5. Matteo
The walk of shame times two.
Paris, before anyone woke up, was the calmness I looked for everywhere.
I know most people wouldn’t say this, but I loved my life.
I was a lawyer who worked for my family.
I took cases by referral. When I could, I tried to do a few pro-bono cases a year.
My family was great, overbearing, chaotic, but I loved them with everything I had.
I also had the best friends anyone could ask for.
Sometimes, though, I felt like life was moving so fast that I needed mornings like this, especially when I needed to think especially about my best friend, Levi. Dating had never been a priority to him. He’d been with a few men and women, but nothing longer than a night or two.
For the last six months, I had felt our relationship shifting. I was glad he was using the app he had made. Levi deserved to have fun, but why now? What made this new person so special and why the fuck was it bothering me so much?
Pulling my phone out of my pocket, I checked the time and did some calculations to see if my other best friend would be awake. It was almost midday in Seoul, so he had to be awake. I called him as I walked back to our condo.
“What?” My best friend, Ruwon, grumbled.
“Dude, are you still asleep?” I did the time change in my head, making sure I was right.
“I’m catching up on my sleep, you know the military liked us to be up extra early,” he growled.
“Shit, I’m sorry,” I said, feeling guilty.
Ru had to do his mandatory nineteen months in the Korean Army and he was just released from his service only a week ago.
“I’ll call you later, sleep more, you deserve it,” I said quickly.
“No, I’m up,” he said, sounding like he was moving. “What’s going on? Isn’t it almost five in the morning there?”
“Yeah, I’m walking home,” I said, crossing a street.
“Damn, the walk of shame,” he said, amusement in his tone. “Aren’t you a little too old for that?”
“Fuck you.” I laughed. “There’s no shame in this walk. I proudly strut my way home.”
“At this hour? Seems like you snuck out. Was it that bad?” Ruwon’s voice was rough from sleep.
“It was fine. I just couldn’t sleep,” I said, knowing it was bullshit.
I was waiting for Levi to text me something or ask me where I was.
Ruwon chuckled, “Why didn’t you take them back to the condo? Is that not the cool thing to do anymore?”
Levi always got weird when I brought someone home. I didn’t enjoy making him uncomfortable, and it was easier to leave than kick someone out.
“Levi brought someone home last night,” I said instead, hoping this opened the conversation I really wanted to have.
“Levi is dating someone?” Ruwon sounded surprised. “Since when?”
“He started using his app,” I grumbled. “He went out on a date yesterday and when I came home, I heard them in his room.”
“Well, good for him,” Ruwon yawned. “He needs to get out more.”
“Yeah, but—”
“Are you mad he’s putting himself out there?” He cut me off. “We’ve always wanted him to get out more and date. So, what’s wrong with him doing it now?”
“No, of course not. I just—” I didn’t know what to say now that he pointed out I was being dumb. “He’s been pulling away the last six months.”
“Is that why it’s bothering you?” he asked.
Was that it? Lately I didn’t know how I felt about us, but the change that was happening was making me upset.
“I don’t know,” I sighed. “Him dating just makes me worry that he’s doing it for the wrong reasons.”
Ruwon exhaled loudly as he thought. We stayed on the phone in silence; it was comforting and while I was hoping he would put me at ease, he would never say anything rash or without thinking it through.
The past nineteen months without Ruwon had been brutal, and maybe it’s why Levi and I were out of sorts. We needed Ruwon to balance us out.
“Are you feeling left out? Or maybe lonely?” he asked softly. “I think you’re feeling left out now that he’s doing something out of the ordinary for him. You're used to him always being home and not out.”
I grimaced, hating that Ruwon knew me so well.
“That was fucking rude,” I replied.
“I know, hyeong,” he chuckled.
He called me older brother in Korean.
“You need to hear it,” he said. “Maybe you need to give him space? For all you know this is just a one-time thing, but don’t ruin it for him. Unless you’re jealous for different reasons?”
I grumbled, that was not the answer I wanted to hear, and what other reason would I be jealous for?
“Levi is a big boy,” he continued. “Let him have fun and if something bad happens just be there for him. We will be there for him, but don’t ruin his fun. Levi needs this.”
I pursed my lips hating his logical answer.
Ruwon chuckled. “Are you pouting, hyeong?”
“Shut it,” I grinned like an idiot. “Damn, I've really missed you.”
