mean it, but because I hope it’s not too forward. But I’ve been a rule follower my whole life. It’s time to break a few for you.
But laws will still be enforced because I learned my lesson with the accident.
I love you, Daniel Sutton. And I want you to know that my heart is yours and my life is with you. I looked around today and realized I have everything I ever wanted, and none of it makes me happy because you’re not here.
You are my home. You are my everything.
XOXO,
Summer