Dear Future Me
Holy fuck. I just found the last letter I wrote, and I’m reeling as I remember the journey I went on to get to this moment. The past two decades have been intense.
I found happiness and love in the most unexpected places.
Shaw was my rock through it all. I didn’t even see it coming, but her love is so intense it still makes me dizzy.
She healed me, through everything—from losing Remington, to admitting that I’d never stopped loving Luca, to raising Love Bug and my other wild, sometimes feral babies.
She has been the constant that filled the cracks. She’s made me stronger.
Then there was Jagger. It took me a long time to admit that I love him as more than just a friend.
Teasing and tormenting him when Shaw and I first began our physical relationship was a different kind of thrilling.
With them, I was safe to explore, discover what I liked sexually, and I felt truly beautiful for the first time.
Loving him has been different from any other form of that word I’ve experienced.
It’s not more than what I have with Shaw or what I feel for Luca.
It’s intense, but not even for a single moment have I regretted allowing myself to love him.
Luca grew up into such an amazing man. He’s the father our children deserve and the kind of husband fifteen-year-old me never expected.
Losing him was my greatest challenge. It set me on a road that was full of broken pavement, blocked by so many mountains of truth that were difficult to climb at times.
But we found our way over them all, and now my heart is overfilled with love for him.
I found the happiness I deserve, with a family we’ve created without caring what the outside world thinks.
Luca, Shaw, and Jagger are mine. Gods, it feels good to write these words.
Past Me didn’t dream it was possible to feel this kind of joy.
If I’m honest, I thought that letter I wrote to Future Me was full of nothing but impossible expectations.
And in the beginning, it did feel impossible. For the longest time, I hid what was in my heart. Fear of losing the most precious people in my world held me back. But eventually, we found our way.
So, Future Me, I have a few more lists for you.
Continue to live for today. Tomorrow doesn’t matter.
Don’t let go of what makes you happy.
Keep falling in love.
That last one sounds weird, right? But it’s actually the easiest on the list. Luca, Shaw, and Jags have me falling in love with them over and over.
Simple, beautiful things, like giving me a smile that warms my soul.
Or a gentle touch that sets me on fire. Falling asleep with one of them in the huge swing on our back porch, listening to all the kids screaming and laughing.
Just love them, Vi. Love them and be happy, and I’ll enjoy the happily-ever-after that I worked so hard to achieve.
Our story isn’t over. It’s only the beginning.
And that is the best part of all.
XOXO,
Vi