“So have I,” he said, his tone back to being serious. “I’m ready for our vacation. I need to get out of here, but my manager needs to speak with me and I need to figure out what the hell I’m going to do now.”
“Don’t rush into anything, you deserve to rest and enjoy being free for a bit,” I said, looking at our favorite boulangerie.
“Shibal, we must have summoned my manager,” he sighed. “I’ll call you later, ok?”
“Yeah, of—”
The call ended before I could say bye. I sighed, hoping he didn’t jump right back into work. I decided to be civil and act like nothing was wrong, starting with buying his favorite treats at the boulangerie.
I knocked on the door as Perla came out from the back looking furious, but one look at me had her softening.
“I thought you were some crazy customer,” she said in French as she let me in.
“I mean, I kind of am,” I replied in French, locking the door and following her towards the kitchen. “I always want croissants right out of the oven.”
“You’re the owner, so you can do whatever you want.” She rolled her eyes as she checked on a mixer.
“It’s yours,” I scoffed. “I just helped when you needed it.”
“Same thing,” she mumbled, grabbing dough out of one mixer. “I have some pain au chocolat that should be out in a few minutes and if you stay an extra fifteen, I will give you a few choux à la creme.”
“Choux à la creme? You hate making those.”
“Yeah, but they sell. Now make yourself useful, go grab me all the trays of croissants from the proofer while I finish these for you,” she instructed with a scowl on her face.
Perla acted like she was always annoyed with me, but I knew she loved me. Why else would she put up with me?
The sun was rising as I walked into our building.
The espresso and a croissant were just the things I needed to get ready for the day and to talk to Levi.
Perla had put me to work, giving me time to think about what Ruwon had said about Levi and me.
Maybe I was jealous of Levi pulling away, living his life without me.
It was stupid to think about it like that, but I didn’t know what else to wonder when we had spent most of our lives together.
I opened the door, walking into the condo quietly. Levi’s alarm wouldn’t go off for another thirty minutes and he deserved to sleep in. It also gave me a chance to put all the pastries out and attempt to make him coffee.
Psyching myself out that I was going to make him the best coffee distracted me enough that I didn’t see the striking young woman walking down the hallway.
We saw each other at the same time, freezing, and I instantly didn’t like her.
It was such a visceral reaction that I almost felt guilty for it.
She hadn’t done anything but go out with Levi, but in my mind she was the problem.
“Uh, good morning,” she said, waving awkwardly while simultaneously looking a little guilty.
“Who are you?” I asked in French, deepening my voice.
“Oh, I’m Vi. Levi and I went out yesterday,” she replied.
Her French was good. I didn’t hear a hint of an accent.
“Sneaking out before he wakes up?” I raised my brow. “The walk of shame isn’t a good look.”
She tilted her head as she studied me. “Well, I guess it isn’t a good look for both of us.”
I narrowed my eyes as I waited for my brain to come up with something to retort.
“Have a good day,” she said, grabbing her purse, walking towards the door, but not before swiping a croissant and smiling before she bit into it. “Thanks for the breakfast. Best walk of shame I’ve ever had,” she said with a quick wink.
She left me speechless and I stared at her like an idiot as she left. I couldn’t help the twitch in my lips and smiled at her boldness. She was not what I had expected and I didn’t want to like her.
I didn’t hear Levi exit his room until he called out for Vi. He was all sleep rumpled, shirtless, pajamas slung low on his hips, his happy trail disappearing into his pants as he walked in from the hallway.
“Good morning,” he said, a little too happy for my liking, but that glow from sex looked good on him…too good.
“Morning,” I said, trying not to grumble
“Did you see Vi?” he asked, looking around like she might appear.
“She snuck out,” I said, watching his smile disappear.
“Oh, did she say if she would be back?” he asked hopefully.
“No, but she stole a croissant,” I sneered.
“Oh, I told her these were the best,” he said, grabbing one and biting into it, moaning.
Not just a simple moan, an exaggerated one that made me think bad thoughts I shouldn’t be having about another man, much less my best friend. What the fuck? Where the hell had that come from?
“I bought them for you,” I said, flinching from how childish I sounded.
“Well, she can have my half of the croissants,” he shrugged. “Thanks, man.”
Levi ate his croissant as he walked back to his room, leaving me in the kitchen. Man? When the hell has he ever called me man? Have I been reduced to just “man” now? I sighed at the urge to go to his room and force him to talk to me, but I didn't. I just wanted to ask what had happened to us?